In Memory of Kay Kim's Blogs

My Life So Far…


~As I look back on my life so far, everything I’ve experienced has directed me onto the path I am on now—-Kim Sisto Robinson

 

1980-something.

 

 

I come from Minnesota, Nassau, Bahamas, & Carnival Cruise Lines….

…where I drank long island teas, goombay smashes, and dealt black jack to movie stars like Telly Savalas, Louis Gosset Jr., rich oil tycoons, and dirty old men who blew raspberry scented smoke into my face at the old Playboy Club. Once- a man grabbed my ass; so the manager, Orlando Pastrana, ran over and told the creep to “LEAVE MY HOUSE Now!” I appreciated the gesture, although I could’ve protected myself, even at 20 years old.

I come from the Mardi Gras Ship where I met people from all over the world who knew more than I did about politics, culture, art, religion, diversity, & sex. I was like, “Could you explain apartheid to me? What is Latvia like? Why is the married, Italian captain screwing my room-mate?” I wasn’t embarrassed or afraid to ask questions. I was happy as hell to learn more about the world I lived in. The good and bad. The sweet and ugly. Sometimes we need to leave the comfort of what we know to find out who we truly are, or who we should be.

 

I come from the womb of a sixteen your old girl…

…who poured so much love on me that I still drown inside the blue of it, the warmth of it, the nurturing hands of it. She was a stay-at-home-mother, a bread baker, a chocolate chip cookie maker, a hugger, a lip kisser, an Avon perfume wearer, a listener of hurts, a high school dropout, and the first feminist I encountered because she lived exactly how she wanted to live and didn’t give a damn what anybody else thought.

And she loves, loves, loves me. Still.

 

I come from books…

…Life-changing, delectable, waterlogged, delicious, shaded in yellow marker books.

Books with layers of metaphor, beats, music, and succulent vocabulary:   Jonathan Livingston Seagull.  Ariel.  100 Dresses. The Sun Also Rises.  Oliver.   The Russians. Kafka. Nasty women. And Erika Jong was my dirty little secret. The Fear of Flying sat under my bunk bed like a sin, a friend I wanted to meet, a wild rebel.

Books, where the inky language, even now,  slides down my throat like a kind of rhythmic, wavy, aqua, heavenly god.

 

I come from domestic violence…

…I didn’t know it until he stalked her, manipulated her, killed her with three bullets to the back of the head.

I didn’t know it until I saw the mustard yellow tape wrapped around her house like it was supposed to protect her. Too late. Too late. Too late.

I didn’t know it until I touched her face of porcelain at the hospital, stroked her freshly highlighted hair, saw the tubes coming from her nose, & observed her eyelashes still wet with tears.

But I know it now. I know it now because the void is so gigantic that sometimes I fall into the abyss of it.

 

I come from food…

…Succulent, saucy, spicy foods. My daddy simmered his homemade spaghetti sauce all day long. As a young girl, this is the beautiful scent I remember the most. He added ribs, hot, Italian sausage, lots of garlic, and bacon. Yeah, you heard that right, bacon. He chopped, stirred, sprinkled, and then we’d gather together.

Imagine the Sopranos. Imagine hands soaring in air. Imagine voices talking over one another like bulldozers.

…Imagine coming HOME.

 

I come from God…

….Whom I never had to seek out. He was just there in His entirety, His wholeness, His amazingness.

He saw me, heard me, draped his grace around me like an old grandma blanket. Even from a very young age, I felt his breathe upon my cheek, heard His voice melt inside my ears.

How can I explain this without sounding like a crackpot?

Shall I even try?

The mandarin sun. The luminous moon. The silver sky. The wings of an eagle. The beating heart.

Well, He’s BIGGER.

 

————–Dear, Reader, where do you come from?

 

——A note: if you are in an abusive relationship, you are not alone.

Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

You are LOVED, Loved, Loved.


Subscribe To My Inner Chick

Never miss an update!

