Kim's Blogs

desperately seeking the present moment


JAN29

—-I want to live in the present moment.

 

Every.    Single.     Moment.

 

—as if it’s my last, as if I’m dying, as if I matter, as if my heart has a limited amount of beats left.

 

Not small beats— but large beats like…

 

::::BA DUM, BA DUM, BA F*cking DUM::::

 

Like I’m truly alive.  Like every moment has its own personal sun and moon and glittering stars.

 

I want to bathe in it, immerse in it, drown in the blue of it until I’m gone, gone, gone.

 

I don’t want to agonize about what occurred in the past or what might happen in the future. I don’t want to worry about my beautiful, dead sister, or growing old, or my boys leaving me, or climate change, or domestic abuse, or people murdering one another, or Donald Trump.

 

I want to savor the “Now” as if I’m a Monk falling to the soil in my flowing, white gown…even palms and knees and face taking sweet benediction.

 

Surly, God lives inside those moments.

 

I want to remember nothing except “Now”—how the light sprinkles upon my auburn hair like hot gold, how the pounding of my pink tennis shoes hit the cement sidewalk as I walk up Cody Street and 65th, how the red Retriever behind the stained glass window smiles at me.

 

No past.   No future.    Only “Now.”

 

No more laters, or tomorrows, or nexts, or thens, or afterwards, or what shall I make for dinners…

 

Just this breath, this air, this space.

 

I’ll never have it again.

 

These fleeting moments, this blood surging through these veins.

 

I want feel the touch of your hand on my skin as it’s happening. No more dreaming or reflecting or reproducing the act…but experiencing the warmth of fingertips to cheeks “at the present moment.”

 

I want to disregard yesterday and tomorrow  (for just a little while.)

 

Swallow every moment as it’s approaching absolutely whole.

 

—Dear,  Reader,  are you living in the present moment?   Is this something you desire?

xxX  kisssssssssssss


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95 Comments

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    January 29, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    Now is all we have. The future is a mystery, and we can’t change the past. Damnit.
    So I try and stay in the moment.
    Not always successfully, but I try.
    Hugs.

  • Reply
    Jayne Martin
    January 29, 2016 at 4:15 pm

    I try to remember to stop myself several times a day, take a deep breath and say I AM.
    Still, the monkeymind wants to transport me anywhere but here.

  • Reply
    Debi
    January 29, 2016 at 4:21 pm

    It’s on my list every single day. I get glimpses of the moment, but they are elusive, fleeting. I suppose the moment is the practice of being in the moment. Ommmm . . . xo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 29, 2016 at 6:34 pm

      Practice.
      We are so utterly human, aren’t we?
      That’s the problem, Debi. xx

  • Reply
    AbbyB
    January 29, 2016 at 4:31 pm

    I do desire it. Staying in the present is a lifelong pursuit!

  • Reply
    AbbyB
    January 29, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    It takes a whole life to learn to live in the present.

  • Reply
    AbbyB
    January 29, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    Whoops, I posted that twice. I love you double, Kim.

  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    January 29, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    I know why that red retriever smiles at you. He sees who you are. Love you, sister auburn-hair xxx

  • Reply
    Lizzi
    January 29, 2016 at 5:23 pm

    YES! YES! YES! This is so so beautiful, Kim, and SPOT ON! I’ve been writing around this kind of thing for a while now, and you’ve put it absolutely beautifully PERFECTLY <3 Bravo 🙂

  • Reply
    lisa thomson-The Great Escape...
    January 29, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    YES, Kim!! I couldn’t articulate it like you though. Not. Even. Close. So, if you don’t mind I’ll borrow your “BA F*cking DUM” and try to”Swallow every moment as it’s approaching absolutely whole.” right along with you.

    Love you xxoxo

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    January 30, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    Living in the moment is not always easy…it takes practice, but for sure worth the try. Thanks, Kim, for sharing!
    Happy Weekend!
    Angie

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    January 30, 2016 at 1:17 pm

    OH YES OH YES OH YES!!!

    Oh this got my heart BA DUMMING!! I want to shout from the rooftops, “ME TOO!!!”

    You did that. Your words got me there. They lifted me to that place where I feel ALIVE and VIBRANT and READY…

    To. Live. Right. NOW.

    This MOMENT.

    Thank you for lighting fires of passion with your gift.

