In Memory of Kay

1493 Days Since Your Execution


It’s been 1493 days since your execution.

 

It’s been a lifetime, a helltime, a darktime.

 

It’s been a split second, a nightmare, a flash of black.

 

It’s been a time of shadows and shit.

 

It’s been a God seeking time.

 

The more I cried out to Him, the more quiet the world became.

 

Where are You?  Why have You forsaken me?

 

My heart hurt like a closed fist. My liver bled out.  My lungs wept.  Even the blood that flowed thru my veins ached.

 

His silence was like another death, another murder, another insidious betrayal.

 

Where the hell are You?

 

Mom and I ironed eight salmon colored shirts for the pallbearers. I looked at her and said, “Mom, I wish, I wish we were ironing these for a wedding, a shower, a celebration. Not for Kay’s funeral.”

 

I read a poem by e e cummings at your service, but I don’t recall any of it through the fog, the fucking fog.

 

I remember nothing. I remember everything.

 

I remember half my toenails were painted red when I got the call.

 

I remember falling to my knees because I stopped walking, breathing.

 

I thought about ways to commit suicide.

 

How simple it would be to rear off into the other lane of traffic. How easy it would be to sit in the Kia while the fumes rolled up my nostrils.

 

Death appears painless compared to life.

 

Somebody asked, “Do you want to serve cake or cookies, sandwiches or a buffet?”

 

“I don’t give a shit.” I said. “My sister is dead.”

 
I have so much to tell you. So many secrets to share.

 

For example, after Mike killed you, I drank a bottle of wine every single day for 6 months.

 

“Is it 5:00 yet,” I’d ask. “Isn’t it time for a glass of wine?”

 

It helped for a while, but the sting continually found it’s way back like a sad, lost puppy.

 

In the end, I had to embrace the little bastard.

 

It was the only way I could move forward without you. It was the only way to live, to survive, to be a wife, mother, daughter, human being.

 

Anyway…

 

It’s been 4 years, one month, and one day since your execution.

 

I shall always count the days, always miss you, always–always–always.

 

Listen, I want to tell you this, Kay, because it’s important that you know I’m okay.

 

I’ve started to observe light bleeding thru the darkness.

 

I’ve started to feel the heat of the sun upon my face like warm,  soothing fingers.

 

I hear God. He talks to me through poetry, words, writing, & beautiful women.

 

I’ve come to realize that the miracle you prayed for came True.

 

You are Free.    Liberated.    Powerful.

 

You rise up from the grave
every. single. day.

 

And this, my sweet, causes me to rise up, too.

 

—-Darling, Reader, tell me about a time that you have RISEN up…in spite of yourself.

 

GET HELP if you are being abused in ANY way….HERE TODAY:  http://www.thehotline.org

1-800-799-7233

Keep Holding On:  Kay’s Last Video– http://myinnerchick.com/2013/11/01/keep-holding-on-footage-of-kays-last-days/

 


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109 Comments

  • Reply
    Tia
    June 28, 2014 at 10:05 am

    I love you!

  • Reply
    Elisabeth Kinsey
    June 28, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Lovely post, as usual. I think it takes time to rise up. Because a dear friend died recently – I just feel numb. It’s strange to think of the space she used to live in. I am sure I will rise up!

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2014 at 7:49 am

      —–Elizabeth,
      It’s taken 4 years.
      I’m still trying to Rise, survive, live.
      SO Sorry about your dear friend. Thank GOD we feel numbness. If we didn’t, we’d die from the pain. xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..1493 Days Since Your ExecutionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Joe Peterson
    June 28, 2014 at 10:38 am

    Kim, I love all of your writings, but this one… This one hit home. I made a vision board after Kel was diagnosed; it was months after he passed away that I stared upon it. I had things like clear scans, clean bill of health, etc. and all of it came true. What I forgot to put on that board was his survival, his life. All I could do was laugh… I missed the most important vision. I was able to laugh because he is no longer in pain. Kay and Kelly are peaceful and watch over us ❤️

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2014 at 7:52 am

      Joe,
      you know what?
      one day I felt this BURST OF JOY,
      and I’m like, WOW, what’s this all about?
      Immediately, it came to me.
      Kay is FREE, liberated…& she’s not with her murderer.
      This brought me sweet joy.
      LUV UUUU. xxxxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..1493 Days Since Your ExecutionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    June 28, 2014 at 11:08 am

