In Memory of Kay Kim's Blogs

6 Reasons Domestic Violence Affects Everyone


 

My Darling Angel, Kay at the Prom.

My Darling Angel, Kay, at the Prom.

~Domestic violence not only affects the survivor, but the survivor’s children, the person who is abusive, the health care system, the criminal justice system, businesses, families and friends of the survivor and the abuser, and society–CBA

 

  1. Abuse Changes Who We Are: When a woman is punched, kicked, belittled, devalued, demeaned, disregarded, chained, bound, and unnoticed—it changes who she is, who she might become. It makes her abundantly small even when she is amazingly capable and accomplished.

 

When a battered woman doesn’t reach her full potential,  it affects all of us.

 

  1. Domestic Violence Does Not Discriminate: Domestic Violence doesn’t care if you’re rich, poor, white, brown, yellow, or black. It doesn’t give a shit about Christians, or Muslims, or your socio-economic status. It doesn’t give a damn if you’re a teacher, or stay-at-home-mom, or prominent in the community. It just doesn’t care.

 

Don’t kid yourselves. When domestic violence happens to somebody else, it also happens to you.

 

  1. The Brainwashing Begins Early: I heard a horrendous story this week about a 6 year old girl who had gone to the school nurse with a black eye. “He hurt me.” She cried. The nurse responded, “Well, he must like you then.”    true story…( I hope she was fired )

 

Boys will be boys.   That’s how he shows he really likes you.    He’s punching you because he can’t express himself.     Stop crying like a girl.

 

If you are giggling at these sentences, you are part of the problem—not the solution. Attitudes about control, power, and violence begins early.

 

This affects all of us later on.

 

  1. The Health Care System Suffers:   FORBES Healthcare notes that Domestic violence costs $8.3 billion in expenses annually: a combination of higher medical costs ($5.8 billion) and lost productivity ($2.5 billion)

 

Domestic violence leads to an increased incidence of chronic disease: Abused women are 70 percent more likely to have heart disease, 80 percent more likely to experience a stroke and 60 percent more likely to develop asthma.

 

None of us are untouched by fists and punches and razor sharp words.

 

  1. We Cannot Change Anyone:    Shame.      Silence.      Secrets.

 

Shhhh, don’t tell. Telling makes us weak and stupid for staying. Telling makes it real. She keeps trying to convince herself he will change. She keeps hoping things will get better. It doesn’t. In fact, it gets worse. Now, the children are drawn in. Now, the children are interwoven into the abuse.

 

Nobody. Absolutely Nobody will change unless he/she desires to.   But you can.

 

Staying in an abusive relationship affects all of us. Staying in an abusive relationship shapes our children and the children of their children.

 

  1. We Are Human Beings: Which means, we are God’s greatest achievement. We are meant to thrive, live our lives to the fullest, and EMPOWER others. We are designed to rise up from the depths of darkness into immeasurable light.

 

We were not created to be exploited, beaten, crushed, and placed inside a cage.

 

We were not created to have our souls die before we do.

 

Because when the soul stops breathing…

 

     The universe stops breathing, too.

 

——What you can do TODAY:

TELL somebody: A neighbor, family member, your pastor, a stranger, your co-worker.

 

Never.  EVER.  stay silent about domestic violence.

 

Click Here For HERE for help NOW.

 

Call the domestic Abuse hotline to make a safety plan now: 1-800-799-7233

((((( Break The Chains TODAY!!! )))))   I play this every single day before work.  It EMPOWERS ME.  It is my prayer.  What is your prayer?  What makes you strong,  darling?

 


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62 Comments

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    February 15, 2016 at 12:51 pm

    Here in Oz each week (on average) two people die at the hands of their partners. And the ripple effect is FINALLY becoming a wave, a surge of people saying it has to stop NOW. And I hope that wave becomes a tsunami.
    Hugs to you dearheart. Thank you so much for the work you do.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2016 at 4:12 pm

      Hugs back S.
      Thank you (As always) for your continued support from thousands
      of miles away. xxx

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    February 15, 2016 at 1:37 pm

    This is so powerful! I agree Kim, the brainwashing starts early!
    Damn those who say…he punches you because he likes you!
    Those are sick minds! Beware of them girls.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2016 at 9:50 pm

      As always,
      thank you for your comments and wisdom, Barlroop. xx

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    February 15, 2016 at 1:45 pm

    ((( TESTING )))

  • Reply
    Carrie Rubin
    February 15, 2016 at 1:54 pm

    Powerful and important post, Kim. That part about the girl with the black eye makes me shudder. And what an excellent point about the impact of domestic abuse on health and the healthcare system.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 16, 2016 at 9:14 am

      Carrie,
      words matter.
      for example, “stop crying like a girl.”
      I’ve heard this several times.
      WORDS Matter. xx

  • Reply
    Caroline Abbott
    February 15, 2016 at 2:19 pm

    I agree with the above. We all are affected, and we all have a part. We can all teach our daughters how valuable they are, and our sons to value the women in their lives. Many people won’t care unless it hits their bottom line, so when insurance costs are astronomical, maybe they will start to care. Sad that it takes something like that….

