Kim's Blogs

Confessions of a Nutcase


 

Confessions of a Nutcase

(stuff I’d only tell my sister)

Life by Nadine Lynn

 

~I don’t know how it all began, but I dip my cheese puffs inside diet coke as if it were sour cream.

 

~Before I go to sleep, I pray to spend the night walking and talking  and laughing with my sister, Kay.

 

~I hate to fly, so I keep a close eye on the flight attendants’’ facial expressions.

 

~Even though I work for a school district, I’m petrified of math.

 

~I used to make my husband wear his old navy blue Carnival Cruise Line uniform around the house.

 

~I never, ever pass up a stray cat without running my fingers thru its fur.

 

~I touch & rub people as I’m talking with them and not just because I’m Italian.

 

~ I have a blog about empowerment & rising up, yet I continually lie about my age.

 

~I cannot stomach anything inside cages, bars, chains, isolated, or bound in any way whatsoever. It causes me to become physically, emotionally, and mentally sick.

 

~One time I had a sex dream about George W. Bush.

 

~Sometimes I tell people I’m out of town so I can be totally alone to catch up on The Americans, Game of Thrones, & reruns of Sex & the City.

 

~I was madly in love with my long haired, tattooed, burnout babysitter, Keith Anderson.

 

~When I babysat Becky Rice on 58th Street, I’d put her to bed early so I could bake chocolate cakes in her Easy Bake Oven. ( I was fired from that babysitting job )

 

~ When I hear violin music, I taste sugar.

 

~As I’m walking into school in the morning, I count the steps from the cement sidewalk to the door.

 

~I read the first and last pages of a novel before I buy it.

 

~I loathe the book by Shel Silverstein, which apparently everybody else loves, called The Giving Tree.

 

~When my sister was murdered, I prayed to die for an entire year.

 

~From an extremely young age, I considered myself beautiful— until somebody told me otherwise.

 

~I’ve heard the voice of God. ( why do you think I’m still here? )

 

~When people have shushed me, I’ve not spoken to them again.

 

~Since the film, Monster, I’ve had a thang for Billy Bob Thornton.

 

~At the last gathering, I lied about the pie. In truth, I didn’t bake it…I bought it from Betty’s Pies.

 

~In truth, I’ve not experienced hate for my sister’s murderer, but I do feel immense hate for the individual I filed harassment papers against. ( I’m a work in progress. Still.)

 

~I have hundreds, perhaps thousands of shades of lipstick. And still haven’t found the right one.

 

~My sister and I were called the “Ice-Queens” in high school.

 

~Poetry, for me, is another form of god.

 

 

—darling, reader, confess something here and now!  xxx kiss from Duluth.


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54 Comments

  • Reply
    Dad
    April 15, 2017 at 2:18 pm

    I love all your comments Kim, I’m learning things about you all the time.
    Love You
    HAPPY EASTER
    Dad

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 16, 2017 at 5:54 am

      Love you so so so much that it’s too big to express here. xxxx

  • Reply
    Lisa Gordon
    April 15, 2017 at 2:45 pm

    I dip pizza crust in ginger ale. OMG I LOVE that!
    I’m a statistician, so I love math!! 🙂
    I never wear lipstick. I’ve never found a shade that I like when it’s on my lips.

    “When my sister was murdered, I prayed to die for an entire year.” I am glad that God ignored you with this one.

    You make me smile, my friend, and I wish you and your family a beautiful Easter.

    xo.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 16, 2017 at 5:55 am

      Lisa,
      you make me smile, too, and make my life sweeter. xx

  • Reply
    Elephants Child
    April 15, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    I always read the last few pages (sometimes chapter) of a book before I have reached the end. If that makes sense.
    For about six years my breakfast was mayonaise (home-made) on toast.
    Hugs. Now and always.

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    April 15, 2017 at 3:39 pm

    — “I lie about my age” – how is it a lie if it is NO ones business? Why would anyone need to know our age? They don’t. When they do, they tend to judge.
    — “I tell people I’m out of town” – I love having uninterrupted time. I don’t answer the phone or texts to get that!
    — “Shel Silverstein’s book” – Ewww. I just read it just now – that truly SUCKS. It is so depressing, why would one give that to a starry-eyed child.
    — You ARE beautiful so it is a good thing someone else’s opinion simply does not matter.
    — “I’ve heard the voice of God” – I hear God’s voice all the time (not audibly); He is always giving direction, telling me He loves me, correcting me, etc. I would be concerned if I didn’t hear from Him.
    — “…people have shushed me” – you should NEVER give time or place to someone who shushes you. Ever.
    Billy Bob Thornton – ’nuff said – he rawks.
    “…shades of lipstick” – mine is lip gloss. Many, many, many lip glosses. I have one Chanel lipstick that is perfect and *sigh* discontinued. I find it on ebay and hoard it. I have 79 million shades of mauve, too.
    –“poetry” – I have stacks and stacks of poetry I’ve written since my 20’s. Some is so angst-driven, it immediately takes me back to what I was thinking and feeling back then. Now I have no angst so I have to find emotion in joy and passion with Alpha Hubby. Surprisingly, not as easy to write!!

