Kim's Blogs

How I Almost Effed Up Seeing Cher


 

For my birthday this year, Mr. Liverpool buys me a ticket for Cher’s tour, Dressed to Kill.

 

 

You’ve got that right, sister, the one and only C H E R!

 

Sonny’s Cher. Mask’s Cher. Slapping Nicholas Cage’s face in Moonstruck’s Cher. Cher dressed in Bob Mackie. Glittered, feathered Cher. Silkwood’s Cher. Cher, whom along with the roaches, would be the only human being to survive a nuclear attack.

 

Yeah, I kind of jump up and down like a fool with my hands flaying in air.
“Yes! Yes! Yes!”

 

Another thing to cross off my bucket list along with Madonna, marrying a dude from Great Britain, Vera Wang shoes, & reading War and Peace.

 

Heee.  Just kidding about the War and Peace thingy.

 

Anyhow, about a month later, Mr. Liverpool informs me that he can’t go with me, that he hadn’t looked at his schedule properly, that he had a soccer tournament on, can you believe, the same day as Cher.

 

“I’m serious,” he says. Was he? Reeeeally? “Call Jeanie. She’ll go with you.”

 

Of course,” Jeanie says, “HELL, Yes.”

 

I book a shuttle to Minneapolis for Thursday the 12th of June… Because if you know me at all, you know my sense of direction is pure and utter shit. Okay, put it this way, if you told me North, I’d ask, “is that right or left—up or down?”

 

On Tuesday, Mr. Liverpool asks, “What time does the shuttle leave tomorrow?”

 

“Not tomorrow, Silly. The concert is on Thursday.”

 

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s tomorrow, Kimmy.”

 

He was right. Again. I hate when that happens. Hate hate hate.

 

I change my ticket immediately.

 

After that particular fiasco, Jeanie calls. “O, Kim, I royally screwed up.”

 

“What nowwwwww.”

 

“Cher is at the Target Center. I booked a hotel for us near the Excel Center. We can’t get our money back.”

 

“How far away are we from Excel?”

 

“Lets just say, we need to take a train across to Saint Paul.”

 

“Will it be a long or short ride?”

 

“Um, long,” she mutters.

 

It doesn’t matter. We are going to see Cher and it’s her farewell tour. Hell, she’s almost 70 years old. My god, it’s once in a lifetime, baby.

 

Thus, I’m finally on the shuttle halfway between Duluth & Minneapolis listening to Jodi Picoult’s, The Tenth Circle. It’s about this girl who falsely accuses this guy of raping her because he dumps her.

 

Right in the middle of a philosophical sentence explaining the emotional motivations of why some idiot would bogusly accuse somebody of raping them, I scream.

 

Loudly.

 

The scream gushes from my mouth unexpectedly, abruptly, embarrassedly.

 

“SHiiiiiIT!      Dammit!”

 

The other passengers turn to stare at me, but nobody says a word. Not a single word. It’s like being stuck in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of assholes rocks.

 

“Oh, No No No No No!,” I shout. Just incase I wasn’t heard the first time around.

 

Again, not one person asks me what’s wrong, but I volunteer my dilemma regardless.

 

“I forgot my Cher ticket! What am I going to do? Who do I call?  I can’t believe it.”

 

Panicking.  Loud sighing.  The rocks on the shuttle are from the Twilight Zone. I despise all eight of them.

 

I contact Mr. Liverpool who sends out emails and calls people who call other people who call more people.

 

::::::::Whew::::::

 

I’m exhausted.

 

So….

 

Jeanie and I walk to the train in pouring rain. It seems to take an eternity to get to where we are going.

 

My false eyelashes are melting off.   My hair is ruined.  My lipstick is bleeding.

 

Unfortunately , we miss half of Cindy Lauper.

 

…But we see all of Cher. We dance wildly to Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves, If I Could Turn Back Time, & Strong Enough with full glasses of red wine.

 

By the way, she was FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

 

—–Darlings, who have you seen in concert that rocked your socks off?


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56 Comments

  • Reply
    lisa
    June 14, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    So worth it all, Kim, and I’m so glad you got to see her.
    I saw Cher many years ago, and she was amazing.

    Rocked my socks off? Tina Turner. OMG how did she get those legs?????
    Usher. Three hours forty minutes, and he never stopped once. By the end of it, I was exhausted.

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    June 14, 2014 at 5:18 pm

    Oh wow. I would have been in total meltdown. I am soooooo glad that you did get to see her. 70 years old? Nope. She mastered time travel a long time ago. Several light years and life times ago.
    I would love to see her – AND Tina Turner. Feisty magicians both of them.
    Elephant’s Child recently posted..Sunday Selections #176My Profile

  • Reply
    Trish
    June 14, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    I saw Jordan & Andrew LIVE on their bowling alley tour. Unforgettable! :p xoxo

  • Reply
    Debbie
    June 14, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    Alice Coopers.. Only Women Bleed was a performance with music!
    Arrowsmiths ..Permanent Vacation! Stephen Tyler come on!

