- It can happen in your family.
My sister, Kay, was murdered by the man we had Sunday dinners with, holidays with, vacations with. (But he was never a true man)
He walked up behind her as she was walking out the front door and shot her 3 times in the head.
I’ve come to the realization that he waited until her back was turned, because he knew, he damn well knew, she’d fight him fiercely with everything she had left.
God god god I wish she could have fought him.
- You cannot change or save another person, but you can change and save yourself.
I remember Kay and I would sit for hours talking about ways to support him, include him, help him, love him.
Only if we did this or that. Only if we hugged him more. Only if we …..
What we should have been doing is finding resources for her to leave him.
- The signs of domestic abuse begin at the beginning.
You may be so in madly love that you cannot observe the signs of domestic abuse in their early stages.
They are there, believe me. ( hiding like insidious cock-roaches)
For example, early on, Kay’s murderer sat outside our house for hours with his little brown car running, music blasting, his head draped over the steering wheel. To this day, I’m not sure whether he was crying or laughing.
I asked my mother recently, “Why did we allow that? Why didn’t we go outside and tell him to get the fuck away from her, leave us alone?”
“I don’t know, Kim. I guess we didn’t know it was called stalking back then.” She answered.
- You MUST utilize your VOICE
We were given a voice for a reason; to scream, to yell, to tell our stories, to cry out for help, to connect with humanity.
Kay’s murderer started molding her at 16 years old; his own personal Lolita doll. Frequently, she said, “He crushes my soul. He kills my dreams.”
He broker her down into little pieces, segments, dust….
Until she became the smallest person I ever knew.
- Silence Kills.
Staying silent about domestic abuse will not save you.
Soundlessness allows the abuser to thrive and grow and continue to have power over your existence.
Without the power & control, he is NOBODY. ( air seeping from a balloon. a piece of shit.)
Tell somebody: A family member, co-worker, neighbor, pastor, friend. It doesn’t matter who it is…
- There is NO justification or excuse for the abuser. EVER.
After Kay’s murder, an acquaintance asked, “Kim, do you think he received enough love? Was his childhood dysfunctional? What happened to him?”
I said, “I don’t give a damn. He gets NO MORE excuses.”
- You are not alone.
Your abuser will try to convince you that nobody cares, you are worthless, you are nothing, you are in the world alone.
This is a big fat ugly lie to keep you down, insecure, hopeless, and unsure of your own footing.
You are more powerful than you know, more capable than you realize.
And, by the way, you are God’s greatest achievement.
- Your abuser is a liar & a thief.
“I promise, this time I’ll change.”
This is the most incredible lie your abuser will continue to tell you.
My sister, Kay, married her murderer two times because she believed him, wanted to save him.
We all thought he changed, but after 3 months, Kay confided, “Kim, he went back, he went back to where he was. He’s the same as before.” And she cried and cried.
It was too late. He killed her before she had a chance to leave.
- It doesn’t need to be a fist to be called domestic abuse.
Bitch. Worthless. Nothing. Uneducated. Bad Mother. Whore. Stupid.
10. Help is available to LIBERATE yourself.
—–Did you know that leaving your abuser is the most critical time for you?
For Duluthians Contact: DAIP Duluth
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I love you. xx