In Memory of Kay

2,190 Days Since Your Murder


 

“You can’t cage an eagle for long without destroying it.” ― Patricia Briggs

Dedicated to my darling sister, Kay, whom was murdered 6 years ago on May 26 by her estranged husband.  I will love you forever and always, until the end of time.

 

 

~~~While chatting with the science teacher today, I notice a small plastic bag with a dragonfly inside. Me being me, I pick up the bag to get a closer look. I glare into it like one of those stupid human beings gawking at zoo animals. To be truthful, I detest animals locked up, monkey’s running to and fro from boredom, silverback gorillas stuck behind smeared glass, and the king of the jungle caged up like a trophy.

 

This is no life. This is not living.

 

Gazing at the dragonfly is like being back there, that same ghastly sensation of hopelessness, helplessness.

 

The scent of sh*t and chemicals and loneliness.

 

I study her inside the plastic bag, observe her long insecty legs twitching, her translucent wings fluttering, her veins twisting like black blood.

 

I should set her free, open a window, allow her to soar into the sapphire sky. How can I just stand here doing nothing? A G A I N. Always passive. Always without voice. Always…

 

I think about the dragonfly all day long. First hour. Second hour. Third hour.

 

Her wings compressed. Her dragonfly brain questioning why she’s unable to move freely. Her little dark eyes darting right and left wondering how she got here in the first place…

 

…inside this room, inside this suffocating plastic.

 

Forth hour. Fifth hour.

 

I try to rationalize her existence. She’s only one dragonfly. It’s for science for god’s sake. It’s for the students. It’s for examination. And after all, she doesn’t even have a beating heart. Does she?

 

Tick:::Tick:::Tick

 

I think about my sister, Kay, and other women who are inside a plastic bag, too, and my stomach turns and curls like I’m about to become sick.

 

The image of crushed wings and caged souls hurts hurts hurts me; a clenched fist opening and closing, a shadow without light.

 

I email the science teacher asking if she will be liberating the dragonfly. Immediately, she emails me back.

 

“I liberated our beautiful friend after school,” she said. “By the time I grabbed my camera to capture a photo, she was already gone.”

 

Halleluiah. Amen.

 

I like to visualize my sister doing the exact same thing. Her wings spread broad and boundless and beautifully free.

Our beautiful, Kay.

Our beautiful, Kay.

 

—-Dear, reader, are your wings being crushed? Is your soul bruised and hurting? If so, help available to you, my darling.

 

—Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline Today: 1-800-799-7233

 

—Make a Safety Plan: HERE

 

Never. EVER. Stay Silent About Domestic Abuse. You are worth EVERYTHING. You are LOVED abundantly.


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69 Comments

  • Reply
    Nikkyy44
    May 25, 2016 at 4:51 pm

    Love you Kim. Was thinking about you. Tomorrow must be a hard day. I guess all days are hard. Kay is free. <3 <3 <3

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 26, 2016 at 4:42 am

      Love you, too.
      Free. Liberated. Away from him. xxx

  • Reply
    Tia
    May 25, 2016 at 5:58 pm

    Beautifully said💋

  • Reply
    how to make money
    May 25, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    To lose someone we love changes our life forever, the sharp pain slowly fades in time but the gap in our hearts never closes, and no one else can replace the open space that was left in our hearts. Thanks for sharing your beautiful story of love.

  • Reply
    Kristi R Campbell
    May 25, 2016 at 6:37 pm

    You. Are. Amazing. I’m so glad the dragonfly was freed. I imagine her soaring, and Kay finding dragonflies to soar with where she is. xoxo and hugs to you my dear friend.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 27, 2016 at 4:51 am

      –She soared and flew!
      I so much adore this image! xxx

  • Reply
    Helen Herrick
    May 25, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    You are a beautiful soul. Love this…..

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    May 25, 2016 at 8:19 pm

    TESTING 1 2 3

  • Reply
    Carrie
    May 25, 2016 at 11:02 pm

    My thoughts are with you always but especially tomorrow. I can so relate to your consuming concern for the dragon fly. I can’t handle any kind of abuse or suffering of any living thing.
    I am so happy the dragon fly was set free.
    HUGS from Canada xxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    May 25, 2016 at 11:11 pm

    Tears.
    With you and for you, as always.
    And tears of gratitude that the dragon fly is free again.
    Hugs.

  • Reply
    Kim Moncrief
    May 26, 2016 at 1:16 am

    Oh Kimmy! This is fantastic ‼️
    Your writing is superb- I want you to write a book. Kay is so pleased and proud of you. I love you on this anniversary and always. 💗💕💗

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    May 26, 2016 at 1:48 am

    Beautifully written, Kim. (((HUG)))

  • Reply
    countingducks
    May 26, 2016 at 2:21 am

    Your the best. Your unswerving love and loyalty to your sister and your fight against domestic violence in all its horrific guises is an example to us all xx