    You know I love you! Hugs, Kim!
    Vidya Sury recently posted..Serenity. At Home In My ConservatoryMy Profile

  • Reply
    Debbie
    June 28, 2014 at 11:56 am

    Feeling God’s Presence once again is a miracle, Kim. I’m sooo glad you didn’t succumb to despair (or give in to suicide). Yes, often living life seems harder than just giving up and giving in, but so many people count on you, dear. And since Kay is no longer able to LIVE on earth, maybe a part of you can live for her?? At least until you meet again in Heaven?
    This is so emotionally gripping, so well written. I feel your pain and send prayers up for you.
    Debbie recently posted..Here a Debbie, There a DebbieMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2014 at 7:55 am

      Debbie,
      I love when you visit me.
      BTW, I could not commit suicide because I could never hurt
      my family like that (you see, I was still rational throughout my insanity ) also, I believe GOD had other plans for me.

      Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..1493 Days Since Your ExecutionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Trish
    June 28, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    Thinking of you.

  • Reply
    Yvonne Salvatierra
    June 28, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    This post, this post spoke to the very core of me -for so many different reasons. And I felt your pain, your angst, your anger and your love. I love my sister with my whole entire life. When she finally removed herself from the abusive relationship, I felt I could breathe again. I think, if something were to have happened to her, I would have lost my my mind and my life. I admire your courage and your perseverance. I wish only peace and love for you and yours. And I know, with all my heart, that your sister is looking down at you and smiling. 🙂
    Yvonne Salvatierra recently posted..Friday the 13th -my new favorite non-holidayMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2014 at 7:58 am

      —Yvonne,
      thank you for your beautiful comment.
      I am applauding your sister for LEAVING. I am also happy that you
      are breathing again.
      I am breathing for two people now: Kay & Kim.
      It was and is …Always Kay & Kim.
      Love!

      xxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..1493 Days Since Your ExecutionMy Profile

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    June 28, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    I had to rise when my son’s biological seed walked away while I was 7 months pregnant. I barely rose then to function but I did. Then I had to rise again when he walked away when son was 3 weeks old. I looked at myself in the mirror and decided my son deserved far better than “that”. I rose up, forced myself walked away then moved on. 10 years later a miracle walked into my cubicle at work named Alpha Hubby who became his legal father. We’ve been rising ever sense, never to look back on “that” which walked away.

    I’m glad you rose up to become the woman you are today and didn’t leave. Part of you moved to a new address (heaven) but soon you will see her again and we can all come visit you and meet her since you’ll probably be living next door to one another!

    For you, I wish she were here and not there. Always. But, my sweet, you have more light ti disperse into this darkening world.
    nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..Ta Da!!!My Profile

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    June 28, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Hurting for you, hurting with you. And so glad that some shafts of light are getting through the darkness. Hugs.
    Elephant’s Child recently posted..Sunday Selections #178My Profile

  • Reply
    Jann
    June 28, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    Incredible poetry, Kim. The thing that really got me was the image of you & your mom ironing the salmon-colored shirts for the pallbearers. It took my breath away. I love you and your mom and your whole family. xxxx
    Jann recently posted..Comment on Cooking in A Convent, Sicily by Marisa Raniolo WilkinsMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2014 at 9:42 am

      Jann,
      I shall never forget.
      The salmon shirts were endless…endless.
      I remember I kept thinking, “What a beautiful color & at the same time, What an ugly color.”
      xxx KISS for you, sweet girl.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..1493 Days Since Your ExecutionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Nikky44
    June 28, 2014 at 2:34 pm

    I love you. I have so many different emotions when I read your posts about Kay. It breaks my heart but at the same time see the beauty of your connection. I can feel the love you share.
    Sometimes I feel angry, very angry that God hasn’t been fair. I ask him why He chose her? Why take someone who wants to live, someone who is loved and leave those wishing to die? I so often ask him why Kay? Why not me? Then i comfort myself thinking of how happy she is now. She is free.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2014 at 9:43 am

