Kim's Blogs

13 Reasons NOT To Friend Your Mama On Facebook


I love you Andrew & Alex!

I love you Andrew & Alex!

 

1.  Because last time you signed in, she IM’s you instantly from work telling you to get your ass outside to mow the lawn

 

2.     Because she asks infuriatingly why your friend, Dane, addresses you with–Waz up, Bitch?”

 

3.      Because she pokes you with red hearts and hugs and X’s & O’s  –ahhhhhhhhh

 

4.      Because it’s utterly embarrassing when her status screams, “Cougars Rock The Universe!”

 

5.      Because she’s still good friends with your old girlfriends and you’re NOT    ( I’m not sorry,  I really miss them! )

 

6.      Because after stalking gazing over your home page, she asks you what the HELL a Bong is

 

7.      Because she continues suggesting friends for you who are over 40… including  the pastor, the pinky-purple haired lady who cuts your hair , & Aunt Trudy

 

8.      Because after creeping looking on your photo albums, she makes an embarrassing comment like, Ohhhhhh, darling photo of you and Jeffry at the Homecoming Game.  Remember when you boys  used to hold hands in Pre-School?

 

9. Because she dresses your poor  cat, Bizzy,  up like Lady Gaga & Madonna and tags you  every.  single.  time.

 

10. Because she “LIKES” every thing you post no matter what it is, including the sporting events you attend… asking questions like, “Is that soccer or football,  Hon?”

 

11.   Because when you ignore her,  she messages your friends to have you come home for dinner

 

12.   Because her profile snapshot is a photo of you sitting on her lap in a diaper

 

13.   Because she will put this blog post on your homepage without hesitation   ( Yeeeeeah, Baaaby )

 

–Darling, Readers,  are you friends with your kids on facebook?   If not,  what are your thoughts about this?

 

–NOTES– I am loooooving  this fabulous book of short essays about breaking up with your  girlfriends: My Other Ex

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113 Comments

  • Reply
    Barbara
    November 1, 2014 at 7:46 am

    Laughing OUT LOUD!

    My boys are grown with boys of their own, but I can see this happening when the oldest grandson gets on fb next year! He will be soooo indignant about it all!

    xob
    Barbara recently posted..Domestic Abuse Includes Many Types and Victims: Scott’s StoryMy Profile

  • Reply
    Valentine Logar
    November 1, 2014 at 9:36 am

    I am friends with my sons (34 and 37) and their wives. I think sometimes I might embarrass them, but this is more because I am a bit out there and they wish I wouldn’t be quite so much ‘me’.

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    November 1, 2014 at 11:35 am

    I honestly can’t WAIT to stalk my kids’ FB pages when they are old enough to have them!! I wonder if FB will still be around?

    I will totally be doing EVERYTHING you are… aside from the cat. We don’t have one. 🙁

    I say you have THEM write a post about YOU!!!

    Play fair!! 🙂 “Top ten reasons why our mom is CRAY CRAY… ;)”

    They might come up with a few more, perhaps? lol
    Chris Carter recently posted..Time is Magical…My Profile

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    November 1, 2014 at 11:43 am

    Big, big smiles.
    Which I can do because I am both childless and FB-less.

  • Reply
    Totally Caroline
    November 1, 2014 at 11:50 am

    LOL, I’m glad my mom doesnt really know how to use the internet 😉
    Hope you are having a great weekend chicky.
    *kisses*
    Totally Caroline recently posted..WWDD (What Would Dita Do?)My Profile

  • Reply
    lisa thomson-The Great Escape...
    November 1, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    Oooh, what a juicy topic, Kim. You had me laughing with every REASON. Yes, I’m friends with my kids on facebook and I embarrass and them and IM them all the time. I’m careful about commenting on their posts but now that I’ve read this, Dear Kim, I will go ahead and join the party. <3
    lisa thomson-The Great Escape… recently posted..Mr. Nasty the Cold VirusMy Profile

  • Reply
    lisa
    November 1, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    I am laughing so hard, that my ribs hurt!!!
    I so loved this, Kim.
    Yes, I am friends with my kids on FB, but I am on there so infrequently, and when I am, I am very careful not to “invade” their privacy/business.

    Happy weekend to you, sweet friend. xo.