    I love learning new stuff about you!!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 16, 2017 at 6:00 am

      Sweet, Nan,
      I love reading more about you, too!
      You are such an encourager and inspiration. xx from MN.

  • Reply
    Valentine Logar
    April 15, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    I love you, that is the truth.
    After I was shot and gained 100 lbs, I hated my body so much I dressed and undressed in the dark for more than five years and was celibate for nearly two.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 16, 2017 at 6:01 am

      Val,
      I love your authentic self and words and rawness.
      Thank you for sharing bits of your soul, my darling Val. xxx

  • Reply
    Minnesota Prairie Roots
    April 15, 2017 at 6:09 pm

    I’m petrified of math also.

    Kim, I love this piece…because you are so honest in the sort of way that is uniquely you.

    You are absolutely beautiful, inside and out.

  • Reply
    Trish
    April 15, 2017 at 6:25 pm

    George W??! Michael likes Billy Bob too. Thanks for sharing Kim 🙂

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 16, 2017 at 6:02 am

      LOL.
      where R Uuuuuuu?
      running with the wolves? xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
      PS. I really dug George after that!

  • Reply
    Liz
    April 15, 2017 at 8:03 pm

    Kim, I pretty much relate to every ‘True Confession’ you wrote – I get it & was smiling throughout. I like to think myself a vegetarian but I love. love, love cheese balls/puffs (we just got some Nice brand cheese puffs from Walgreen’s) & I still love Deluxe pizza by Tombstone. Anything cheesy, yummy, gooey of course. All in moderation of course. Maybe : )

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 16, 2017 at 6:03 am

      OOOOOO,
      I’ve tried all diff kinds of Cheese Puffs.
      I love the ones from Menards, but they’re out!
      How are you, dear?
      Any new poetry? xx

  • Reply
    lisa thomson
    April 15, 2017 at 10:21 pm

    I often peruse the makeup aisle at my local drug store just to adore the many shades of lipstick. I always buy the same shade. Here’s the thing though, I don’t realize it’s the same one until I get home and see the other ones sitting on my dresser. When will I learn? Rimmel’s KISS (036) is my perfect pink shade apparently. But Revlon’s Berry Rich is a close second. I think Billy Bob Thornton is super handsome! I do not like getting shushed by ANYONE. Even though I’m very social, I have days where I don’t want to talk to anyone and everyone ‘bugs the shit out of me’. I feel guilty when I’m negative. Those are my confessions. Thanks for asking. Love you, Kim xxxooo

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    April 16, 2017 at 4:22 am

    ~One time I had a sex dream about George W. Bush. Really??? LOL….and I thought you were a math teacher???

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 18, 2017 at 8:19 pm

      Haaa, true.
      A math teacher? NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER! xx

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    April 16, 2017 at 6:04 am

    Hey, Lisa,
    Berry Rich sounds fabulous. I prob. have it, but it’s in the mix w/ the rest! HAaa.
    Luv U xxx

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    April 16, 2017 at 6:57 am

    You are a beautiful and honest work in progress!

  • Reply
    Debbie
    April 16, 2017 at 11:50 am

    Kim, you’re BEAUTIFUL and thank you for your confessions. You inspire me, so here goes:
    I read the newspaper back to front.
    I read upside down (not all the time, just when I’m sitting across from somebody and curious about what they have in front of them!)
    I dip pizza into French dressing.
    I never tell people my age!
    I have relatives I haven’t spoken to in years (yes, it’s a two-way street)
    I melt when I see tiny puppies!

    Happy Easter, my friend, and Happy Spring! xx

  • Reply
    Jeri
    April 17, 2017 at 8:58 am

    Such a great list 🙂 I’d have to think for some time what all my quirks are. One is not liking to stop reading on odd-numbered chapters or pages.

  • Reply
    Barbara
    April 17, 2017 at 9:41 am

    I’m with you on many of these. Math and someone who is creative and artsy does not mix! period. I have drawers full of make-up that has not been worn and consistently wear the same shade of lipstick. I’ve gotten a little bit braver about flying but, I still can’t relax on a plane. I communicate with God often, in my own way. He gets me.
    I like this concept, Kim. I may steal it for a blog post. You got me thinking!
    xob

  • Reply
    Charlotte
    April 17, 2017 at 2:35 pm

    I love this, and I love your writing style. I’ve missed it immensely.