      NO! NO! NO! NOOOOO!
      NOT YOU.
      God is not ready for you yet. He was ready for Kay.
      You still have work to do on earth, My Lovely Girl. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
      My Inner Chick recently posted..1493 Days Since Your ExecutionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Debi
    June 28, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    I love this: “Listen, I want to tell you this, Kay, because it’s important that you know I’m okay.” You have liberated Kay and yourself with this. XO
    Debi recently posted..It’s Never Too Late to Join the CircusMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2014 at 9:47 am

      Debi,
      Yes.
      Kay is finally liberated, free, released from the man who kept her down down down. This brings me joy. Xx Kiss for you, sweets.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..1493 Days Since Your ExecutionMy Profile

  • Reply
    lisa thomson-The Great Escape...
    June 28, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    Tears, again. Kim you always express so incredibly with your poetry. I can’t even begin to imagine how lost you felt and how abandoned by HIM. To tell Kay now that you’re seeing some light breaking through is a miracle in itself. You are amazing, Kim. I can’t even say that I have risen up because I really haven’t in comparison to you and your lovely sister. Not to mention your whole family.
    lisa thomson-The Great Escape… recently posted..Plenty of Fish In the Sea? Watch Out for SharksMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 30, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      God is REAL.
      He is the only reason I’m alive today.
      XXx KISS for you, Lisa.

  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    June 28, 2014 at 4:20 pm

    Your pain can reach me Kim.
    I can hear those shrieks.
    I know this helplessness.
    The heartbreaking silence
    the anguish, the ache, the yearning
    How can we let go?
    Why is destiny so mute?
    Why is life so weird?
    My blood boils, dark clouds overwhelm
    I struggle as I go down
    The memory lane is so shrouded
    So stifling!
    When will the fog dispel?
    When will I be able to breathe?
    Oh! I want to live! I too have the right!

    Love you Kim.
    Balroop Singh recently posted..Seven Secrets Of ArroganceMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 30, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Balroop,
      gorgeous words. THANK YOU. xxx

  • Reply
    Loreen
    June 28, 2014 at 5:08 pm

    Kim-My brother was killed in 2006 in a car accident. I have never been the same since. But one day about a year ago I stumbled upon your post. I am not even sure how. You truly have been an inspiration to me. I enjoy reading what you write. Not that I enjoy you hurting but that I now know some of the feelings I have had and would never share are normal to feel. Thank you in all sincerity. You are a phenominal inspiration.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 30, 2014 at 12:34 pm

      Loreen,
      Thank you for reading my mourning & understanding, as well.
      Nobody understands unless they’ve been there…
      I am so very sorry about your brother. We are never quite the same
      after our love one’s die, are we?
      Well, at least I’m NOT w/out my sister.
      xx LOVE from Duluth.

  • Reply
    CheChe
    June 28, 2014 at 5:31 pm

    Tears again…so heartfelt…happy tears when you state, “I’m okay.” God bless.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 30, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      Che-Che,
      sending you love and appreciation for your friendship. xxxx

  • Reply
    Amy@SoulDipper
    June 28, 2014 at 7:46 pm

    Kim, I think it’s the Canadian Rock Band – Bare Naked Ladies – who have a song with a line I love. It “kicking at the dark until it leaks daylight.” Seems you’ve been doing that for 4 years, one month and one day!

    Love to you, sweet woman. May you be blessed with growing leaks. Sounds like you have had a few…!
    Amy@SoulDipper recently posted..Here’s To Gaiam TV!My Profile

  • Reply
    Amy@SoulDipper
    June 28, 2014 at 7:47 pm

    No! It’s “BLEEDS daylight”!
    Amy@SoulDipper recently posted..Here’s To Gaiam TV!My Profile

  • Reply
    Fancy Ranci
    June 29, 2014 at 5:44 am

    “I’ve come to realize that the miracle you prayed for came True.” This is a beautiful line, and it tells me that you really are seeing some light in this vast darkness.

  • Reply
    Ellen M. Gregg
    June 29, 2014 at 6:58 am

    I’m grateful for this gentle Sunday morning, and its well-planned and well-timed quiet, so I could drink your words from a mindful mug of heartfelt compassion.

