In Memory of Kay Kim's Blogs

10 Lies Abusers Will Tell You


 

 No More– “he had a bad childhood, or “he was depressed,” or “he couldn’t help himself.”  NO. MORE.—-Kim Sisto Robinson

 

My sister & soul-mate

My sister & soul-mate

 

  1.  I was just kidding. 

 

It’s a LIE.  Hurting another person is NEVER a joke (verbally or physically)

Maya Angelou said: “ “When someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time.”

 

  2.  You make me do it.  You bring out the worst in me.

The abuser is transferring his shame onto you.  Don’t allow it.  Ever.

He brings the worst out in himself.

                                                                                   

 3.    I’m sorry.

These are empty, hollow words.

If he were sorry,  he’d stop hitting,  belittling,  demeaning, controlling,  hurting, and punching you with his toxic tongue.

 

4.     I had a bad childhood.

No More justifications.  No More explanations.

If he had a bad childhood,  why wouldn’t he desire to make the next chapter of his life better, healthier, more beautiful?

 

 5.   I do it because I love you.

This.    Is.    Not.    Love.

Causing your partner’s soul to bleed and shrivel and die  IS. Not. Love

Love is SAFE.

 

  6.    I’ll change.

The biggest lie in all the universe.  Don’t believe it for a second. The abuser will say what you want to hear.

My sister is dead because she thought he’d change.

He never changed.  He never fucking changed.

 

 7.    If you leave me,  our children will never forgive you.

Your children will survive, thrive,  & thank you ( in the end).  Your children will arise and call you blessed.

And you will be alive to continue loving them.

 

8.   Nobody will ever love you like I do.

Pure, unequivocal fiction.

My sister continually said,  “O’, I wish I had somebody who really loved me, respected me,  valued me, listened to me.”

She stayed until he murdered her.

 

   9.     I’m broken. 

Broken people must fix themselves.  You cannot save them.

BEWARE:   Trying to fix a broken person will cut you,  shatter you,  kill you.

Staying with somebody who is broken,  “Breaks YOU.”

 

10.  If you leave,  I will kill myself.

This is a trick to make you stay,  a ploy to keep you exactly where you are.  This is manipulation.  This is a maneuver to make you feel sorry for him.

Another lie to control you,  chain you,  cage you.

Remember,  you Are Not responsible for his life,  or his Death.

 

GET HELP TODAY:

—Call the National Domestic Hotline  TODAY

 

—-For Duluthians,  call  DAIP

 

—-Watch SILENCE NO MORE HERE HERE

 

—-Never forget——You are loved,  valued,  worthy,  cherished,  and beautiful.  Break free from the chains that bind you TODAY.


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70 Comments

  • Reply
    totally Caroline
    March 22, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    I have never been abused by a man physically, but I have learned that nothing they will ever give you is worth being demoralized, physically or emotionally. Women need to understand their worth. We should never need a man that badly that we are willing to let them destroy us for a bit of what they consider to be love.
    totally Caroline recently posted..Happy Anniversary to MeMy Profile

    • Reply
      CycleMama
      March 30, 2015 at 7:19 pm

      Number Seven: oh, how true this is. I grew up in a household where my father both physically and mentally abused my mother; once he broke her arm with a baseball bat when he was stone cold sober, “by accident.” I knew all the bad words before I ever went to school, because he spewed them out all the time. My mother was not allowed any female friends, and only wore makeup to hide the bruises. Yes, indeed, we children would have been MUCH better off had she left him and divorced him. Back then (1950s), there were no abused woman shelters, and the police (if called at all), regarded such abuse as a “domestic situation:” and felt no need to interfere. By the way, did you know that the expression “rule of thumb” came from English common law, which said that a man could beat his wife, as long as the stick was no bigger around than his thumb? Let’s hope women speak out and put an end to this abuse.

      • Reply
        My Inner Chick
        March 31, 2015 at 4:43 am

        Cycle Mama,
        I did not know that about the “rule of thumb.” appalling.
        Sorry about your father. Are you close to him now? xx
        My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Lies Abusers Will Tell YouMy Profile

      • Reply
        solidgoldcreativity
        April 1, 2015 at 3:02 am

        CycleMama,

        The convention that the police didn’t intervene continued here in Australia into the 70s (and maybe even beyond that). In my bedroom, I used to hear the lady next door being beaten by her husband and when I asked my mother about it, she said the police wouldn’t come because it was a “domestic”. It shocked me when I was a little girl, and it shocks me now.

