***Here is my friend, Nikki’s, letter to her daddy in Lebanon as told by the beautiful, Jodi Aman. I love both of you so much. Thank you for allowing me to be a small part of this platform for love, encouragement, transformation, unity, & support.***
I know you see how hard I’m struggling to support myself and my three children. I’m working full-time despite my crippling pain. I know you see I need help, but not the kind of help you suggest.
How could you tell me that it is your “wish” and your “dream” that I go back to my abuser? HOW? Why?
How could you belittle the hundreds of punches, kicks, pulled hair, back-hands, and being bashed over the head as “a mistake.” How could you assume two decades of daily physical, mental, and sexual violence is “not that bad?”
What about the, “You’re stupids,” “You’re fats,” “You’re so ugly, nobody else will ever love yous,” “You f-ed up, agains,” and the, “It’s all your faults,?” What about the, “the “dirty whores?”
Worse, how could you think it was simply “an error” that he made things up that I did wrong, and then, put me in the hospital after punishing me for them in front of my children. In FRONT of my Children.
Incomprehensible. Indescribable. Unacceptable.
How can you say that he “learned his lesson” when he has not stopped harassing me, you, my sisters, my friend’s, or my children for one day since I left him three years ago.
And when I was with him, how could you not come over and stop him? How could you have let me stay there so long in the first place? You saw the injuries. How could you have turned a blind eye to the “You are nothings,” “You are unlovables,” and “nobody cares?”
You are my daddy. You say you love me, and I believe you do. So, how can you ask me to go back?
You are scared for me to be alone. Your heart breaks to see me struggle. But I need you to be amazed by how good I am doing despite my challenges.
I need you to tell me that I am brave and strong. I need you to hold me and tell me that it will be OK, that you are here if I want to talk and let it all out.
I need to let it all out. I Need To Let It All Out.
I need you to believe in me.
I want you to say how proud you are that I left him and that I must never go back to somebody who hurts me.
You may not even know this, but you are scared of him, too.
How can my own daddy want me to go get more abuse? Allow him to kill me? Because he would eventually. Yes, he would.
How can you continue to defend him and allow him to use you as one of his tools to get to me?
Daddy, you wanting me “to go back” makes me feel absolutely invisible. I wish I could fade away. I wish I could leave my own mind and the past.
I’m in so much pain, I can barely stand up. My cumulative abuse injuries have created pain I’d almost rather die than endure each day….
But, I go on.
For my kids. For you. For the future of what may be.
How could you act as if convincing me to go back would be your redemption? I want to please you. I want to say yes for you, but I really wish you could say NO for me. Scream for me. Love me. Believe in my power to move forward.
Daddy, I need you.
But HOW could you want me to go back to my abuser?
WATCH this Video of Nikki’s Story Created By Jodi Aman:
——-Please leave Nikki comments of love, support, prayers, encouragement, and hope in the comment section of this post. We Love You, Nikki!—–
***Nikki’s Story*** It took decades of dreaming and eight months of purposeful and brilliant planning (with the amazing help & support of Jodi Aman) to get Nikki and her children out of their native Lebanon to escape the emotional, physical and sexual abuse she endured by her husband.
Despite several trips to the hospital and loads of family, there was no help for Nikki in Lebanon since abuse by a man to a woman is completely legal.
Despite being disabled ( from her abuse ) Nikki commutes one and a half hours on public transportation to and from work as a underpaid secretary (though she has 2 Masters degrees and a genius intellect)
Even though she is thousands of miles away from her abuser, he still harasses and threatens her family, co-workers, and friends every single day.
***Jodi Aman’s Story***: From the garden she started when she was 8 years old to the baby ducks she found a home when she was 10, Jodi has always been passionate about nurturing life. With sharp empathy into the complexities of people’s pain–since she has recovered from her own family chaos and panic attacks–and a keen understanding of how and why people get stuck there, Jodi has decided to dedicate her life to helping people feel less lonely and afraid. Find meditations, retreats, and online recovery programs at http://jodiaman.com. Check out her videos at http://youtube,com/jodiaman. Get inspired on Twitter @JodiAman. Or feel loved on Facebook: http://facebook.com/jodiamanlove.