    Kim, you rise up in so many ways, not the least of which is the sharp-edged beauty of raw truths. Your innate courage gives rise to an opportunity to drink in my own raw truths from that same mug.

    When I do that, I forgive myself for not recognizing my fiance was a pedophile before he acted on it. And I forgive myself for placing blame on my child self, who was molested once, twice, three times between the ages of 9 and 12. And I forgive myself for falling in love with a man who wasn’t available to me. And I forgive myself for allowing all of that, and more, to push me to the brink of madness and suicide before I gave myself permission to seek help.

    It’s in that forgiveness that I rise up. And it’s in that forgiveness that I move forward; not forgetting, but knowing that my spirit is greater than those scenes in the chapters of this book of life.

    So much love, dearie. xoxo
    Ellen M. Gregg recently posted..Does Your Dream Fit Your Soul?My Profile

  • Reply
    Barbara
    June 29, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Kim, Your poetry is so powerful. You paint pictures with words, and they aren’t always pretty pictures, but they are real, true visions of suffering and pain…and glimmers of light. I’m so glad you are healing. You’ll never forget, but you are living again. That’s a blessing to Kay.
    xob
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  • Reply
    Alison at Diamond-Cut Life
    June 29, 2014 at 11:29 am

    Many years ago my then-husband piled my possessions into my pick-up truck, doused it all with gasoline, and torched it afire.

    It took me a long time to recover from all the reverberations of that. But I did, with the help of God/Goddess and lots of loving friends and family. I wrote a novel based on that chapter of my life, called Revelle (rhymes with gazelle). It has humor, tenderness and redemption, not just tragedy. A key intention behind my writing it was to help other women to recognize when they are falling in love with someone who is taking them down the path of domestic violence.

    Kim, thank you (again) for using your and Kay’s horrific experiences to connect with others and lift us up. You’re a vibrant, kick-ass blessing to the world.
    Alison at Diamond-Cut Life recently posted..Happy Fourth! Getting Past Independence-WorshipMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      Thank you for telling me a bit about your life, Alison.
      I appreciate it.
      About your book… what could be better than ****humor, tenderness and redemption?***
      Great Combo.
      xxx KISS from MN>
      My Inner Chick recently posted..1493 Days Since Your ExecutionMy Profile

  • Reply
    lisa
    June 29, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    This is such a beautiful post, Kim, and so inspirational for those who have been through what you’ve been through.

    I cannot tell you how happy I was when i read these lines:

    “I’ve started to observe light bleeding thru the darkness.

    I’ve started to feel the heat of the sun upon my face like warm, soothing fingers.

    I hear God. He talks to me through poetry, words, writing, & beautiful women.”

    You are truly amazing, my friend. xo.
    lisa recently posted..It Finally Feels Like SummerMy Profile

  • Reply
    Alison
    June 29, 2014 at 5:34 pm

    You are stunning in so many ways, Kim. xoxo

  • Reply
    Aussa Lorens
    June 29, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    Risen up in spite of myself? Definitely when I had to meet the ex in court and testify against him. I’m still not entirely sure how I got through that.
    Aussa Lorens recently posted..It’s Game of Thronesy Up in HereMy Profile

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    June 29, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    I was just listening to a Beth Moore book (Daniel) in my car, and she talked about how we just don’t get it. We don’t realize how this time on earth is so fleeting, and our home for eternity is Heaven. We grieve and anticipate letting go, and yet? When we finally land in our Father’s Hands, in our glorious forever place- we will truly understand.

    i believe God absolutely, positively answered Kay’s prayer.

    Beth talked about impeding threats of death in cancer as an example. She offered options with a diagnosis.. God will either “deliver us through it” or “deliver us TO it”.

    Guess which one God decided on for His Precious daughter Kay?

    He delivered her TO it. To Him. The BEST option of all. It was a miracle.
    Chris Carter recently posted..It Takes A Good Woman To Know One: TToT Women’s EditionMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      —–Chris,
      your perspective & comments blow me away.
      I love this: God will either “deliver us through it” or “deliver us TO it”.
      I love love love!
      It has taken 4 years, but I know this is true for Kay.
      I just effing miss her!
      Xxx you are a blessing in my universe.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..1493 Days Since Your ExecutionMy Profile

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    June 29, 2014 at 8:30 pm

    This brought tears to my eyes. Heart-wrenching and beautifully written.
    ladyfi recently posted..Stormy beautyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Manal The Go Go Girl
    June 29, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    I’m still in tears. I just can only imagine how much you miss her and I’m so happy you’re seeing some light.
    Love this:
    I have so much to tell you. So many secrets to share.
    For example, after Mike killed you, I drank a bottle of wine every single day for 6 months.