      • Reply
        kim
        April 8, 2015 at 7:51 am

        I’m so sorry that your childhood was so scary for you and painful for all members of your family. I was blessed and I know it that my parents had a good marriage and actually liked each other. I never heard my father say one cuss word my whole life but I know when he went hunting with “the boys” once a year he cussed up a storm. My mom and dad married 47 yrs when my mom died. And my 6 yr old son at the time of my mom’s death lived with me and my ex husband who was abusive to me twice and I left him when my son was just 1yr old wasn’t at all around, became glued to my father (his grandfather) My 6 yr old loved both my mom and dad and worried his grandpa was going to be suddenly taken from him. Well that was in 1986. My father passed away in 2001. My son today is 35 and such an angry man. He is the worst father as far as paying support and he uses drugs and even sold drugs there for awhile. He has been in and out of jail for drug use. He uses people and tosses them aside. He physically hit his ex girlfriend and I know she decked him in the face while driving my car at high speed but he should have pulled over and called police or dropped her off , or gotten off freeway and parked my car and gotten out and walked away from her. NOT SMASH HER IN THE FACE TWICE!!!! When he doesn’t get his way he mother f_cks you, rat’s you out and talks such mean terrible lies mixed with people secrets that he hasn’t any real friends left. I told him why that is but he blames everyone but himself. Now where did I go wrong with him? My father didn’t act that way. I didn’t have any boyfriends treating me that way. I never beat on him. In fact he was a good kid and never did drugs. I had another child 8 years after he was born and my husband was a good man. He was good to my son. I’ve noticed a lot of younger people behave this way today and think it’s ok. The movies show role models of guys that hustle drugs, call women bitches and cheat on their “woman” and beat on women too when not getting them to behave like they think they need to. I think we need to thank the entertainment industry for the change in behavior in our young adults. Jail and prison are just part of the lives children now see their parents and grandparents, uncles and aunts shuffle through on a regular basis. Taking children to see daddy in prison on visiting day tells kids that’s what daddy does. We don’t stop to think about the messages we teach our children when we involve them in grown up mistakes that are actually fixable with admitting they have a serious problem and counseling, not jail or prison (for many not all) Anyway, I hope I make sense here? I’m just confused to why my son is like that today. And I was with an “N” recently and married 3rd time to one (lucky me) but my son lived on his own by then and hour away. How do I handle my own son who I love so much but fear (he threatens to kill himself almost monthly) He is depressed but won’t get help.

        • Reply
          My Inner Chick
          April 8, 2015 at 8:00 am

          Kim,
          my childhood was beautiful. It was my sister’s husband who was NOT.
          We always thought he’d change, but he didn’t. Most people do not change & we cannot change them unless they WANT to change.
          About your son, I’d encourage him to go in for help. If he does not, his situation will not get better.
          Thank you for sharing your story w/ me. xx Let me know how it goes.
          My Inner Chick recently posted..1770 Days Since My Sister’s Murder My Profile

  • Reply
    Patricia Scattergood
    March 22, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    Your message is on target. If even one person gets out and gets help, it’s worth your effort.

  • Reply
    Barbara Hammond
    March 22, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    Sing it Sistah! I’ve heard it all. You are absolutely right!
    xob
    Barbara Hammond recently posted..My Sincere Apology to The Pioneer WomanMy Profile

    • Reply
      kim
      April 8, 2015 at 8:00 am

      i am so blessed to read all your comments and stories. I know they are hard stories to tell. But thank you. Your strenght helps other women gain strength too. You inspire and that’s GIANT!!!!! I love you all, really I do. And I hope your lives are always from here on out excellent and all your own..for many many happy years on this planet! life is god when left alone to be who you really are. not punched or belittled and made to think you’re crazy by people who have shallow empty souls and can’t ever come close to being half the good person you are, even at your worst!