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 16, 2016 at 9:15 am

      Caroline,
      My boys respect me.
      I wouldn’t’ have it any other way.
      We need to begin TEACHING early ( from the womb ) xx

  • Reply
    dad
    February 15, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    I never heard of anyone who gives someone a black eye, because they like them.
    Some nurse. She should be fired. I think if we see or know that someone is being
    abused or beaten, get involved, tell someone, don’t be afraid to speak up. You just might save their life in the long run.
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2016 at 4:13 pm

      Daddy,
      No words could EVER express how deep my love is for you. xxx
      Overflowing.

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnon
    February 15, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    Powerful song! Amen. When I worked in the school nurses office we called the Common Entry Point if a child had bruised on them and it was investigated. Love you !!

  • Reply
    lisa thomson-The Great Escape...
    February 15, 2016 at 5:23 pm

    Another amazing post, Kim. You words are so powerful! Thank you for this. You’re saving lives, Kim xoxoxox

  • Reply
    Nikky44
    February 15, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    We have a saying in my country that translates like this:” whoever beats you, loves you”. It is always used mainly to kids.
    I was aware that the abuse has affected my kids, but I hadn’t realized to what extent it did until last week my daughter of 19 expressed how terrified she is of dating or falling in love.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 16, 2016 at 9:21 am

      Nikki,
      that saying must have been created by a man.
      I’m so sorry, my darling.
      you have part of my heart. <3

  • Reply
    Nan Loyd
    February 15, 2016 at 8:04 pm

    Wonder if that nurse would feel the same if some guy blacked her eye. Doubt it seriously. I hope she was fired. That is the dumbest reply ever. If she couldn’t think of anything to say, she should have just hugged the little girl and say, “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

    I told Alpha Hubby the other day that I wished I was still the girl I was “before” – unselfconscious, brave, bold, acting without fear, confident. I have some of it back, thanks to his love, but I’m STILL working on not just finding that woman again, but being who I should have been. I feel bolder every day.

    LOVE that song. Gonna have to download it so I can learn it and listen/sing to it every day!

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    February 16, 2016 at 2:35 am

    Another power post, Kim.
    ‘We were not created to have our souls die before we do.’ Love this so much!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 16, 2016 at 9:22 am

      Kay would always say,
      “Kim, he crushes my spirit.”
      I wish I would have broken his fingers before he [picked up a gun.

      xx

  • Reply
    Mandy
    February 16, 2016 at 5:53 am

    P O W E R F U L post! Awesome! Another one the whole world should read!
    Kay rises every day! You are a saving grace to so many with your powerful words.
    Love, love, love
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 16, 2016 at 9:23 am

      Love
      Love
      Love
      back to you, my sweet Mandy. xx

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    February 16, 2016 at 8:40 am

    I am working on a post about that boys don’t cry shit. Stereotyping, especially on the negative behavior that people find “cute” is disgusting. We see a fabulous ad on TV issued in public interest, Kim – it is about squashing the belief that boys don’t cry- instead about teaching them not to make girls cry. it is a powerful video. Do check it out https://youtu.be/0Nj99epLFqg

    More power to you for continuously getting this message across. Love you more than a field of sunflowers smiling at the sun!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 16, 2016 at 9:23 am

      POWERFUL video.
      I saved it for my next post.
      WOW.
      Love you more than the golden sun pouring over me as I type this. xxx

  • Reply
    Minnesota Prairie Roots
    February 16, 2016 at 2:22 pm

    “We were not created to have our souls die before we do.” Those are powerful words. Kim, you inspire us all to rise up.

  • Reply
    Dana
    February 16, 2016 at 3:10 pm

    What happens to one of us affects all of us – thank you for continuing to spread the message, Kim.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 17, 2016 at 8:32 am

      Isn’t that the truth, Dana.
      Why can’t people see this.
      We are all connected! xx

  • Reply
    totally Caroline
    February 16, 2016 at 4:44 pm

    Abuse absolutely does change who we are. I felt sad reading that line because it rang so true.
    I love that picture of your sister. She looks so pretty and hopeful. She actually looks a lot like you. ❤️

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 17, 2016 at 8:33 am

      She made me a better human being.
      There is absolutely no doubt about that! x

  • Reply
    Sandra
    February 16, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    I can’t believe that story about the little girl with the black eye and the nurse’s response…well I can believe the nurse’s response, but yeah, she should totally be fired. All of these points are poignant. Of course they are. You are the author and you are one of the strongest women I know.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 17, 2016 at 8:33 am