    I’m kind of grossed out but also intrigued about the cheese puffs in diet coke thing. George W, huh? I have to say, he’s grown on me over the years. Must be the whole “not our president any longer” thing 🙂 He’s actually quite adorable in interviews!

    I love to touch people, too, when I’m talking to them. I’m German so I’m not quite sure where that comes from 🙂

    Loved your confessions. You have such a beautiful, pure heart. <3

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 18, 2017 at 8:23 pm

      Charlotte,
      The cheese puffs are FABULOUS. I ‘m HOOKED.
      Also, I thought about George all day after that dream! LOL xx

  • Reply
    Anna @ shenANNAgans
    April 18, 2017 at 12:20 am

    I use my fingers and toes to do basic math. I have an unusual obsession with early Avril Lavigne tunes. And I am in love with the man I have been dating for just 5 weeks.

    Love this idea for a blog post! Your list made me smile! 🙂

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 18, 2017 at 8:23 pm

      Anna,
      Tell me MORE about that man, PLEASE!! xxx

  • Reply
    Mandy
    April 18, 2017 at 2:39 am

    You know you are beautiful, inside and out. <3

    -I calm myself by opening and closing all the cupboards in the house to check everything is in order, even though I know it is because I keep them tidy.
    -In my head, I decorate a house we haven't bought and might never buy but I am ever hopeful and optimistic the right time and the right price will happen and we will have our little dream home. I have viewed it so many times, I am sure the owner things I am barking mad.
    -I have an unhealthy fear of failure – failure of anything and everything.

    I love how much we genuinely have in common!

    -I am even worse than you about anything caged or being hurt!
    -I too make excuses to have solitary time!
    -I am beyond petrified of Math and accounting.
    -I also touch people when I talk to them.
    -I cannot go passed a stray cat without engaging with it.

    Love you darling Kim. Have a beautiful and happy week.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 18, 2017 at 8:25 pm

      Darling, Mandy,
      You are an animal lover
      so I knew you’d feel the same way about cages!
      I also DESPISE circuses.
      Perhaps one day we can actually touch one another in PERSON! Luv U. xx

  • Reply
    marie kléber
    April 18, 2017 at 5:53 am

    I love reading you, whatever things you do write about Kim. it comes from your beautiful heart! This list made ma laugh and smile.
    It’s my turn I guess:
    – I eat cheese with sugar
    – I dip bread in my glass of water (at home and at the restaurant!)
    – i wave at people I know in the street, like a mad woman
    – I slept through Amélie Poulain (The Favorite Movie of half the Planet in 2001)
    – I love spending time in cemeteries
    – I talk to God and angels every day.

    Sending you LOVE from Paris. Keep inspiring me! You rock my world!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 18, 2017 at 8:27 pm

      Marie,
      OOOO, I loved learning more about you.
      I LOVE being at the cemetery where Kay is.
      Such PEACE. I feel God there as you probably do.
      You are such a sweet person! Love from Duluth. xxxxx

  • Reply
    Dad
    April 18, 2017 at 9:33 am

    Kim, I hate breaking crackers in my soup or chili, also I love peanut butter and cheese sandwiches.
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 18, 2017 at 8:27 pm

      Daddy,
      ]You are SOOOO weird!
      I must take after you.
      LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. xxx

  • Reply
    Annette Connelly
    April 18, 2017 at 9:55 am

    One night after a few drinks, for some stupid reason an ex bf a (real dud) entered my mind. I popped him into the mugshots online search engine, and saw a mug shot of him for a shady car deal. I downloaded the pic then prvcy messaged him on fb and up loaded his pic with a sarcastic comment. I regretted it later.

    Since I’ve been a little girl, I’ve always found dark skinned foreign men attractive.

    I’m enamored to Charlie Brown episodes, old black and white episodes of The Little Rascals, Laurel & Hardy and Carol Burnette re-runs. And I feel that people who do not find them as funny as me are sorta lacking something.

    My ex husband was a mean drunk, and I used to find ways to amuse myself by messing with his head. We were in the habit of buying each other gifts from the cat. Here is one such episode. It was his birthday, and I bought him a box of candy. He had a very critical spirit and made a snide comment insinuating they were from the Dollar Tree. Well I came up with this fabulous lie stating that I came across a vendor at the DeWitte Sites Bldg that traveled from town to town. And this guy would buy up decadent candies from elite candy companies that over bought merchandise. And the vendor called his company Russle’s Roulette’s because he never knew what he’d end up with to sell for profit. The story went over big and he said ,”Wow, these could have not been cheap!”

