In Memory of Kay Kim's Blogs

You Call This A Miracle?

 (A story about murder, miracles, and rising again.)

From Kay’s Journal.

—Ever since I’ve been very young, I’ve pondered deeply about the meaning of life. I used close my eyes at night and wonder- “What happens when we die?” (I was only 6 year old..)

I feel too much. Keep too much. Obsess too much.

Perhaps, this is the reason I fell into the abyss after my sister’s murder, went insane, lost control, wrote never-ending sentences. (Words Save)

Are other people like this? Do other people experience this madness when they lose their best friends, their soul mates, part of their childhood?

Or only writers? Or only people who can’t let go? Or only sisters? Or only fools?

Does every thing in our lives happen for a reason?

I believe Kay knew he was going to kill her. (although, she never told me this) But I believe we all have a sixth sense, that thing we don’t utilize, that gift of prophesy given to us freely when we’re born.

“Kim,” she told me a week before he killed her. “On my walk today – I told God ‘if I see a orange butterfly and an eagle—this will tell me every thing is going to be okay.’

“Really?” I said.

“Yes,” she said. “And I saw both of them.”

She smiled.

But it wasn’t okay. It was far from okay. Will it ever be okay?

At the hospital, I remember screaming—“Orange butterfly? Eagle?”

More lies. More deception. More bullshit.

You may already know I have Kay’s journals. One of the last entries says, “Show Me A Miracle, God.”

I must be totally honest– I was angry at God for 3 strait years for promises He never kept.

“You call this a miracle? I call is BS!” ( Yeah, I talk to Him like that. He can take it. He knows me. Really knows me.)

“Things happen for a reason.”

I used to HATE, Despise, & be Offended by this stupid cliché.”

But I need to tell you something—

It’s true.

It’s not God’s fault Kay is dead.

It’s the fault of the murderer. Only him. He decided to pull the trigger three times (just to make sure she didn’t get back up)

Yes. God could’ve stopped it. He couldn’t stopped him from pulling the trigger.

One. Two. Three times.

But He didn’t.

Her deliverance was not to be on earth.

She is now surrounded by a million orange butterflies, majestic eagles perched on clouds, and a God that set her free.

And she rises every single day.

Through everybody she left behind.

THIS.  Yes, this.

This may be the miracle.

———–This is Kay’s story, but it doesn’t need to be YOUR STORY.

If you are in an abusive situation, make plans to leave.

Listen to your 6th Sense!