    Love you, say Hi to Jeannie from me next time you see her!
    XOXOXOXOXO

  • Reply
    Mike
    June 14, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    Oh hun..I would have imploded had I not go to see her!! HUGE Cher fan from the 70’s!! This rocks! Love you 🙂
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  • Reply
    Liz
    June 14, 2014 at 6:50 pm

    Oh, my gosh…all the stars were aligned because you made it!!! A concert you’ll never forget…for more than just Cher! Is she really almost 70??? Wow.
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  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    June 14, 2014 at 7:53 pm

    So glad that you made it….It’s worth all the drama :-))
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  • Reply
    Balroop Singh
    June 14, 2014 at 7:57 pm

    Hi Kim,

    Your excitement could reach me…very well written! Through your choice of words, you seem to be a teenager! I guess this happens when your lifetime yearning is going to materialise! Did you actually forget your ticket or just added some fantasy to the description to make it more breathtaking?
    Balroop Singh recently posted..Father’s Day Reflections…Were You There?My Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 14, 2014 at 9:39 pm

      Yessssssssssssss.
      The ticket was at home next to my telephone!
      Mr. Liverpool knew the ticket dudes and they saved me another one by the door. Thank Goodness.
      Nothing, unfortunately is FICTIONAL in this story, Balroop!! It is all completely and utterly the truth. Ask Jeanie. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..How I Almost Effed Up Seeing Cher My Profile

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    June 14, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    So how did you get your ticket??!!! Oh what a CRAZY FIASCO!!! And oh so funny- actually HILARIOUS!! And you surely didn’t give enough details…

    Like how did you make it to the hotel afterwards? Was it another long walk in the rain? Train ride? Taxi ride?

    And what’s this war and peace thingie that you talk about? Is that something I should be reading? Neh. Just kidding. 😉

    GO CHER!!!!

    (I can’t stop singing “IF I could turn back time” now… thankyouverymuch.

    XOXOXO

    SOOO glad you made it to see her!!!! WHEW!
    Chris Carter recently posted..For You, DadMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 20, 2014 at 8:49 am

      Chris,
      your enthusiasm thrills me!
      If you lived closer, we would SO be friends! xxxxx
      BTW, the WAR AND PEACE thingy…well, I use it as a table decoration, so I look brilliant and educated! xxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..How I Almost Effed Up Seeing Cher My Profile

  • Reply
    Annette Molitor
    June 14, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    WHOA! I’m glad you got to the concert ok after all that. And you can still say she was worth it.

    Hugs! annette

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    June 14, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    I got to see Todd Rundgren (Hello, It’s Me and We Gotta Get You a Woman). With my soon to be drunken ex. Todd was great. The ex? Well, let’s just say we are all glad he’s an EX.

  • Reply
    Manal The Go Go Girl
    June 14, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    I CANNOT believe you forgot the tickets..I was a mess just reading about it all..but the end was so well worth it..I’m like Chris, I have so many questions. I love Cyndi Lauper. Did you at least get to hear “Girls just wanna have fun”?
    Your husband is a gem! Glad you had a good time:)

  • Reply
    lisa thomson-The Great Escape...
    June 14, 2014 at 9:27 pm

    Wow, what a fantastic experience. She really is an icon. So glad you were able to recover your ticket. Phew. One of my favorites to see in concert is Dave Matthews Band and also Rod Stewart. Moonstruck is one of my favorite movies!
    lisa thomson-The Great Escape… recently posted..The Divorcee’s Guide to Wedding Season, 10 TipsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Debi
    June 14, 2014 at 11:23 pm

    Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves. LOVE. THAT. SONG. How totally fantastic that you got to see her and Madonna. I’m quite jealous. xo
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  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    June 15, 2014 at 3:53 am

    I had my heart in my mouth as I read this Kim! So glad you saw Cher! I think she rocks! Oh man, I loved her in the movie Mermaids. Mmm. Hugggs! I haven’t been to a live concert of a global personality, but yes, have seen many live shows. The atmosphere totally gets me and I definitely cry and laugh at the same time! 😀 Solid adrenalin rush!

    (I don’t get your newsletter any more. Glad I follow you on bloglovin’)
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  • Reply
    debbie
    June 15, 2014 at 5:01 am

    Love Cher and idolized her when I was a kid. Beauty, talent, brains…she has it all. So glad you made it there and got to see her….even with the drama!
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  • Reply
    Alison
    June 15, 2014 at 6:00 am

    Drama, honey!
    I’m glad you made it to see Cher. Yay!
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  • Reply
    Barbara
    June 15, 2014 at 7:40 am

    This is so goood. So funny! You had me laughing out loud!