You have Successfully Subscribed!

You Might Also Like

54 Comments

  • Reply
    Valentine Logar
    October 14, 2017 at 8:42 am

    I come from dark alleys, closets filled with poetry written on walls and crazy assed people who swore they loved me with closed fists.

    I come from hills awash in Bluebonnets, winding back roads and pink granite mountains speaking to my heart even in on the coldest night.

    I come from survival to victory, still putting one foot ahead of the other. I come from rage to peace, sometimes every single day.

  • Reply
    Elephants Child
    October 14, 2017 at 11:07 am

    Simultaneously I come from never being enough (not smart enough, not pretty enough) and from being too much (too big, too noisy).
    I come from respect for and love of the natural world.
    I come from books and words as a haven and an escape.
    Some of the places I come from I hang onto. Others I try at kicking to the curb.
    Hugs.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 15, 2017 at 9:00 am

      Sue,
      your honesty hurts me.
      You. Are. Enough. xxx

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    October 14, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    Hugs and love to you, Kim! You are an angel!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 15, 2017 at 9:01 am

      and you are a HUGE angel w/ HUGE wings, my dear Vidya. xx

  • Reply
    Nan
    October 14, 2017 at 12:32 pm

    Your words draw pictures, paint beauty, toss bright colors of horror on canvas, and always, always ignite something deep inside me.

    I come from all over (Army brat); I come from 10 years of insanely abusive relationships then popped out on the other side of those 10 years, changed into a mother and someone determined to be better than that – someone who would teach her son never to abuse a woman. I come from flawed strong women who lived life on their own terms, from a father who loved me and a mother who was bigger than life at 5’1″! I am who I am today because I come from God’s Love Who gave me unconditional love in the form of a man who sees me and loves me.

  • Reply
    Sandra L Garth
    October 14, 2017 at 3:20 pm

    I come from a Creole woman who surrounded me with unconditional love every day.
    Of all the beautiful and thought-provoking pieces I’ve read of yours, this one is my favorite. Thank you♥

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 15, 2017 at 9:02 am

      Sandra,
      Creole? This is why you’re so beautiful! xx

  • Reply
    Dad
    October 14, 2017 at 4:22 pm

    I come from parents who loved me, parents who had good morals, parents who worked hard just to make ends meet, a mother who was always there when I needed her, a dad who worked hard to support 5 kids. A lot of the time
    it wasn’t easy but we were seemed always happy. We learned a lot from our parents how to treat our kids. (It worked)
    Did I tell you that my mother was my HERO.
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 15, 2017 at 9:03 am

      Yes,
      I love that Grandma was your hero! So beautiful. And you are mine. xxxxx

  • Reply
    Jennifer Wolfe
    October 14, 2017 at 4:33 pm

    I come from parent who loved then hated each other, from a small town with big ideas and from dark spaces that I’m Lear omg to leave.

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    October 15, 2017 at 5:35 am

    You are really great with words, Kim. p.s What is goombay smash?

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 15, 2017 at 9:04 am

      GoomBay smash is a popular drink they make in the Caribbean.
      Many shots of alcohol & drinking too many gets you into MUCH trouble! x

  • Reply
    Joan Peterson
    October 15, 2017 at 5:38 am

    What a beautiful post. I know more about you now. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I come from a family with Scandinavian roots where my mother’s father most likely mentally and verbally abused my sweet grandmother. He was like a tyrant- not warm and fuzzy. I come from a family that loved the outdoors and dragged me along to the Gunflint Trail to fish ( which I hated) so I read my books in the boat. I come from a family that had many secrets which I learned later in my life and wish I had known earlier.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 15, 2017 at 9:05 am

      So, this is why you love the outdoors so much, Joan.
      Secrets? How would knowing them have changed you? xx

  • Reply
    domermom
    October 15, 2017 at 8:10 am

    You’ve packed a lot of LIFE into your years, Kim! That’s a good thing, you know, because when you get old and all, you’ll have LOTS of memories!

