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Behind the Mask 0f Depression


 

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The Lord turned to me and He heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, and out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on rock. He put a new song in my mouth……Psalm 40:13

 

—–I’ve been inside the black hole of depression.

 

 

And it hurts like triple hell.  Wait,  that’s not completely true. What I mean to say is–it hurts, but it doesn’t hurt.   It hurts because you know intellectually you are without sensation, without emotion, without heartbeat, without passion, without joy.  It hurts because you know life isn’t supposed to be that way.  It hurts because night has fallen even when the sun is shining & the shadows are killing you little by little.  It hurts because you’ve disappeared and you’re not sure how to find your way back home.

 

How do you find your way back home?

 

Sylvia Plath said,  “The silence depressed me.  It wasn’t the silence of silence.  It was my own silence.”

 

Silence.      Emptiness.      Vacancy.

 

I remember soaking in bathwater feeling nothing.  An absence,  a void,  something unfilled. How can one be immersed in warm water and feel nothing?   I sat there for a long time allowing the water to wash over me… ‘What good is this, what good is anything?’  So, I got out of the water to sit on the couch and still I felt nothing.

 

You see,  you can’t escape it.   It follows you.  It creeps inside of you.

 

Depression is like a death.  The only difference being you’re still breathing, walking, talking, cooking dinner, going to work,  pretending,  lying.

 

You’re still applying your vivid red lipstick deceiving the whole fucking world.

 

It’s exhausting,  but you know the world wouldn’t understand….might think you’re crazy,  insane,  weak.

 

After my sister’s murder, I confessed to one of my root friends,  “I don’t know how I can take anymore of this.  I don’t know if I want to.  I think of ways to kill myself all day long.”

 

She looked at me and said three words.  That’s all.

 

I.    Love.     You.

 

Surprisingly, despair and sadness can be unobserved entirely to the outsider.

 

A perfect example of this was Robin Williams.    How can somebody that cheerful, funny, talented, and remarkable be hiding a massive secret like that?

 

He was.   Just as millions of others are.  And by the way,  if you’re assuming people who are in a depressive state as weak,  you are mistaken. You are misinformed.  You are ignorant.

 

These individuals are strong simply because they keep on living,  breathing,  smiling,  loving.

 

I dreamed I was inside a black hole trying to claw my way back up. My fingernails were packed with mud and my heart was pumping wildly.   I kept falling backwards into the hole, and I heard a voice calling my name,  “Come back, Kim.  The light is up here.  Come back.”

 

I.    Did.

 

But that doesn’t mean I’m whole.  It merely means,   I made the choice to live.  Even if that means, yes,  living without my sister.

 

———Dear,  Reader, remember,  my story is not your story.  If you need help,  it is available.  You are cherished,  valued,  and loved.  If you want to tell me your story,  contact me above…. or say a little in the comments below.

Think Before You Act: Click Here

–National Suicide Hotline open 24/7:  1-800-273-8255

 


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117 Comments

  • Reply
    elizabeth
    August 17, 2014 at 9:10 am

    I think people who deal with depression and thoughts of suicide (which I attempted twice in my teens) are strong and passionate people who have such sadness in them. I think they are so strong because they get up everyday and try to rise about the inner voices that are trying to convince to give up. A lot of people just get up and wonder what they are having for breakfast. For us, who have a twin named Depression, it is never that simple. But we do try. We write, we create art, we love, we hate, we fear and we try to help each other.
    So please give us a break and embrace us.

    xx
    elizabeth recently posted..The Girl, the Gold Tooth & Everything: a novel by Francine LaSala. The twists and turns are non-stop. Wear a helmet. The interview.My Profile

  • Reply
    Mike
    August 17, 2014 at 11:35 am

    Freakin’ awesome kick a$$ post, Kim!! First off I’m so unbelievably proud of you for not only surviving but achieving, living and loving infinity beyond where you possibly once were. I’ve slowly taken baby steps into sharing a bit more of my depression that I actually suffer from far less and less. No medication. Just a Golden Retriever that is my natural remedy. Often for me when I start slipping down that slope; depression invites anxiety to join that dreadful trek which has always been halted. Why? Because of just what you said. An enormous friend base with the special few who say those 3 words. I. Love. You. I’m glad you mentioned Robin Williams and the uneducated….a topic that has affected millions of us this past week. A caller said on a show on Tuesday about it being a selfish act…which I’ve heard before. Pissed me off. When someone reaches that state of mind and being they are not capable of even discerning selfishness! You nailed it with that quote by Sylvia Plath and the last segment, “It was my own silence.” My very closest friends know that when I’m too quiet it’s time to put up some red flags. That was always discovered a few months back when my blog went silent and some folks from around the world starting sending messages. That was very moving. We love you, Kim. xoxo, Mike and Phoenix
    Mike recently posted..Woody’s Grille And Spirits In Sparks, Nevada For Top Notch Food!My Profile