  • Reply
    Liz
    November 1, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    My boys let me friend them, but not my daughter. She’s probably smart…as Tom, my oldest had to tell me to stop endorsing him for skills on LinkedIn that are chemistry abilities that he does not have. Oops. I DO do a lot of liking of their posts!
    Liz recently posted..Osso Buco à L’arman #FrenchFridayswithDorie #SkinnyTipMy Profile

  • Reply
    Ellen M. Gregg
    November 1, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    ha ha ha!! 😀 Oh, my, Kim. That’s hilarious! 🙂

    Happily, my mom isn’t on Facebook. If I had children, I’m not sure I’d be their Facebook stalker BFF. Maybe I’m kidding myself. I’m not sure. I’d like to think I wouldn’t go there. xoxo

  • Reply
    Bren Lee
    November 1, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    LOL This is great Kim but being my mother passed when I was 11 years old, I would do anything right now to be her fb friend. 🙂
    Bren Lee recently posted..All Things are NOT Created EqualMy Profile

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    November 1, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    We are friends to each other but it’s safe for him since I don’t really do FB except for my posts to post automatically there. If I do go there I might check him out, especially any new pix, but tend to leave him alone. I embarrassed him enough in high school during basketball season (ho). I tried to blame the other mothers but he swears he knew my voice above them all, cussing the ref (I swear, it wasn’t me!).
    nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..More and More Favorite Things 4My Profile

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    November 1, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    LOL!! This is really cool! hilarious!
    I am Face Book friends with my daughter and we have no such problems!
    Balroop Singh recently posted..Hypocrites…Do They Lack Emotional Understanding?My Profile

  • Reply
    Jeri
    November 1, 2014 at 6:49 pm

    Haha… my mom bought a laptop once and I was going to help her learn how to use it, but she never took to it after a couple of sessions. It’s just as well, she’d probably have ended up addicted to internet gambling sites 😉
    Jeri recently posted..#Free: Popular Poe Stories #AllHallowsReadMy Profile

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    November 1, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    Hehehe – that made me giggle, a lot! The worst thing for them is doing the “Remember when” routine publicly!

    My son’s on Facebook and we’re not friends (maybe I should post about that?)

    My friend’s children are and I am friends with them. How weird!

    I am friends with his teachers at school too!

    Very embarrassing sometimes! Coz I gotta think before I speak every single time. ♥

    Love you more than the magnolias blooming in our yard, Kim!
    Vidya Sury recently posted..Hearing Loss: Taking Good Care for Healthy EarsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kristi Campbell
    November 1, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    GACHHHH I’m friends with my mom on FB. She IM’s my bio sister (who she’s never met) more than I do. It’s weird and gross and kinda awesome but well yah. I’m glad I’m friends with YOU though. Even though the mom thing would be weird between us 😉
    Kristi Campbell recently posted..On Halloween, Skanks, Fat Superheroes and Special Needs Children Trick-or-TreatingMy Profile

  • Reply
    Eric
    November 1, 2014 at 9:14 pm

    I made a post about this just last night, only the other way around (It’s the one in the CommentLuv). My dad made a Facebook page just yesterday. Oh the horror!!!
    Eric recently posted..Parkas in HellMy Profile

  • Reply
    Debi
    November 1, 2014 at 9:28 pm

    This is so funny and so TRUE! My son’s not on FB, but we follow each other in Instagram. I’ve definitely had to learn to curb my “likes” and comments. (Oh, and he makes me ask permission before I post ANYTHING with him in it.) xo
    Debi recently posted..Your Child’s a Teenager. Do You Know Where Your Life Is?My Profile

  • Reply
    Anne Krietlow
    November 1, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    Guilty of wayyyyy too many of those. My kids are my friends on facebook but they have both blocked me once or twice for bad behavior and socially embarrassing tagging/commenting
    Anne Krietlow recently posted..101 Free Prints through ShutterflyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Monica
    November 1, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    My daughter doesn’t use FB, though she has a FB page. My son doesn’t use it much but I found out he has a new girlfriend because she keeps posting photos of the two of them on his page. So as not to embarrass him, I never “like” anything on his page, and I try to keep visiting his page to a minimum. I will probably though ask him about his girlfriend the next time he stops by.
    Monica recently posted..Gadzooks! NaBloPoMo & Day of the DeadMy Profile

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    November 1, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    Ha ha ha! My daughter turned 13 and got a Facebook and Instagram account. She’s never out on FB though, but loves Instagram as that’s where all her friends are.
    ladyfi recently posted..Venetian skiesMy Profile

