Kim's Blogs

Rising From Darkness Into Light


I’ve come from many places and ended up exactly where I’m supposed to be —Kim Sisto Robinson

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I Come From Pure Love…

So much love that sometimes I think I shall burst in midair like one of those overblown birthday balloons. When my family gets together, the volume pumps up like a rock concert, heavy metal, Led Zeppelin, Joplin, well, you get the idea.

Picture it: oodles of opinioned Sicilians laughing, joking, and in deep conversation about politics, old movies, life, death, and religion. Also, imagine arms hurling and flapping in air like a dramatic scene from the Sopranos. ( Side note: I always thought Tony would change.) Anyhow, Italians talk with their hands just as much as their mouths. Watch out, or you’ll be struck in the face like poor Mable Osell who happened to be in my daddy’s way one morning at church while he was talking about something he was apparently & abundantly passionate about.

Oh, and did I mention that half of the idiots in my family, do I dare admit, voted for Trump? Don’t judge as I did. Let’s just say, the debates get exceptionally heated.

 

I Come From the Womb of a 16 Year Old Girl

Who dropped out of high school to care for me. Not once did she imagine not having me. Not once did she not adore me. Not once. She told me she stayed up many late nights watching me sleep because she was terrified somebody would steal me.

Yes, I was that beautiful and valuable and amazing.

She told me my 18 year old father bought me a tooth brush when I was only three months old. Additionally, he brought home Crest toothpaste, a hair-brush, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I mean, they were babies having babies.

My mother was a stay-at-home mother, a cinnamon bun baker, a red lipstick purchaser, a firm hugger, a lip kisser, a get on your knees floor cleaner, an Avon perfume wearer, and the glue god for all of us. Still.

 

I Come From Books…

Life changing, waterlogged, shaded and highlighted books.

Fear of Flying by Erica Jong sat under my bed like a naughty girlfriend offering me cigarettes and beer.

“Heeeeeeeere, just try it. You may liiiike it.”

And Plath taught me that words could keep you alive for 30 long years. I am, I am, I am.

Oh, and let’s not forget Jonathan Livingston Seagull, please, who educated me about the power of metaphor. I was like, OHHHH, this is not a book about a bird searching for meaning, It’s about ME, Us, the Universe!”

Kafka said, “A book must be the ax for the frozen sea within us.”

Let’s just say; I still have much to be unfrozen.

 

I Come From God…

Whose voice I’ve heard several times thru words, books, dreams, visions, and the angels placed in my sometimes, directionless path— just as I was going to give up, drink myself to death, or step off a curb into oncoming traffic. I’ve come to realize that I’m only alive today because God is real, tangible, breathing, and held me during my darkest hours.

 

I Come From Domestic Violence…

But I didn’t know this until he killed her, shot her three times, changed our lives forever. I didn’t believe it until I saw my sister lying in an unsympathetic, hideous, white painted room, which smelled of mom’s sanitizer and death and darkness and horror. Two guards stood like sentinels at the front entrance and I remember thinking…“Aren’t you a bit too late?”

My sister had tubes flowing from her nostrils like translucent snakes, mascara was smeared on her cheeks, her newly highlighted hair was still tied up in a high pony tail, and the monitor was beep::beep::beeping like another fucking lie.

I just kind of went crazy. Until now.

 

I Come From Gratitude…

NOBODY, let me repeat, Nobody can heal, move forward, be happy, or live a fulfilled life without gratitude. Without it, one resides in darkness, shadows, fear, and hopelessness. That’s the whole shitty, stupid truth. I know because I lived, or should I say un-lived for two years in an abyss that I couldn’t appear to climb out of. Perhaps, this is what Hell is like.

After about 24 months, (side note: Mr. Liverpool just read this and told me it was more like 4 years ) a veil lifted from my soul. Literally. I felt the dark material rise up from my body like one of those velvet curtains before a Broadway Show. The sun glistened thru my picture glass window and I closed my eyes allowing the heat to saturate upon my skin.

“Where have you been?” I said aloud. “I’ve missed you.”

 

—How about you, darlings, where are you from?

