Kim's Blogs

Our Stories Become Our Lives


Our Stories Become Our Lives---Kim Sisto Robinson

 

 

I’ve been thinking about stories lately.

We all have them, right?

The stories that make us who we are, mold us, shape us, sharpen us, & cause us to breathe in empathy, compassion, kindness.

Stories that interweave within our roots, our blood.

Stories that make us strong, powerful.

E M P O W E R E D.  Aware.  Educated. Amazing.

Our stories transform the universe into something unimaginably better, immeasurably enhanced.

Sometimes our stories include rape, domestic violence, cancer, oppression, murder, physical disabilities, discrimination, disfigurement, disconnectedness.

Sometimes we don’t want our stories –because they hurt like double hell, but regardless, they become part of us.

Yes, our stories can change the very fabric of our civilization.

Think of Malala, Mandela, Anne Frank, Helen Keller, Angelou, Adhiambo, Rosa Parks, Oprah Winfrey, Hawking, Elie Wiesel.

Their stories made history. Their pain changed lives.

But how about the reverse?

What about when our stories create intolerance, cruelty, maliciousness, indifference.

What about when our stories become ugly Monsters.

“She’s uncaring because she has a story. He shot her 3 times because he had a awful childhood. She’s insensitive because she’s been thru hell.

I’ve heard these words too often recently.

Much too often.

In the media & here at home.

“She has an excuse to be nasty.   Her disrespect is justified.  You have no idea what his story is.

NO EXCUSES.   Ever.

Mr. Liverpool went to the dry cleaners yesterday. He’s a hell of a nice guy. He said the woman at the counter stared at him rudely, angrily, her hot eyeballs burning thru his skin.

“What do you want?”

“My clothes, please.”

“Weeeeeeell, are you going to tell me if you need dry-cleaning or regular?    I need the money before I get them,” she let out an abrupt hisssss.

The kind of hiss that says, I hate my fucking life and I don’t give a shit about yours either.

“Regular, please.”

She then proceeded to fling two bags of clothing on the counter.

“There.” She snottily declared.

When we told Saint Shirley about this incident, she said, “She probably has a reason, a story.”

She’s not called “Saint Shirley” for nothing, babe.

Nevertheless…

I stand inflexible in my belief that there is no defense for belittling, demeaning, disrespecting, or the minimization of another human being.

Ever.

Never.

I just won’t allow it.   Not anymore.

No matter your story.  No matter your circumstances.

—Dear, Reader, tell me what you think.   What is your story?   Should we excuse certain behaviors?    Give me your rant.


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119 Comments

  • Reply
    Shane Johnson
    February 18, 2014 at 9:29 am

    It doesn’t cost anything to be nice…..no matter your story… no matter the hell you have been through. .
    being kind and nice will eventually be a blessing
    here is what I believe …you reap what you sow…and treat people how you want to be treated
    love u Mrs. Kim

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 22, 2014 at 8:39 am

      Luv you back, Mrs. Shane. Xx

  • Reply
    elizabeth
    February 18, 2014 at 9:31 am

    Kim, I have been taking Buddhist meditation classes for over a year and this is one thing that is difficult for all of us to do and that is to forgive those who hurt us. I have to work on this a lot, but they teach us that they are not being mean and angry at us – it is not about us. It is about them.
    I think Aunt Shirley is right.
    We don’t have to forgive them, but we should send some kindness their way and be happy that we don’t treat people like that.
    and sometimes when we show kindness right back to them, they melt a little because they realized that even at their worse – they are still lovable. and if that doesn’t work- a little less air in their tires can’t hurt. 🙂 xoxo
    elizabeth recently posted..Dancing with the Devil who lived down the street. This sexual predator always liked to lead.My Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 18, 2014 at 10:40 am

      ~~~Elizabeth,

      I’ve forgiven the murderer of my sister. I believe in God. I believe in forgiveness.

      What I’m talking about here is making up excuses for one’s behavior.

      If somebody is horrid to me, I will not be horrid back to them….but I WILL NOT excuse one’s behavior by saying “that’s okay, she had a bad day, a bad marriage, a bad life.”

      No.

      And I will not excuse the murderer of Kay because he, perhaps, had a bad childhood.

      This is the problem w/ our society. We excuse and make apologies for others

      Do you agree?