      Sandra,
      funny you should say that…
      because I find you amazingly strong and POWERFUL. x

  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    February 16, 2016 at 9:39 pm

    Well said, as always, Kimmy. You are an incredibly powerful and eloquent advocate for the end of domestic violence. I understand why you’ve included it here among many effects and I personally detest arguments about economic cost being offered as an incentive/justification to ending DV. As if murder were not enough.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 17, 2016 at 8:35 am

      SO TRUE.
      It felt weird putting that in my post, but sometimes that’s all people care about.
      ONLY if it affects THEM personally.
      SAD, but true.
      xxxx

  • Reply
    Jennie Goutet
    February 17, 2016 at 10:28 am

    Thank you – for ALWAYS talking about this. Sending you the biggest hug ever.

  • Reply
    Sandra
    February 17, 2016 at 3:52 pm

    Thank you Kim for your empowering messages and for not giving up. You are an angel!

  • Reply
    Jeri
    February 17, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    Such powerful sentiments here as always. The conditioning on females to be seen and not heard gets so internalized, but little by little, voices are growing stronger and you, Kim, help add strength to those voices.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 18, 2016 at 10:39 am

      As always, thank you for your encouraging words, Jeri. xx

  • Reply
    Marie
    February 18, 2016 at 3:46 am

    I can’t believe a nurse said that…
    It shows that we need to raise our voice again and again Kim. No boy or girl should be raised in believing that beating is a way to treat others.
    You are saving lives EVERY SINGLE DAY Kim. Thank you.
    Stay blessed and inspired my friend.
    LOVE

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    February 18, 2016 at 7:42 am

    We are meant to thrive, live our lives to the fullest, and EMPOWER others. We are designed to rise up from the depths of darkness into immeasurable light. — Love these words of yours!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 21, 2016 at 2:29 pm

      As always,
      thank you for reading, Lady Fi. xx

  • Reply
    Debbie
    February 18, 2016 at 8:47 am

    Kim, what a valuable post this is, and the statistics are alarming. Keep beating that drum, my friend, for sadly, somebody out there is suffering right this minute and needs the help you’ve linked to.

    You know, of course, that women aren’t the only victims of domestic abuse. Men are abused, too (http://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence) and are just as fearful of seeking help. Why can’t people just be kind and loving??? xo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 21, 2016 at 2:32 pm

      —Yes, Debbie,
      I know men are victims, too, a small percentage.
      I’ve been criticized for focusing on women, but they are abused the most,
      so SAVING them has become my mission.

      xx

  • Reply
    valentine logar
    February 19, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    You break my heart.

  • Reply
    Hilary
    February 20, 2016 at 6:45 am

    I really hope that nurse was fired…. unbelievable!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 23, 2016 at 5:52 am

      Me, too.
      Or at least trained in common sense!!! xx

  • Reply
    TheKitchenLioness
    February 20, 2016 at 11:57 am

    Dearest Kim, may I start out by writing that Kay looks absolutely beautiful in her prom picture, amazing! She looks so very happy! And your post is another fantastic post! I loved reading it and breathing in every word you wrote!
    Many hugs and kisses from afar!
    Andrea

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 24, 2016 at 8:16 pm

      We all went to the prom together.
      Too bad her murderer is the one who took her. xx

  • Reply
    Anna @ shenANNAgans
    February 22, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    Bet the nurse wouldn’t say that if it were her with the black eye. Wow, I hope she was fired too.
    I LOVE your words Kim, thank you for your empowering posts.
    Hugs and loves from Australia. xoxo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 24, 2016 at 8:16 pm

      thank you for all of your support, darling 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    julie gardner
    February 24, 2016 at 10:55 am

    This reminds me of the John Donne essay I used to teach my students. The original had the word “man” but I’m changing it below for the circumstances:

    “Every woman is a piece of the continent, … Any woman’s death diminishes me, … And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”

    XO

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 24, 2016 at 8:17 pm

      This took my breath away.
      Gorgeous Donne.
      Gorgeous “YOU.” xx

  • Reply
    Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
    February 25, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    #3 OMG yes. It’s sickening how some people try to excuse the abuser’s behavior and talk the victim into acceptance.

  • Reply
    Renee Johnson
    February 26, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    Great advice. We often think we can change someone, but never can. Hugs!!

  • Reply
    Amy Tong
    February 28, 2016 at 6:51 pm

    You’re amazing! I always enjoy your posts and powerful messages! Thanks for sharing your insights.

  • Reply
    Brenda Moguez
    February 29, 2016 at 10:36 am

    As always, your strength and honesty are a source of inspiration. I am in awe of your unyielding dedication. xo

  • Reply
    Yessica
    March 17, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    I love this Kim, thank you so much for this post.

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