Kim's Blogs

Why I Write


~I write because I could not live in any of the worlds offered to me — the world of my parents, the world of war, the world of politics. I had to create a world of my own, like a climate, a country, an atmosphere in which I could breathe, reign, and recreate myself when destroyed by living. That, I believe, is the reason for every work of art.” – Anaïs Nin

APRIL20SAM_1798

I cry over a dead cat all night long.

 

His black and white fur is dirty and sticky and bloody right there in the middle of 61st Avenue. Flattened, lifeless, & nobody gives a damn, not even bothering to move him to the side of the stupid road.

 

“Doesn’t anybody care?” I ask my mother. “ Doesn’t anybody love him?”

 

I am seven years old. Old enough to recognize that life can be unfair and stink, stink, stink.

 

Yes, I know, I said it three times just so you hear me.

 

Anyway.

 

When I arrive home, I curl up inside my bubble-gum pink blanket and write a poem about the ill-fated creature. At an early age, I know that words calm me the way nothing else can—as if syllables and sentences embrace every organ within my body causing me to let go, release, breathe, and ultimately live.

 

After all of these years, nothing has changed.

 

When I feel I can’t go on, I grab a pen. When I am out of control with mourning and melancholy and misery, I run to my tablets and begin scribbling unrecognizable words until every shadow empties out.

 

God meets me inside the pages.

 

I experience things so powerfully that I can literally feel the blood pumping thru veins, my heart thrashing outside my chest, and my ovaries performing flips-flops like a fish desperately seeking water.

 

I believe all writers must suffer in such a way.  And “suffer” is the appropriate word because it would be SO MUCH easier to be anesthetized, unsympathetic, indifferent, and wingless.

 

A butterfly pinned to a border.

 

It would be so much simpler to declare, “I Don’t Give A Damn if people are starving, oil is spilling into our oceans, poachers are killing elephants for ivory, 18,000 women are murdered by domestic abuse every year, and unwanted cats are dead in the middle of suburban streets.

 

So.     Damn.      Easy.

 

To bury my head. To cover my ears. To clip my wings.

 

So.

 

I write—I tell my story—I tell my sister’s story—I scream out every word like it’s the last thing I might every say…

 

Because I know if I can’t change the entire world, I can change some of it.

 

And still,

 

That is not enough.

 

*****I watched “The Misfits” when I was a young girl & this powerful scene w/ Marilyn Monroe epitomizes what I would do ( many days ) if I did not write******

 

—-Dear, Readers,  what do you do to escape and breathe?  What do you do to make the world a better place?


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75 Comments

  • Reply
    Charlene Ross
    April 20, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    Kim,

    I truly do believe you feel more than others. Many writers do, yes, but you even more so my friend. How wonderful and how terrible to feel as deeply as you do my dear, sweet, lovely friend.

    How glad I am that you do write. Your words are beautiful. Powerful. And you’d better believe they make a difference.

    xoxo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 22, 2016 at 4:49 am

      And I’m glad you write, my darling, Charlene!! xx

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    April 20, 2016 at 4:58 pm

    ((CHECK))

  • Reply
    Minnesota Prairie Roots
    April 21, 2016 at 8:49 am

    Like you, I write. And then I write some more. And I take photos. And more photos.

    Sometimes I cry, great heaving sobs that I don’t recognize as coming from me.

    And I pray. And then I pray some more.