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    August 17, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Wonderful post. Depression is a horrible illness and we understand so little of it…
    ladyfi recently posted..Picnic skiesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    August 17, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    Thank you. Depression is a soul-sucker. And a powerful liar. And in cahoots with fear and anxiety and loneliness. Other powerful soul-suckers.
    A beautiful post. A truthful post. And I am glad that you have (mostly) found your way back into the light again.
    Hugs.
    Elephant’s Child recently posted..Sunday Selections #185My Profile

  • Reply
    Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com
    August 17, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    Hi Kim. You are so right that people who haven’t dealt with depression like you have, have a difficult time even imagining what you are going through. My heart can be sad for your experience but I STILL can’t imagine what you have gone through. I truly hope that anyone else that struggles with this terrible dis-ease finds help and support –and is able to make the choice like you–in spite of it all.

    And yes, I’m glad you were able and DID make the choice. ~Kathy
    Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com recently posted..Why We Mourn The Death Of CelebritiesMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      August 21, 2014 at 7:54 am

      —–Kathy,
      I’ve known people who have killed themselves.
      For them, it wasn’t a choice, it was a mandatory act.
      I cannot judge them for not being able to release themselves from the black hole.
      I thank God they are now in peace. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Behind the Mask 0f DepressionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Liz
    August 17, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    Such a powerful message, Kim. By revealing what you’ve gone through, you help many. And you also help those of us who haven’t been in your shoes understand a little more about the “deep hole” called depression. Thank you. xo
    Liz recently posted..Berry Topped Chocolate Silk Tart #SundaySupperMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      August 21, 2014 at 7:55 am

      Liz,
      my depression isn’t near as bad as many people. I’ve only tasted a little & it is fucking HELL. xx
      I thank GOD I found my way into the light.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Behind the Mask 0f DepressionMy Profile

  • Reply
    totsymae1011
    August 17, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    Probably you’re right that folk won’t get it. Your friend could not have stated words better.
    totsymae1011 recently posted..Ending A RelationshipMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever
    August 17, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    Keep clawing. That’s why women grow their nails long, Because we love deeply, so feel loss intensely, and need to claw often. But we love again, because we know we have those strong nails. And people are worth it. And we are worth it!
    Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever recently posted..7 ways to help someone stop thinking of suicideMy Profile

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    August 17, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    Hi Kim,

    I am so glad that you could understand that you had to get out of it. I am so proud of you for voicing that state of mind because the more we share, the better we can defeat this demon. I have seen this monster from very close quarters – one of my colleagues and friend slipped into this abyss and we helped her retrieve herself, with professional help and love. Both count but somebody has to keep speaking those positive words of healing all the time. You are saying those words for many who would read this article. Love you for that!
    Balroop Singh recently posted..The Golden CageMy Profile

  • Reply
    Trish
    August 17, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    Great post Kim. I hope everyone keeps these things in mind every time they meet someone new. I feel like people are so quick to judge others the minute they meet without realizing that they may be struggling with something. Depression sucks and I personally hate when people say things like “snap out of it” there is no snapping- just like you said there is only clawing.

  • Reply
    lisa
    August 17, 2014 at 4:58 pm

    This is a wonderful post, Kim.
    You are truly an inspiration, my friend. xo.

  • Reply
    Red Dwyer
    August 17, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    A quiet thank you. I have been there. Still spend much of my time there.
    I love you.
    xxx
    Red Dwyer recently posted..Wake Me NotMy Profile

  • Reply
    Tia
    August 17, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    I Love You!

