In Memory of Kay

You Rise


–Take Down The Walls—Lauren Oliver

My best friend & soul-mate.

My best friend & soul-mate.

He says you’re good for nothing,  a rotten mother,  a disgusting wife.   He says you can’t cook a damn thing without burning it, tainting it,  making it worse.  “You can’t do a fucking thing.”     It’s.  Not.  True.

 

You.  Rise.

 

He says you can’t survive without him,  that you’d wither up like the Wicked Witch of the West, that you’d starve like a dog on the streets, that you’d end up coming back to him. “You’re so stupid.”    It’s.  Not.  True.

 

You.   Rise.

 

He manipulates, calculates,  plans,  knows all the right things to say.   He promises to be a father who spends time with his kids,  a husband who listens to his wife,  a church going man,  a compassionate man,  a man with substance. He gets on his knees and says he’ll change today, says he’ll treat you like a queen, says it’s not his fault.  “You’ll never be sorry.”    It’s.  Not.  True.

 

You.  Rise.

 

He continually calls you a cunt,  a bitch,  a slut,  a slob.  He continually makes you feel small small small.  “Nobody wants you.  Nobody needs you. Nobody gives a shit about you.”    It’s.  Not.  True.

 

You.  Rise.

 

He ignores your pleas,  your words,  your ideas,  your bleeding soul.   He hits you more with his ugly words than his fists,  but it hurts,  hurts,  hurts.  It hurts like fire on skin, like razors and knives slicing the insides of your brain.  “You make me do it!”   It’s.  Not.  True.

 

You.  Rise.

 

He says you’re crazy,  you’re weak,  you’re mentally ill.  He says you need a pill,  a vodka,  something to make you whole.  “You’re nothing without me”   It’s.  Not.  True.

 

You.  Rise.

 

You.  Rise.

 

You.  Rise.

 

——-What you can do now.

 

 

  • Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline:  1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

 

  • Tell somebody.  Never,  EVER  be silent.

 

  • For my friends in Duluth, MN.  Call this number:  Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs / 218-722-2781

 

—-My Inner Chick is accepting 500 words submissions.  Click HERE for more info.

 

—-Maya Angelou.  I love love love HER!   LISTEN & Be Educated

 

—-Kay’s Last Video footage:  EMPOWERMENT

 

—-One Billion Rising:  Totally Powerful

 

—-Dear, Reader,  do you know anybody being abused  (In any way whatsoever)?  If so,  what will you do about it?


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73 Comments

  • Reply
    Amy Tong
    February 6, 2015 at 5:56 pm

    It’s hard to imagine the situation that someone lives in an environment like that everyday, so cold, so cruel. I felt so terrible that many are suffering out there. Your words are powerful and I am so glad that you remind us all we can help someone. And for those who are suffering, don’t have to live like that and there’s help out there! Thank you so much for sharing. 🙂
    Amy Tong recently posted..How to Make Edible Chocolate Dessert BowlsMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 9, 2015 at 3:45 pm

      Amy,
      I’ve realized that we cannot do it alone.
      Together…WE can transform the universe. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    February 6, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    On the crisis line last week I spoke to a woman who was telling me that her husband was a good man. A good provider. He had never lifted a finger to her.
    HE DIDN’T NEED TO. The oxygen thief she was married to told her, and their children that she was useless. Ugly. Stupid.
    He cut her off from her friends and her family.
    He denied her money.
    When we finished the call she had a whole range of support options in her local area. And affirmation that what he was doing WAS NOT ALRIGHT. Was never alright. And not the action of a good man.
    I so hope that she makes the call to the support service closest to her. I hope it for her, and for their children.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 9, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      OOO, so sad, so ugly.
      VERBAL abuse is like venom filling up your soul.
      Kay told me often, OFTEN…”HE crushes my spirit.”
      Damn it. I wish I could have saved her. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    February 6, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    Hi Kim,

    You are absolutely right…Kay rises with each word you write about her. She didn’t deserve that monster. Love you for being a wonderful person and a loving sister.
    Balroop Singh recently posted..Are You A Puppet Or Like Pulling The Strings?My Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 7, 2015 at 8:08 am

      Dear, Balroop,
      not only Kay, but all women who decide to say “NO FUCKING MORE!”

      xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    February 6, 2015 at 11:35 pm

    Yes – we rise! Powerful writing, my dear.
    ladyfi recently posted..Blushing dawnMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 9, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      Lady Fi,
      even the words “YOU RISE.” sets us free. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Alison
    February 7, 2015 at 12:34 am