      • Reply
        kim
        April 8, 2015 at 8:02 am

        sorry about my typos. i do apologise. I’m using a very old keyboard and no glasses. yikes

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    March 22, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    YES.
    And don’t listen to the other people who tell you those tales either. The people who say that it is up to you to give him another chance, that children need both parents…
    Stay safe. Leave.
    Elephant’s Child recently posted..Sunday Selections #216My Profile

  • Reply
    Debbie
    March 22, 2015 at 1:54 pm

    Kim, your voice is never so strong, so loving, as when you write on domestic abuse! And I’m sure that’s because this tragedy hits so close to home for you.

    My heart goes out to those individuals living with these kinds of lies. As a journalist who formerly worked on a series of articles on just this very subject, I KNOW you’re spot on with the excuses you’ve enumerated. Keep telling the truth, my dear, because if even just a few poor lives are saved, Kay’s won’t have been in vain.

    Love you bunches x0x0
    Debbie recently posted..Do SomethingMy Profile

  • Reply
    elizabeth
    March 22, 2015 at 1:56 pm

    I think back to 33 years ago when Kathie McCormack Durst (I hate attaching that name Durst to her) went missing. well, she didn’t go missing. He killed her and my family had been waiting for some kind of justice. Now that he is arrested (again) maybe the families will be able to find Kathie’s body and bring her home so they can bury her. I look at your list and can only imagine that he used all of them on her. Thank you for keeping Kay and Kathie in our thoughts. love you. elizabeth
    elizabeth recently posted..September Mourn – September 11,2001My Profile

  • Reply
    Brenda Lee
    March 22, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    Beautiful words of wisdom my friend.
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  • Reply
    Monica
    March 22, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    The biggest lie of all is the one where the abuser says he or she will change. That’s just bunk. Thanks for posting this. So many need to hear it’s message. You’re saving lives, Kim.
    Monica recently posted..Every Two Minutes: Part IMy Profile

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    March 22, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    Kim you are doing a wonderful job. I hope your words reach all those who try to hurt any woman physically or emotionally. I hope women become stronger to decide that they cannot waste even a single day of their precious life with such a man. NO. EXCUSES. PLEASE.
    Thanks for a powerful message.
    Balroop Singh recently posted..How I Reached That State Of Mind, Which Is Called ‘Meditation’My Profile

  • Reply
    Liz Mays
    March 22, 2015 at 4:17 pm

    Wow, they really pull out all the stops, don’t they? There’s no justification or reasoning in this world which would forgive abuse. Ever.
    Liz Mays recently posted..Frozen in Time – How To Make a FROZEN Clock #FrozenFever #FandangoFamilyMy Profile

  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    March 22, 2015 at 6:45 pm

    Well said, Kim. Your final line really gets to the heart of the matter, “Remember, you Are Not responsible for his life, or his Death.” Great work.

  • Reply
    Valentine Logar
    March 22, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    Perfectly stated, all true. I love you!

    When is the walk my darlin’ friend. When is the walk?

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    March 22, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    If you really loved me, you’d understand.
    I’m under so much pressure at work.
    It’s you, not me.
    I can’t believe you’re being such a bitch about this.
    If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have ________. (In my case the first time, it was because I’d gone to an Al-Anon meeting. Baaaaaad reaction.)
    If you’d just try
    And on and on, ad nauseam.

    You are 100 percent correct. None of them are worth the spit he uses to say them. He hits you? He say’s he can’t help it? He has excuses? Put him in a room with a 300 pound football player and see if he can control himself then. There are no excuses and no reasons. He can control it. He just chooses not to.
    nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..A Love Not OrdinaryMy Profile

  • Reply
    lisa thomson-the great escape
    March 22, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    This is a powerful reminder, Kim. So important! I recognize a few of them! No. More.
    lisa thomson-the great escape recently posted..Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell And Other Random ThoughtsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    March 22, 2015 at 9:51 pm

    Absolutely on the dot, Kim. These are the perfect ten lies that blind those who love to the faults of the abuser. Gosh, I’ve heard every one of them at some point or other. Even people who’re usually rational, cannot see these coming – and when they do, they believe them. Just taking a deep deep breath and feeling grateful I never fell for any of those. My Mom bore domestic abuse – love never came into the picture as hers was an arranged marriage, one of revenge – but that was something that came to the light much later. Still, the important thing is, she was thrown out on the street with me and somehow managed to return home to her Mom. And then, she dedicated her life to being the best person she could be.