    You, dearest Kim, are making a huge difference in many lives. You write with the depth of having descended into a dark place. You have emerged, following the light of hope and purpose. Your purpose is to make a difference for the sake of Kay, for the sake of all women, for the sake of those who need to escape the darkness, for the sake of family and friends. You are a strong and shining light. Thank you for writing.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 22, 2016 at 4:50 am

      –Sweets,
      I believe we are on the same page! ! ( sort of speak )

  • Reply
    Nikky44
    April 21, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    Your writing is so beautiful Kim. Your blog is one of the first ones I started reading. You are one of those who encouraged me when I started writing. I actually always used writing. I used to write letters that i have never sent. I would choose someone, a friend, a family member, a teacher or even strangers and write them letters that i would throw away. It was the only way I knew how to express myself. I wrote on my bog just for few months and it was an amazing experience. I miss those days so much. I miss the ability to write. I am no longer capable. Even if I want, I just can’t. But I need to be able to do it again because as you said, when we suffer, we need to write. Love you

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 22, 2016 at 4:51 am

      Nikki,
      why can’t you write, darling? Please DO! Please DO! Love you. xxxx

      • Reply
        Nikky44
        April 22, 2016 at 6:16 am

        I don’t know. I panic. My anxiety gets crazy. I cry and feel that whatever I say doesn’t express exactly what I feel. I wrote a post on December 2014 and I had a very bad panic attack at one comment and that was it. I couldn’t do it anymore.

  • Reply
    Jeri
    April 21, 2016 at 12:45 pm

    Writing is such a great form of catharsis. Also too, sometimes it’s just necessary to have good cry every now and again. Keeping emotions bottled is never good.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 22, 2016 at 4:52 am

      Jeri,
      absolutely. And sometimes, I have a good giggle, too! xx

  • Reply
    lisa thomson-The Great Escape...
    April 21, 2016 at 12:55 pm

    Kim, thanks for sharing this message today. Some days I feel just like Marilyn in that powerful scene. I’ve never seen the film. I’ll be trying to find it on Netflix.

    I feel powerless to the atrocities that go on day in, day out. Writing about an issue is a powerful awareness tool. Your gift from God, Kim is writing.

    My writing is currently being scrutinized—every last word—by lawyers. I want to put my thumb on my nose, stick my tongue out and wiggle my fingers.

  • Reply
    julie gardner
    April 21, 2016 at 1:04 pm

    Because you write, I feel.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 22, 2016 at 4:53 am

      Julie,
      few words…
      say so much.
      Thank you. xx

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    April 21, 2016 at 1:30 pm

    Yes. Oh yes. I know the power of words all too well. I thank GOD He gave us both this gift, this provision for our greatest need. Every word you write captures me- twists me tight in this bound tension while I read each one of them… and somehow there is this slow unraveling- sometimes into excitement or hope, other times into love, joy, or peace. This one brings me peace.

    It reminds me a song I wrote called “My Window”

    Oh my window
    I see through the glass
    Of my window
    And with questions I ask

    Oh yes I see so many things
    It carries all of the scenery
    I look and there is someone
    Staring back at me

    And If you look through my window
    You’ll come to realize
    There are so many tears and smiles
    And you will find what’s in their eyes…

    And the world you will see and know
    Within the glass you will grow
    To see deeper than the ocean
    And wider than the river’s flow

    You’ll see souls and hearts appear
    And you’ll feel pain and all the fear
    You’ll possess the faith of God
    And you’ll-
    Create the need to care.

    There’s so much we all need to see
    Let them all have windows like me
    My window grows with every tear
    My window fogs with things unclear

    But I see children needing
    And people feeding-
    On love and even war…

    There’s understanding
    But much demanding
    And we don’t even know what for…

    But look once more…
    There in my window.

    I just literally sang this out loud while typing the words. Ha! There’s more- but you get the idea. 🙂

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 22, 2016 at 4:55 am

      Chris,
      you are beautiful.
      And I know when we meet, I shall see GOD inside your eyes.
      LOVE! xxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Dad
    April 21, 2016 at 1:35 pm

    I love your writings Kim, you inspire so many people. you really make a difference.
    By the way, I love the interview with Mercy. She is wonderful.
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 22, 2016 at 4:56 am

      Daddy,
      you are my hero and inspiration. Love you. xxxxx

  • Reply
    Carrie Rubin
    April 21, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    You’ve captured it so well. Writing is a place where we can funnel all our emotions, especially when they get to be too much to carry around.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 22, 2016 at 4:56 am