  • Reply
    Marylin Warner
    August 17, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    What a powerful, poignant, and helpful post. Thank you for sharing this. I found myself look back many decades ago and finally getting a sense of what a high school friend went through and why she seemed so far away and unreachable after her brother’s death.
    Marylin Warner recently posted..NOW is the best timeMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      August 21, 2014 at 9:02 am

      Marylin,
      I don’t believe anybody can truly understand unless they have been thru pain, darkness, misery.
      It’s sad, but this is how one learns & grows…then hopefully, educates others. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Behind the Mask 0f DepressionMy Profile

  • Reply
    wild Child Mama
    August 17, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    Yes. I know this feeling. Like you said, it takes so much strength to keep going and to put on that lipstick for others. Damn. Depression. I don’t even have more words. Damn.
    wild Child Mama recently posted..Beautiful and Loved Mother’s Day OutreachMy Profile

  • Reply
    Nikky44
    August 17, 2014 at 7:29 pm

    Sometimes Kim even hearing people say how strong you are because you keep living and smiling and breathing and cooking, adds to your depression because you feel they just can’t see you. In fact, I don’t think they don’t, I know they don’t because I don’t show them, but also because they don’t want to see. If only you feel people want to know, you wouldn’t mind telling them, but no one wants to know, no one. i hate depression, i hate it
    Nikky44 recently posted..I challenged the FearMy Profile

  • Reply
    Amy@SoulDipper
    August 17, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    My mom had chronic depression. Thank God she talked about it to us kids and we knew it wasn’t our fault…kids take on the blame so easily. She told us we could do nothing. Nor did we need to worry about being any different. She said she just needed to be left alone and she’d find her way back.

    When I asked her what it was like, this intelligent, wise, loving mama said, “Well, darling, my mind grows its own legs and runs wherever it wants.”

    She told me she was sometimes afraid to let her imagination go during good times because the black hole of calcutta may see her off guard!

    My heart goes out to you. It’s important that you share these hugely valuable insights – just as you did. My friends who go through depression worry that they’ll seem crazy…and when people think they have to help to “fix” them, they DO want to go crazy!!

    Thanks to my Mom being open and honest about her depression, I believe I am a better friend to my friends who suffer.

    And all of these people in my life are bright, witty, beautiful, loving, courageous, determined and wickedly creative. Just like you, Kim!
    Amy@SoulDipper recently posted..Solitude – Entirely EssentialMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      August 21, 2014 at 8:11 pm

      ***darling, my mind grows its own legs and runs wherever it wants.***

      amazing statement.

      Your mother sounds amazing & authentic. What a beautiful woman….just like her daughter! xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Behind the Mask 0f DepressionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    August 17, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    I have lost a friend to depression and subsequently suicide, Kim…and it hurts so bad! And I’ve seen others in varying stages who’ve survived.

    I love what you said “root friends”. I don’t know where I would be without mine!

    All I can say is, I Love You.
    Vidya Sury recently posted..Krishna JanmashtamiMy Profile

  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    August 17, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    Profound observations in this post, Kimmy. Like this, “Surprisingly, despair and sadness can be unobserved entirely to the outsider” and “I made the choice to live”. I’m so glad you made that choice and continue to make that choice every moment. My life is richer for you. xx
    solidgoldcreativity recently posted..With this bodyMy Profile

  • Reply
    slamdunk
    August 17, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    Thank you for courageously sharing your story, Kim. I hope that others find comfort in it and listen to your advice.
    slamdunk recently posted..Vickie Ellington Missing and the Linda Reed CaseMy Profile

  • Reply
    Monica
    August 17, 2014 at 10:57 pm

    What a vivid portrait you paint of depression, Kim. My heart breaks for Robin Williams and his family and friends, and all of us who were touched by him. I’m writing a post about him on Monday. It’s just so sad, so unnecessary. Thank you for writing this.
    Monica recently posted..Tricky Dick ReconsideredMy Profile

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    August 17, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve suffered from depression, Kim but with all you’ve been through I’m not the least surprised. How wonderful that when you were at your lowest you had a friend you could talk to and she spoke some words in season. What a great friend. Sometimes friends can be our ministering angels! I’m so sorry that Robin Williams didn’t have that blessing xx
    Hotly Spiced recently posted..Fred Segal Mauro Cafe, Los AngelesMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      August 22, 2014 at 7:56 am

      –Sometimes it’s not enough to be surrounded by people.
      I’ve been on my knees….& thank God for bringing me out of blackness. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Behind the Mask 0f DepressionMy Profile

  • Reply
    TheKitchenLioness
    August 18, 2014 at 2:09 am

    Dear Kim, what a powerful post and what an important message – loved reading it again and again on this very cool Monday morning.

    Love you and your writing,
    Andrea

  • Reply
    Rita @ The Crafty Expat
    August 18, 2014 at 2:53 am

    Such a powerful message Kim. Thank you so much for sharing your story and for talking about these difficult subjects. Thank you for being you. You are amazing.
    Rita @ The Crafty Expat recently posted..Some colours and blog design changesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Valentine Logar
    August 18, 2014 at 4:23 am

    I love you, they are powerful words. I am so thankful you decided to live.