  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    November 2, 2014 at 1:02 am

    haha to number 11 especially xx
    solidgoldcreativity recently posted..Nine women in a gallery: Kathe KollwitzMy Profile

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Book
    November 2, 2014 at 5:58 am

    LOVE IT!!! Absolutely brilliant!
    I’m sure if I had kids I would be the most embarrassing mother ever!
    Have a beautiful love filled happy weekend ahead sweet Kim.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxoxo
    Mandy – The Complete Book recently posted..Ballerina and Batman PartyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever
    November 2, 2014 at 6:01 am

    You are a silly love-bug-mom!
    Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever recently posted..You belong. Period.My Profile

  • Reply
    Alison
    November 2, 2014 at 6:11 am

    Hahahaha!
    My mother is not tech savvy at all, and for that, I am grateful.
    Alison recently posted..Blogging and Social Media PeevesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    November 2, 2014 at 7:07 am

    LOL…good thing that my mom isn’t on Facebook at all…
    Angie@Angie’s Recipes recently posted..Hachiya Persimmon Arugula Salad with Truffle Oil and Lemon JuiceMy Profile

  • Reply
    Hilary
    November 2, 2014 at 8:03 am

    I love this!!! It is so true…

    Many of my nieces and nephews didn’t friend their moms for many of these reasons… But they friended me (and I would just pass along the important 411 my sister-in-laws needed

    Oh and my mom shares everything I post.. i think it is so cute!
    Hilary recently posted..Follow Friday Four Fill in Fun Blog Hop week 187My Profile

  • Reply
    Jann
    November 2, 2014 at 9:23 am

    Love this post, Kim!!! Thanks for the laughs. It’s cute that you poke your son with red hearts all day long. He may roll his eyes and tease you, but secretly I’m sure he adores being loved by you.
    Jann recently posted..Comment on Summer’s End by BellaMy Profile

  • Reply
    Susan Casey
    November 2, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Ok…I spit my coffee out reading this…thank you so much for such an uplifting hilarious post! Thank God we didn’t have FB when I was in high school. My mother most certainly would have stalked me and my brothers!!

    Love you sister! xo
    Susan Casey recently posted..Beauty in the PainMy Profile

  • Reply
    Dana
    November 2, 2014 at 11:30 am

    I am friends with my daughter on Facebook, but she never uses it anymore. Evidently it is no longer the thing with her friends – Instagram is where it’s at.

    My mother is friends with me on FB, however, and I am often on her page for TBT posts – on my birthday she posted a topless photo of me at age three. Lovely.
    Dana recently posted..unReal HousewifeMy Profile

  • Reply
    Dawn
    November 2, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    I was laughing out loud (really, not just lol-ing) and I don’t even HAVE kids!

  • Reply
    Carolyn Hughes
    November 2, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    My daughters aren’t using facebook yet. But they will be so I’ll bookmark this as a list of things not to do when they join! Love your humor Kim xx
    Carolyn Hughes recently posted..Successfully Overcoming DepressionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Debbie
    November 2, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    Oh, Kim, you are toooo funny! I don’t do Facebook. Long ago, Domer told me not to bother, that I already have enough “irons in the fire.” He has a page but doesn’t use it much. I can only imagine how embarrassed he’d be if I were to do any of these “suggestions” (especially #12!)
    Debbie recently posted..NaNoWriMo Time AgainMy Profile

  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    November 3, 2014 at 3:07 am

    Hahahaha I have both my parents on Facebook and mysteriously, I always seem to appear on their newsfeed! Thank god anything secretive comes out only in messages 😛

    Cheers
    Choc Chip Uru
    Choc Chip Uru recently posted..CCU Undercover: Goodtime DinerMy Profile

  • Reply
    Marie
    November 3, 2014 at 4:00 am

    Fabulous Kim! You just made me laugh and it’s all good.
    My mum is not into social media, so I am safe. But I might be in, in 15 years, when my boy will be old enough to be on facebook and I will remember your good advices, for his sake and sanity!
    xoxo
    Marie recently posted..Let’s celebrate Life!My Profile

  • Reply
    Sandy Ramsey
    November 3, 2014 at 4:07 am

    OH! this is classic! I love it and thank you so much for making me laugh out loud this morning….and all before my first cup of coffee is even down the hatch!
    Sandy Ramsey recently posted..Time in a BottleMy Profile

  • Reply
    Sandra
    November 3, 2014 at 5:13 am

    That is hilarious Kim! I am friends with all of my children on Facebook and so far so good. Every once in awhile one of their posts are a bit out of kilter according to “Mommy” standards. We have an unspoken pact not to embarass each other or our family. Hubby is on FB also so that really makes it interesting.