    I would have to say, seeing Elton John and Billy Joel in concert together (twice!) would be my ‘rock your socks off’ moments.

    Funny story about Cher…
    A friend of mine is a HUGE fan, like you. She worked for a large newspaper and was able to get tix to see her, AND, a chance to meet her and shake her hand after the concert! It was a rather long receiving line and she was shaking with anticipation. Her husband was trying to calm her down a bit, but when she got to Cher she started sobbing uncontrollably! Cher looked at my friends husband and asked, “Is she ok?” Which made her sob louder!
    “She’ll be fine.” he said and shoved his wife along down the line!

    xob
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  • Reply
    Jann
    June 15, 2014 at 8:26 am

    Kim! You made me care about Cher!!! So funny, but whew, you made it. xxxxx
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  • Reply
    Corinne Rodrigues
    June 15, 2014 at 9:11 am

    Thank goodness, the blog title told me that you did see her! But you still had me on the edge of my seat! 😉

    I absolutely love Cher – what a strong, strong woman and a great performer! So glad you made it. Mr Liverpool is a star! 😉
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  • Reply
    Nikky44
    June 15, 2014 at 10:49 am

    Love you! You make me smile 🙂

  • Reply
    London Girl
    June 15, 2014 at 11:41 am

    Sounds just like a scene from “Fargo!”…….but glad you made it. Cher is one of the “greats”.

  • Reply
    sue williamson
    June 15, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    You are so funny.
    Keep in mind when you find yourself in a pickle in Minneapolis – you have free ride privileges whenever you need them. You only need to call. Don’t stand out in the rain and never forfeit an event – just call!.
    Love ya.

  • Reply
    Debbie
    June 15, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Awesome birthday present, Kim — Mr. Liverpool’s star rating just went up a few notches!

    Seeing Cher had to be fantastic. She’s such a talent, and she’s still gorgeous, whatever her age!

    As for concerts, well I saw the Doobie Brothers and Eddie Rabbitt (not together and a LONG time ago). They were both pretty good, but who can hold a candle to Cher?!? Happy belated birthday, darling 😉
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  • Reply
    Tia
    June 15, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    Only you Kim, Love you!

  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    June 15, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    Cher is amazing, I absolutely LOVE her songs!
    I am so glad you made it though omg!

    Cheers
    Choc Chip Uru
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  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    June 15, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    I’m so glad you got there! I’m exhausted just reading about it. I’ve never seen Cher live. What a shame about Cyndi Lauper though – I would have been gutted. It’s very hard to believe Cher is almost 70. When did that happen? xx
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  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    June 15, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    You make me laugh, Kimmy. Love Cher, esp her distinctive speaking voice. Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves is the best XX
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  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    June 15, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    Kim you are brilliant and hilarious. How funny is this line: “Cher, whom along with the roaches, would be the only human being to survive a nuclear attack.” And I’m so relieved that you got to see her in the end!! 😀 xxx
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  • Reply
    Gary
    June 15, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    I’ve got you, babe. This is well cool. Thanks for the um, Cher!

    Hugs,

    Gary x 🙂
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  • Reply
    Yvonne Salvatierra
    June 15, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    Whew! For a minute there I thought you were going to say that you missed the show. That would have been tragic. I saw Cher when she came to Houston back in March. It was an AMAZING show, to say the least! The show that left mesmerized and speechless however, would have to be Paul McCartney and also Billy Joel. Both left me wanting more, giddy and kinda deaf but soooo worth it.
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  • Reply
    TheKitchenLioness
    June 16, 2014 at 12:11 am

    Dear Kim, what a day…but it all sounds amazing, Must have been fantastic to be able to attend one of Cher´s concerts – and, yes, I love, love “Monnstruck” as well – did not know that Cher was doing a farewell tour.
    You write so beautifully, I was holding my breath when I read this post – fantastic – and so glad that the forgotten ticket was not a major disaster in the end!
    Concerts I attended..let´s see, a long time ago I went to listen to Rod Stewart, then Phil Collins (twice) and, yes, The Rolling Stones…long time ago…
    Love, Andrea – by the way the picture of Kay, you and your dad that you posted on FB for father´s day is awesome
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  • Reply
    ladyfi
    June 16, 2014 at 7:43 am

    Oh my goodness – at least you didn’t miss Cher! I really enjoyed Lady Gaga last year… this year, I’m taking my daughter to see Katy Perry.
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  • Reply
    Ellen M. Gregg
    June 16, 2014 at 8:09 am

    Oh, my! 😀 Clearly nothing on God’s green Earth was going to stop you from seeing Cher. What a test of faith and endurance and patience and sanity and lipstick!