    He was truly the devil.
    May your beautiful Kay continue to rise, always. xo
    Alison recently posted..Through The Lens Thursday: Polka DotsMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 9, 2015 at 3:48 pm

      Alison.
      yes, Kay rises every single day. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    lisa thomson-the great escape
    February 7, 2015 at 11:25 am

    As I wipe the tears away, I’m in awe of your powerful writing Kim. I hear your voice in every word. Your message is loud and it’s clear. I do know someone who has been verbally abused her whole life. It’s my mother. I’ve tried to empower her. Sometimes my father would say to me “You’re just like your mother.” with his lips pursed, his head shaking back and forth, like it was a terrible thing to be like her. SAD.
    lisa thomson-the great escape recently posted..What’s Inspiring You?My Profile

    • Reply
      Britton
      February 9, 2015 at 10:30 am

      It sounds like your father couldn’t get inside of you and make you believe his lies. You seem like a beautiful person.
      Britton recently posted..ExoskeletonMy Profile

      • Reply
        My Inner Chick
        February 9, 2015 at 3:24 pm

        I agree, Britton.

        Lisa. Is. Beautiful and Powerful. xx
        My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    TheKitchenLioness
    February 7, 2015 at 12:57 pm

    Dear Kim – very powerful words indeed…your words always are!
    While I was studying, I volunteered for a few years at a home for abused women and their children – to this day, I believe it is one of the best things I ever did.
    Thank you for all that you do, for all your posts!
    Take good care of yourself, dear friend!
    Andrea

  • Reply
    Carrie
    February 7, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    Very powerful Kim, wow. i watched the video pf Kay again, and cried…… I am sharing this on my site, there are a few people who need to see it, face the truth (which you tell so well), break the silence
    and break the ties that bind them and choke them.
    You are changing the world Kim.
    xxxooo
    Carrie recently posted..The One Sure Way To Know He Hasn’t ChangedMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 9, 2015 at 3:49 pm

      Carrie,
      and you are CHANGING the world w/ your VOICE, too.
      we will NEVER be SILENT. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    You Rise!! | Ladywithatruck's Blog
    February 7, 2015 at 3:07 pm

    […] stop by Kim’s site, My Inner Chick, she has a powerful post today and check out the link to the video of her sister filmed just days […]

  • Reply
    Corinne Rodrigues
    February 7, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    Thank you for this, Kim. I just shared it on Facebook, because I believe quite a few people I know need to read this! ♥
    Corinne Rodrigues recently posted..The Grateful LifeMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 9, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      Corinne,
      thank you so much for your support! xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Joan Peterson
    February 7, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    Thanks as always Kim. These are such classic signs of emotional and verbal abuse. Many don”t recognize them as domestic abuse. But this type of abuse can lead to worse, as you know all too well. We all need to spread the word.
    Joan Peterson recently posted..The state(s) of gun violenceMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 9, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      Joan,
      if Kay were here, she’d say, “WHY are you writing about me?”
      She had no idea.

      xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Mike
    February 7, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    Kim….I love you, praise you, support you, admire you and support your word ALWAYS!! Never stop putting out the message that is so important to both men and women! xx’s Mike 🙂
    Mike recently posted..Bottega Italiana In Seattle, Washington – My First GelatoMy Profile

  • Reply
    totsymae1011
    February 7, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    Saw Dateline last night, where a high profile lawyer in D.C. tried to kill his wife when she went back home to talk, after he said she would be safe. She did get away and had been in hiding 5 years with their 2 kids. A big mess he made because he was so insecure. Even money can’t help that.
    totsymae1011 recently posted..See, What Happened Was…My Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 9, 2015 at 3:42 pm

      Tots.
      I watched this. What women don’t realize is that VERBAL abuse is “ABUSE” Some men just wait until the end to KILL…as my sister’s murderer did. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kristi Campbell
    February 7, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    Oh my sweet one. This.
    “It hurts like fire on skin, like razors and knives slicing the insides of your brain. “You make me do it!” It’s. Not. True.”
    It’s NOT TRUE. “You make me do it” is never ever ever true. Your gorgeous sister continues to rise though your words that are such a beautiful tribute to her life, and her and to all women going through this. YOU. You make a difference. YOU RISE. xxxo SO MUCH
    Kristi Campbell recently posted..On Past Memories and How They Come to Us as if Preserved in Plastic, Even When They’re Not HauntingMy Profile

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    February 7, 2015 at 9:22 pm

    I have this visual of ALL women rising out of their captivity… ALL. WOMEN. Like some sort of left behind movie but all the women simply disappear out of their tormented home and the abusers are dumbfounded. God just takes them all UP… just like that.