    Thank you for this very important post.

    Love you as much as coffee 🙂

    Vidya
    Vidya Sury recently posted..My Happiness Checklist #InternationalDayofHappinessMy Profile

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    March 22, 2015 at 10:01 pm

    Very well said, Kim. Those lies are nothing but manipulation!
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  • Reply
    Mandy
    March 23, 2015 at 12:39 am

    I wish the entire world could read this Kim. It is the perfect message to get out to every woman and man even if they are not being abused. Kudos to you being such a strong and beautifully loud voice standing up for so many. Kay must be so proud of you!
    Love, love, love to you my dear across these oceans which separate us.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo
    Mandy recently posted..In My Kitchen – March 2015My Profile

  • Reply
    Anna @ shenANNAgans
    March 23, 2015 at 3:37 am

    I think you are AMAZING the way you share and talk about the scary stuff. I think every single human should read this. Thank you for being the incredible woman that you are.
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  • Reply
    debbie
    March 23, 2015 at 4:01 am

    Perfectly stated Kim and all true…..
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  • Reply
    Nikky44
    March 23, 2015 at 4:26 am

    I heard them all except that he had a bad childhood and that he is broken. Everything for him was perfect before I ruin his life. For I’ll change, yes he said he will if I change first. For I’m sorry, he always said it but he would say: I’m sorry you survived it. next time i will make sure you won’t.
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  • Reply
    Jann
    March 23, 2015 at 9:02 am

    You’ve nailed it. In 10 little nutshells. xxxx
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  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    March 23, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    Great message Kim and so very true. Everyone I know who has been in an abusive relationship has heard these lies xx
    Hotly Spiced recently posted..Fig, Prosciutto and Bocconcini SaladMy Profile

  • Reply
    Tia
    March 23, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    I love you!

  • Reply
    meditating mummy
    March 23, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    Perfectly said. Excuses, projecting, is all it is. There is no change. You are always less than, so they feel better about themselves and therefore can live in that little space of power they have created.
    I hope everyone reads this. You are such a remarkable person. What a wonderful post.
    xx

  • Reply
    Jeri
    March 23, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    The part about broken people needing to fix themselves really strikes a chord. I’ve often been wondering what line separates those who decide to get on a healthy path of living and those who just give into their demons. There are no easy answers and so much pain to all involved.
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  • Reply
    Kathy
    March 23, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    Preach! Perfectly said!
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  • Reply
    ladyfi
    March 23, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    A wonderfully powerful message!
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  • Reply
    Dana
    March 24, 2015 at 6:15 am

    So many lies, so much pain. Breaking the silence is the way out – you constantly remind us of that, Kim.
    Dana recently posted..Order of Seven – Author Interview and GiveawayMy Profile

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    March 24, 2015 at 9:21 am

    May these truths stretch far and wide and reach the hearts of the broken… may they be freed with this truth and dare to take those faithful steps AWAY from their abuser. *I shared this post* With prayer and passion.
    Chris Carter recently posted..The Day I Failed as a MotherMy Profile

  • Reply
    Renee Johnson
    March 24, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    On point, as always! Love the Maya Angelou quote. She’s been turning up on several things I’ve touched today. Maybe I need to re-read a few of my favorites of hers.
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  • Reply
    Liz
    March 24, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    This list needs to be on billboards across the country!!!

  • Reply
    Kristi Campbell
    March 24, 2015 at 8:05 pm

    I once stayed because he told me he’d die without me. He never hit me but it was not good. Now, I know that if he’d have died without me that it would all be on him and not me. Another important post, Kim. Hugs and love and love and hugs.
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  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    March 25, 2015 at 3:36 am

    My goodness those lines gave me the shivers reading through them. I can imagine them being used to psychologically manipulate and torture. Just awful, awful lies xxx
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  • Reply
    Kimberly
    March 25, 2015 at 5:18 am

    This is all so sad and sick – because I can just see that animal saying these things. Very manipulative.
    Thank you for posting this so that woman can recognize the cues. They are so important Kim.
    xoxoox
    PS. It is disgusting when they use children as a battering ram.
    Kimberly recently posted..One Pill, Two Pill, White Pill, Yellow PillMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jack
    March 25, 2015 at 6:06 pm

