Kim's Blogs

Depression & Demons


~Depression is not about what we have; it’s about what has us.—Steve Safran

 Image result for depression(docsdotcom)

Depression.

Can we talk about it?

Face to face. Human being to human being. Compassionately. Humanely. Try to understand one another rather than judge one another.

Don’t you think it’s about time?

Not just because of Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade, Robin Williams, and all the other Hollywood celebrities who committed suicide, but because of us, the ordinary people, the regular people who believe they cannot face another day, walk another step, perceive a clear future.

The first time I experienced this sadness, this mysterious creature of dread, I didn’t know what it was. I only knew it felt like clouds lowering, black rain falling. I began to write words, allow the shadows to pour upon the pages. This was my Prozac. This was my savior before I met Jesus.

Winston Churchill called it, “The Black Dog.”

Sarah Silverman said depression is similar to being terribly homesick, but you’re already home.

My sister, Kay, admitted, “Kimmy, it’s like demons holding you down with claws.”

Sylvia Plath described it like this in her poem, Sheep in Fog: “Morning has been blackening, a flower left out…They threaten to let me through heaven. Starless. Fatherless. A dark water.”

There is a stigma attached to anything that people assume makes us weak, out of control, irrational, breaking down.

As Brene’ Brown so elegantly said, “There is no such thing as a breakdown, there is only spiritual awakening.

Man, I cannot tell you how much I love that quote. I mean, thinking of one’s depression as spiritual instead of a sickness is powerful, hopeful. It makes me smile.

Aren’t those who experience depression shamed enough, misunderstood enough? These individuals are some of the strongest people I know for getting up everyday and LIVING in spite of their situations, circumstances, history, chemical imbalances, whatever it is that causes them to struggle.

Why are we afraid to talk about it?

Why are we fearful to talk about things that make us uncomfortable— death, suicide, mental illness? Even my sister’s murder.

Perhaps, just perhaps, this makes it real, makes it come to life, makes it like a disease you can catch.

But we must talk about it. Okay? Are you listening?

After Kay’s murder, the clouds didn’t just lower above my body, they covered me completely. The black rain drenched me. I remember being in the bathtub, thinking, ‘I don’t feel the water on my skin. I can’t feel anything.”

Depression is worst than death…because we (Think) we are dying while we are still alive.

But please please please DO NOT Ever underestimate the people who go through it, the people who live with it.

Those people are some of the strongest individuals I know.

They FIGHT back.

They get up every single day in spite of their conditions. They see beauty in the world. That single flower is not left out. They gather up their tribe to love them more. They seek others who understand. They pet cats. They tap into their art. They reach out. They find God.

I shall end with one of my favorite writers,  Andrew Solomon. He says it much better than I——

 

“Prozac doesn’t do it unless we help it along. Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don’t believe it. Seek out the memories depression takes away and project them into the future. Be brave; be strong; take your pills. Exercise because it’s good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds. Eat when food itself disgusts you. Reason with yourself when you have lost your reason.”
—Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon.

 

NOTE: The world WOULD NOT be better without you inside of it. Get that strait, Okay? You are here for a purpose.

And you are LOVED by me and many others who want you to stay.

 

Live.       Live.      Live

 

HELP/ Support for Depression in Duluth: https://www.yellowpages.com/duluth-mn/depression-support-groups

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

New York Times: What is Sadness/Depression?

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/13/opinion/sadness-depression.html


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31 Comments

  • Reply
    Debbie
    June 14, 2018 at 10:26 am

    Another timely, thought-provoking, sensitive, loving post, my friend — thank you for saying so well what we all need to hear! I’ve been blessed with not suffering from depression, but I know others who have … and it’s not pretty. You described it so well, not being able to feel anything. God bless you for your caring nature!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 15, 2018 at 6:01 am

      Debbie, I think most people can empathize w/ people who are depressed. That’s part of the solution here. xx from MN.

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    June 14, 2018 at 10:34 am

    I still can’t believe Bourdain hanged himself…I meant he was in the middle of a project and he loved his job and his daughter…

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 15, 2018 at 6:02 am

      My friend, whom is a phycologist, says people do this when it’s a so-called perfect storm. There must have been several things that happened at one time for Bourdain. So very sad. xx

  • Reply
    lisa thomson
    June 14, 2018 at 1:12 pm

    This is a beautiful reminder Kim and indeed timely. WHY? Is something we ask when someone takes their own life and we tend to think of them as weak but I disagree. It’s illness & depression that takes them not weakness. I can’t even begin to imagine the depth of your depression in your loss of your beloved Kay.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 15, 2018 at 6:03 am

      Weak?
      Nope.
      Strong for getting up, working, walking, & Living))
      I just hope those individuals get the help they need! xx

  • Reply
    Elephants Child
    June 14, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring. And thanks.
    Depression is a soul sucking and practised liar.
    How I wish that its strength and nastiness were recognised by people other than those who live with it. And that the battles of those who do live with it were suitably applauded.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 15, 2018 at 6:04 am

      Dear, Sue,
      your kindness & compassion flows across oceans. xxx from Duluth.