    I love you, too.

  • Reply
    Ellen M. Gregg
    August 18, 2014 at 5:26 am

    So good and important, Kim.

    In a discussion with a woman (her daughter attempted suicide 5 years ago, and she worries daily there may be a repeat attempt that’s successful) the night after news of Robin’s passing was publicized, I mentioned the oblivion of depression at that level.
    I clearly remember being in that space. It’s like a vacuum in which I felt disembodied and void of emotion and completely disconnected from anything that may have hinted at the light of Spirit. There was nothing to matter to me, which meant I didn’t matter, which meant life didn’t matter.
    Thank God for the angels – earthly and otherwise – who reach into that vacuum just in time. xoxo
    Ellen M. Gregg recently posted..The Revelations of Free WritingMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jann
    August 18, 2014 at 6:23 am

    You offer hope and help to so many people, Kim. What an important post. Sending a huge hug your way. xxx
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  • Reply
    Debbie
    August 18, 2014 at 7:08 am

    Thank you for shedding some light on this illness. I’ve had a few episodes of situational depression, where every little thing is a major chore, but nothing as serious as what you and others have described. I’m so glad you chose to live! ((HUGS)). Robin William’s suicide shocked the world and it is frightening to imagine that level of despair. Here’s to “root friends” (wonderful descriptor!) and love.
    Debbie recently posted..MOODY – PHOTO FRIDAYMy Profile

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    August 18, 2014 at 8:18 am

    Depression is a silent killer. I am so happy that you have decided to live and shared this powerful message. Thank YOU, Kim.
    Cheers,
    Angie
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  • Reply
    Susan Casey
    August 18, 2014 at 8:23 am

    Kim,
    Thank you for posting what so many of us have felt in this lifetime…through love, through loss, and the waking up, the sigh, and asking God to help get us through one more day. The sun does rise and there is joy on the other side of deep loss…even when we don’t feel it, can’t see it, it’s knowing it’s there waiting for us when we rise up out of that hole. Love you my friend…your strength, your courage and your words. xo

  • Reply
    Meditating mummy
    August 18, 2014 at 9:01 am

    And you will keep on going, Kim. You will wake up, you will smile and you will say to yourself, I lived, I had the strength to climb out of the hole, from the darkness. Robin Williams gave us so much happiness, yet his pain was still so much greater than the joy he bestowed on the world. It is time to support not judge.
    xx
    Meditating mummy recently posted..Walking Around the World – Sri Lanka ( Part II)My Profile

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    August 18, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    Oh am I so glad you heard the call… and reached grabbed, clawed, crawled, pulled, kicked,grasped, and stretched for the light.
    Oh how I thank God for that. Oh, how I thank God for that. Oh…how…I…thank…God…for…that.
    Chris Carter recently posted..Summer’s Grace for MomsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    August 18, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    You have expressed a powerful message so beautifully.
    Thank you my friend.

    Hugs
    Uru
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  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    August 18, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    I along with the rest of the world was shocked by Robin Williams’ passing. I guess you assume someone so universally loved would be immune to depression but of course that isn’t true at all. I’m so glad that you chose life Kim *hugs* We love you. xxx
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella recently posted..Two Layer Flan Topped Chocolate Cake!My Profile

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnon
    August 18, 2014 at 5:08 pm

    Love you Kimmy!!

  • Reply
    Marie
    August 19, 2014 at 5:32 am

    You found the perfect words Kim to tell what depression is, what it means, how we feel when we are entrapped in it. I hate this state. I hate depression. But I have to admit that despite it all, we keep moving and it’s the worst part of it. We keep living when inside it’s all messed up and broken.
    I am glad you made the choice to live. It’s a hard one Kim. But it’s the one that gives us the chance to share, exchange, meet, the chance to move on, to let go of the wish to die, to fight for something better.
    I.LOVE.YOU.
    These words changed my life.
    xxx

  • Reply
    Debbie
    August 19, 2014 at 8:23 am

    Kim, thank Heaven your friend said just what you needed to hear, just when you needed to hear it!
    Depression is such a frightening illness. I’ve known folks suffering from it, and what you’ve written here describes it perfectly. The clawing, the lack of feeling, the hopelessness. But it CAN be treated. One CAN come through it and survive, even thrive. You did; poor Robin didn’t. Perhaps having a lot of money or a lot of talent isn’t enough, at least for some of us. Perhaps we just need to find the strength — from within or without — to scratch our way to LIFE again — blessings on you, dear!
    Debbie recently posted..Itsy Bitsy SpiderMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      August 22, 2014 at 8:24 am