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 28, 2016 at 7:14 am

      Peter,
      thank you for all of your support and love. xx

  • Reply
    julie gardner
    May 26, 2016 at 6:50 am

    A beautiful metaphor for a beautiful soul from a beautiful sister who loves with all her heart and always will.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 28, 2016 at 7:15 am

      Always.
      Forever.
      xx thank you for reading, sweet Julie Gardner. xx

  • Reply
    Lisa Gordon
    May 26, 2016 at 8:06 am

    Thinking of you, my friend, and sending you hugs. xo.

  • Reply
    Tracy Richards
    May 26, 2016 at 11:50 am

    A love berween sister’s is like no other. Your words make me feel how much you love her and ache from missing her. Your words are how I would feel if it was my sister. Your dedication to her memory is admirable and beautiful.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 28, 2016 at 7:16 am

      Tracy,
      I appreciate your sweet words. Thank you. xx

  • Reply
    Barbara
    May 26, 2016 at 12:10 pm

    How can I just stand here doing nothing? A G A I N. Always passive. Always without voice. Always…

    No, Kim! Your VOICE has empowered women to change their lives. YOU are the champion of liberation for so many and I know Kay is proud of you, as I am.
    xoxob

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 28, 2016 at 7:17 am

      Dear, b,
      thank you for reading ( as always ) and for your support.
      It means A lot. xx

  • Reply
    Sandra Garth
    May 26, 2016 at 12:10 pm

    Sending you love and lots of hugs. Fly free!

  • Reply
    debbie
    May 26, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    All life should be free….no matter how small or insignificant it seems. Every living thing matters. My thoughts are with you today Kim……

  • Reply
    Shamitri
    May 26, 2016 at 12:31 pm

    Kim, Sending you love always. Kay flies free. Free to be who she is, hearing you champion others who need your voice.

    I am so thrilled the dragonfly was set free, to roam and beautify our planet. I’m always setting things free.. in my house, every creature is gently placed outdoors to live their lives peacefully.
    xxx

  • Reply
    Jodi
    May 26, 2016 at 12:52 pm

    So nice you and the other teacher are soul sisters! Xo Thinking of you! Xo

  • Reply
    lisa thomson-The Great Escape...
    May 26, 2016 at 1:30 pm

    Thinking of you and Kay today, Kim. It must be so tough to face the day each year but your love for Kay shines bright. I love the analogy of the dragon fly. For all the women with bruised and clipped wings, there is help. Thank you for sharing this message so bravely! xoxo

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    May 26, 2016 at 3:04 pm

    Oh the amazing words that went into this post. I was going to take an jet plane up there and free that dragonfly!! You do have a way with words. I can’t believe Kay has been free that long. She’s free and if able to see us, it is like we are behind the bars, the glass, the pits – waiting for our time to join her in celebration of freedom! I thank you for sharing her with the rest of us so we can love her, too.

  • Reply
    Phil
    May 26, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    I really loved this and the metaphor. Great message. I’m glad the little guy was alright in the end.

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnin
    May 26, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    Kimmy
    Beautiful. Love you 💚💙💛❤️💋🌠

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    May 26, 2016 at 7:50 pm

    Love your powerful message Kim. You are right, help is just a phone call away. Thank you for being such an awesome person.

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    May 26, 2016 at 9:05 pm

    Nobody should ever stop someone else being themselves. I can see why you kept thinking about that dragonfly. xxx

  • Reply
    monicastangledweb
    May 26, 2016 at 9:50 pm

    Kim, this is beautiful. I love how you saw a dragonfly, which is an exquisite being, and was able to find the common ground in your sister. We are all connected in some way, but this was, well, poetic. I hope Kay is relishing her freedom and flitting her wings in the light. Sending you hugs, my friend.

  • Reply
    Totally Caroline
    May 27, 2016 at 2:48 am

    Beautiful ❤️❤️❤️

  • Reply
    Mandy
    May 27, 2016 at 3:29 am

    What an incredibly POWERFUL message Kim! I too, like you abhor animals outside of their natural environment.
    Kay is free and filled with perfect love.
    Love to you dear friend.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo
    PS. I was in Nairobi, Kenya with Pete and mailed your a card from there. Have no idea how long it will take to reach you. xo

  • Reply
    Hilary
    May 27, 2016 at 3:35 am

    I love that the science teacher set her free….

  • Reply
    Red Dwyer
    May 27, 2016 at 6:24 am

    My lovely, what a beautiful story. Far too many are in the bag.

    Wings of love and freedom.

    Much love, strong hugs and sweet kisses from Texas,
    xxx

  • Reply
    TheKitchenLioness
    May 27, 2016 at 8:57 am