    Just like Kay.
    Chris Carter recently posted..What Is True Love?My Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 9, 2015 at 3:43 pm

      Gorgeous.
      I just love your EMPOWERING words, darling.
      RISE. RISE. RISE. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    February 7, 2015 at 9:54 pm

    I applaud you for empowering millions with your message, Kim. I know people living the shit life – and while they try to get out of it sometimes, they end up being bound by “tradition”, continuing to be in those relationships. The struggle never ceases even though there’s a false sense of calm at times.

    Thank you for your encouraging words!

    Love you more than melting chocolate fudge on vanilla icecream!
    Vidya Sury recently posted..Memories Of Another DayMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 5:45 am

      Vidya,
      is there a large DV problem in India?

      Luv You more.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Mandy
    February 8, 2015 at 5:44 am

    My dearest Kim, you enable so many woman with every word you write, to be stronger, to know they are not alone, that they do have a place of safety, that they are loved.
    Love, love, love to you from a sunny Sundays River, SA.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxoxo
    Mandy recently posted..In My Kitchen – February 2015My Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 5:46 am

      Mandy,
      NEVER ALONE.
      this is one thing women must know.

      Luv flowing to S. Africa. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    pam hogeweide
    February 8, 2015 at 9:39 am

    Years ago as a young mom, another mom would call me nearly every week. Housebound with small children and living on opposite sides of town, she and I developed our friendship through these calls. Slowly the story csme out, how her husband treated her … verbally abused… physicslly abused … I begged her to leave him her sister in California begged her to leave and we all said Come stay with us. I worried about her. I worried about her kids. Do I call the authorities if she does nothing? A mutual friend warned, Dont call. The police will remove her kids. Think of the devastation of that.

    To this day I regret not intervening. Even after she revealed he had pushed their youg daughter down ( “But it was on the bed so she wasn’t hurt, she explained as if that made it ok that a 200 lb man shoved a tiny child.)
    They eventually moved away. I have thought of her… of her kids… many times over the years. I don’t remember her last name so I csnt track her down …… I hope she left him. I hope she discovered she could Rise Up and help her children Rise Up, too.

    I have promised myself to never ever stay silent again if a woman wont protect her kids. I know it is a complex, complicated mess of family dysfunction and the boundaries are blurred….and as devastating as removing children from a home is, I am now mindful that to leave them in it is even more devastating, and it is the abuser who has created the crisis, not the interfering friend.

    Thank you Kim for empowering EVERYONE to speak up. SILENT NO MORE!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 5:47 am

      Pam,
      you are telling the story now.
      ALL of us are to blame for NOT intervening.
      …Including me for not saving Kay.

      xxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Sandra
    February 8, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    You are on a mission and so many women will benefit from your words. The struggle is real and sweet Kay is so proud of you!
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 5:48 am

      I look forward to uniting w/Kay.
      I have MANY questions to ask her.
      For example, were you surprised when he placed a gun to your head?

      xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    February 8, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    Silence makes that despicable creature stronger and more powerful. You’re right, we must speak and not only that, shout! xxx
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Lorraine,
      this is true.
      We were given VOICES for a reason.
      As for me, I shall NEVER stop telling Kay’s story. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Valentine Logar
    February 8, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    We rise with each breath we draw in that is free, we rise. We rise when we finally let go of our fear, take possession of our heart and stand up, sometimes to run, yes we rise. We rise when we reach a hand across to pull the next one with us, yes we rise.

    Powerful, heartbreaking, loving and needful my wonderful friend.
    Valentine Logar recently posted..Blues, Funk and AniversariesMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:22 pm

      Val,
      yes, we rise, We Rise, WE RISE))))) XXXX
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Debbie
    February 8, 2015 at 5:36 pm

    Powerful post, Lady! You keep shouting this message from the heights — many need to hear it. My heart goes out to them. My parents used to say that being HAPPILY married was the best state to live in. We all know marriages have bumps in the road now and then, but abuse should never be accepted! Poor Kay — no one should have to live like that!!
    Debbie recently posted..Make Time to WriteMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:22 pm

      Debbie,
      this is true.
      A good marriage is the best gift we can give our children.
      Kay’s children NEVER experienced this. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kathy
    February 8, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    Powerful words, Important message. Thank you.