    I’m ablaze!!!!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 8:10 am

      Chris,
      your passion overflows all over the place, sweets. xxx

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    January 30, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    Yes Kim, I AGREE! Living in the present moment is what I have done all my life.
    STILL I am and must tell you it is one of the secrets of happiness, if we can find that one moment.
    Thanks for the reminder! Love you Kim. You are awesome!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 8:10 am

      Balroop,
      I’m not surprised that you do this “PRESENT” thing all. the. time!! xxx

  • Reply
    Jann
    January 30, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    I loved reading this; it made me smile and breathe more deeply. A beautiful and passionate ode to living in the here and now. Thank you dear Kim for reminding me!!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 8:11 am

      Jann,
      I miss you and your photos and Sicily!! xx

  • Reply
    Dad
    January 30, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    Living in the moment for me is not easy. I worry about what is going to happen in
    the future, not for me so much, but my kids & grandkids, their future.
    The way this world is going, I’m not sure. But I know the good Lord
    is in control. So I guess will try to live for the moment.
    Love YOU
    Dad

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 30, 2016 at 5:53 pm

      Love you more than the world, daddy. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Liz
    January 30, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    I try—one never knows what’s ahead, so why not make today the best it can be!!! xo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 8:11 am

      Absolutely!
      That makes complete sense, Liz!! xx

  • Reply
    Carrie Rubin
    January 30, 2016 at 3:01 pm

    Living in the now is something I struggle with. It seems I’m always thinking one step ahead. On one hand, I guess it’s good I don’t dwell on the past (well, not much), but I worry what I miss out on when I’m always looking toward tomorrow.

    Lovely post, Kim.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 8:13 am

      Carrie,
      this is the reason people go crazy and insane and drink and thru depression…
      Right?
      If we know this, why can’t we DO IT?!!!! xx

  • Reply
    Lisa Gordon
    January 30, 2016 at 3:20 pm

    What a beautiful post, Kim.
    I try really hard to live in the present, but many times, find it very difficult to do. 🙁
    xo.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      Lisa,
      it’s a daily task.
      I, for one, find it VERY very difficult! I worry all the time! xxx

  • Reply
    Dawn
    January 30, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    It struck me, while reading this, that in fact our hearts DO have a finite number of beats. We don’t know the # but it’s definitely finite. Which is scary. And yet…

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      Yes, only a limited amount of beats.
      What will we do with those beats? xx

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    January 30, 2016 at 10:45 pm

    Nodding my head along with you darling Kim!! You’re an inspiration xxx

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    January 31, 2016 at 2:14 am

    Oh so beautifully written!

  • Reply
    Hilary
    January 31, 2016 at 6:14 am

    I love this post… I want to live in the present too. I don’t feel like I do. I fret too much on the past and worry too much about the future. I forget to enjoy the now

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 2:19 pm

      Hilary,
      I definitely don’t …. but I want to!! xx

  • Reply
    Nikky44
    January 31, 2016 at 8:24 am

    I always bring myself to the present moment. The past is very dark, the future seems darker or that’s how I am thinking it is, so I always bring myself to now, to this exact moment. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. I know it is bad for others since I can’t plan anything for “later” the later that can be even in one hour or one day. I do what I can do now. I do as much as I can do now even if it goes beyond what I would normally can do because who knows i “later” will ever come. It might but it might not. My son asked me yesterday to take him somewhere that involved 5 hours drive. It was important to him. I was in pain and everyone said you can take him tomorrow and just rest today. I couldn’t. I know others think I spoil them, but I took him because tomorrow for me is too far, almost unaccessible, and is not a promise. I don’t know if living in the moment is good, but that is what I do. Love you

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 8:51 am

      Living in the moment has saved me…
      because the past is unbearable, and the future is unknown.
      Sweets, you must do what you can to survive, live, breathe.
      God has PLANS for your future.
      I. know. this.
      I know this to be true. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx love love love.

  • Reply
    Jodi
    January 31, 2016 at 8:49 am

    Yes, I desire and try everyday. It keeps my mind out of fearful thoughts!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 2:20 pm

      Jodi,
      this is your life project, isn’t it? You are a GREAT inspiration to many
      of us who strive to face our fears! xxx

  • Reply
    Barbara
    January 31, 2016 at 9:07 am

    This is powerful, Kim. I know it’s true, yet it is often difficult. I keep trying.
    xob

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      January 31, 2016 at 2:21 pm

      Difficult as HELL…
      but this is what I strive to do.
      This, I believe, is why people go CRAZY from worry! xxx

  • Reply
    TheKitchenLioness
    January 31, 2016 at 12:17 pm

    Kim, what a wonderful post, again! I would never be able to express my feelings the way you do. Ever. So, I am always anxiously waiting to read more from you…I must admit though that living in the present is also somewhat of a struggle for me, not easy to do every day but most certainly worth it!
    Feel yourself hugged from afar – you are one special person, dear friend1 And I love all your writing! Thank you!
    Andrea