    Me,”OH NO, NOT CHEAP.” And he had a piece of candy and thought they were delicious/decadent. However, the candies came from the Dollar Tree.

    One time someone on fb hacked my account and tried to get money from me. I almost fell for the scheme. When I realized it was a scheme, I punished him/her for the entire day. (Pay back for wasting MY time) He/she kept asking for numbers on a money order I didn’t plan to mail. I kept the conversation up with non related comments like; I’m hanging wall paper, what type of cover should I have for the 2nd edition of my book? How many kids do you have? What is the weather like? And so on and so on. The person on the other end kept asking answering my questions then asking for the numbers. FINALLY, I came up with an array of numbers and told the person to add them up. The sum of the digits equaled 666. Then I blocked the person.

    I’m still haunted by some bad sibling deeds I did to my younger brother, when I was just little myself.

    We never answer our landline phone because it’s always someone asking for a person who fixes cars. So one day I answered the phone and did the Alice routine; a sweet senile lady who cannot hear and likes to have conversation. My husband was busting up laughing. Now when the phone rings he asks me to do the Alice routing and I say; “Not today Honey.”

    When I was a little girl I wanted an easy bake oven but never got one. So I can understand why you liked using a little girls oven when you babysat.

    Blessings,

    Little Chicki

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 18, 2017 at 8:29 pm

      OOOOOO, Myyyy gosh,
      You crack me up.
      Love the story about the dollar tree chocolate!! xx

  • Reply
    Sandra Garth
    April 18, 2017 at 1:26 pm

    G.W–!!! I hope it was a good one. I love trashy romance novels and abhor reptiles. Sometimes I cry tears of joy when people win big on game shows.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 18, 2017 at 8:29 pm

      Sandra,
      you are a lovely, kind person.
      I love that you are happy for the people who win! xx

  • Reply
    totally caroline
    April 18, 2017 at 6:03 pm

    I loved these, what a great idea for a post! Here is an odd one for you: I enjoy my food more when I am alone. I don’t have to talk to anyone or be self conscious in any way. I just get to experience.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 18, 2017 at 8:30 pm

      LOVE!
      You can SAVOR and experience the decadence of your meal!! xx

  • Reply
    Dana
    April 19, 2017 at 5:03 am

    Your confessions just make you more human – and some made me laugh! I cover up the final page in a chapter to keep myself from reading ahead, and I don’t buy a greeting card unless it makes me laugh out loud or cry.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 21, 2017 at 4:53 am

      Dana,
      WOW, I love your deep thoughts about greeting cards! xx

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    April 19, 2017 at 6:57 am

    OMG this was just awesome. I love you even more- the more I learn about all your beautiful, nutty, glorious pieces that make you YOU! It just makes me want to hug you, and rub you too!

    So… which George? Senior or Junior? THAT is the question.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 21, 2017 at 4:53 am

      –LOL.
      the young George.
      He was so sexy!
      How r u, dear Chris? xxxx

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    April 21, 2017 at 8:07 am

    I never eat lunch. I just don’t like it and I never get that hungry either. It’s always been a coffee or tea and cookies or yogurt and fruit and granola. I’m more of a “grazer” in the day. My son is the exact same way. Drives my husband batty. He says we are like cattle in the kitchen. Always grazing when we walk past the fridge! I just never liked the whole sandwich thing. Same with the kid which is why school lunches are a challenge!!!
    I love this post and my dear….I’m going to have to steal it I think.
    Also, I spit my coffee out numerous times. The pie one is the best. Also the president. I’m curious about the violin and the sugar though….very odd! But that is what makes you special and unique and just lovely. So lovely. xoxxoxo

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    April 26, 2017 at 7:26 pm

    These are the best confessions ever. Tasting sugar when you hear a violin? I had to relate to: “Sometimes I tell people I’m out of town so I can be totally alone to catch up on The Americans, Game of Thrones, & reruns of Sex & the City.” I didn’t know you could do that but now I’m tempted to. BTW have you been watching the new season of The Americans?

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 27, 2017 at 4:52 am

      L.
      I am on season 5 and I’m waiting for
      the new one to come on Amazon! xx

  • Reply
    Kristi Campbell
    April 27, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    OMG I want to know you, In Real. Also link this up with this week’s FTSF? It’s perfect for it. Also? The Americans. Swoon. I’m waiting to watch Handmaid’s Tale because I think it’s going to be hard… especially in these times.
    Also? When I read your words, I feel more. I feel your sister’s love, and you, and you not being dead although you’d once hoped to be. I once hoped to be, too, and am so so glad I’m not… So much love for you always!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 28, 2017 at 4:31 am

      And MUCH love flowing back to you, my dear Kristi. xxxooo

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