    I come from a fiercely protective Italian mama and a funny half-Irish daddy who always told me to reach for the stars. I come from a God who gave His All for me and encourages me daily to be the best I can be. I come from words, spilling over from cereal boxes and stacks of books. I come from music, always in my heart and soul. I come from sports, stretching my muscles and pushing me toward health.

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnon
    October 15, 2017 at 8:10 am

    Beautiful Kimmy
    This is my favorite post of yours as it tells us who you are and where you come from. I also come from a very young mother I think she was 17 when she had me. Young inexperienced parents but I remember the love of great grandparents, aunts, and family friends whose love and support helped us along the way. Your parents were my heros as a young child. The love and comfort was felt. Our stay home moms and your dad playing games with all us kids. Our ponies. Our imaginations and playing outside. Believing Elvis was at our house. My love of books which started when my mom said she use to read to me when I was still in her womb. Ice cream cones from the blue haired lady, neighbor hood kids, finding agates on the road and E.G. when our sisters were asleep. Visiting my other best friend where our mothers and grandmothers were best friends. Where my friendships carried me through my life and until the day I die. My life of loving to learn and care for others. Learning about love, family, morals, respect and hard work from a mother who worked hard to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads. Who sent us to church every Sunday and made sure we are dinner as a family. Us kids learned the value and responsibility of doing our chores and helped cook homemade meals when mom was working. A father who spent time with us on weekends; the fair, zoo, visiting grandma Aggie and family time at the cabin. Even through insecurities, hard times I remover love, sacrifice , family and friends. I hoped I’ve instilled the love of God, family and friends and respect and compassion for others and responsibility to my sons who are adults now. Learning from our mistakes, failures and accomplishments. We came from a life of simplicity, imagination and sweet innocence. I’ll never forget where I came from and will always remember the good memories I thinks which helps shape who we are. Love love ❤️

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 15, 2017 at 9:07 am

      Kimmy,
      I should’ve added that I come from “ROOT FRIENDS.”
      we have been thru so much together, right? Love you & our memories. xxx

  • Reply
    lisa thomson
    October 15, 2017 at 10:06 am

    This is incredibly beautiful, Kim. I just adore your words. I can’t describe where I come from nearly as eloquently. I come from green, rainy lands, the ocean, books. Paintbrushes, colors, blank sketch books make me swoon. I come from words, so many words that swirl in my head.

    Your family sounds amazing. I LOVE that your pop leaves loving comments here on your blog. That is very sweet. My father would never, ever acknowledge my writing.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 16, 2017 at 4:03 am

      Why wouldn’t your father acknowledge your writing, Lisa?
      Love from MN. xxx

  • Reply
    Christine Carter
    October 16, 2017 at 5:53 am

    Ah… and all of where you came from and all of who you are- slides down into my heart like warm molasses… oozing beauty and grace and GOD, filling me with the sweetness that brings life and light to EVERYTHING in this world. You have somehow managed to bring light to the darkest void and the most unbearable pain one would ever hold- Keep shining, beautiful Kim. I believe Kay lives on through all you illuminate.

    This might be my favorite post of yours… <3

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 18, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      Chris,
      your words are like little hugs throughout my being)) xxxxxx

  • Reply
    Lisa Gordon
    October 16, 2017 at 7:02 am

    You are such a wonderful writer, Kim.
    I just loved this post, and am going back for a second read now.
    Hugs to you my friend.
    xo.