    Powerful words!

    Hugs and kisses:)
    Manal The Go Go Girl recently posted..Karma, Is that you?My Profile

  • Reply
    Monica
    June 29, 2014 at 9:04 pm

    Kim, this is so achingly beautiful. A stunning, heartbreaking piece.
    Twice I’ve felt that I can’t go on. Make that 3. The first time when I was in high school and I think you know the story. The second when I was going through my divorce and my ex betrayed me with his affair and knocked the wind out of my love for him. And then when my mother died. Each time I thought I’d never get passed it, and each time I did.

    Bless you, Kim. I’m glad that light is bleeding through to your darkness.
    Monica recently posted..Chewing the FatMy Profile

  • Reply
    Rita @ The Crafty Expat
    June 29, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    Sending you love beautiful Kim…
    Now, now I feel I have to pick myself up every single day to be able to continue. I’m going through very difficult moment in my life, things too personal to talk about on the blog and I feel exactly this, that I have to rise up every day in spite of myself.
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  • Reply
    Considerer
    June 29, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    Such a powerful post. I’m so glad you’re beginning to feel the light again.
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  • Reply
    Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever
    June 30, 2014 at 5:59 am

    She has witnessed your rising. Both of your risings. xoxo
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  • Reply
    Marie
    June 30, 2014 at 6:23 am

    When I read you Kim, I feel a hole in my stomach, my whole body is becoming painful. I can’t feel what you’ve been and are going through. I can only imagine.
    But when you are seeing the sun through the dark and heavy clouds, I know that you are experiencing a miracle.
    I’ve risen up the day I hold my baby boy in my arms. I knew I’ll have all the courage in the world to fight for him.
    LOVE, MUCH MUCH LOVE.

  • Reply
    Sebastian Aiden Daniels
    June 30, 2014 at 8:11 am

    Your post made some tears well up in my eyes.

    A time I rose up was after my second suicide attempt and the months afterwards, moving on from those and working on mysef to become a better me and to take responsibility for my life and emotions.
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2014 at 8:43 pm

      ——Dear, Sebastian,
      can I just say how glad I am that you are still on earth. Apparently, God has great plans for your future. xxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..1493 Days Since Your ExecutionMy Profile

      • Reply
        Sebastian Aiden Daniels
        July 1, 2014 at 9:32 am

        Thanks Kim : D. Even if those plans are being there for my best friends then they are great. As my best friend said to me, “If you had succeeded in your killing yourself. I would have learned to resurrect people so I could bring you back to life and then kill you again because I’d be so angry.” I think hearing that from her was a kick in the balls that I needed to really work on myself and get the help I needed.
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        • Reply
          Kim Sisto-Robinson
          July 1, 2014 at 12:05 pm

          You are LOVED))!!! xx kiss from MN.

  • Reply
    Burns the Fire
    June 30, 2014 at 8:20 am

    I am so very sorry.
    Burns the Fire recently posted..We Are AliveMy Profile

  • Reply
    Sandy Ramsey
    June 30, 2014 at 11:29 am

    Kim, I wish I knew what words to say. But I don’t. This is so beautiful, even if I hate that you have to write it at all. I think the line that got to me the most was ‘I’ve come to realize that the miracle you prayed for came True. You are Free. Liberated. Powerful.’

    That you can come to the place where you can believe that is incredible. Kay is powerful. Through you, the two of you will save people. I know it.
    Sandy Ramsey recently posted..Hang Ups and HypocrisyMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 6:11 am

      Sandy,
      thank you for visiting my mourning/morning pages. xxx

  • Reply
    Sandra
    June 30, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    I look forward t the day when your beautiful and heart wrenching words reach the best seller list.
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    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 6:15 am

      Sandra,
      As always, I appreciated you SO MUCH. xx

  • Reply
    Annette Molitor
    June 30, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    Hi Kim,

    I think I’d have to say my issue for rising up in spite of myself, was not going back to my ex even though my heart was not healed. You see, my knowledge base knew he was bad, but I was still grieving the monster. My Barbie doll heart was still foolish, and my counselor had to continue to awaken me and my Christian friends continued to pray for me.

