–“You know how everyone’s always saying seize the moment? I don’t know, I’m kind of thinking it’s the other way around, you know, like the moment seizes us.” —Boyhood
I’ve been pondering about the moments, the transformations, the milestones of life. How quickly they come and disappear, how abruptly they arrive unnoticed, how we don’t take the time to savor them, hold them in our minds, roll the beauty around our tongues, love moment after moment with our entire souls.
Meeting your soul-mate. Marriage. Having a baby. Breastfeeding. Having another baby. Teaching them how to ride their bikes. How to be good people. How to love entirely. Birthday Parties. Driver’s licenses. O’ my god. Sporting events. Graduation. New jobs. College. Leaving.
The leaving. The fucking leaving. The leaving is killing me. I mean, who am I when my boys are 3000 miles away?
Small deaths are heartbreaking. The miles are ungraspable. Motherhood hurts.
Like I’ve said, I’ve been pondering and reflecting this very thing. I’ve been crying and praying and trying to accept the leaving.
I’ve never been good with leaving. I want everything and everybody to stay, to remain with me. Please stay with me.
It’s like being thirsty & hungry. For something. Connection. Touch. Somebody to cry with. Somebody who understands about leaving. Your own blood. The same womb.
But I’m not thirsty. I’m not hungry.
I just need my sister.
…but she’s gone, too.
—–Darling, Readers, intellectually, I know transformation helps one grow, learn, become enlightened, but apparently, my heart doesn’t realize that. How are you with change & leaving