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    February 8, 2015 at 10:46 pm

    You have such a powerful message, Kim and I just can’t imagine what you sister had to endure all through her years of marriage xx
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      Dear, Charlie,
      Kay is finally in peace and without her murderer. This gives me joy. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Hilary
    February 9, 2015 at 5:03 am

    your voice helps so many people. You are amazing!
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  • Reply
    Ellen M. Gregg
    February 9, 2015 at 6:51 am

    I don’t know anyone who’s in an abusive relationship, currently. I have supported a couple of women who were, and are no longer. Thankfully, they rose and they’re thriving. xoxoxo
    Ellen M. Gregg recently posted..Wholeness Monday: Ideals, Hearts, LoveMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:25 pm

      Ellen,
      we can RISE from wherever we are.
      I only wish Kay wouldn’t’ have waited so long. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Marie Kléber
    February 9, 2015 at 8:34 am

    Raw and Beautiful. Kay Rise. With. Every.Single.One. Of.Your. Word Kim
    I got a message from a friend two months ago. Her boyfriend was hitting her and manipulating her. Her dad kept telling her that she must have said or done something wrong, for him to do such a thing to her.
    I was astonished. And extremely sad. I did not know what to do or say. I listened to her and gave her helpline number, the address of a woman center near her home. She left him now, with the help of friends, family and the woman centre. She is safe.
    We should never let go when somebody we know is facing such a bad situation. We must be strong and speak up.
    Love to you Kim. xoxo
    Know that Kay is alice in our hearts
    Marie Kléber recently posted..The Best Blogs on the Rocks – The Writing Bees!My Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 9, 2015 at 3:26 pm

      Marie,
      YES, we must empower other women so they know they can RISE UP! RISE UP! RISE UP!

      Love you. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:26 pm

      O, I am so happy that she left him!!
      “Did something wrong?”
      Yes, she did. She was WITH HIM.
      Love to you, sweets. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jann
    February 9, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    Thank you Kim for the important & poetic work you do to educate society. No one should ever have to listen to such cruel words.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:26 pm

      Jann,
      I’ve thought of you often. How are YOU? XXx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Pat
    February 9, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    Wow, Kim, you really hit the nail on the head. That is EXACTLY how these guys think and what they say. I wish every woman could read these words. Thank you for all you are doing for victims of domestic violence!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      Pat,
      as always, thank you for your support. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Dana
    February 9, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    We must help one another rise – your words do that, Kim.
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:27 pm

      Dana,
      TOGETHER…
      we can CHANGE the Universe.
      I truly believe this. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    February 10, 2015 at 10:51 am

    Yes. Rise.
    This is so powerful. So powerful Kim. These women are so much stronger than they know and we need to be there for them. We need to keep speaking out for them so that they can find that courage to rise. xoxox
    Kimberly recently posted..Hat Trick Plus TwoMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:29 pm

      Kimberly,
      There is something abundantly powerful about the word: ((RISE.))
      Lift up. Get up. Fly. Open your eyes. Utilize your voice. RISE. RISE. RISE.
      We can all do this!

      xxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Meditating mummy
    February 10, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    What a wonderful post and call to rise up! We will rise. Women, in spite of being told they aren’t, are strong, can rise up and can leave. Getting to it, showing them help is out there is the power you give them with your words, lovely Kim. May there be light for all you do in memory of Kay.
    xxx
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:30 pm

      Mummy,
      we can RISE together & transform the world!! xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    countingducks
    February 11, 2015 at 7:41 am

    With your help she has risen, and made an enormous difference to many lives which would have been poorer and more threatened without the lessons of her life, and your determination. Bless the pair of you always 🙂
    countingducks recently posted..Windbag NigeMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 11, 2015 at 3:30 pm

      Peter.
      yes, she has risen every single day!
      Thank you for all of your support. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..You RiseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jeri
    February 11, 2015 at 8:25 pm

    Such powerful words as always and you have such a gift for using repetition for such a memorable effect.
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  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    February 12, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    You Rise. I will quote you on that forever, so powerful.

    Hugs
    Uru

  • Reply
    Nikky44
    February 14, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    I love you Kim. I couldn’t read this post before. It was too hard. It still is. I want to believe that I’m better now than I was there 🙁
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  • Reply
    The Imp
    February 15, 2015 at 3:32 pm

    Yes. Your words are powerful, and I hope reach those that need them.

    Thank you for the comment you left on my blog as well.
    The Imp recently posted..To The Woman With The BruisesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Minnesota Prairie Roots
    February 17, 2015 at 10:09 am

    Powerful.

    Thank you for your tireless efforts to fight domestic violence.
    Minnesota Prairie Roots recently posted..Giving blood, saving livesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Rita@thecraftyexpat
    February 26, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    Amazing words that empowers women. Thanks for all the great work you do against domestic violence.
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