      Dying is easy.
      Living is hard….but one must LIVE LIVE LIVE.
      My Kenyan pen pal says this: Man Must Live.
      This is true.
      I have found that the sun RISES again. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Behind the Mask 0f DepressionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Sebastian Aiden Daniels
    August 19, 2014 at 10:38 am

    This is a great way to describe it. I understand you. I am glad that you came out of the hole.

    I still have days and moments where my mind just whispers to me, “Kill yourself. What’s the point?” You keep moving forward and acting effectively, but it does get tiring sometimes.

    Have a great day.
    Sebastian Aiden Daniels recently posted..How to Tell if You or Someone Else is a NarcissistMy Profile

  • Reply
    Dana
    August 19, 2014 at 11:28 am

    Keep talking, Kim. You, and everyone who has shared their own experiences with depression, may be the one voice that reaches someone who desperately needs help. No more suffering in silence.
    Dana recently posted..What’s on your phone? {#TuesdayTen Linkup}My Profile

  • Reply
    Sue
    August 19, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    spot on. well said.

  • Reply
    Alison
    August 20, 2014 at 2:27 am

    Please always choose to live.
    I love you. xo
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  • Reply
    Dangerous Linda
    August 20, 2014 at 10:19 am

    I. Love. YOU.
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  • Reply
    Lady Jennie
    August 20, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    Thank you for talking about it, and for posting the link. I was there in the black pit so I know what it’s like. But I am fortunate to have medicine that works for me, to be surrounded by love, and to have hope in God.

    It makes my heart ache that not everyone has that.
    Lady Jennie recently posted..Why do you read A Lady in France?My Profile

  • Reply
    Anna @ shenANNAgans
    August 20, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    Kim, what a post… I know the feeling, its a real arsehole too, it takes almost everything you have to keep moving forward, yet nothing much touches you, so in theory it should be pretty easy to keep trucking along.
    I am glad you chose life my friend… You are inspiring and real, you make my days brighter and I am so grateful I found you. Lots of hugs and love across the oceans to you. xoxox
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  • Reply
    Kristi Campbell
    August 20, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    Years and years and years ago, my (not really but wanted him to be and he was later) boyfriend’s dad shot himself, in the bathroom of their home, during a football game that the entire family was watching. I was pissed, and I thought it was selfish. Because teenagers found him. I still am a little pissed for those boys, but I get it now. I get that when people feel like that, that nothing else matters. I get it, and have lived it, and have survived it, although I still do not really talk about it. I’m glad that you do, and I am glad to have read this tonight. You rock for writing this.
    Kristi Campbell recently posted..Ice Bucket Challenge to Benefit ALSMy Profile

  • Reply
    Hilary
    August 21, 2014 at 3:38 am

    I think you are one of the strongest people I “know”

    Like anything, unless you experience it, you never fully understand….
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  • Reply
    KarenAnn
    August 21, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    Yes, you. are. strong…how difficult it must be to go on without your sister. But you MUST keep trudging on and renew your zest for life…so that all those special memories that only YOU have will continue to live through you. I’ve been in “that” place but not because I have suffered such a tragic loss. I can only imagine how you must feel….
    xoxo
    Karen
    KarenAnn recently posted..Theme: Things Go UpMy Profile

  • Reply
    Sandra
    August 21, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    Once again you nailed it. It’s often thought that people who are diagnosed (or not) with depression are always sad sacks moping around with heads hung low. Robin Williams never appeared as anything but cheerful and upbeat. Just goes to show we have no idea what goes on behind smiles and cheery faces.
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  • Reply
    Dawn
    August 21, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    If there is any good to come out of Robin William’s suicide it’s that maybe depression can be talked about more, understood more, and out of that maybe the world can become more compassionate. Hugs to you. Sharing isn’t always easy but it is almost always helpful, to you or to someone reading. You never know who you save.

