–An old boyfriend once told me I should lose 20 pounds to look like my girl-friend, Jeanie. He hasn’t been seen since 1980 — Kim Sisto Robinson
1. Babe, you’re going to be really pumped; I bought you a membership for Anytime Fitness. You can start immediately!
2. Holy shit, you mean today is Valentine’s Day?
3. You know your friend, Terri? Yeah, the one who works at Texas Roadhouse. Don’t you think her ass resembles Jennifer Lopez’s?
4. Hey, I have a great idea, lets go to the film, The Interview, instead of Wild.
5. Did you just have a hot flash…or did you start jogging again?
6. Well, that’s interesting, I had no idea they added extra padding to the back of yoga pants.
7. Oh, No! The soccer tournament lands on our anniversary. Could you cancel our reservation at Belisios for the following week?
- Do you really want that second slice of French Silk Pie?
- This roast chicken would be outstanding if it wasn’t burnt.
10. Is the “Victoria Secret Special” on Eastern or Standard time?
—Darlings, what has your hubs/partner said that drove you INSANE?! Enlighten me.
—-My Inner Chick is accepting 500 word submissions. Click HERE for details.
—–Favorite Post this week: Incarcerated by Susan Spicegood Boswell
—-Lastly, I love you! xx
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80 Comments
Phil
February 1, 2015 at 7:13 amI don’t get it. You mean to tell me these are not helpful ways husbands can communicate with their wives? Huh!
…
…
…
Oh my, would you look at the time! Um… (ahem) Yeah, gotta run now! *really fast, REALLY fast*
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:29 amPhil,
you make me smile, dear 🙂 xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Chris Carter
February 1, 2015 at 7:26 amHa! Yeah… AGREED!
🙂 This makes me really grateful I have a guy that wouldn’t DARE say any of these things!
Oh no no no no….
Chris Carter recently posted..Waiting…
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:29 amChris,
I agree!!! A man who says these things must get his ass kicked! Right? xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Debbie
February 1, 2015 at 12:34 pmKim, these are toooo funny! Can some men really be this clueless?? I guess it’s true what they say — Men marry women hoping they’ll stay the same forever; women marry men hoping to change them. No wonder there are so many divorces, huh?!!
Debbie recently posted..Tempest
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:30 amDebbie,
the quote is TRUE!
Thank God I met MR. L cuz he’d never be that STUPID!! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Jack
February 1, 2015 at 12:47 pmThese days it is far more fun to snap a shot of wives/girlfriends first thing in the morning and then upload them to Facebook.
Jack recently posted..Some People Take Blogging Too Seriously
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:30 amJack,
superb! 🙂 xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Elephant's Child
February 1, 2015 at 2:15 pmI am familiar with ‘suicide by cop’. These are all candidates for suicide by girlfriend. And no right thinking jury would return any other verdict.
The thing that makes me angriest in my relationship is not the things he says, but when he stops listening. A crime.
Elephant’s Child recently posted..Sunday Selections #209
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:31 amSue,
so. right! xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
nan @ lbddiaries
February 1, 2015 at 2:16 pmI am so blessed. I married a widow dude who’s late wife already trained the “duh” out of him. All i have to do is enjoy the benefits, love him, take care of him, and watch my OWN mouth. I’m more apt to put my foot in it than he is!
nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..Whatever Lola Wants…
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:31 amNan,
some men talk to their wives like this. I hear they are in hiding! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
totsymae1011
February 1, 2015 at 2:44 pmHow about if your husband buys you pants with an elastic waistband? I think that’s pretty awful.
totsymae1011 recently posted..Women Are the Hunters
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:31 amTots,
that is FUNNY and HORRIBLE at the same time. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Gary Sidley
February 1, 2015 at 3:05 pmI fear I might be guilty of couple of those – OK then, five or six!
Gary Sidley recently posted..My bicycle fantasy
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:32 amGary,
shame on you! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Carrie Rubin
February 1, 2015 at 3:13 pmI never really thought about it until I just read your post and tried to answer your question, but in my 20+ years of marriage, my husband has never said an unkind word directed toward me. That doesn’t mean we haven’t argued, but we don’t take digs at each other. So I guess that’s really nice! Now, are there things we do that drive each other crazy? Oh, absolutely. Like when he forgets the things I ask. Or like when I… Oh, there’s no need to continue, is there? 😉
Cute post. And you gave me an extra reason to give my hubs a hug tonight!
