In Memory of Kay Kim's Blogs

I Hope You’re Celebrating In Heaven


 

The world was better when you were here.—KSR.

 

~~~On your birthday, April 11, my dear sister, I will not mention the murder, the mourning, the loneliness, or how much I miss you. I will only focus on a few of my favorite memories of our special times together.

For instance, the way I’d prepare two months ahead of time for your birthday buying candles smelling of cinnamon, butterscotch, brownies, & cappuccino. I’d wrap each one delicately in pink and glittery tissue paper and you’d always know what they were before you opened the package.

“I Love them!”  You’d scream. Every. Single. Time.

It never got old.

Or when we’d have our sister dates at Barnes & Noble. Remember? It became our tradition, our cultural norm. We’d select five books each, fiction & nonfiction, and meet in the café to discuss. I’d order an Americana with skim milk, you’d order a Tall Latte with Caramel drizzle. After the drinks came, we’d take turns reading the first and last paragraphs of each book.

What do you think?” I asked about the novel, The Catcher In The Rye.

I’d buy it.” You said. “The kid reminds me of me!”

Hey, do you remember when your friend from work, I’ve forgotten her name, but she had balls, asked to sit with us? We both looked at each other like, No Damn Waaaay, and when she pulled up a chair, you said, “I’m sorry, but this is our sister date. We have a lot to talk about.”

I liked that. No, I loved that, because usually you were a such a people pleaser.

On your 39th birthday, you were a bit out of control. “I’m sooooo old.” You said. “I’m too young to be this old.”

Shut your mouth,” I said.

I made reservations at a nice restaurant, nevertheless; I think Belisos or someplace like that. We bought chic dresses from TJ Max, nice nylons with stitching running up the back like black, squiggly veins, and sexy heeled shoes. You birthday used to cost me lots of money!

When we went out, we’d typically order chicken wings with extra ranch dressing and artichoke dip with those little slices of crusty bread. And plenty of pink, pretty cosmopolitans.

 

At 39, we didn’t worry as much about our weight, our thighs, our asses. We’d savor our food, lick the sauces off our fingers, and talk about kids, goals, life, God, and we’d argue about politics because you were a huge Republican, and of course, I wasn’t.

But mostly, we’d laugh.

When you were away from “him” you laughed. A lot. Did you know that?

So.

On this particular 39th birthday, you wore a highlighted hairpiece. How could we ever forget that incredibly, delicious detail. Truly, your hair was very Breakfast at Tiffany’s elegant.

For a while, anyways.

I got to go to the bathroom.” You said.

Well, Gooo then,” I said, “Geeeeze.”

When you returned, your hairpiece was gone.

What the hell?” I said.

We started searching on the floor like two morons. You went back to the bathroom to search in the stalls, the sinks, the toilets. My silky, beautiful nylons had dusty scrapes on both knees. You could never be normal, could you? I mean, something like this continually happened when you were around. Things would get lost or found or you’d lose half your hair! That was part of the fun, what I miss the most.

After a while, our waiter—an adorable, dark college boy walked up with a tray balanced on one hand. Even through his chocolaty pigment, I observed his face was flush, rosy. He was smiling, but not smiling.

Ma’am, “ he said.

Son-of-a-bitch, I thought. Now, we’re Maams’.

He moved his tray closer to us, “Is this item, um, yours?”

I kid you not; on his tray rested Kay’s hairpiece like a dead, highlighted rat.

He did not lift it up or touch the dead rat. He just stood there staring at us with these big brown, impenetrable eyes while we snorted and laughed until we almost peed our pants. By the way, I think you did pee your pants, Victory Secret, as I recall. Since you were now pushing 40, things like this, I had heard, started to happen.

This is what I want BACK…

The layers of sisterhood, the root of the root, the heart of the heart, the secrets only sisters tell other sisters.

I promised I wouldn’t mention the missing & the mourning, but dammit, your loss, your absence, your murder is part of who I am now— interwoven acutely into my muscles and organs and bones.