Your story can be different beginning today.

~~~~~~~~24/7 National U.S. Hotlines~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safe Haven in Duluth: 1 218 623 1000
CASDA in Wisconsin: 1 800 649 2921
Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
Trevor Lifeline (for LGBTQ* youth): 1-866-488-7386
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
National Runaway Safeline: 1-800-786-2929
National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233
National Hotline for Crime Victims: 1-855-484-2846
National Street Harassment Hotline: 1-855-897-5910

You. Are. Not. Alone.

You. Are. Loved.

You. Are. Rising

–~~~A Last NOTE: DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT say, “Things happen for a reason” to anybody who loses a loved one. They need to figure it out for themselves. Thank you.

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  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    August 20, 2019 at 12:11 pm

    Powerfully beautiful!

  • Reply
    August 20, 2019 at 2:02 pm

    Written straight ftom your heart. Thank you.

  • Reply
    Elephants Child
    August 20, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring are flowing your way. And huge gratitude for your ongoing work to ensure that Kay’s death and your pain help others find a safe(r) path.

  • Reply
    August 20, 2019 at 4:11 pm

    Wonderful advice, my friend! I love the mental picture of Kay surrounded by orange butterflies, eagles, and God. It’s a blessing having you back in our world — and strong enough to tell your sister’s story so other hurting/fearful people can get the help they need. Hugs!

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    August 20, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    That is absolutely true about the sixth sense. And yes that cliche can be hard to take when you’re going through an unimaginable tragedy as you have and are. This is amazing advice Kim. Kay is with the orange butterflies.

  • Reply
    Renee Bauers
    August 20, 2019 at 6:16 pm

    Thank kim! Thank you for your support the last few weeks as our family is grieving the loss of my nephew Kyler ! You are so correct about telling someone God has a plan ! Nobody wants to hear about the plan We just want our loved one with us . A black and white butterfly has been coming around my house and my sisters . I looked the meaning up of that color butterfly and it said something like the black represents recent death and the white represents that your loved one is still with you in spirit .. So I believe a good thing to say to a grieving friend or family member is to watch for the signs because they are all around if you are looking and listening for them . Thanks Kim for being such a loving friend ! Love you 💕
    Renee Bauers

  • Reply
    August 20, 2019 at 8:33 pm

    Kim, you have come a long way sense Kay’s death as we all have. yes it was a tragic thing that happen to Kay. we don’t know why GOD allows these things to happen, I think some day we will understand GODS mystery. I think we all gained more faith in God sense Kays death.

  • Reply
    August 20, 2019 at 9:18 pm

    Beautifully written, Kim. You are such a great inspiration!
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  • Reply
    The Kitchen Lioness
    August 20, 2019 at 11:10 pm

    Dear Kim, so beautifully written, my friend! I must admit that I believe in a sixth sense but also that there are so many distractions out there, that sometimes it’s hard to make out…
    Sending you a big fat hug xo

  • Reply
    lisa thomson
    August 21, 2019 at 11:08 am

    Such an important message for some who may be on the brink right this minute. Your voice is the miracle, Kim. It breaks my heart when I read Kay’s words in her own handwriting. How could you not have thought God let her down? But you have healed and you are teaching others. Lots of love to you, Kim xxoo from the Coast.
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  • Reply
    August 22, 2019 at 4:53 am

    You, my dearest Kim, are one of the most amazing people I know, despite us never having met in person! Truly.
    Love and hugs to you from sunny South Africa.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo

  • Reply
    Marie Kléber
    August 23, 2019 at 8:13 am

    Your words Kim…
    I can’t stop finding wisdom and grace in them. You are such a beautiful person.
    And yes Kay is dancing with Eagles and Butterflies. She is loved by so many and protective of so many too.
    Love from sunny Paris. xoxo
    Marie Kléber recently posted..Summertime dreamsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Annette Connelly
    August 26, 2019 at 11:00 am

    She is for sure in a good place. And probably surrounded by eagles and orange butterflies. Her pain is gone. But people who loved her will not experience her wholeness until they meet up with her again. And you will Dear Kim.


    Lil Chickie

  • Reply
    Christine Carter
    August 27, 2019 at 5:35 am

    *tears*… Having this personal view into Kay’s intimate relationship with God moves me to my bones. He was going to deliver her from her earthly hell and swoop her into His arms – and He told her so. She knew and trusted her God. If only it could have been done here in this world, but God knows all and He knew her abuser would never let her go, never let her heal, never let her rise… So, He saved her in the way He knew she needed to be saved. I have chills down my spine, thinking of this profound sequence of events that Kay experienced with her savior before He saved her.

    Oh, Kim, I can’t stop crying thinking about how powerful this story truly is and how He TOLD her He was going to set His precious beloved child free. I can almost FEEL the intense relief and hopeful joy she felt from this very personal confirmation from God.

    He must have decided it was worth all the pain and suffering her loved ones would experience. He is ALL knowing, so He knows what we don’t- so He must have known that this was Kay’s only way out. He must have believed that YOU would do the HARD healing work when she was gone, so that He could use YOU to reach so many souls who are suffering the same. He must have already seen that through this horrific death and this agonizing loss, you would use the gifts He gave you- words, passion, fire, to save sinking souls and help them RISE. I imagine God had a plan so much bigger than we can understand or fathom and Kay is in Heaven, watching you do the work God called you to do- knowing the intricate web he designed from Kay’s deliverance would spread to a much greater purpose far beyond what we see.

    I also imagine Kay smiling, glowing, and praising Her Lord for it all and cheering, “GO KIMMY! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!!” Can’t you? *Sobbing now*
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  • Reply
    August 28, 2019 at 12:19 am

    Always so beautifully and powerfully written. Such words of wisdom. The sixth sense, or our gut feeling is something to be valued and listened to in life. The beautiful bond you have with your sister continues into eternity. Love is timeless.


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