Carrie Rubin recently posted..When Your Son Takes A Truly Awful Picture Of You And Turns It Into A Meme
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:32 amCarrie,
The quote above is completely true…
but the others, I have heard.
Like you, I’m with a great dude! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Choc Chip Uru
February 1, 2015 at 4:31 pmI think the Interview will be really funny though! Haha but I will keep these in mind when I go boyfriend hunting… eventually 😛
Cheers
Choc Chip Uru
Choc Chip Uru recently posted..Eating Day @ Bondi Beach
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:33 amChoc,
have you daddy interview your perspective dates!! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Hotly Spiced
February 1, 2015 at 6:10 pmAfter I had pushed out our third child who was 10.1lbs, my husband presented me with a two-year gym membership. If I’d had the strength I would have strangled him. I wanted diamonds.
xx
Hotly Spiced recently posted..In My Kitchen, February 2015
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:34 amCharlie,
that is hilareous.
did you ever get the diamonds?!!! xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Valentine Logar
February 1, 2015 at 7:17 pm1. If you get another tattoo I will leave your azz
2. What do you mean you are in pain, why are you always in pain maybe you are just getting old
3. Why can’t you just do what I want sometimes, like driving the golf cart while I play
4. Well just don’t look at the strobe lights during the f’ing concert that should solve the seizure problem
5. If you would just work through the pain you could lose the extra weight, then you would look great
And so many others. I don’t think I realized just how truly insensitive he was till I was able to step back from him.
Valentine Logar recently posted..An Open Letter To WordPress
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:34 amVal,
can we find him?
I will help you “KICK HIS ASS!’
No. I’ m serious.
xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
lisa thomson-the great escape
February 1, 2015 at 7:22 pm“I’m not doing_____!”Fill in the blank. ‘Because’ he says,”I do what I want and then I do it again” one of his favorite sayings that really gets on my nerves. I counter with “you’ll do it if I ask you to.” Very sweetly of course. Kim, you had me laughing at “…he hasn’t been seen since 1980”. MEN. What can ya do?
lisa thomson-the great escape recently posted..Quote Of The Week
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:35 amHaaaaaaaaaaa.
Lisa, the quote is true. He was a absolute dick. xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Balroop Singh
February 1, 2015 at 7:41 pmThat is hilarious!! Do they understand the meaning of derogatory?!
Balroop Singh recently posted..Why I Married At 23…Sometimes We Do Make Wrong Decisions!
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:36 amBalroop,
men need to be educated!!
Thank goodness, MINE IS! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Jann
February 1, 2015 at 8:11 pmThanks for the laughs, Kim!
Jann recently posted..Comment on Summer’s End by Bella
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:37 amJann,
have I told you I missed you lately?! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Jen
February 1, 2015 at 8:28 pmRemember when you were skinny?
sigh…..
Jen recently posted..it went tick, clank bang and boom
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:37 amOMG,
he deserves a ass kickin’!! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Corinne Rodrigues
February 1, 2015 at 9:28 pmOh dear Lord! I guess I’m blessed with a husband who values his life a lot! 😉
Corinne Rodrigues recently posted..The Grateful Life
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:37 amCorinne,
I’m w/ you, darling. 🙂 xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Vidya Sury
February 1, 2015 at 10:08 pmPadded yoga pants eh? Hmm 🙂
I remember, long ago, a distant cousin was visiting. My folks wanted tea. They think I make kickass tea – just perfect. So – after handing everyone a cup, I settle down with my own. One of my cousins asks this guy – hey how’s the tea, pretty sure that the guy’s going to go ga-ga over it. The guy thinks for a few seconds…and says “hot?” (as in temperature). Well he has never been seen since.
Vidya Sury recently posted..The Power of Positive Thanking #Gratitude
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:43 amVidya,
superb story. I’d love to try your tea, darling. xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
jannistyles1
February 1, 2015 at 11:10 pmLOL I have so many things I could post here not just from husband but boyfriend since I left him more than five years ago. They all blunder. Let me think of a couple and get back to you. Might even try your 500 word submission.
jannistyles1 recently posted..How Energy Works
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:44 amJanni,
I imagine you have many stories to tell. Do. Tell. Love. xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Solidgoldcreativity
February 1, 2015 at 11:50 pmhehe, love the one who vanished in 1980. Wonder how he’s doing now? 😉 xx
Solidgoldcreativity recently posted..The possibility of possibility
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:45 amNarelle,
they never found him. Haaaaaa. What a JERK)))!!! xxx
I remember the asshole drove a white corvette.
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
TheKitchenLioness
February 2, 2015 at 2:43 amKim, thank you for making me laugh this Monday morning – I must say that my husband never raises his voice or says anything to hurt me – I am very lucky indeed…
Love your posts, always and always – thank you for everything that you do,
Andrea
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:45 amAndrea,
you are blessed.
Me, Too!
I wish my sister would have had this LOVE. xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Totally Caroline
February 2, 2015 at 5:05 amOh gosh, these are good ones. I know a guy right now who resembles all of these comments. Men really are lesser life forms
Totally Caroline recently posted..I am officially divorced!
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:47 am—–Caroline,
believe me when I say, not all men are lesser.
—-you will find one who will fill you, love you, and adore you….
exactly what you deserve, sweetheart. xxxxx
Manwhore is the in the minority.
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
ladyfi
February 2, 2015 at 5:59 amThanks for the laugh.
ladyfi recently posted..When winter gives you ice
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:47 amLady Fi,
glad I could make you laugh! xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Angie@Angie's Recipes
February 2, 2015 at 8:33 amLOL…I must show this to my husband later. Thanks for the laugh, Kim.
Have a wonderful week ahead!
Angie
Angie@Angie’s Recipes recently posted..Black Quinoa stuffed Bell Peppers
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:48 amAngie,
you have a great Tuesday! xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Lady Jennie
February 2, 2015 at 9:31 amOh no! Please tell me these are not real!!!
Lady Jennie recently posted..Life, Love and Sarcasm in Paris
My Inner Chick
February 2, 2015 at 10:28 amHaaaaa.
some of them are, Jennie!
Of course, Mr. L. is still living, so you must know, he is completely innocent of all charges! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Annette Molitor
February 2, 2015 at 9:50 amWell Kim, the a-holes that said negative things are outstanding in the following areas…
He loves HIMSELF,
He believed I should have sibmitt to his authority,
He was logical everyone else lacked common sense. By the way, he doesn’t have many friends. Surprised? I thought not.
What you should have done is…
You have a pretty face, if you lost a few pounds you’d be… I can’t recall and don’t give a fu…….ck,
And that’s just a fraction of the nobel prize a-holes I’ve kicked out of my life.
I appreciate the man I have now for who he is. Loving, patient, fun, smart, down to earth.
Little Chickie
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:50 amLittle Chickie,
You’ve had your share.
So glad you are w/ a gem now. xxx kISSSSS
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Charlene Ross
February 2, 2015 at 12:31 pmOnce I said to my husband, “I don’t think these jeans are very flattering on me.”
He said, “Most jeans aren’t.”
I would have hit him if it wasn’t true. 🙂
Charlene Ross recently posted..Valentine’s Day Gift Guide with Uncommon Goods
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:51 amHAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa.
Even if it is true…. SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPP. Love you, Charlene. xx
PS. I have a feeling your jeans fit like a Super Models. DAMN YOU.
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Mike
February 2, 2015 at 4:54 pmI think the only time I “stepped in it” was when I bought my (ex) wife some Hostein cow decorated items for the kitchen at Christmas. No, not a “fat” reference because she was freakin’ gorgeous and total aerobics nut. I bought them because she continually told me how much she loved them prior. So, it was my attempt to show her I was listening. She told me it represented domestication for a female. *eyeroll* I couldn’t be further from anything like that. This event was not the reason for our divorce 🙂
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:51 amMike,
Lots of EYE-ROLLS.
How are you, Sweetheart? XXxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Kristi Campbell
February 2, 2015 at 5:23 pmMine has said things like that “we” (meaning him too but still) aren’t in the kind of shape we used to be. When I call him on it, he’s all “what? We’re not!” He’s a keeper but sometimes, no filter. This post is hilarious, Kim!! I love it! HAHA to padded yoga pants and purchased gym memberships!!!
Kristi Campbell recently posted..On Going Outside, The Darkness, and Thoughts That Feel Like Dough or Lava. On Thankfulness.
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:52 amKristi,
The yoga pants one, I made up! But if anybody ever said this to me, I’d kick ASS. xxxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Mandy
February 3, 2015 at 3:17 amOh my darling Kim, thank you so much for this post. I laughed out loud! It was wonderful! You are the best! THANK YOU!
Have a beautiful day my sweet friend.
🙂 Mandy xoxoxoxo
Mandy recently posted..In My Kitchen – February 2015
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:53 amMandy,
have a beautiful, South African Day. xxxx LOVE !!
Dad
February 3, 2015 at 5:45 amDoes that mean when you look back for a second look, you are a dirty old man.
Love You
Dad
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 5:49 amDaddy,
you are not a dirty old man.
you are a dirty old fart.
LOVE YOU so so so so much. xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Marie
February 3, 2015 at 9:51 amOh Yeah! You made me laugh! It feels so good Kim.
Remembering a guy who would say to his girlfriend, I’ll marry you if you lose 20 pounds. Crazy!
Marie recently posted..Light after darkness
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 10:17 am—Glad I could make you laugh, Marie.
This was all in fun)) xxxx KISS from MN.
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Jeri
February 3, 2015 at 10:37 amOne man comment that drives me crazy is “you’re so curvy.” Okay, so lots of men love curves, but when one tells me that over and over again, my brain is seething and thinking it’s just code for “you’re so plump.” Argh!
Jeri recently posted..#LitChat: The Thorn Birds as Children’s Literature by Laura Zera
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 1:38 pmJeri,
I have a feeling that, for you, curvy meant HOT! xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Dana
February 3, 2015 at 2:36 pmHow about “Aren’t you going to get ready, babe?” when I am totally made up and ready to go. Not good.
Dana recently posted..Playing favorites
My Inner Chick
February 3, 2015 at 3:07 pmHAAAAAAAAA.
Hilareous!!! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Alison
February 4, 2015 at 6:18 am#6 made me laugh!
Alison recently posted..I’m Cool With Transitions
My Inner Chick
February 4, 2015 at 10:16 amAlison Lee,
I know. It’s kind of funny if the dude isn’t sayin’ it to YOU!! xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
countingducks
February 4, 2015 at 9:22 amI think I’ve done or said about six of those things which is why I’ve only got a slight limp and sleep on the couch
countingducks recently posted..A Fragment Of Understanding
My Inner Chick
February 4, 2015 at 10:17 amPeter,
You naughty boy. Do I need to spank you? xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Charlotte
February 4, 2015 at 1:23 pmOMG, bwuahahahahahhaha!!!!
I would absolutely KILL my boyfriend if he ever said any of these things to me. Especially about the padding in yoga pants or asking about the VS fashion show (he has actually taped it before, and said it was b/c he was interested in hearing the “musical guest.” MY NON-LINGERIED-ASS!)
Anyway, thank you for this. I needed a good chuckle today 🙂 Hope all is well with you, momma. XOXO
Charlotte recently posted..The man who almost ruined it all
My Inner Chick
February 6, 2015 at 5:42 amCharlotte,
so happy I could give ya a chuckle! xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Kimberly
February 5, 2015 at 11:46 amOh two balls split between by foot…nope.
Shawn jokes around about my sanity and my back being all crippled but that is all in good fun. Really. Like waking up in the morning and seeing my hair all whipped into different directions and makeup smeared on my face – he’ll say something like “Oh no. On a scale of one to crazy I’d better go hide the plastic cutlery.” We all joke about it. If you can’t laugh…..
Kimberly recently posted..Flipping The Switch From Tearful To Cheerful
My Inner Chick
February 6, 2015 at 5:43 amHAAAAAAAA. True, Kimberly.
Sometimes Mr. L. says, I mean MANY times, he says, “Kim, You have NO sense of humor!”
Luv you, darling. xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Hilary
February 6, 2015 at 4:42 am“Was I supposed to be listening to you?”
Hilary recently posted..Follow Friday Four Fill in Fun Blog Hop – week 199
My Inner Chick
February 6, 2015 at 5:44 amSUPERB.
I’ve heard this one! xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live
Rita@thecraftyexpat
February 9, 2015 at 9:13 pmHaha! That’s hilarious Kim!
When I have been talking for five minutes and I receive no comment from his part and I finally ask him what his opinion is and he goes: “Can you repeat?” I can smack him then.
I have been totally out of the blogging world for the past few months and I just wanted to say thank you so much for keep reading my posts and commenting. Also, a bit late, but I wanted to wish you a very Happy New Year 2015. May all your dreams come true.
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vanita
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