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 1, 2016 at 5:40 am

      Andrea,
      not true about expressing your feelings.
      You do this w/ you cooking, darling! xxxxxx

  • Reply
    Debbie
    January 31, 2016 at 1:11 pm

    Dear Kim, living in the NOW is hard, isn’t it? As moms, we find ourselves concerned over the future of our kids; as employees, we fret over past mistakes. Yes, NOW is really all we have — but I don’t guess I’ll ever stop dreaming over what’s to come!! xo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 2, 2016 at 5:55 am

      We are human!
      But I want to live in the moments I’m given rather
      than worry about the next one! xx

  • Reply
    Mandy
    February 1, 2016 at 2:15 am

    Yes, yes, yes! I want to live in only this moment too!
    Love, love, love.
    -) Mandy xoxoxo

  • Reply
    valentine logar
    February 1, 2016 at 4:53 am

    So very difficult, the moment the right now. I see the future and it scares the living Hades right out of me. I see the past and it sends me screaming. Then I look around and I am right here and right now and frozen.

    Shrugs.

    Love

    Breathes the moment.

    XXXXX OOOOO XXXXX

  • Reply
    Jennie Goutet
    February 1, 2016 at 6:06 am

    I do desire it, but am not so successful at it. But sometimes I’m granted a glimpse of when everything stops. And there’s stillness and light and everything good, and I’m able to appreciate it.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 2, 2016 at 8:19 pm

      Jennie,
      surly, this is what praying without ceasing will accomplish.
      Right? xxx

  • Reply
    Sandra
    February 1, 2016 at 7:13 am

    Oh my goodness, yes this is what I want! Now is where I choose to be also. I have spent too many years fretting over what has been or what shall be. Both of which are a waste of time, thanks for the reminder Kim.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 2, 2016 at 8:20 pm

      Sandra,
      this is true.
      The past and the future sometimes drives one INSANE. xx

  • Reply
    Liz
    February 1, 2016 at 8:48 am

    Thank you for this post Kim. It made me think & makes my day.

  • Reply
    Marie Kléber
    February 1, 2016 at 2:51 pm

    This is so Powerful Kim. Yes, I want this too. I want to breathe in the Now and forget everything else. Surely it’s possible. But I feel I am missing it most of the time. Maybe we should just try again and again and remember that there is only Now that trully exists.
    Stay blessed for reminding us the essence of all Life Kim. Love flowing your way, crossing oceans and reaching you in your most beautiful Now.
    xoxoxo

  • Reply
    Marie Kléber
    February 1, 2016 at 2:51 pm

    This is so Powerful Kim. Yes, I want this too. I want to breathe in the Now and forget everything else. Surely it’s possible. But I feel I am missing it most of the time. Maybe we should just try again and again and remember that there is only Now that trully exists.
    Stay blessed for reminding us the essence of all Life Kim. Love flowing your way, crossing oceans and reaching you in your most beautiful Now.
    xoxo

  • Reply
    Jeri
    February 1, 2016 at 7:30 pm

    I’ve been steadily striving toward living more in the present. It’s a habit that definitely takes time to cultivate though. My main inspirations was listening to the audiobook of Dan Harris’s 10% Happier. I liked it so much, I listened to it twice.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 2, 2016 at 8:22 pm

      Sounds like a good book to listen to on my way to work, Jeri. Thank you! xx

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    February 1, 2016 at 7:40 pm

    That’s a great goal. I need to make that my goal too. I find it so difficult to not focus on the past! xx

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 2, 2016 at 8:22 pm

      Me, too.
      And I worry about the future, as well! xx

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnon
    February 1, 2016 at 9:38 pm

    Kimmy. You are my inspiration. Love you forever and always!!

  • Reply
    Minnesota Prairie Roots
    February 2, 2016 at 7:31 am

    I need to remember this. To practice it. Now.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 2, 2016 at 8:23 pm

      NOW.
      Now.
      Today.
      this moment.
      I shall continue chanting this! xxx

  • Reply
    Debbie
    February 2, 2016 at 9:19 am

    Living in the present moment is just so HARD, dear Kim! As moms, we can hardly help fretting over our kids’ futures; as employees, we often find ourselves regretting some dumb mistake we made in the past. I appreciate focusing on the present — because really, it’s all we have at the moment — but I find it a constant challenge! Thank you for reminding me to do just that! xo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 2, 2016 at 8:24 pm

      Oh, yes, a challenge.
      I worry about EVERYTHING…
      and life is TOO short, darling. xx

  • Reply
    Nan C Loyd
    February 2, 2016 at 3:03 pm

    THAT is why I closed the blog for now, why I’m rarely on FB, don’t tweet anymore, barely know how to text – electronics were sucking the savour out of my life. I was wasting the only thing we have – time. We exchange time to gain a paycheck. We exchange time for visist with friends. We exchange time for our significant others. We exchange time for maintenance. We are a generation of maintainers – we maintain our nails, hair, houses, gardens, relationships, and other things we perceive as vital. We rarely maintain US and rarely spend that precious time on US.

