In Memory of Kay Kim's Blogs

Dear Future, I. Am. Ready.


 

Dear Past, Thank You For The Lessons.

Dear Future, I. Am. Ready.

(Dedicated with love and affection to all of the girls who never thought they were good enough)

 

Her. Com

 

My mother says I used to stand at the mirror on my tiptoes like a member of the Bolshoi Ballet kissing the glass.

(((S M A C K. S M O O C H.)))

“You loved yourself,” she smiled. “No matter where we were, you’d find a full-length mirror, place your hands on your little hips, get on your toes, and pucker your lips. You didn’t give a hoot who was around. You were entirely YOU.”

The thing is, I still remember. I was 6 or 7 years old. I was astounded with my wavy black hair, chubby legs, toothless smile, sassy attitude, and the fluffy pink dresses my mother bought from Sears.

I was spectacular, smart, confident. I could do anything. Achieve everything.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Adults often asked.

“A teacher. A dancer. No, wait, I want to rhyme words. An actress. Like what’s her name. I want to save cats. I want…”

I was exceptional, extraordinary. I was all these pieces and fragments and limited experiences situated together like a jigsaw puzzle. I was a baby yet to be poisoned, brainwashed, and tainted by the world’s expectations of who she should be, who she was not.

I was a vision of possibilities.

I was Pavlova, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Frida Kahlo, Judy Blume, and my Mother all wrapped into one dazzling package.

Until somebody told me otherwise.

Until somebody said, “No. You are not all of these things. You are not beautiful. You are not special. You are not who you think you are.”

Or possibly, this was the other voice inside my head. You know that voice. That nasty voice of doubt and failure. That voice that says you’re not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, enough-enough.

I don’t know when it changes. When girls become smaller. When girls shrink into society’s lies. When does that little girl kissing the mirror stop believing in herself, loving herself?

I’m not talking about outside beauty; I’m talking about her meaning and worth in the universe.

“Do you hear me? Do you see me?”

As I write this, I think of my sister, Kay, as I always do, who confessed numerous times before her estranged husband murdered her, “All I want is to be appreciated and valued for who I am.”

And I want to scream say to those girls, young and old ( You. & Me. )

“I SEE YOU. I Hear you. You Matter.”

Okay.

Just to be perfectly clear, let me start from the beginning.

It doesn’t matter a damn what other people think of you. They don’t know you. They are nothing to you. It’s how you see yourself that will determine your path, your destiny. Those people, including my sister’s murderer, CANNOT dictate your significance and purpose in the world.

But you can. You can. YOU CAN.

Sometimes, especially when I write, I become that little girl kissing the mirror again, standing on my tiptoes, hands on my large hips, not giving a hoot who is watching.

I become…

Queen.   Goddess.   Poet.   Servant.   Lover.   Mother.   Girl.   Woman.  Warrior.  Lion.

I become everything and everybody all at once.

Finally.

And it is beautiful.

I Love Love Love this OPRAH clip!   xxx


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41 Comments

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    May 1, 2018 at 5:58 am

    Beautiful writing! You still are all those wonderful things.

  • Reply
    domermom
    May 1, 2018 at 8:09 am

    This might be my favorite post of yours, Kim! It’s simply beautiful … as are you. I, too, often wonder where we go astray. Where the little child so self-assured becomes afraid. A pox on anyone who fosters such damage!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 2, 2018 at 4:13 am

      DomerMom,
      True. I believe we are our own worst critic. don’t you? xx

  • Reply
    Susan casey
    May 1, 2018 at 10:05 am

    Kim,

    I needed to read this beautiful, raw and true post. Exquisite. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and heart with all of us. One of my favorite posts!! Love you. Xoxox

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    May 1, 2018 at 10:45 am

    You are so wise and beautiful!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 2, 2018 at 4:14 am

      Angie,
      if this is true, it is only because of women like you who surround me. xx

  • Reply
    Nan
    May 1, 2018 at 12:36 pm

    The most awesome post ever. I am going bookmark this, and copy this, put it in a Word document and print it off – then read it every single day. I often wondered what happened to that bold woman I used to be – but I know where she went. She drowned under what happened TO her, never realizing that this should never dictate who she IS. I remember telling Alpha Hubby a fraction of my life, then looking at him and saying, “This sounds ridiculous! Like, how can ALL that happen to one person?” But then I saw through all the stories and realized, “That’s where she went, that woman I used to be. I want her back.” I love that Oprah clip – powerful. You are a powerful wordsmith. Keep up this good work.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 2, 2018 at 4:15 am

      Nan,
      your passion and words lift me higher. Luv u. xx

  • Reply
    Elephants Child
    May 1, 2018 at 1:02 pm

    Thank you. Truth and wisdom. Which my flawed self cannot bring myself to believe. I am simultaneously too much and not enough.

  • Reply
    Minnesota Prairie Roots
    May 1, 2018 at 2:11 pm

    You are beautiful. God, you can write. Powerful and beautiful words.

  • Reply
    lisa thomson
    May 1, 2018 at 3:45 pm

    Thank you, Kim—excuse, me—I mean, Goddess!! I love your message here. I can just see you as a child looking at your reflection, kissing it! xoxoxox Oprah’s message is so simple, yet we forget sometimes to give others this simple gift—listening, hearing and letting people know they matter. BTW, I love the title you’ve chosen, Kim. It says so much about you! LOVE you and hugs to you, my friend.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 2, 2018 at 4:17 am

      Lisa,
      you are kind, beautiful, & your words soak into people’s souls. xxx from Duluth.