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    November 3, 2014 at 10:28 am

    I signed my soul to the devil himself when I accepted my mom’s friend request.
    That’s all I have to say about that.
    xoxox
    Kimberly recently posted..In Your Closet. In Your HeadMy Profile

  • Reply
    Mike
    November 3, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    #4 is absolutely hysterically funny, Kim. Good post 🙂

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    November 4, 2014 at 2:24 am

    It’s all so true! My children wouldn’t friend me for years and then they did friend me and I kept linking them to things I thought they should know about (life education etc), however, I have now been unfriended. It’s a cruel, cruel world xx
    Hotly Spiced recently posted..Food Estate, BelroseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Deborah Batterman
    November 4, 2014 at 10:06 am

    I am indeed friends with my daughter. . . .though it did take some time for me to make the plunge. I’m thinking she would be see me in some of your very funny thoughts. I won’t say which ones. 😉
    Deborah Batterman recently posted..Sugarholics not-so-anonymousMy Profile

  • Reply
    Alice
    November 4, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    Simply the most adorable thing I’ve read in a long time! I remember the day my folks joined Facebook… it was hilarious in fact becuase my paernts were so popular, I realised in no time at all they had more friends than me! Lol! your words make me think of how life will change one day, when I have my own children and how likely they’ll be embarrassed by me and the silly things I say on YouTube and social media, ha ha ha!!! xo
    Alice recently posted..Halloween recipes to get your spook on.My Profile

  • Reply
    Nikky44
    November 6, 2014 at 3:47 am

    I had a deal with my kids! I have the right to look BUT never a comment or like!

  • Reply
    Charlotte
    November 6, 2014 at 1:48 pm

    OMG, I just love love love everything about this… and holy hell–I am SO RELIEVED that my mom is NOT on Facebook (and that she barely knows what it is). I remember trying to teach her how to text. “Vait a minute, vait a minute… vere are my GLASSES?” 30 minutes later we were still in the same spot, and she had barely made any strides so I think FB is out of the question for now 🙂

    Great to be back–I’ve missed you, my sweet.
    Charlotte recently posted..UncommonGoods Review and GiveawayMy Profile

  • Reply
    debbie
    November 6, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    My youngest son who is 15 has told me that us old people have ruined FB and he doesn’t bother getting on anymore. My 27 year old son has told me to quit tagging him in posts…..so now I just private message him when I want him to check out something. God forbid I should write him on his page!!!! I do comment on his photos, etc…..but I am “very careful” what I write. Is this crazy or what?
    debbie recently posted..Key Lime CakeMy Profile

  • Reply
    ed p
    November 6, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    hysterical! i just set up my mom’s facebook account. first thing she wanted to know was how to make a heart.
    ed p recently posted..Teen roll-out in parking lotMy Profile

  • Reply
    Rashmi
    November 7, 2014 at 1:33 am

    Had a really bad day! Your post cheered me up!! Super funny!! 😀
    Rashmi recently posted..Goa Trip Photo Diary – Day 3, it ends here!My Profile

  • Reply
    Lady Jennie
    November 7, 2014 at 9:44 am

    Hi love,

    I want to put you in touch with http://www.annepeterson.com/#about-me who is a poet, and her sister was also murdered in domestic violence. I also told her about you.

    ((((squeeze))))
    Lady Jennie recently posted..Hard Pressed, but not CrushedMy Profile

  • Reply
    Ms Frau
    November 8, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    My Gosh – Guilty as charged! You are too funny. I dress up the dog, instead. In my defense, only rarely. And then I post it on my daughter’s facebook page. Thanks to you, I know now to just tag her! Haha.

    I had to stop by and say hi when I saw you comment on Go Bake Yourself – you said you were a Minnesota blogger, too. So in typical “mom” fashion, I stopped by, eh…stalked…by!

    I’m sure my daughter regrets the day she said, Mom, you have to get a facebook. Even worse was when she’d tell me just to text her something and I’d call her up and say, “I’m trying to text you but everytime I put such in such in it keeps changing it…” Then she’d get me fixed up and I’d text her. Then she’d text back and say, “Mom, you already told me what you were going to text, so you didn’t have to send it.”