      Carrie,
      Good, because sometimes I think I’m a bit, well, crazy! xx

  • Reply
    Debbie
    April 21, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    You know, dear Kim, for those of us who WRITE (and must write), it simply wouldn’t be easier if we didn’t care. We care — deeply — about everything. We can’t NOT care. It’s what makes us US. How blessed we are that we’ve uncovered something — writing — where we can be ourselves. Where we can say something and make a difference. Touch a life. Mend a heart. We’re the lucky ones!

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    April 21, 2016 at 8:45 pm

    Yes Kim…I write for precisely the same reason…I know I can breathe better, I know I can share my grief with my words as they absorb my tears so well…I know my words can pass on those soothing vibes…just like yours.
    Love and hugs dear friend, you ARE awesome.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 23, 2016 at 7:40 am

      Balroop,
      I can tell by your posts that “writing is how you breathe.” xx

  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    April 21, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    Kim, the biggest difference you’ve made to me, and continue to make, is to teach me how to love. I have not always known how to do that and I’m still learning. Thank you.

    I want to say two other things. I think many men are so closed down they’re effectively dead. Like the two in the Marilyn clip. I used to blame men like this and have contempt; now I feel very sorry for them. It’s how they’ve tried to protect themselves from something they feel might kill them anyway if they were to look at it. Also, on the question of what i do to make the world a better place, I’m realising I’m in the process of inventing a new answer to the question. I’ve had some answers in the past, and now they’ve gotten old and expired. Kisses from MLB xx

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 23, 2016 at 7:41 am

      Narelle,
      your wisdom is beyond my own.
      I so much appreciate and savor your words.
      Thank you. xx

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    April 22, 2016 at 12:59 am

    I am GLAD and feel LUCKY that you write because I love to READ your powerful words.
    Have a fantastic weekend!
    Angie

  • Reply
    Marie kléber
    April 22, 2016 at 1:55 am

    You write and your writing is touching many hearts Kim. Your words tell a story, your story, the story of the world. They encourage us, support us, free us.
    Like you, writing is helping me to deal with the world as it is. I need words when t can’t stand it anymore, when I feel inside my chest, under my skin the pain of others rushing like a violent storm. Words are my savior.
    Sending you much love and a bunch of kisses to say THANK YOU for BEING YOU.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 23, 2016 at 7:43 am

      WORDS are my savior, too.
      I have 2 SAVIORS! How blessed.
      I am also blessed that you entered my world, Marie from Paris. xxx

  • Reply
    debbie
    April 22, 2016 at 5:35 am

    I love when you write Kim. When you write, I feel. Any beautiful or ugly words make me understand. Me? I sing. LOUD and clear. I knew which scene you were posting before I pulled it up. I love Marilyn and have seen most of her movies. Love The Misfits…..

  • Reply
    Jodi
    April 22, 2016 at 9:48 am

    So powerful! Xoxox

  • Reply
    Deborah Batterman
    April 22, 2016 at 10:14 am

    Whatever keeps us reflecting on what moves us and helps us make sense of the world is a good thing . . . And if it doesn’t change the world, doesn’t it change us, as writers, in significant ways?

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 23, 2016 at 7:44 am

      YES!
      It changes “US.”
      but for me, that was never enough.
      I want to change the world)) xxx

  • Reply
    Amy Tong
    April 22, 2016 at 11:06 am

    Love your powerful writing, Kim! I’m glad that I’ve found and follow your blog.
    So true, everyone need a place or a way to escape! For me, I found myself in the kitchen, baking! 🙂 And I always believe it’s a privilege to help out those who are less fortunate, even in the smallest gesture.