  • Reply
    Carrie Rubin
    May 1, 2018 at 4:44 pm

    It’s a shame so many girls lose the confidence they once displayed so easily. It’s a sad reflection on our society that it occurs so frequently. Hopefully we can do better role-modeling for the next generation so that they can continue to recognize their fabulousness.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 2, 2018 at 4:18 am

      YEssS,
      I use that word “ROLE MODEL” ALL day at school. I mean, ALL DAMN DAY!
      We must inspire, encourage, and live by example. xxx

  • Reply
    Dad
    May 1, 2018 at 4:46 pm

    Great—-Great—-Great
    Love You So Much

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 2, 2018 at 4:18 am

      Thank you, my HERO.
      I love you more than the sun and moon. xxx

  • Reply
    Christine Carter
    May 2, 2018 at 5:28 am

    Ah… love love LOVE. ALL of this. ALL of you. And every word you write, Kim. What a message! What TRUTH! Kim, ever since the very moment I met you, I squint my eyes to stare deeply into yours- I stop and silence my world to hear yours. I see you. I hear you. I love you. YOU matter. YOU are extraordinarily beautiful. And there is no one like you. And I say the same for Kay, thanks to you.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 2, 2018 at 12:53 pm

      …And I see YOU. Hear You, my warrior, my lovely friend.
      I Love you although we’ve not met. I love your warm soul. xx

  • Reply
    Marie Kléber
    May 2, 2018 at 8:01 am

    Wow!
    This is pure YOU Kim.
    I love every word of this post. YOU are AMAZING – YOU are CHANGING lives every single day.. I often look at a photo of me when I was small, it gives me the inspiration, the power to embrace all I am.
    When YOU are writing YOU rock my friend!
    Much love from sunny Paris.xxx

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 2, 2018 at 12:55 pm

      Hello, Sweet Marie!
      Love and hugs from (Just getting warm) Minnesota. xxxxooo

  • Reply
    Barbara
    May 2, 2018 at 9:45 am

    Thanks for the pep talk, Kim. I needed that today! If men second-guessed their worth half as much as most women do we might be in a better place.
    xoxob

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 2, 2018 at 12:57 pm

      OOOOOOOOOO, isn’t that the truth?! The understatement of the century.
      We’d talk before war.
      Kiss before violence.
      And hug, even that dude, Kim Jun Un’s, fat cheeks off. xxx

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    May 2, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    You are awesome dear Queen, Goddess, Poet, Lover, Mother, Warrior, Lion. Stay blessed and when we believe in ourselves we can be whatever we want. 🙂

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    May 2, 2018 at 8:43 pm

    I hate the way that society is especially cruel to women, especially women or girls that are a bit different or think differently. Like we have to be quiet, agreeable and pretty when we want to be ourselves instead.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 3, 2018 at 4:14 am

      The women I gravitate towards are the authentic ones.
      I find that completely beautiful and empowering! xxxxx

  • Reply
    Mandy
    May 3, 2018 at 1:17 am

    You were, are, and always will be – exceptional, extraordinary!
    Love and hugs to you dearest Kim.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo

  • Reply
    Gary Sidley
    May 3, 2018 at 3:44 am

    Powerful and eloquent – as per usual, Kim.
    I think the validation and self-esteem derives from the messages we hear around us – initially from our parents and other family members, later from our friends, acquaintances, and the ones with whom we become romantically involved. Sadly, many men (and a few women) strive to inflate their own flagging self-image by talking down to, and overly controlling, their partners – of course (as you know all too well) the extreme end of this spectrum is abuse and domestic violence).

    Take care. xx

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    May 3, 2018 at 4:12 am

    Gary,
    For women, especially, it’s the media who tells them “YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH.”
    But we must change that!
    Hope you are well, dear. xx

  • Reply
    Lisa Gordon
    May 3, 2018 at 10:42 am

    You, my friend, are amazing!
    What a fantastic post, and THANK YOU!!
    xo.

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    May 4, 2018 at 4:08 pm

    What a gorgeous little girl you must have been. It’s so sad that we start out in life feeling anything is possible and then at some stage, get the stuffing knocked out of us. It takes a lot of effort to get it put back in xx

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 5, 2018 at 5:56 am

      Dear, Hot,
      I believe it takes our entire lives to evolve back into that little girl! xx

  • Reply
    Jeri
    May 6, 2018 at 8:21 pm

    My confidence has been through the wringer the past three-plus years, but it’s on an uptick. These things take time, I suppose. To be heard counts for so much, and writing can go a long way in that role.

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    May 7, 2018 at 10:34 am

    I can see you as little Kim doing exactly this – I love the visual you created in this post. Such power. Such confidence. You always had it in you and I love that you want to exude that exact same mindset/feelings of power/courage/brave to other women. It’s all in us.
    Love you Kim xoox

  • Reply
    Sandra L Garth
    May 12, 2018 at 4:51 pm

    This is something that our girls should hear over and again. However, this message will be so much easier to share when we believe in ourselves. In addition to telling them, we must lead by example. Thanks for sharing the Oprah clip and for always baring your soul to us. Happy Mother’s Day!

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