  • Reply
    Nan
    June 14, 2018 at 2:49 pm

    I remember reading a long time about someone who actually survived their suicide attempt when she shouldn’t have. She said that immediately after slitting her wrists she remembered thinking, “Oh. Oh no! I want to live” thinking it was too late. She was able to get help but it made me wonder how many, right on the precipice of death think, “Oh no. I want to live!” Because of that, I learned to tell people around me always how loved they are and how it would be such a sad place without them in it. And Miss Kim, I love you and it would be a horrid place without you in it! I’m glad you made it through back to the Light.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 15, 2018 at 6:05 am

      Nan,
      we all go thru some type of depression: Situational or Imbalance. Something. Some time in our lives.
      It’s how we deal w/ it. Who is our tribe?
      xxx

  • Reply
    Dad
    June 14, 2018 at 4:24 pm

    Another great blog Kim. Depression is terrible, I know a few people who killed themselves because they couldn’t
    live another day with it according to their suicide notes. I suggest that someone with depression or panic attacks or anxieties read FROM PANIC TO POWER BY LUCINDA BASSETT.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 15, 2018 at 6:05 am

      Dad,
      how did you remember that book?
      I loved that one.
      Love you SO MUCH. xxx

  • Reply
    Debbie
    June 14, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    Beautiful and so well written. Honest to the core.

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    June 14, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    Wonderfully articulated Kim…the dark clouds of depression refuse to disintegrate unless professional help is sought and regular medication is needed. I think the support of family and friends can help a lot besides medication.
    Let the light of your words break through the thoughts of those who are prone to depression. Stay blessed Kim.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 15, 2018 at 6:07 am

      Balroop,
      yes, there is help & hope out there.
      One just prays that people reach out for it. xx

  • Reply
    Minnesota Prairie Roots
    June 15, 2018 at 7:14 am

    Thank you, Kim, for writing on this important issue in a way that exposes the reality of depression. I pray daily for a loved one battling this. I admire his incredible strength. God has given me the ability to be there and love this person and assure him that hope remains, always hope. And God has shown me His ability to heal, to lift from the darkness into the light.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 15, 2018 at 7:27 am

      Light
      ALWAYS
      overpowers darkness.
      I thank GOD we have that hope, Audrey. xx

  • Reply
    Lisa Gordon
    June 15, 2018 at 10:47 am

    Such a timely post, Kim, and I hope that this subject continues to stay in the forefront as it is now, and not just disappear once again as it has in the past.
    xo.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 16, 2018 at 6:03 am

      Me, too, Lisa. xx as always, thank you for reading, dear!

  • Reply
    Jeri
    June 15, 2018 at 8:06 pm

    A needed post indeed. May everyone continue to talk more about mental illness and keep the momentum going.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 16, 2018 at 6:04 am

      Yes,
      Jeri, we need MUCH education about these kinds of things, right? xx

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    June 15, 2018 at 10:32 pm

    A much-needed post in this day and age. Your light shines in the darkness.

  • Reply
    Greenglobaltrek
    June 16, 2018 at 11:43 pm

    Such an important topic and you have written about it in a refreshing eye opening way. I think only until society can accept and help treat mental illnesses in a more “whole body” way not just the use of drugs but looking at support systems and DIET and lifestyle , can things change.

    Sadly I lost my brother to suicide over twenty years ago so am no stranger to the pain. I don’t see suicide as shameful and I have learnt to accept that this was my brothers choice Sven though I wish it had been different obviously!

    Well done Kim!

    Peta

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 17, 2018 at 12:38 pm

      Peta,
      so very sorry to hear about your brother.
      It never gets easier, does it?
      Yes, treating the WHOLE body, mind, spirit. This, indeed, is the answer. xxxx

  • Reply
    Mandy
    June 17, 2018 at 9:55 pm

    Sending you love and hugs from Kenya dearest Kim.
    🙂 Mandy xoxo

  • Reply
    Marie Kléber
    June 18, 2018 at 7:06 am

    This is such an important topic Kim. We ought to talk about it and stop all the silence, nonsense around depression. As we know silence is a killer.
    Thanks for spreading your love and light.
    Stay well.xoxo

  • Reply
    Jane
    June 19, 2018 at 6:49 am

    I loved 99.95% of this post and you write beautifully. As someone who is suicidal I would only nitpick the end. All the love in the world doesn’t make a difference, not unless that same love can change circumstances (and most often it does not) and also that *most* suicidal people I know don’t really believe the world would be better off without them, but that they’d be more at peace without the world.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 19, 2018 at 7:56 am

      Jane,
      TRUE. I understand.
      But I want them/you to know…
      The world WOULD NOT be better without “YOU.”
      I’m, perhaps, trying to convince myself.
      LOVE. Hugs. Hope. From Duluth. xxx

  • Reply
    Michelle
    June 20, 2018 at 1:54 pm

    Dear Kim,
    Thank you for always providing the words and inspiration when I need it the most. YOU are loved, too.
    Michelle

    PS: Adored the quotes you used! I think Brene’ Brown has changed my life more than a dozen times!

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