And soul.

You are still, yes, still, some of the best parts of me.

—I hope the angels realize what they have.

 

 

*******My sister, Kay Marie Sisto, loved some of these charities below. For her birthday, will you consider donating to one in her name?********

 

Thank you so much. xxX  ( All the places below are in Duluth, Minnesota. )

 

 

*********For my darling sister, Kay.*********

 ~~Dancing in The Sky:  

 

 


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28 Comments

  • Reply
    Elephants Child
    April 10, 2018 at 5:02 pm

    Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring.
    The heart ache is palpable. As is the love.

  • Reply
    Lisa Gordon
    April 10, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    Dearest Kim, your words make me laugh and cry at the same time.
    I am glad you have so many wonderful memories of Kay.
    Sending you hugs, sweet friend.
    xo.

  • Reply
    Kim gagnon
    April 10, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    Love that song!! Never heard it before. Happy birthday Wednesday to beautiful Kay 💋 Kimmy love hearing your sister stories!! You guys crack me up😂 We all had some great times! I cherished our lunch time together when we worked at MacArthur! “Girl talk” so many good memories 😍

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    April 10, 2018 at 10:04 pm

    I am too young to be this old…how I love her attitude! (((HUG)))

  • Reply
    Peter Wells
    April 10, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    I can never read your posts, and particularly this one, with its shared memories and sense of loss without being swept up in that special thing which was your connection with each other, and touched always by your loss and the horrific way it came about. Over the years I have met a few of my blogging chums but meeting one particular lady, accompanied by your boys and the admirable and tolerant Mr Liverpool remains one of my treasured memories. Bless you x

  • Reply
    Liz
    April 11, 2018 at 6:40 am

    Love to you Kim and Happy Birthday to Kay.

  • Reply
    domermom
    April 11, 2018 at 7:38 am

    What wonderful memories you’ve shared here, dear Kim! You and Kay had a deep, special bond, one many other siblings don’t get to experience. I can’t help but feel that she’s dancing with the angels now and waiting for you to join her (not anytime soon, of course, for you have plenty of work yet to do here!) Hugs from Central Illinois, where eventually Spring will arrive! x

  • Reply
    Annette Connelly
    April 11, 2018 at 9:08 am

    Wow, I’ve never heard that song.

    Thanks for sharing your post.

    Blessings,

    Little Chickie

  • Reply
    Jodi Aman
    April 11, 2018 at 12:12 pm

    Love you, Kim and Happy Birthday, Kay…

  • Reply
    Dad
    April 11, 2018 at 12:22 pm

    Happy Birthday Kay, now in Heaven with all the animals she always loved. We miss you so much, but we know how happy you must be.
    Love You
    Dad

  • Reply
    Julie Gardner
    April 11, 2018 at 12:31 pm

    This is the kind of story that makes me laugh through my tears.
    You are wonderful. She’s your wonderful sister.
    Sending my love to you and her.
    Always.

  • Reply
    Nan
    April 11, 2018 at 12:46 pm

    That SONG! What an amazing song. Both my parents are now in heaven and as I listened, I thought about them dancing and celebrating in Heaven. Love that your tender, bruised heart is still beating so the rest of us can share what you are holding inside – those precious memories.

  • Reply
    Pat
    April 11, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    What a beautiful tribute to sisterhood and a great picture of the connection the two of you shared. What fun! There’s nothing like it. Just think of all you will have to talk about when you reunite!

  • Reply
    Sandra L Garth
    April 11, 2018 at 1:40 pm

    Happy Birthday, Kay! This was so sweet Kim and I’m happy that you have so many beautiful and funny memories to keep you warm.

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnon
    April 11, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    Love you Kimmy!!
    💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😘🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷

  • Reply
    Greenglobaltrek
    April 12, 2018 at 1:08 am

    Kim!!! What a beautiful birthday tribute to your sister. She was so lucky to be loved so hard by you and vice versa.