    I changed that paradigm in 2016. You had mentioned sometime last year something about living in the now and I thought, “THAT is what is wrong with my life.” Alpha Hubby and I are now making a point to live in the NOW and to remind one another, “In 10 years, will this really matter? In 5? In 1? No? Then let’s let it go!” We now exchange time with one another – not the television, not internet, not cell phones. Life is so much better. So much.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 2, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      Nan,
      you are a VERY wise woman.
      I appreciated your insight. Thank you. xxxxx

  • Reply
    Dana
    February 2, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    My word for the year is “embrace,” and that includes embracing the moment I am in. That’s tough for me sometimes, but I’m working on it!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 2, 2016 at 8:26 pm

      PERFECT word.
      E M B R A C E.
      I want to embrace “IT ALL.”
      xx

  • Reply
    Gingi Freeman
    February 2, 2016 at 6:39 pm

    This is perfect!! I am trying so hard to be more present every day! <3 <3 <3 – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com

  • Reply
    Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!
    February 2, 2016 at 7:38 pm

    Hi human, Kim,

    NOW then, my human friend, now is a good place to be. We learn from the past, think of the future with pawsitive, realistic anticipation and truly embrace the magic that can be now, right now, time zones excluded. Arf!

    Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses,

    Penny xx

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnon
    February 2, 2016 at 9:21 pm

    Love you!!! K

  • Reply
    sherill
    February 3, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    Live life as if it is our last day on earth, that way, we are aware of the simple small blessings that life has to offer. Always grateful, always positive and truly happy. Thanks for sharing. Great read.

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    February 6, 2016 at 3:36 am

    Perfectly put Kim!! And with that I’m going to turn my computer off and be present and enjoy the now. Thank you xxx

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 6, 2016 at 9:17 am

      I unplug when I’m out or on vacation.
      People on their cellphones drive me INSANE!! xx

  • Reply
    meditatingmummy
    February 6, 2016 at 10:45 am

    Kim my sweet, striving to be present all the time isn’t an easy feat when we have families, pain, lives and futures to think about. Here’s a little nugget that is a part of my practice … the past is done, the future isn’t, the present is and it is all we have. One moment to fix, to live and focus. To be. Love you xx

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 6, 2016 at 3:46 pm

      Great advice, Mommy! thank you.

      Luv U back. xx

  • Reply
    Kristi R Campbell
    February 7, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    Yes to NOW. To feeling the breath coming in, the blood in our veins, the right this second that is already disappearing as we revel in it. Thank you thank you for the reminder today, sweet Kim <3

  • Reply
    julie gardner
    February 8, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    “Just this breath, this air, this space.
    I’ll never have it again.” <—This is such a hard-won insight, Kim.
    As for me, I'd like to live purposefully but I do think sometimes I get bogged down by future worries. What a pointless endeavor since the future is no guarantee.
    The present should be my focus.
    I'll try to remember that.
    XOXO

  • Reply
    Anna @ shenANNAgans
    February 9, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    I want to say yes, yes I am living in the present moment, but my little planner brain does like to jump ahead, and I sometimes miss what is happening right now. Ooops! The boy I kinda like is ALL about living in the now, and often says, I love being in this moment, right here, right now… With You! 🙂

  • Reply
    Gary Sidley
    February 11, 2016 at 1:55 am

    I believe the Buddhists can teach the Western world a trick or two here. Staying in the present, living each moment to the full, is such a wonderful aspiration but is difficult to do, our minds wandering to worries about the future or ruminations about the past. I’m getting better at staying in the present – through mindfulness practice – but it’s tough to maintain.
    Yet another beautifully written post.
    Sending positive vibes from the UK xx

  • Reply
    Shay from Trashy Blog
    February 14, 2016 at 8:56 pm

    I am pretty good at living in the present moment, but I do often catch myself wishing for time to fly by so I can hurry up and get to the next task on my list so that I can cross it off. Or I’ll want the week to hurry up so that I can get to the weekend. It’s always a battle in that way, but otherwise, I do believe I live in the moment. But I stress WAY TOO MUCH. That’s what I need to work on! Thanks for another beautiful post, Kim!

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