#WhereAreYouFrom #Mourning #Family #WhereDoYouComeFrom

 


 

 

 

 

 


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73 Comments

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    June 4, 2017 at 7:06 am

    IT works! x

  • Reply
    Linda
    June 4, 2017 at 8:26 am

    This is the most awesome, honest, truthful piece you have written to date. I felt every word you wrote. Beautiful! you’re going to make it!!!! we will here your name. <3 you

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 5, 2017 at 4:53 am

      Yes, I shall make it, I think.
      Thank you, Linda! x

  • Reply
    Debbie
    June 4, 2017 at 8:30 am

    Beautiful … and Powerful, my friend! I know well the Sicilian penchant for talking with one’s hands. And I too have heard God’s voice and felt His arms around me. How very blessed we are, you and I! xo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 5, 2017 at 4:54 am

      I like knowing God is there to hold me when I fall…
      don’t you, Debbie? xx

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    June 4, 2017 at 11:37 am

    As always, you write so beautifully, Kim.

  • Reply
    Elephants Child
    June 4, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    I rise is a serious understatement. You soar. And blaze a beacon for others to follow.
    Hugs.

  • Reply
    Debbie
    June 4, 2017 at 1:00 pm

    Beautiful. Just like everything you write…and real too.

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    June 4, 2017 at 1:01 pm

    Well OF COURSE he brought home Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Magical candy for a magical baby! Your writing just gets better and better. I’m so it awe of what your wrote I’m not going to sully it with my stuff – this is ALL about the beauty of YOUR words!!

  • Reply
    Helen Herrick
    June 4, 2017 at 1:02 pm

    Beautiful. Welcome back. ❤

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnon
    June 4, 2017 at 3:09 pm

    Love you Kimmy forever and always!!!!😘❤️💋

  • Reply
    totally caroline
    June 4, 2017 at 5:08 pm

    I am totally feeling this, it’s beautiful Kim. I adore you ❤

  • Reply
    Charlene Ross
    June 4, 2017 at 7:10 pm

    This…”and the glue god for all of us”
    And this…. “Fear of Flying by Erica Jong sat under my bed like a naughty girlfriend offering me cigarettes and beer.”
    And you! Your words. Always so powerful and raw and pure.
    Thank you for sharing your words with us, Kim. For that I am grateful.

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    June 4, 2017 at 7:45 pm

    Keep shining Kim…you are awesome!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 5, 2017 at 12:40 pm

      If I shine, it’s because of people like you, Balroop! xx

  • Reply
    Kristi Campbell
    June 4, 2017 at 8:46 pm

    I am in awe. I don’t even know what to say. I love love love where you come from. My husband comes from a 16yo mom too, but things weren’t as good for him and wow and amazing that your mom, so young… well, appreciated you. LOL to the Reece’s!
    Most of my husband’s family voted for 45*&$%^&O$*#)($#N I can’t even type his stupid name… (that was a side note I guess) (moving on)

    I come from Vikings unknown, adopted and tell my son he’s from them and other ancient tribes… so much love to you. I hate that part of you comes from domestic violence but love that you are so brave and powerful to preach it my friend.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 5, 2017 at 12:41 pm

      HAaaaa,
      I understand about &*$%#%##’
      Can I just write ASSHOLE? xxxx

  • Reply
    Mandy
    June 4, 2017 at 10:46 pm

    Love, love, love! You continue to be an inspiration to me Kim. You and I will chat at length one day about all of this, I know we will.
    Love and hugs to you from Nairobi, Kenya.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 5, 2017 at 12:41 pm

      One day, Mandy))
      We have much to talk about! )) and lots of wine to catch up on… xxxx

  • Reply
    Christine Carter
    June 5, 2017 at 2:50 am

    And it’s from where you come that makes you thrive, stir, and light this world on FIRE with the heat of your soul.