    Wish you a beautiful weekend ahead!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 23, 2016 at 7:45 am

      BAKING))
      I understand.
      This is pure ART.
      And you are an artist, dearest Amy. xxx

  • Reply
    monicastangledweb
    April 22, 2016 at 10:23 pm

    Do you know that was the last film Marilyn Monroe and Clark Gable ever made. They died shortly after. Actually, I think Marilyn died during filming and they had to make do. Makes your choice of sharing this clip all the more poignant. Anyway, I love your writing which exudes so much passion. You’re a terrific writer, too.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 23, 2016 at 7:47 am

      Monica,
      we must talk about old movies sometime.
      I know A LOT & I wonder if I were watching them in my mother’s womb!
      I knew this about Monroe & Gable. I read every book about Monroe.
      She sort of reminds me of Plath.
      xx kiss for you.

  • Reply
    Jann
    April 23, 2016 at 2:56 am

    I love love love your passion and power, Kim.

    “I said it three times just so you hear me.”

    xxxxxxoooooxxxxxooooo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 23, 2016 at 7:48 am

      OOOOOOOOOOOOO, Jann,
      I very much miss you.
      And we’ve never met, dear! xxxx

  • Reply
    totally Caroline
    April 23, 2016 at 5:02 am

    For me it’s writing too… sometimes. Other times its reading, or getting lost in an awesome tv series (if i am lucky enough to find one). Then there are the times i cant escape myself at all.
    How I love Marilyn Monroe! She was such a great beauty (and a truly brilliant woman–though many people never saw that part).
    C

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 23, 2016 at 7:49 am

      I saw that part of Monroe.
      As I said above, she always reminded me of Plath. Perhaps
      this is the reason I had a heart for her gift.

      How are you, dear? xx

  • Reply
    Sandra
    April 23, 2016 at 9:28 pm

    I keep telling you the same thing over and over again, but it’s because there are not enough words…you move me to a level I have never been moved to before. Your dad is right: You do inspire so many. You give me the courage to go on, and your words are a soothing balm on my aching soul (I tweeted that too!) I love you.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 24, 2016 at 6:55 am

      Sandra,
      those may be the kindest words ANYBODY
      has ever said to me.
      Thank you.
      Luv U, too. xx

  • Reply
    Nan C Loyd
    April 24, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    I’ve never seen that movie. I will remedy that immediately. You asked why you wrote? I ask, “Why do I read?” I read to escape, to learn, to change myself through other people’s knowledge, to get lost in a world of other people’s words precisely put together to help me with that escaping – and I read to be inspired. That is why I read you – you always teach me, help me change, help me escape with a laugh sometimes and tears other times – and you always, always inspire me. Always. Love you almost as much as your mama’s chocolate chip cookies – they are the best so you understand the word “almost” – smile!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 25, 2016 at 4:54 am

      Nan,
      you are sweet, kind, and oh-s0-generous.
      I thank you for your support, gifts, cards, and love.
      –Many Kisses sent your way. xxx

  • Reply
    Little Chickie
    April 24, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    I like to watch videos of sweet animals. The creators fur angels. I like to share inspiring posts on fb to lift other’s spirits ie; remind them that they’re loved unconditionally by Abba Father their creator. To post amusing things to bring laughter to their world and mine. To share stories of humans showing acts of love and kindness. I see this as so important now more than ever as this world is crumbling with cruelty, immorality, and turning away from God.

    I find myself thankful daily for having a relationship with my Abba Father. Because I’m grieving what I’m seeing. I appreciate His protection, His sovereignty, His promise to fulfill a day that we will all be reunited with Him and our loved ones who’ve passed.

    Little Chicki

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 25, 2016 at 4:55 am

      Chickie,
      YES!! I LOVE Cats! They make me feel GOOD))
      And GOD. HE is the reason I am writing this! xxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    April 25, 2016 at 10:30 pm

    Words are powerful – and yours are powerful, brave and beautiful – just like you.