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      November 9, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      Ms. Frau,
      you are HILAREOUS. (((Giggling in Duluth.
      Btw, the first time I texted my son, I typed in, “What Up, Doug?”
      He texted me back “WHO is Doug?
      Oh, I meant “What Up Dawg?!!!!”
      xx Where r You?
      My Inner Chick recently posted..13 Reasons NOT To Friend Your Mama On FacebookMy Profile

  • Reply
    TheKitchenLioness
    November 9, 2014 at 11:33 am

    Kim, what a fun post – you certainly made me laugh on a this chilly Sunday evening – my kids do not have FB pages yet – and I believe I would “stay away” from them if they did…

    Hope life is treating you kindly, always….

    Hugs and kisses from afar,
    Andrea

  • Reply
    Catherine
    November 9, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    Haha! I’m friend’s with my mum and my grandma on Facebook! Though to be honest I barely ever use it, so they can’t really stalk me/embarrass me too much. I guess the embarrassing thing is that both of them use it more often that I do!
    Catherine recently posted..Making Every Day An AdventureMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kelly @ Inspired Edibles
    November 9, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    Hilarious! I was one of these over-protective (likely) moms who wouldn’t let her kids go near facebook until they were well into their teens and by that point, I had freaked them out so much about the eternal repercussions of their frivolous actions, that they lost interest. oops. 🙂

  • Reply
    Kathy McCullough
    November 10, 2014 at 9:24 am

    Fucking brilliant, KIM! One of the funniest damn things I’ve read in AGES!

    I’m trying to get my butt back in the saddle. Sorry to have been absent of late, dear Kim. I have lots of excuses–none of them good enough!

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy
    Kathy McCullough recently posted..Remembering my Interview with “Baby Doc” Duvalier: On the Occasion of his DeathMy Profile

  • Reply
    Christy Birmingham
    November 11, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    Okay now I’m giggling! I’m excited to have found your site here 🙂
    Christy Birmingham recently posted..What Gets You Out Of Bed in the Morning?My Profile

  • Reply
    Zoe
    November 11, 2014 at 6:03 pm

    Hi Kim,

    Greeting from the sunny Melbourne, Australia! I saw your guest post at Choc Chip Uru and came to say G’day to you 😀

    It must be cold and snowy at Minnesota now. I have been to Minneapolis last year and I’m loving this beautiful city 😀

    Zoe
    Zoe recently posted..Chicken Wings baked with Bobby Flay’s Asian-style Pineapple-Ginger BBQ sauceMy Profile

  • Reply
    Yessica
    November 12, 2014 at 1:05 am

    This was absolutely hilarious and heartwarming at the same time 🙂
    My mom started using Facebook when I moved out. I was the one helping her to get an account (guilty here!!). Despite the fact that we are living in different countries now, she still treats me as if I was there (it’s so awesome and I miss her so much) and she still does all those things as if I was 17 years old haha. I try not to take more than one day to reply to her message even if I am amazingly busy because I know she will get worried. She likes every single status of mine and sometimes she comments random things (specially because she uses Google Translate – she doesn’t speak that much of English but I live in the UK now and obviously most of my friends speak English so I write in English everywhere, including FB…) . I guess I am even worse because I like every single random comment of her and I reply back most of the time too. She is the coolest ever 🙂

    Moms, they will always be moms. Hopefully I will be one one day too.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      November 12, 2014 at 10:14 am

      Yes, Yessica,
      Moms Will Always Be Moms! thank goodness.
      Where is your mama? What do you do in the UK?
      I LOOooooooooooooove London.
      My Hubs is from Liverpool.
      xxxxx KISS
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Australia, Amy Winehouse, & Aspergers My Profile

  • Reply
    Matt D.
    November 13, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    Haha.. This is hilarious! The panic of untagging every photo and making those comments private.
    Matt D. recently posted..100 Reasons It’s Really Great To Be A Guy!My Profile

  • Reply
    Phil
    November 26, 2014 at 10:47 pm

    I make it a point to never friend family members. My dad sent me a facebook invite and I ignored it. No way do I want them to see what I’m up to!
    Phil recently posted..It’s Thanksgiving in NYC. Turkey time! Come at me bro!My Profile

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