    Yeast is added to bread to make it rise, then you have to wait for the bread to rise before it goes into the oven. Emotions are much the same way. There is a healing process. A debriefing process. I had to see him for what he was. It took time though.

    Now I look back and see what a monster he was. He has no power over me. But he did even when we were still physically apart. To be able to sit here and say I now know what love is, and what it isn’t is empowering in itself.

    HUGS Dear Kim!

    Annette Little Chickie

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 6:16 am

      Little Chickie,
      I am thrilled you left your abuser. YOU ARE an inspiration to other women, dear.

      xxxx

  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    June 30, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    It is beyond unfair and unjust how you lost your beautiful sister. Keep being strong and don’t allow anything to undermine your inner strength!

    Hugs
    Uru x
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    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 6:18 am

      Dear, Choc,
      love when you visit me. xxx

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    June 30, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    This is so moving and brilliantly written, Kim. Kay is in a good place with no regrets and there will be a reunion. It’s good to hear that you are rising up too, despite such an atrocity. I had to rise up when my oldest son was nearly killed in an accident. Those days in ICU when he was on a respirator and I was being told, ‘there’s no hope’ were not easy xx
    Hotly Spiced recently posted..A Country EscapeMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 6:19 am

      Charlie,
      how is your son now? I hope well.
      You know what, If I didn’t believe in GOD, I would have NO HOPE…
      and that’s the whole truth.
      Love to you in Ausie Land. xxxx

  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    June 30, 2014 at 11:13 pm

    It takes much courage to continue living. That’s one of the many things you convey to me, dear Kim. And it’s for all of us. You make me think of this line I read: “Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument. Let the beauty we love be what we do.” (Rumi)
    solidgoldcreativity recently posted..caringMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 6:20 am

      OOOO,
      what words of wisdom by Rumi.
      absolutely beautiful.
      XXX KISS for you, Narelle.

  • Reply
    TheKitchenLioness
    July 1, 2014 at 12:08 am

    Dear Kim, I am in awe of your writing…So glad to see that you are such an incredibly strong woman.
    Thank you for shring your beautiful words!
    Lots of love,
    Andrea

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 6:21 am

      Andrea,
      I’ve miss you. Hope you are cooking up a STORM))) xxx

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Book
    July 1, 2014 at 1:54 am

    You are the most awesome, incredible, brave and wonderful woman!
    Sending you love and hugs across the oceans dear.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo
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    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 6:22 am

      Mandy,
      love when you visit me across the Oceans. So far away, yet only moments away from my heart <3 xxx

  • Reply
    Liz
    July 1, 2014 at 6:58 am

    I have watched the evolution of your grief. I’m glad you’re OK. Kay is smiling down at you…proud of what you’re doing for women across the land. xo
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  • Reply
    Jennifer Wolfe
    July 1, 2014 at 7:17 am

    Kim, you write with so much power. I’m so glad you’re here.
    Jennifer Wolfe recently posted..My Best Life, June, 2014: A Month of EmotionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jeri
    July 1, 2014 at 7:32 am

    It really does take sooooo long to process traumatic events, but somehow we do. Seeing you get the word out about domestic violence is such a good thing even though it had to come about from your sister’s loss.
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    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 11:59 am

      Jeri,
      this has been the positive thing since Kay’s death: She Is Saving Other Women. xx

  • Reply
    Susie (The Esthetic Goddess)
    July 1, 2014 at 9:22 am

    This is so incredibly beautiful and moving. So sorry for the loss of your sister.Through your pain you will find strength. My father passed last year and watching him take his last breath has effected me in ways I never thought possible. I think you are never completely healed. You simply try and find your new normal.
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    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      —-Susie,
      Yes, a new normal (whatever that is)
      I almost felt as if I needed to reinvent myself, you know?
      I mean, who am I without my sister?
      Everything is different. Everything changes.
      But the LOVE endures.
      SO VERY Sorry about your father. xx

  • Reply
    Charlotte
    July 1, 2014 at 11:13 am

    This stopped me cold: Death appears painless compared to life.