    Dear Kim, what a beautiful, beautiful post…hope you are allright…
    Your words are touching my heart and my soul…
    Sending you endless hugs and kisses and thinking of you, dear friend.
    Andrea

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    May 27, 2016 at 11:01 am

    I love you Kim.
    I love that you give power to so many who feel that they are robbed of it.
    Sending you power right now on these days. Strength. Love.
    xoxoxo

  • Reply
    Jeri
    May 27, 2016 at 3:42 pm

    Such powerful imagery. Too often people don’t realize how much help really is available. Asking is such a huge step. When my life turned upside down, I knew to ask for help and those I loved did not disappoint me when I needed it the most.

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    May 27, 2016 at 7:39 pm

    Damn it all. My comment got swallowed again.
    Hurting for you, hurting with you. Always.
    And I love that your compassionate heart recognised that dragon flies too need to be free.
    Hugs.

  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    May 28, 2016 at 2:07 am

    So sorry for your loss, dear Kimmy. It gets deeper.
    Love and hugs coming straight to you from Melbs xx

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    May 28, 2016 at 6:33 am

    Oh my heart. Your descriptions are SO vivid and real and I too, wonder who is out there caged and unable to breathe, to live the way God intended- full of love and true respect for their lives.

    Sharing this with your heart- my heart for you, and for all the hearts who are stuck in captivity. Sharing with a prayer that your words, your mission- opens doors for those who need to soar into freedom.

  • Reply
    Debbie
    May 28, 2016 at 7:31 am

    Another difficult anniversary, my darling Kim. I know it doesn’t get any easier, either. Still, the image of Kay with her wings unfurled and soaring upward is a beautiful one — one you need to hang onto. Thank you for continuing to spread the word the nobody should live in such a confined, abusive environment. Love you!

  • Reply
    Yvonne
    May 28, 2016 at 2:24 pm

    This brought tears to my eyes. Your writing and the dragonfly image are beautiful. I am so sorry that you lost your sister in such a terrible way, but what a lovely way to visualise her – soaring free like the dragonfly.

  • Reply
    Marie K
    May 30, 2016 at 3:26 am

    Your VOICE is powerful Kim.
    Such a beautiful analogy. Kay is spreading her wings, she is free and safe, she is LOVE.
    I pray that many women read you and hear your message.
    Keeping you in my heart and prayers.
    xoxox

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    May 31, 2016 at 11:41 am

    A beautiful post! I feel the same about caged animals – or people.

  • Reply
    Sandra
    May 31, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    You are the voice of this generation speaking out for abused women everywhere who can’t speak out themselves. You always manage to make me see images deeply. Now I’ll never look at a dragon fly the same way. I love how you made her a girl xoxo

  • Reply
    Minnesota Prairie Roots
    June 1, 2016 at 6:45 am

    You have never been passive, my darling Kim. You have a voice. A loud and strong voice. You are shouting and freeing with your words.

    Many many hugs to you as I think of how much you loved your dear sister Kay. She is free now. Free. Just not in the way you wanted her free here on this earth.

  • Reply
    Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
    June 2, 2016 at 9:36 pm

    Gorgeous metaphor for your sister’s life. I love this and I love you.

  • Reply
    Susan Becelia
    June 3, 2016 at 10:26 am

    I’ve missed your blog. Lovely, as always. xxx

  • Reply
    Gary
    June 3, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    Hi Kim,

    Such powerful passion and emotive thoughts for the memory of your beloved sister. She has wings and she’s cradling you under her wings.

    Hugs and hope,

    Gary XX

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 4, 2016 at 3:36 pm

      As always, Gary,
      thank you for reading my morning/mourning pages. xx

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    June 4, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    Six years ago. So senseless and cruel. I’m sure the 26th was a very difficult day for you. I’m glad the dragonfly was set free – I remember when I did science at school and we had to bring in insects that eventually would be killed. I set all mine free! xx

  • Reply
    Dana
    June 6, 2016 at 8:05 am

    A perfect metaphor, Kim. Your beautiful sister is flying free, and I hope you take some comfort in that.

  • Reply
    Julia Whitmore
    July 13, 2016 at 9:08 am

    What a lovely tribute. I love the word. Dragonfly. Here’s to remembering your sister, and thank you for the reminder to be ever vigilant about domestic abuse.

  • Reply
    Dad
    July 18, 2016 at 9:50 am

    I LOVE YOU KIM MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW.
    DAD

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      July 18, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      I KNOW!
      because I love you that much, too, daddy. xxxxx

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