—Sometimes, not always, I appreciate the act of multi-tasking. For example, I find eating dark chocolate and reading a kick ass book simultaneously quite exuberating. A piece of Dove chocolate for every five pages until the bag is gone or the book is finished is what I call F. U. N. I adore listening to audio books, like Rob Lowe’s, Love Life, while walking outdoors. When Rob talks about plastic Hollywood and Saint Elmo’s Fire, it is oh-so-delicious. Seriously, there is something utterly approachable and sexy about him. Do you agree?
Also, I can go all day without texting, but when I watch television, I typically take out my telephone to catch up with girlfriends. I mean, why the hell would we talk the old fashioned way?
And this is how this story begins.
So, I’m watching Law and Order ( Special Victims Unit ), which is my newest obsession and during the commercial, I text my girlfriend, Tia.
Hey, wazzzzzzzz up?
Correcting papers. I have lots of essays to correct.
What’s going on with you?
Watching Law and Order.
I miss your face.
I stop texting when Law and Order comes back on. I watch the rest of it. It’s the one where Mariska Hargitay goes undercover in a women’s prison. Did you know that she’s Jayne Mansfield’s daughter? Just an interesting tidbit for you if you’re into that kind of thing.
When L & O is finished, I remember I wanted to ask Tia about going to a movie next week. I text her hastily, blindly, without my glasses.
Hey, you want to go to 50 Shades of Grey next week?
Haaaa. Absolutely Not. Hell No. Gross.
She doesn’t text back right away, so I go to my computer room to check my blog, emails, and Twitter account for a couple hours.
After 10 o’clock, I check my phone. My heart stops. I gasp. I slap my hands over my face like the little dude from Home Alone.
“Son-of-a-bitch!” I scream. “NOOOOOOOOOO.”
You see, I didn’t text Tia.
I texted our 25 year old special education teacher, Luke.
The name Mrs. Robinson takes on an entirely new meaning: a creepy, cougar, sexual harassment meaning. Thoughts go thru my head at lightning speed. He might think I’m hitting on him. He probably thinks I’m a freak. A married, older woman making moves on a young guy. No. No. no.
This scene from The Graduate suddenly flows thru my mind:
Benjamin: Oh my God!
Mrs. Robinson: Pardon?
Benjamin: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. Oh no.
Mrs. Robinson: What’s wrong?
Benjamin: Mrs. Robinson, you didn’t… I mean, you didn’t expect…
Mrs. Robinson: What?
Benjamin: I mean, you didn’t really think I’d do something like that.
Mrs. Robinson: Like what?
Benjamin: What do you think?
Mrs. Robinson: Well, I don’t know.
All of this goes thru my mind. All of this keeps me awake that night.
On Monday, I see Luke standing at our classroom door waiting for the students.
We look at one another and burst into a fit of laughter.
—–An important note. Many women have asked me about my views on this movie because of the CONTROL, dysfunction, and Domestic Violence. I want my readers to know that I am not promoting this movie. I am not saying that signing a contract is okay. I am not saying that CONTROL is cool. I am not insinuating that Christian Grey is sexy with a whip. Women are intelligent & brilliant enough to know that Christian Grey is totally f*cked up, and he must save himself. We can only save ourselves…NOT our abusers. Do you think Mr. Grey is an abuser?
Watch the famous scene from THE GRADUATE