    Powerful and important, it needs to heard.
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  • Reply
    Marie
    March 26, 2015 at 4:50 am

    I heard some of them Kim. It’s Bullshit. Lies to make you feel guilty, to abuse you even more, to poison your life. Thanks so much for outlining them Kim and may many read your lines and feel empowered by them. Love from Beautiful Paris.xxxx
    Marie recently posted..Days without energy…My Profile

  • Reply
    Karen
    March 26, 2015 at 8:24 am

    For the sake of victims and reporters, there should be a list of the lies that offenders tell others in order to discredit the reporter and/or the victim so that he can get by with his crimes. I learned about one ridiculous lie that a pedophile spread around so that his reporter was defamed and discredited. The pedophile told everyone he knew that the reporter was sexually abused as a child and that is the reason why she reported him. He was telling everyone he knew that because the reporter was sexually abused as a child that she lied about him being a child molester, therefore he spread the message to everyone that those who have been sexually abused are chronic liars and falsely accuse others of sexual abuse, which is ludicrous but mostly everyone believed him. It’s sad to think of the thousands of people who now believe that lie. It’s sad to think of the damage that has been done to any progress being made for the prevention of child sexual abuse. It amazes me the intentional ignorance that is the norm in our society.

  • Reply
    Katerina
    March 26, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    So am I crazy staying when he says he Only gets angry with me? The name calling has almost stopped when I said it was unacceptable. My man supports domestic violence and hates it when I say he is verbally Abusive but he is. I need financial support and cannot leave without suffering in that way. I chose to stay over being without money. We have been together a year and a half. I cannot work. I see him kind to everybody but me. He is ok unless I ask the wrong question at the wrong time and then he goes ballistic, saying mean and derogatory things to me. If I don’t talk, things are beautiful. I love him but feel hurt that I cannot be me. He is an executive so maybe I just don’t know how to be with a man like this. Shouldn’t I be able to be me or is this abuse? I hope it’s ok to ask this on your forum.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      March 27, 2015 at 6:31 am

      —-Katrina.
      My sister was financially abused, too. He held money back from her.
      This is ABUSE, too, btw.
      . O. God, I wish she would have just left, gone on welfare, gone back to school, thought more of herself.
      She was humiliated about not being able to support herself, her kids.
      Now it’s too late for her, but not for you.
      Here is my definition of abuse: When one belittles, demeans, and makes you feel “less than,” makes you feel small, small, small.
      does he do this?
      Let me know what you decide to do, dear. xx
      HELP IS AVAILABLE: call the number above. Tell somebody. Empower yourself.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Lies Abusers Will Tell YouMy Profile

      • Reply
        kim
        April 8, 2015 at 8:18 am

        oh my god, that’s exactly what my ex husband does to me now. If he doesn’t like what im doing and not paying attention to him still he ceases to put money into my account and all my bills are in collection but his are all paid. I didn’t work any job last ten years really but he thinks i can move 2 hours away to a new town and find a job just like that at 55 yrs old. He had a hard time when he unemployed and even in same town, with lots of friends networking it took him 6 months the first time and 8 months the second time. He calls me up screaming the worst things at me, im a loser, im a gold digger (trust me I know I’m no gold digger-he has the obsession with money) and he does this everyday telling me how broke he is and yet goes to vegas 4 times in 5 months and plays golf, goes to parties, takes people out to dinner costing 300-400. He stopped putting all his paychecks in the bank now he only puts in two a month, says thats all he gets. I know that’s not true. He is a car sales manager. Been in that business over 45 yrs. Talk about a master manipulator!

  • Reply
    Rita @ The Crafty Expat
    March 26, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    Bless every word you said in this post Kim.
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  • Reply
    carol
    March 27, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    I don’t know if my last comment got to you. I’d like to thank you Kim for visiting my blog. My daughter Shaniel was murdered by her husband in Feb. 2013. It’s always a shock (I don’t know why) to hear someone else affected by the same tragedy. Maybe because I just can’t wrap my head around something so evil.