    I’m sorry that you ever EVER had to experience this type of unimaginable grief and hurt and I can only hope that each day forward brings you some semblance of peace. In light of all the shit and the awful, I hope that you are always comforted by the fact that your sister is always with you and that every now and then you are able to feel a glimpse of her. She would be so proud of you. XOXO
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    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 12:02 pm

      Charlotte,
      You know what’s amazing?
      That one can see light thru shit & shadows. Seriously.
      I find that simply astounding. xxxxx

  • Reply
    Dana
    July 1, 2014 at 11:47 am

    No matter how full of grief and sadness your writing is, there is always some light. I hope that will always be the case, that you always share a little of your light, and Kay’s light, with us.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2014 at 12:03 pm

      Dana,
      Kay was light.
      Now I need to be her light. Thank you for reading, as always. xxx

  • Reply
    Susan Casey
    July 1, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    OHHH…THANK YOU! Each and every one your posts speaks to the deepest part of me. I rise up when I read your pain, your process…and the light you feel on your face. You give me HOPE…that’s what you do when you share your beautiful words, your heartache, your “light.” I rise up when my mother still finds it inside of herself to laugh even in the profound absence of my brother. I rise up when I get another sign that my brother is with me, like that piece of heart-shaped apple I found on the beach just as I was talking to him. I rise up when I remember that he’s in my heart…and no one can ever take that from me…just as Kay is forever in yours. I rise up when I know that crying in the space he’s left behind is okay…it’s mine and mine alone. I rise up knowing that I have a kindred soul-sister in you.

    I LOVE you! You do carry her light…and you are touching so many of us…and giving us the courage to not drive into oncoming traffic:-)

    x0x0x0x0x Susan

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      July 2, 2014 at 6:40 am

      Dearest, Susan,

      I smile when I think of you.

      I smile- because God brought you into my mourning place.

      I smile- because if you can go forward without your brother, perhaps I can, too.

      That’s beautiful.

      Xxx Love you from MN.
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  • Reply
    reneejohnsonwrites
    July 1, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    My lovely Kim, how beautiful is this post!!

    What I adore most, is the sliver of light, the whisper of God. In our darkness we shield ourselves from it. We don’t want to feel warm or happy. It seems like sacrilege.

    But Kay won’t let you live there in that bleak existence and now you know it. I adore your honesty. You are so brave and courageous. And she is beside you, lighting the way.

    Hugs,
    Renee
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  • Reply
    Janice
    July 3, 2014 at 2:15 am

    Hi Kim!

    I came across your site from Sebastian’s site (PG4life.com)

    I read your sister’s story and I am saddened by what happened and wanted
    to reach out to you.. Stay strong, you’re doing an incredible job and you
    are helping a lot of people..

    Have faith that there is a purpose in this senseless act 🙁
    God is using you to help heal other people.

    Stay strong and take care!
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    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 3, 2014 at 6:28 am

      —–Janice,
      Thank you for your sweet words.

      Yes, I believe I was left behind w/ out my sister to be HER VOICE.

      I have no doubt about God’s plans ( well, a little )

      I shall
      tell Kay’s story until we meet again in paradise, which I have NO DOUBT whatsoever.

      xx Love from MN.

  • Reply
    Wendy
    July 7, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    You poor darling. I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain in which you and your family have suffered.

    In my thoughts from the other side of the planet xo
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  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    July 8, 2014 at 8:24 am

    Thank you for reading my mourning, Wendy. xx
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  • Reply
    Kimberly
    July 11, 2014 at 3:50 am

    The line that struck me the most was when you wrote that half of your toenails were painted.
    How reflective of this horrific situation…life stopped…beauty in life stopped….
    I wish I could hug you right this second.
    I am so freaking proud of you for taking your pain and help others heal.
    xoxxoo
    Kimberly recently posted..If You BlinkMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 11, 2014 at 8:21 am

      And I am proud of you for LIVING & utilizing that AMAZING voice of yours, Kimberly.

      xxxxxxxxxxxx LUV from MN.

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