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    April 26, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    You were born to write and you do it so, so well Kim. Never stop. xxx

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 28, 2016 at 2:42 pm

      ..And you, L., were born to COOK, create, & entertain me))! x

  • Reply
    Hilary
    April 27, 2016 at 3:50 am

    I write too… writing is sometimes the only thing that can calm me down. Who am I fooling? It is usually the only thing…

  • Reply
    Coffee and Crumpets
    April 27, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    Beautifully said.
    Life can be overwhelming and I feel want you feel too. The helplessness, the anger and sometimes despair. I used to cook to relax but lately that has became my job and doesn’t relax me much anymore.
    I try and spend time on the blog so I can at least write. Otherwise, I scream.

  • Reply
    Mandy
    April 28, 2016 at 5:36 am

    You my darling Kim, feel everything with every ounce of your being, always and your words calm your soul.
    Love, love, love!
    Have a beautiful love filled day friend.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxoxo

  • Reply
    Gary Sidley
    April 28, 2016 at 5:37 am

    Your words definitely impact on me, Kim. Take care xxx

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    April 28, 2016 at 10:13 am

    “Because I know if I can’t change the entire world, I can change some of it.”
    Think if you can change or help just one person — just ONE Kim…think of the ripple.
    That ONE person has people that love them, no?
    And that ONE person is going to go on and shake and move and change things themselves.
    And they will go on and live and laugh and love — and cry and stumble and they’ll get up again but damn it that is what life is about but they will be living.
    And that’s all because YOU helped them.
    And that’s all because they stumbled upon your words and read them and said “I don’t have to stand for this bullshit anymore.”
    Kim, life is about helping one another and yes, we are so effing small but we are also so EFFING BIGGER than we know. Your voice is big and loud and a beacon of hope to so many.
    You are changing lives every day. You. Are. Amazing xoxox

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 28, 2016 at 2:45 pm

      Kimberly,
      when was the last time I told you
      how much you have inspired me to be a better, rawer, more powerful
      writer?
      Ok, I’ll say it again. xxx

  • Reply
    TheKitchenLioness
    April 29, 2016 at 10:50 pm

    Dearest Kim, I love your writing. I love my very early Saturday morinngs when everyone is still asleep and I can get some reading and writing done. It is a true pleasure to read each and every word from you while there is calm around me. So I can dive into your writing. Thank you for that. And, yes, writing can be like a great escape – I noticed that different things will calm me on different days, it changes, a long walk is good, a cup of my favorite tea, flowers play a great part too, their beauty is always around me and calms me. And smells do. Love smelling rosemary – when I leave home, I will always carry rosemary from my garden in my purse and if I get too upset about something, I breathe in some of that wonderful woodsy aroma to soothe me…
    Thank you for everything, dear friend!
    Andrea

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 1, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      OOOO, Andrea.
      I so much love that you carry rosemary in your bag. I love that smell, too. It’s like home. xxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Anna @ shenANNAgans
    April 30, 2016 at 2:16 am

    You are one of the most powerful and captivating writers in my world, you inspire me to be real and authentic and remind me that my voice and my words count. Thank you. Love and warm hugs from Australia. Xxx

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 1, 2016 at 12:30 pm

      And I thank you for inspiring me w/ your adventures and cooking and cool encounters w/ the rich and famous! xxx

  • Reply
    Kristi R Campbell
    May 5, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    You are changing the world. You’re doing it. You’ve changed me. See? xoxox

  • Reply
    Shamitri
    May 23, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    You are a powerful writer Kim. I am always moved, inspired and amazed by your voice. Please don’t stop.
    It is the same reason I write. I feel. Deeply. Too much some days. The world is my inspiration, so much pain and happiness all at once. I have journals everywhere. I carry one around to write quotes, words and pieces of a book that stuck with me. I stop at Starbucks and people watch so I can base a character on what I see. A few words a day. I wish I had time to read books all the time, they are often such great companions.
    Beautiful post.
    xxx

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