    I’m thrilled you made it, and that it was one of “those” experiences – the kind that makes all the hurdle-jumping worth it.

    Shoop-shoop love. 🙂 xoxo
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  • Reply
    Debbie
    June 16, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Quite the odyssey! Glad it had a happy ending. 🙂 I love Cher and have seen her in concert several times, with and without Sonny in the 70s and solo again in the 80s. She was great in “Burlesque” don’t you think! She looks marvellous again too, thanks to some better plastic surgery. (For awhile there, she looked a little odd.) Cher is like Rod Stewart when it comes to concerts – no such thing as a bad one.

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  • Reply
    Rita @ The Crafty Expat
    June 16, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    Wow Kim, many adventure before you got there! But, I’m so glad you made it and had a good time!
    For me, it’s Pink. There are no words to explain how amazing she was!
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  • Reply
    Jeri
    June 16, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    My first concert was Motley Crue and Faster Pussycat when I was in the seventh grade. I’m sure nothing will ever rock my socks like that ever again, but thankfully my socks are a bit more discerning now. Cher is on my list of people I’d like to see along with Willie Nelson, Prince, and Madonna. I’d be happy if I got to see one out of those four. I did see Bob Dylan last summer in Nashville. That was a huge check off my bucket list.
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  • Reply
    Marie
    June 17, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    What an adventure Kim!! You made me laugh out loud (people should have thought I was becoming crazy!!)
    I’d love to see Cher and Madonna.
    I got the chance to see Beyonce once. I must say this lady rocks! IThe show was incredible.

    xxxxxx
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  • Reply
    Monica
    June 18, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    Kim, what a great story. What a wild adventure! I’m so glad you got to see your idol. Sounds like a terrific concert. Cyndi Lauper, too? I absolutely love her. What a voice. You’re probably too young to remember, but I used to watch the Sonny & Cher show. It was so groovy!

    Best concert I saw was last year, when I got to see Train at the San Diego County Fair. Man that was fabulous. I was dancing in the aisles. 🙂
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  • Reply
    Kimberly
    June 19, 2014 at 2:02 am

    I just about died laughing when I read that your eyelashes melted off. Sweet lord…bwhahaha. That Mr of yours? Something special. He may be a keeper after all 😉

    Cher is a hard one to beat. I love her. Remember…well I’m sure that you do…Do you believe? That was a huge club hit when I was whoring it up at the bars. Loved it.

    P!NK blew me away. She has an amazing voice and is an amazing entertainer. She’s helped carry me through some really hard times. I remember when I was admitted to the psych ward and her new song was on Much Music. The entire room went silent. When the song was over, this big intimidating dude said “Whoa. That was fucking amazing. Is that a man?”…hahah

    Love you xoxo
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  • Reply
    countingducks
    June 19, 2014 at 4:49 am

    I’m glad you got to see her but I have sympathy with the soccer tournament dilemma, being currently engrossed in the World Cup. “Come on Engaland ”
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  • Reply
    Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com
    June 20, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Kim you scared me with this one! I thought for sure you’d lost it all when you screamed!!!! But so glad it worked out for you and that the concert was absolutely amazing. CHECK! (that’s one off the bucket list for sure! ~Kathy
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  • Reply
    Alice
    June 20, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    Looks like you still had an incredible time out, regardless of the hiccups and I mean big hiccups!!! I think it’s incredible that your Mr, rose to the challenges and sorted things from his end. How great to know you could rely on your guy! Ps, I think I need to watch Moonstruck again after reading your blog 🙂
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  • Reply
    Sandra
    June 21, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    That was so funny!! So happy that you had a chance to rock out. I would have loved to see the reaction of the passengers on the shuttle. Bet that was priceless!

  • Reply
    Lana
    June 21, 2014 at 11:31 pm

    Whew…what a journey to see Cher! But it makes the memory even better! I’ve been browsing around your blog a bit – what a powerful, strong blog you have. I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister.
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  • Reply
    Charlotte
    June 25, 2014 at 7:41 am

    OMG, I am SO VERY HAPPY you were able to see Cher–and all of her, at that. She’s definitely on my bucket list of performers I’d love to see live, too. I mean, living legend doesn’t even cut it, eh?

    Sounds like a phenomenal show, even if there were a few hiccups to get there (sometimes they can add to the overall experience, and I’m glad you didn’t let them foil your good time!)

    XOXO
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  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Book
    July 1, 2014 at 2:03 am

    Bladdy hell, my nerves were shattered just reading about it all Kim! How incredibly awesome is your Mr Liverpool – awesome pressie! Cher nearly 70 – I could only wish to look like that when I was 30!
    Have a beautiful day dear Kim.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo

    PS. I unsubscribed and resubscribed. Hope that works, I hate missing out on your posts! I am terrible with twitter and never log on to see what is happening so miss your post links there too!
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