    I love this, like I love everything that comes from you.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 5, 2017 at 12:42 pm

      Chris,
      did you know you inspire me to move onward? xxxx

  • Reply
    Sandra L Garth
    June 5, 2017 at 6:21 am

    Out of everything I’ve read from you this is my favorite. You never run out of words and they are so well placed, I feel them all.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 5, 2017 at 12:43 pm

      Sandra,
      Thank you for your kind and generous words. xxx

  • Reply
    Susan Boswell
    June 5, 2017 at 7:02 am

    Wow! You have written an amazingly beautiful truthful piece here, my dear. Thank you for sharing. I am curious… is there anything you could have done differently to “find” the gratitude or did it simply have to unfold? So glad you have come back to the light!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 5, 2017 at 12:45 pm

      No, I don’t think so…
      It all had to unfold until I was ready to forgive, pray, love, and accept that
      my soul-mate was gone from this earth.
      Sometimes, I still can’t believe it.
      Sometimes, I still go insane about it…
      but I believe I shall make it w/ out her until we meet again. xxx Luv U.

  • Reply
    Minnesota Prairie Roots
    June 5, 2017 at 8:19 am

    Kim, this is heart-wrenching, revealing and honest as anything you’ve written. You touch our souls with the depth of your incredibly powerful writing.

    You are one of the strongest women I know and I praise God for the hope you give us all.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 5, 2017 at 4:22 pm

      …Audrey, thank you for your continued support and love and inspiration. xx

  • Reply
    Annette Connelly
    June 5, 2017 at 8:28 am

    What an awesome read.

    You’re so blessed to have such a loving family. I love pics you post of your mom with you and Kay. I think she is an amazing woman!

    Blessings,

    Little Chickie

  • Reply
    Dad
    June 5, 2017 at 10:14 am

    wow, was I that young? What a great writing, maybe we don’t agree all the time, but I still love you just as much as when you were that little beautiful baby lying in the hospital bed. I still feel sad when I think of what happen to Kay, but I thank God for his presence in our lives and getting us through that awful tragedy.
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 5, 2017 at 4:24 pm

      Yes,
      you were that young and the
      BEST daddy in the entire UNIVERSE.
      Love you more than dove chocolate & cheese puffs. xx

  • Reply
    Jeri
    June 5, 2017 at 10:53 am

    This is a great format for a post, and one I may have to steal for its structure one of these days. As always, your honesty is awesome.

  • Reply
    Barbara
    June 5, 2017 at 11:54 am

    Kim, this is so uplifting and yet with a tinge of sad, which is how life is most of the time, I believe. I love seeing you rising and sharing your humor and love.
    xob

  • Reply
    Kat
    June 5, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    Simply beautiful and inspiring. I love that your Dad commented! You are an amazing lady!
    <3

  • Reply
    Lisa Thomson
    June 5, 2017 at 6:39 pm

    I loved this post so much, Kim. The power of words and books are just…..well, forever. Reading and writing have also saved you and in turn, you are saving others. I want to come to dinner at your family’s next get together! I had no idea your mother was a baby when she had you. How exceptional, that she had that ability to mother and love so young. Your daddy sounds amazing and I love the list of things he bought upon your arrival. So sweet, especially the Reese’s pb cup.

    I come from a family of 7. I am the second youngest. I come from the ocean and believe that’s where I’ll end up. I come from the Prairies, too. The smell of dust and wheat in the summer and snow in the winter are still a part of me.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 6, 2017 at 4:47 am

      Lisa,
      you are welcome, at your own risk, to dine with the Sicilians! xxxx

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    June 5, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    Your writing blows me away. Every. single. time.

  • Reply
    Peta Kaplan
    June 6, 2017 at 4:07 am

    It is hard to find words to write in response to this amazing piece of writing. What could I say that could do it justice?

    It stands alone, as strong as you are. Heartfelt, moving, honest….

    I love the description of your young mom and how much she loved you, loves you. Wow. And the description of your Italian family. Funny, brutally honest.

    I understand the pain of loss… it does not leave, we just learn to live with it. It becomes a part of who we are. I am so very sorry for your tragic loss. Your sister was and is so loved….so much to be grateful for.

    You are AMAZING!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 6, 2017 at 4:49 am

      Dear, Peta,
      How TRUE!
      … somehow one
      incorporates that pain and loss and darkness into their every day lives.
      Never getting over it…but going thru it.
      xxx Love your blogs so much!