    I read your latest post above and couldn’t agree more. Keep up the good work! The more we speak out against this disease, the more people we reach, the more lives we can help, will make the world a better place. Domestic Violence needs to be stopped once and for all. I’ll be following your page for sure. Bringing honor to our loved one’s name and life and bringing awareness to the harmful and often times fatal effects of DV is the least we can do!

    Please check our face book page out – Shaniel’s Story- Taking Steps to End Domestic Violence, like us, and share with your friends. We can make a difference!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      March 27, 2015 at 4:42 pm

      ——Carol,
      My heart breaks, aches, and mourns w/ you, dear.
      Such PAIN…Such Sorrow.
      ….but I do not see Kay as a victim anymore…she is now part of the solution to END Domestic Violence.
      And I am her voice & she lives thru me.
      I’d love to talk w/ you more. Did her husband kill himself, too, as Kay’s did? Is he in jail? Do you talk w/ him? Did you see signs???
      I am checking your page right now.
      xxx KISS from MN.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Lies Abusers Will Tell YouMy Profile

    • Reply
      kim
      April 8, 2015 at 8:22 am

      Carol, I’m soooo sorry for the loss of your daughter. I do not know that pain but imagine it to be the worst pain there is. And to have her killer walking around free just the toughest situation a person could be forced to endure. My prayers go out to you and your family.

  • Reply
    carol
    March 27, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    I shared this post on Shaniel’s Story page. I hope it was ok with you. Everyone needs to read this! Everyone!
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  • Reply
    countingducks
    March 28, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    This sickening manipulative control freaks should never be given a second chance. There is no excuse for a man hitting a women. None at all, and wasting time listening to their excuses is wasting the time you should be spending on packing. The sad thing is we know this is much easier to say and do, and this cunning individuals play on the sensibilities of their victims like musicians. The longer you listen to them, the more you get drawn into their excuses so zero tolerance is the only safe response. I never come to your Blog without being moved by your fight against domestic violence, or leave without admiring you for the effort you make so tirelessly. God bless you.
    countingducks recently posted..The Creative AbyssMy Profile

  • Reply
    totsymae1011
    March 28, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    I like that you continue educating women on domestic abuse. My co-worker was killed by her fiance last month. It still has me in disbelief and I think of her daily, all of her 28 years of life. I miss her so much.
    totsymae1011 recently posted..Sitting PrettyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Katerina
    March 29, 2015 at 9:26 am

    I had a good week until I accused my man of cheating. He went ballistic and says that is abuse. He wants me and then sends me home because we live in different cities. i told him if he loved me, he would want me as his wife and something in me dies EVERYTIME I come home. He threatened to stop helping me financially and was yelling in public until I was crying hysterically. I felt beat up when I got home. I am safe now and maybe where I need to stay. He begged my forgiveness and said he feels my accusations attack him. I think maybe we are just not meant to be together bc I do not trust him. Am I the one who needs counseling? He is secretive but when I got on his computer and phone, he still was talking to old girlfriends and sending sweet cards to them. If I say nothing and look the other way, he is sweet. If I ask anything or question him, it is a horrible scene of verbal abuse. I cannot separate this and I need advise from you who have been thru this please.

    • Reply
      Katerina
      March 29, 2015 at 9:31 am

      I forgot to mention that he swears he has blocked these women but remains secretive with passwords etc. I am not allowed to see anything even after 14 months of him calling me his life partner. If I ask to see whose calling or texting, the tension starts building after showing me and then the verbal abuse starts. He has never hit me.