  • Reply
    Barbara
    October 16, 2017 at 9:08 am

    Your writing is lyrical, Kim. Such a gift!
    I come from the land of ‘Daddy du jour’, which will be the title of the memoir, coming next year. As the saying goes, ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’
    xoxob

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 18, 2017 at 8:41 pm

      Dear, b,
      yes, I believe we become stronger … or we’d be dead. xxxx

  • Reply
    Mandy
    October 18, 2017 at 12:48 am

    I.LOVE.YOUR.WRITING!
    I come from pure unconditional love.
    Will write more later when back to “normal”.
    Love and sunshine filled Nairobi hugs to you dearest Kim.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 18, 2017 at 8:42 pm

      Hello, sweets,
      love your messages from Nairobi!! xxxx

  • Reply
    Greenglobaltrek
    October 18, 2017 at 1:06 am

    Oh my Kim. This is beautiful and just takes my breath away. So honest and truthful and courageous and lyrical and more…

    And look how you have inspired so many to share what and where they come from….

    I come from a hilltop surrounded by nature and animals. This today is still what gives me the most sustanance and confort.

    Huge love to you
    Xoxo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 18, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      Peta,
      reading your words and adventures and monkeys and donkeys and exotic foods and your love of life makes me happy. xx

  • Reply
    Marie Kléber
    October 18, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    Reading you is like tasting the best ice cream in the world Kim! Your words talk to my heart and my soul
    I come from Love, from a mum who survived childhood abuse, from wisdom. I come from books, words, notebooks, blue ink and songs. I come from tears of joy. I come from deep understanding of the world, from dreams and faith. I come from darkness, from God, from friends who changed my life with their love!
    Love you Kim. You are B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 18, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      “The best ice cream!”
      That may be the best compliment I’ve ever received, my dear Marie.
      Luv you from MN. x

  • Reply
    Kat
    October 18, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    You are amazing, inside, outside. A beautiful writer and such a giving soul. Thank you for sharing so much of you. xo

  • Reply
    Jeri
    October 18, 2017 at 6:05 pm

    Love post as always in that you share so much. I come from a crazy mother, addict ex, and cancer-ridden body. This young grad student posed this question a few weeks ago to a few of us standing around a kitchen island, “So what’s everybody story?” One guy was like that’s deep, and the rest of us looked away. It’s strange how writing and sharing is often so much easier than speaking in certain circles.

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    October 18, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    Jeri,
    writing, somehow, sets us free, liberates us, allows us to be ourselves.
    I’m more myself when I write than w/ a group of people!
    How are you, dear?
    Your photos are so beautiful. xxx

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    October 22, 2017 at 2:12 am

    I love every bit of you!

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    October 22, 2017 at 7:42 pm

    So beautiful. I love the sound of your mum too and the way you describe food! 😀

  • Reply
    Kristi Campbell
    October 22, 2017 at 8:46 pm

    I come from being a mom to two brothers and a dad when my mom left. I come from reading your words and feeling full, and complete, and knowing what love really means. I come from confusion, and find you, here, where it’s completely clear what’s important. I ADORE YOU.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 23, 2017 at 7:04 pm

      OOO, my heart leapt reading your sweet words. xx

  • Reply
    Dana
    October 23, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    You come from so much – beautiful, painful, inspiring, hopeful…no wonder you are amazing YOU.

  • Reply
    Cecilia
    October 24, 2017 at 11:23 am

    i come from God, no more words needed.

  • Reply
    Barbara Schieving
    October 28, 2017 at 6:51 am

    This is so beautifully written! I miss my mom so much. I love what you wrote about your mom. I come from my mom who’s voice lit up when she heard my voice. Who loved nothing more than having her children with her even after they were grown, or maybe especially after they were grown. Who was a single mom to 6 kids but some how passed on her love of life.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      October 28, 2017 at 8:07 am

      OOO, my heart.
      What beautiful memories, Barbara. xx

  • Reply
    bluecottonmemory
    November 1, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    I read this, and wish I could write so beautifully – every part of it – the I come from food – makes me want to sit at your table! The God part is just wow! Where do I come from? My grandmother, Muddy – her faith and grace inheritance reached down past my parent’s broken marriage and my own brokenness to point the way to the Father who redeemed me and set me free from my brokenness!

  • Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge