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10 Things Your Husband Should Never Say If He Wants To Live


–An old boyfriend once told me I should lose 20 pounds to look like my girl-friend, Jeanie.   He hasn’t been seen since 1980 — Kim Sisto Robinson

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1.  Babe,  you’re going to be really pumped;  I bought you a membership for Anytime Fitness.  You can start immediately!

 

2.  Holy shit, you mean  today is Valentine’s Day?

 

3.  You know your friend,  Terri?  Yeah,  the one who works at Texas Roadhouse.  Don’t you think her ass resembles Jennifer Lopez’s?

 

4.  Hey,  I have a great idea,  lets go to the film,  The Interview, instead of Wild.

 

5.  Did you just have a hot flash…or did you start jogging again?

 

6.  Well,  that’s interesting,   I had no idea they added extra padding to the back of yoga pants.

 

7.   Oh, No!  The soccer tournament lands on our anniversary.  Could you cancel our reservation at Belisios for the following week?

 

  1. Do you really want that second slice of French Silk Pie?

 

  1. This roast chicken would be outstanding if it wasn’t burnt.

 

10.  Is the “Victoria Secret Special” on Eastern or Standard time?

 

—Darlings,  what has your hubs/partner said that drove you INSANE?!  Enlighten me.

 

—-My Inner Chick is accepting 500 word submissions.  Click HERE for details.

 

—–Favorite Post this week:   Incarcerated by Susan Spicegood Boswell

 

—-Lastly,  I love you!  xx


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80 Comments

  • Reply
    Phil
    February 1, 2015 at 7:13 am

    I don’t get it. You mean to tell me these are not helpful ways husbands can communicate with their wives? Huh!



    Oh my, would you look at the time! Um… (ahem) Yeah, gotta run now! *really fast, REALLY fast*

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    February 1, 2015 at 7:26 am

    Ha! Yeah… AGREED!

    🙂 This makes me really grateful I have a guy that wouldn’t DARE say any of these things!

    Oh no no no no….
    Chris Carter recently posted..Waiting…My Profile

  • Reply
    Debbie
    February 1, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    Kim, these are toooo funny! Can some men really be this clueless?? I guess it’s true what they say — Men marry women hoping they’ll stay the same forever; women marry men hoping to change them. No wonder there are so many divorces, huh?!!
    Debbie recently posted..TempestMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jack
    February 1, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    These days it is far more fun to snap a shot of wives/girlfriends first thing in the morning and then upload them to Facebook.
    Jack recently posted..Some People Take Blogging Too SeriouslyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    February 1, 2015 at 2:15 pm

    I am familiar with ‘suicide by cop’. These are all candidates for suicide by girlfriend. And no right thinking jury would return any other verdict.
    The thing that makes me angriest in my relationship is not the things he says, but when he stops listening. A crime.
    Elephant’s Child recently posted..Sunday Selections #209My Profile

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    February 1, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    I am so blessed. I married a widow dude who’s late wife already trained the “duh” out of him. All i have to do is enjoy the benefits, love him, take care of him, and watch my OWN mouth. I’m more apt to put my foot in it than he is!
    nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..Whatever Lola Wants…My Profile

  • Reply
    totsymae1011
    February 1, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    How about if your husband buys you pants with an elastic waistband? I think that’s pretty awful.
    totsymae1011 recently posted..Women Are the HuntersMy Profile

  • Reply
    Gary Sidley
    February 1, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    I fear I might be guilty of couple of those – OK then, five or six!
    Gary Sidley recently posted..My bicycle fantasyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Carrie Rubin
    February 1, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    I never really thought about it until I just read your post and tried to answer your question, but in my 20+ years of marriage, my husband has never said an unkind word directed toward me. That doesn’t mean we haven’t argued, but we don’t take digs at each other. So I guess that’s really nice! Now, are there things we do that drive each other crazy? Oh, absolutely. Like when he forgets the things I ask. Or like when I… Oh, there’s no need to continue, is there? 😉

    Cute post. And you gave me an extra reason to give my hubs a hug tonight!
    Carrie Rubin recently posted..When Your Son Takes A Truly Awful Picture Of You And Turns It Into A MemeMy Profile

  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    February 1, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    I think the Interview will be really funny though! Haha but I will keep these in mind when I go boyfriend hunting… eventually 😛

    Cheers
    Choc Chip Uru
    Choc Chip Uru recently posted..Eating Day @ Bondi BeachMy Profile

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    February 1, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    After I had pushed out our third child who was 10.1lbs, my husband presented me with a two-year gym membership. If I’d had the strength I would have strangled him. I wanted diamonds.

    xx
    Hotly Spiced recently posted..In My Kitchen, February 2015My Profile

  • Reply
    Valentine Logar
    February 1, 2015 at 7:17 pm

    1. If you get another tattoo I will leave your azz
    2. What do you mean you are in pain, why are you always in pain maybe you are just getting old
    3. Why can’t you just do what I want sometimes, like driving the golf cart while I play
    4. Well just don’t look at the strobe lights during the f’ing concert that should solve the seizure problem
    5. If you would just work through the pain you could lose the extra weight, then you would look great

    And so many others. I don’t think I realized just how truly insensitive he was till I was able to step back from him.
    Valentine Logar recently posted..An Open Letter To WordPressMy Profile

  • Reply
    lisa thomson-the great escape
    February 1, 2015 at 7:22 pm

    “I’m not doing_____!”Fill in the blank. ‘Because’ he says,”I do what I want and then I do it again” one of his favorite sayings that really gets on my nerves. I counter with “you’ll do it if I ask you to.” Very sweetly of course. Kim, you had me laughing at “…he hasn’t been seen since 1980”. MEN. What can ya do?
    lisa thomson-the great escape recently posted..Quote Of The WeekMy Profile

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    February 1, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    That is hilarious!! Do they understand the meaning of derogatory?!
    Balroop Singh recently posted..Why I Married At 23…Sometimes We Do Make Wrong Decisions!My Profile

  • Reply
    Jann
    February 1, 2015 at 8:11 pm

    Thanks for the laughs, Kim!
    Jann recently posted..Comment on Summer’s End by BellaMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jen
    February 1, 2015 at 8:28 pm

    Remember when you were skinny?
    sigh…..
    Jen recently posted..it went tick, clank bang and boomMy Profile

  • Reply
    Corinne Rodrigues
    February 1, 2015 at 9:28 pm

    Oh dear Lord! I guess I’m blessed with a husband who values his life a lot! 😉
    Corinne Rodrigues recently posted..The Grateful LifeMy Profile

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    February 1, 2015 at 10:08 pm

    Padded yoga pants eh? Hmm 🙂

    I remember, long ago, a distant cousin was visiting. My folks wanted tea. They think I make kickass tea – just perfect. So – after handing everyone a cup, I settle down with my own. One of my cousins asks this guy – hey how’s the tea, pretty sure that the guy’s going to go ga-ga over it. The guy thinks for a few seconds…and says “hot?” (as in temperature). Well he has never been seen since.
    Vidya Sury recently posted..The Power of Positive Thanking #GratitudeMy Profile

  • Reply
    jannistyles1
    February 1, 2015 at 11:10 pm

    LOL I have so many things I could post here not just from husband but boyfriend since I left him more than five years ago. They all blunder. Let me think of a couple and get back to you. Might even try your 500 word submission.
    jannistyles1 recently posted..How Energy WorksMy Profile

  • Reply
    Solidgoldcreativity
    February 1, 2015 at 11:50 pm

    hehe, love the one who vanished in 1980. Wonder how he’s doing now? 😉 xx
    Solidgoldcreativity recently posted..The possibility of possibilityMy Profile

  • Reply
    TheKitchenLioness
    February 2, 2015 at 2:43 am

    Kim, thank you for making me laugh this Monday morning – I must say that my husband never raises his voice or says anything to hurt me – I am very lucky indeed…
    Love your posts, always and always – thank you for everything that you do,
    Andrea

  • Reply
    Totally Caroline
    February 2, 2015 at 5:05 am

    Oh gosh, these are good ones. I know a guy right now who resembles all of these comments. Men really are lesser life forms
    Totally Caroline recently posted..I am officially divorced!My Profile

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    February 2, 2015 at 5:59 am

    Thanks for the laugh.
    ladyfi recently posted..When winter gives you iceMy Profile

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    February 2, 2015 at 8:33 am

    LOL…I must show this to my husband later. Thanks for the laugh, Kim.
    Have a wonderful week ahead!
    Angie
    Angie@Angie’s Recipes recently posted..Black Quinoa stuffed Bell PeppersMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lady Jennie
    February 2, 2015 at 9:31 am

    Oh no! Please tell me these are not real!!!
    Lady Jennie recently posted..Life, Love and Sarcasm in ParisMy Profile

  • Reply
    Annette Molitor
    February 2, 2015 at 9:50 am

    Well Kim, the a-holes that said negative things are outstanding in the following areas…

    He loves HIMSELF,

    He believed I should have sibmitt to his authority,

    He was logical everyone else lacked common sense. By the way, he doesn’t have many friends. Surprised? I thought not.

    What you should have done is…

    You have a pretty face, if you lost a few pounds you’d be… I can’t recall and don’t give a fu…….ck,

    And that’s just a fraction of the nobel prize a-holes I’ve kicked out of my life.
    I appreciate the man I have now for who he is. Loving, patient, fun, smart, down to earth.
    Little Chickie

  • Reply
    Charlene Ross
    February 2, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    Once I said to my husband, “I don’t think these jeans are very flattering on me.”

    He said, “Most jeans aren’t.”

    I would have hit him if it wasn’t true. 🙂
    Charlene Ross recently posted..Valentine’s Day Gift Guide with Uncommon GoodsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Mike
    February 2, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    I think the only time I “stepped in it” was when I bought my (ex) wife some Hostein cow decorated items for the kitchen at Christmas. No, not a “fat” reference because she was freakin’ gorgeous and total aerobics nut. I bought them because she continually told me how much she loved them prior. So, it was my attempt to show her I was listening. She told me it represented domestication for a female. *eyeroll* I couldn’t be further from anything like that. This event was not the reason for our divorce 🙂

  • Reply
    Kristi Campbell
    February 2, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    Mine has said things like that “we” (meaning him too but still) aren’t in the kind of shape we used to be. When I call him on it, he’s all “what? We’re not!” He’s a keeper but sometimes, no filter. This post is hilarious, Kim!! I love it! HAHA to padded yoga pants and purchased gym memberships!!!
    Kristi Campbell recently posted..On Going Outside, The Darkness, and Thoughts That Feel Like Dough or Lava. On Thankfulness.My Profile

  • Reply
    Mandy
    February 3, 2015 at 3:17 am

    Oh my darling Kim, thank you so much for this post. I laughed out loud! It was wonderful! You are the best! THANK YOU!
    Have a beautiful day my sweet friend.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxoxo
    Mandy recently posted..In My Kitchen – February 2015My Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 3, 2015 at 5:53 am

      Mandy,
      have a beautiful, South African Day. xxxx LOVE !!

  • Reply
    Dad
    February 3, 2015 at 5:45 am

    Does that mean when you look back for a second look, you are a dirty old man.
    Love You
    Dad

  • Reply
    Marie
    February 3, 2015 at 9:51 am

    Oh Yeah! You made me laugh! It feels so good Kim.
    Remembering a guy who would say to his girlfriend, I’ll marry you if you lose 20 pounds. Crazy!
    Marie recently posted..Light after darknessMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jeri
    February 3, 2015 at 10:37 am

    One man comment that drives me crazy is “you’re so curvy.” Okay, so lots of men love curves, but when one tells me that over and over again, my brain is seething and thinking it’s just code for “you’re so plump.” Argh!
    Jeri recently posted..#LitChat: The Thorn Birds as Children’s Literature by Laura ZeraMy Profile

  • Reply
    Dana
    February 3, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    How about “Aren’t you going to get ready, babe?” when I am totally made up and ready to go. Not good.
    Dana recently posted..Playing favoritesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Alison
    February 4, 2015 at 6:18 am

    #6 made me laugh!
    Alison recently posted..I’m Cool With TransitionsMy Profile

  • Reply
    countingducks
    February 4, 2015 at 9:22 am

    I think I’ve done or said about six of those things which is why I’ve only got a slight limp and sleep on the couch
    countingducks recently posted..A Fragment Of UnderstandingMy Profile

  • Reply
    Charlotte
    February 4, 2015 at 1:23 pm

    OMG, bwuahahahahahhaha!!!!

    I would absolutely KILL my boyfriend if he ever said any of these things to me. Especially about the padding in yoga pants or asking about the VS fashion show (he has actually taped it before, and said it was b/c he was interested in hearing the “musical guest.” MY NON-LINGERIED-ASS!)

    Anyway, thank you for this. I needed a good chuckle today 🙂 Hope all is well with you, momma. XOXO
    Charlotte recently posted..The man who almost ruined it allMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    February 5, 2015 at 11:46 am

    Oh two balls split between by foot…nope.
    Shawn jokes around about my sanity and my back being all crippled but that is all in good fun. Really. Like waking up in the morning and seeing my hair all whipped into different directions and makeup smeared on my face – he’ll say something like “Oh no. On a scale of one to crazy I’d better go hide the plastic cutlery.” We all joke about it. If you can’t laugh…..
    Kimberly recently posted..Flipping The Switch From Tearful To CheerfulMy Profile

  • Reply
    Hilary
    February 6, 2015 at 4:42 am

    “Was I supposed to be listening to you?”
    Hilary recently posted..Follow Friday Four Fill in Fun Blog Hop – week 199My Profile

  • Reply
    Rita@thecraftyexpat
    February 9, 2015 at 9:13 pm

    Haha! That’s hilarious Kim!
    When I have been talking for five minutes and I receive no comment from his part and I finally ask him what his opinion is and he goes: “Can you repeat?” I can smack him then.
    I have been totally out of the blogging world for the past few months and I just wanted to say thank you so much for keep reading my posts and commenting. Also, a bit late, but I wanted to wish you a very Happy New Year 2015. May all your dreams come true.
    Rita@thecraftyexpat recently posted..Thriller Live MelbourneMy Profile

  • Reply
    vanita
    July 1, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    test comment while repairing site

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