    Such a great story about the hairpiece and the way you wrote it… I feel as though I was right there like a fly on the wall watching you both!

    Thank you for the reminder to cherish my sisters as sometimes they can really piss me off!

    Those are quite unusual flavors for candles I might add. Didn’t that make you both hungry – not for the candles, but for the real thing??? Hahaha

    Happy birthday Kay. Clearly a guardian angel over Kim. xoxoxo

    So much love and love to you both!!

    Peta

  • Reply
    Mandy
    April 12, 2018 at 6:14 am

    Sending love filled happy birthday wishes and hugs to Kay in heaven (sorry, I’m a bit late – was flying back from Kenya) and will light a candle for Kay and you dearest Kim, this evening.
    Love and hugs to you from SA.
    🙂 Mandy xoxo

  • Reply
    Marie Kléber
    April 12, 2018 at 6:51 am

    You have a way to tell stories Kim. Reading you was like being with you and Kay, laughing and rejoicing.
    Angels are blessed. They know if for sure.
    Sending you hugs accross the ocean. xoxo

  • Reply
    lisa thomson
    April 12, 2018 at 8:03 am

    Such a beautiful tribute to Kay for her birthday, KIm. These memories are gold. I smiled and laughed along. I can imagine what a fun sister Kay was. And you the best big sister a girl could ask for!! You’ll always be a big sister. Your pain is still acute and always will be. This: “your absence, your murder is part of who I am now— interwoven acutely into my muscles and organs and bones.”
    The song is lovely and brought tears. Sending you love today and everyday, Kim. xoxoxoxo

  • Reply
    Minnesota Prairie Roots
    April 12, 2018 at 9:28 am

    Kim, your words are profound, loving, heartfelt and achingly sorrowful. What a beautiful sister you both were to each other. Thank you for sharing these memories.

  • Reply
    Christine Carter
    April 13, 2018 at 5:48 am

    Oh, Kim, what cherished and glorious (And FUN) memories of you two and the deep intimate bond you held together! I love love LOVE reading more about you and Kay. She is and always will be a huge part of who you are-And for that, we are able to love ALL of you fully. Your words always bring us this gift in you.

    And I KNOW the angels realize they received a SAINT in their midst, and as we grieve- they celebrate. And someday, we will witness the Great Glory of it all too. <3

  • Reply
    Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
    April 13, 2018 at 9:31 pm

    Such beautiful memories—-gave me goosebumps reading it. Dancing In The Sky has always been my song too, for my sister Cherie. I still cannot listen to it without balling my eyes out. The pain never goes away. Big hugs to you, my friend.

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    April 14, 2018 at 1:57 pm

    This was such a mixture of bitter and sweet. What beautiful memories of wonderful times. Some of this had me laughing, some of this had me teary. But so lovely to read such precious memories xx

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    April 16, 2018 at 2:45 am

    Oh Kim the heartbreaking line, and there were so many, was when you said “When you were away from “him” you laughed. A lot” So sad. Big hugs darling Kim xxx

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    April 16, 2018 at 8:57 am

    I’m a bit teary. So beautiful.

  • Reply
    Jeri
    April 16, 2018 at 3:37 pm

    Such a powerful final line and a true testament overall to the connection you had with your sister.

  • Reply
    Kristi Campbell
    April 18, 2018 at 7:45 am

    What a gorgeous amazing beautiful tribute to your sister, sweets. I’m in tears, but smiling too. Oh what fun the two of you had! The waiter with the hair piece!! HA. I’m glad you shared these moments with your sister with us. I think the angels know what they have. How can they not? xoxo

  • Reply
    Monica
    April 23, 2018 at 9:48 pm

    “I hope the angels realize what they have.”
    Kim, beautifully poignant and funny. I think the angels do realize what they have. I really think they do. Thank you for keeping your sister’s spirit alive.

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