      • Reply
        kim
        April 8, 2015 at 8:41 am

        Katerina, Honey, run don’t walk to your court house where you live and file there for a divorce. heck your state on rules for filing divorce when you have moved away. In California it’s 4 or 5 months you must be a resident before you can file for divorce in your county. I tell you this because a judge will set what your husband owes you each month. and a court order is a court order and Judges don’t like when people play games in divorces. Your husband is just like my soon to be ex. They sound like they from the same mold. I live in another city now like you, and my ex lives in the bigger, nicer beach house I bought and we lived in for 14 years. Let me tell you. If he is as bad as my ex he is doing one of two things. He is either playing on your emotions and getting off on the jealousy he can envoke in you by these cute cards to old GF’s. The day you quit going to see him, and stop even checking his computer and phone and caring HE WILL BE BLOWN AWAY. HIS GAMES AREN’T WORKING ANYMORE!!!! TRUST ME ON THAT! But mean it if you do that. And I beg you to stop playing into his sick evil games. Stop today. Stop and go to the court house and find help on filing papers. DO NOT TELL HIM OR ANYONE WHO KNOWS HIM WHAT YOU ARE DOING. Don’t let him beat you at the punch. The second thing he could be doing, and the thing I would bet he doing is having his cake and eating it too. He isn’t to be trusted. He is a cheater. You deserve better. A loyal guy would have you there with him and you wouldn’t at all feel the need to check up on him. You wouldn’t find evidence in cute cards to ex girlfriends. If the subject of cheating came up a loyal man wouldn’t act like your crazy husband does. Cut him lose. YOU TOTALLY DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER

  • Reply
    Barbara @ Barbara Bakes
    March 29, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    Such great advice. Your sister would be proud of your advocacy.
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    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    March 31, 2015 at 4:07 am

    These lines tell me that they are practised manipulators and monsters, preying on the good nature of others. I’m sure your posts have helped show women that listen to these that they are all just lies. xxx
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella recently posted..The Best Chocolate Carrot Cake For Easter!My Profile

  • Reply
    hilary
    April 1, 2015 at 3:49 am

    I wonder if the abusers really believe their lies?
    hilary recently posted..Soaring to new heights….My Profile

  • Reply
    Caroline Abbott
    April 3, 2015 at 7:59 am

    Wonderful! In answer to hilary – no I don’t think they believe their lies. I think they are liars, and usually liars know they are lying : )

  • Reply
    kim
    April 8, 2015 at 8:46 am

    are any of these people we talk about here that abuse others on drugs too? Alot of the behavior is same as one acts when hiding a meth addiction.

  • Reply
    Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
    April 9, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    I agree with everything you have said here—-these abusers are masters at these excuses. I was in an abusive relationship when I was in my early twenties, and the man was a pro at repeating #3, #4, #6,#8, #10. Thankfully, I was able to get out in time.
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  • Reply
    lynne
    April 13, 2015 at 8:37 pm

    So many lies, so many broken promises , so much hurting inside. The word is “stop” ! let us all live our lives the way we want it , live with dignity and respect, if people that surrounds us, do not motivate, encourage and appreciate us, let them go. Thanks for sharing . Great Read!

  • Reply
    Katarina
    April 29, 2015 at 2:50 pm

    Kim he is not my husband yet. He has stopped being as generous to me. I am grateful for what he does as I will be 65 and have little income. I stay with him and go home when I need to check on my home. Things are good when I do not look at his computer, say nothing about text or emails. However when he gets mad over anything I do, such as when I wanted to go to a restaurant on a trip we went on and he was to tired, he called me a fucking whore and was screaming obscenities at the top of his voice. I made the mistake of telling him how active I was sexually and why he called me a whore. That hurt really bad because it was said with such rage!! I found numbers and things since I wrote my last post that leads me to believe he plays. I want to cut loose but I can feel my addiction to him sexually and financially. I feel emotionally trapped and very scared. He said he will not let me walk away. The sad part is that I love him and I think marriage would change him. But something or someone keeps him from ever proposing to me. He told me I spend so much of his money that he cannot afford a ring for us to be engaged which is bull! He is an executive and I get very little money except a little for bills. I know I need to break free and I pray everyday for Gods strength to go home and never return! But it seems I never get that strong. I go home, get depressed and come back. I have no family close so it is hard to be alone.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 29, 2015 at 3:33 pm

      —–Katrina,
      where do you live?

      Wherever it is—there are people who can help you leave, make a safe plan, and find you a place to live. You are better than him….Why can’t you see that? I don’t care how tired he is, there is NO EXCUSE for his ugly language.

      If you want to leave, help is available. Reach out. Tell somebody. But more than that, understand that you are worthy and beautiful and powerful.

      Keep me informed.

      Kim.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things You Need To Know TODAY About Domestic AbuseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lynne
    May 8, 2015 at 10:41 am

    No one should allow themselves to be victims of abuse. Follow the author’s advice.

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