  • Reply
    Anna @ shenANNAgans
    June 7, 2017 at 7:12 pm

    Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude. Not sure I would be where I am today without it.
    Kim, I get so much from visiting your blog, you really are one special lady. Thanks for inspiring me. I do hope I get to meet you one day. Hugs to you from the Whitsundays, Australia.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 7, 2017 at 7:28 pm

      Anna,
      One day!))
      Wouldn’t that be grand?
      I hear Australia is a paradise!)) xxx And from your photos, it’s IS!

  • Reply
    Jennie Goutet
    June 8, 2017 at 2:22 am

    I’m crying. I love you, your family, your words.

  • Reply
    Gary Sidley
    June 8, 2017 at 7:48 am

    Thanks again, Kim, for sharing another inspirational chunk of your life. I hope, and trust, it is onwards and upwards for you despite life’s traumatic experiences.

  • Reply
    Bill Dameron
    June 9, 2017 at 3:59 am

    Oh, this gives me so much inspiration! What a wonderful list to make: “Where are you from?” Those books though, Kim, I am from some of those books. And this list of where you are from illustrates so well who I know you to be, strong, funny, sensitive, a survivor. Much love from Boston. xo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 9, 2017 at 4:38 am

      Oh, are you the Bill from Authentic Life? If so, I’m IN LOVE))!

      I’m from MN & Books have changed my life. To me, they are like little gods.

      Love your blog! x WOW.

  • Reply
    Marie Kléber
    June 9, 2017 at 6:01 am

    This is so Beautiful Kim. You are so Beautiful.
    Your mum is one of a kind. Your dad too.
    Keep sharing, Keep loving, Keep having Faith, Kepp writing with your guts, Keep showering inspiration on all of us, Keep saying “Thank you”.
    I come from Love, Hope, Light and God presence in my life.
    xoxo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 9, 2017 at 1:47 pm

      Sweet Marie,
      From your “Guts.”
      I like that…
      but I love you. xx

  • Reply
    Lisa Gordon
    June 10, 2017 at 2:00 pm

    Kim, I think this is probably my favorite post of all the posts you’ve written.
    So honest, and heartfelt.
    I just LOVED reading this.
    Thank you, my friend, and have a wonderful weekend.
    xo.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 11, 2017 at 6:55 am

      Ohh, you are so sweet. Thank you for reading, Lisa ))! xx

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    June 13, 2017 at 4:13 am

    Oh Kim, your post is full of such power and beauty – I continue to find so much strength in your words.
    And your mom, God love that woman.
    I needed to read your words this morning.
    Much love.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 13, 2017 at 6:28 am

      Much love flowing back to Canada, my dear Kimberly. xxx

      Confession: I’m in deep love w/ your Prime Minister. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

  • Reply
    Monica
    June 13, 2017 at 9:47 pm

    So beautiful, Kim. My favorite is gratitude. You are so right. We need to bring a little more gratitude into our lives. Appreciate the good and the bad will resolve itself. Find the joy, the positive spirit and the good in the world. It’s there, waiting for us.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 14, 2017 at 6:21 am

      I agree, Monica,
      once I began to understand that,
      my life changed.

      xxx Hope you are well.

  • Reply
    Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
    June 15, 2017 at 7:07 am

    LOVE how you ended this—-very touching. I grew up on the same books—I really cherished those, especially Sylvia Plath. Your parents sound like amazing people—you are so blessed to have been raised by them <3

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 20, 2017 at 8:40 am

      Marcia,
      I have a feeling we would have much in common! xx

  • Reply
    Hilary
    June 20, 2017 at 3:53 am

    You are the best!!! You come from so many amazing places

  • Reply
    Dana
    June 20, 2017 at 1:19 pm

    Wow, Kim. You come from such a place of love and strength, and your last paragraph made me teary. What a journey you have been on!

    I come from a young couple’s love, Stevie Wonder songs, the spaces between words, the warrior tucked inside.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 23, 2017 at 5:53 am

      WOW, gorgeous. “The Warrior Tucked Inside.” LOVE!

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