  • Reply
    Jhanis
    August 22, 2014 at 1:07 am

    Love the writing, although I wish the circumstances were different. I only hope that we have more resources and help for those going through in our country right now. There are very little information on how to get help and where to get help.
    Jhanis recently posted..Text Abbreviations for MomsMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      August 23, 2014 at 7:24 am

      Jhanis,
      Unfortunately, there is a stigma that people going thru a depression are weak…so, many do no go in for help. It’s a bit sad, isn’t it? xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Behind the Mask 0f DepressionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Totally Caroline
    August 22, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    I read this and all I can think of is what a lovely person you are, because at the end, after all your sadness, you reach out at the end of your blog post to help others.
    God bless you. I know he can help you out of this.

  • Reply
    Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
    August 22, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    Amen to this. You just said everything that has been in my head for a very long time. Thank you.
    Marcia @ Menopausal Mother recently posted..Fly On The Wall In WackovilleMy Profile

  • Reply
    Debbie Reilly
    August 23, 2014 at 9:00 am

    I’ve lived with depression most of my life.
    People think you can just pull yourself up, act as if,
    And yes, you have to learn to do that, to survive.
    The depression then becomes hidden from others.
    I’ve used drugs and alcohol to self medicate, and after 25
    Years of sobriety(thank you God) and side effects from most all antidepressants I’ve tried, I use this analogy of my symptoms.

    With medication……I tread water, my head is above water.
    Without meds…….I’ve learned,I sink into the Abyss of Darkness
    I’ve also learned being chronically I’ll at a young age, is a challenge. I can certainly understand why the elderly are a high risk of suicide. They lose friends, spouse, health. A constant state of grief.

    Reach out and love those of you who have grandparents,aunts, uncles, who are alone everyone!!

    Kim?
    Have I told you lately that I love you?

  • Reply
    Jamie@southmainmuse
    August 25, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    This was beautifully written. Depression springs from a deep pain. The wound of losing your sister as you did must be overwhelming. I’m so sorry. I too believe that the psalmist must have understood that darkness. And God does too.
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  • Reply
    Heather
    August 26, 2014 at 10:03 am

    Thank you. While I don’t struggle with depression, I struggle with crippling anxiety. It amounts to pretty much the same feeling. . .anaesthetized, shut down, trying to feel anything beyond that hole. I love the Sylvia Plath quote too. Girl knew what she was talking about!! I’m so glad to have found your blog and will make it part of my regular rotation. xx
    Heather recently posted..lately (in pictures)My Profile

  • Reply
    guyana_gyal
    August 26, 2014 at 10:55 am

    What scares me is this – what do we do if we suspect someone we love is suffering with it, and will not admit that treatment is needed?
    guyana_gyal recently posted..Sunday Morning, the year is almost done…My Profile

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      My Inner Chick
      August 26, 2014 at 11:44 am

      —–Hi, Guyana,
      you cannot help somebody who does not want to be helped…
      You can only love them and say, “I’m here. I’m here. I’m here.” xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Behind the Mask 0f DepressionMy Profile

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    countingducks
    August 27, 2014 at 9:16 am

    When someone dies in this way, the reason why can become clearer only in retrospect. In their life you just hear the jokes and see them playing around and diverting you from looking at them as a person too deeply but when they die or kill themselves you look at the photographs again, and you can pick up the sense of isolation within company and you ask yourself, “Why didn’t I notice that when I could do some good? But you didn’t. Misery and depression are often very private states, and we hide them against all enquiry. Any perceptive interest in the person seems painful sadly. Those in most need of attention are often the hardest to reach
    countingducks recently posted..Violence And A Sense of Belonging, from The Third Reich to the Islamic State.My Profile

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    My Inner Chick
    August 27, 2014 at 11:42 am

    Hi, Peter,
    True. The people who are that hardest to reach are the people who will not talk about the depression…You see, especially for men, it is a sign (by society) of weakness. What a shame. xxx KISS for you.

  • Reply
    sherill
    August 28, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    I loved your post, it opens our eyes to reality . Being surrounded with people who love us, those we can trust and seeking guidance will help us overcome depression. Thanks for sharing. Great post.
    sherill recently posted..The Place I Started My Spiritual Studies – Life Comes Full Circle (Part 4 of 4)My Profile

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    Tara
    September 11, 2014 at 5:28 am

    Saint Augustine said, “Oh Lord, You made us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee.” Whenever I’m feeling depressed, I think of this. We are not made for this world, but the suffering we experience molds us and shapes us and develops us into stronger creatures. I agree with you that depressed people are truly strong, for they fight in spite of their weakness. We should never judge another, for we have absolutely no idea what they feel inside. Thanks for this, Kim.

    Love,
    Tara
    Tara recently posted..Subterranean Homesick AlienMy Profile

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