      Love you, btw. Call me this week. I’m off. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Our Stories Become Our LivesMy Profile

      • Reply
        elizabeth
        February 18, 2014 at 4:35 pm

        I do agree about people saying that had a rough childhood – we all did. but we have to put all of that aside and live in the present. I do believe that sometimes we have to give people the benefit of the doubt and be kind back to them – it’s like paying it forward t – only we start the paying it forward. I can’t and won’t forgive some people and never will. that is my free will and my right to know that evil does exist in the world.
        but we are not evil and because of that I shall call you and we will have a wonderful chat. xoxoxo
        elizabeth recently posted..Dancing with the Devil who lived down the street. This sexual predator always liked to lead.My Profile

  • Reply
    Barbara
    February 18, 2014 at 9:31 am

    There is so much indifference and rudeness in the city, and it’s creeping out in all directions. It seems to be almost glorified in the media. We’ve turned into a group of insensitive, nasty thugs. Or so it seems.

    I know there are ugly stories behind many of the instances, but it’s no excuse for taking your hardship out on an innocent stranger.

    I’ve had a lot on my plate lately, and I found myself getting very short tempered. I have a low tolerance for bullshit. But that’s no excuse for being short tempered with someone who has nothing to do with my reasons for feeling bitchy.

    Everyone needs to take a deep breath and exhale long and hard. And while we’re at it…do something kind for a stranger. It will change your whole perspective.
    xob
    Barbara recently posted..A Tale of Two Eight Year Old BoysMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 22, 2014 at 8:41 am

      I agree, B.

      I believe in Kindness to all people, but no more excuses for their behavior.

      Xx

  • Reply
    Dana
    February 18, 2014 at 9:40 am

    After 911 I noticed a kindness in this city that was indescribable. That has changed dramatically over the last handful of years…I am in complete agreement about being nice, doing nice, saying nice even to a complete stranger. If we all allowed a single car to merge, waved a little “hi” to the person who allowed us to merge, to point out an available parking space, to bless a stranger when they sneeze, to pay for their coffee…wouldn’t this be a kinder, more gentler planet? DM

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 22, 2014 at 8:42 am

      Dana,
      I agree completely.
      Random act of kindness should not be a day…it should be a “LIFETIME!” xx

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    February 18, 2014 at 9:52 am

    Sorry, I don’t think there’s any excuse. Perhaps we can have empathy for those who’ve gone through shit, but that doesn’t mean they can get away with anything forever.

    Kim, for a moment I thought you were announcing your book. And wondered why I am not shouting it out over the rooftops. Gosh, you had my heart thudding there.

    Love you more than gorgeous green parrots playing on my terrace!

    Hugs!

    Vidya
    Vidya Sury recently posted..Love Is a Million Tiny Little ThingsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 22, 2014 at 8:43 am

      Haaaa.

      you are such a motivator. LOVE u more than hot coffee/ w whip cream. xxx

  • Reply
    lisa thomson
    February 18, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Never. There is no excuse for insensitivity, rudeness or cruelty in any way. I believe this behavior is only a reflection of that person’s misery.

    Everyone has a story, that is true. Some stories aren’t ready to be told…because they’re unfinished and there has been no closure. I love this post Kim, and the way you write like poetry. Thanks for the reminder.
    lisa thomson recently posted..Ooh La La-You’re a French GoddessMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 22, 2014 at 8:44 am

      We all have a story.
      For example, my sister was MURDERED. This seems to define me sometimes…

      but I’ll be damned if this is going to make me a MEAN, Ugly person.

      xxx

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    February 18, 2014 at 10:06 am

    NO excuses. We all have stories but how we process those stories is what makes us better people… or walking nightmares for others to be around. The Bible talks about forgiveness, not because it means that person who hurt you has done no harm but because forgiveness disconnects us from their poisonous darts that keep us connected to them and their poison. When we forgive, WE get free. They may still have issues but those issues no longer hold us to them, giving us nightmares.

    When someone acts like that person did to Mr. Liverpool, it isn’t her acting out her story, she’s acting out her lack of manners. If she doesn’t own the place, she won’t be there much longer! There is no excuse to be nasty to someone else simply because you’re having a bad day, no matter what your story.
    nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..Love Letter to My Alpha HubbyMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 22, 2014 at 8:45 am

      Great perspective, Nan! xxxxx LOVE to you, dear.

  • Reply
    Liz
    February 18, 2014 at 10:43 am

    Rude behavior towards someone in a service or other employment setting is NEVER to be tolerated. Find out what’s wrong if possible. If it’s in the home, address the behavior right away & find out what’s wrong.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 22, 2014 at 8:47 am

      Liz,
      Our country has gone too far.

      I mean, look, we have murderers running around and give them excuses because they were brought up poorly.

      too sad. Xxxx

  • Reply
    Mike
    February 18, 2014 at 11:35 am

    “I stand inflexible in my belief that there is no defense for belittling, demeaning, disrespecting, or the minimization of another human being…” My darling Kim, you and I are on the exact same page!! Xxx’s and loves always from us to you! 🙂
    Mike recently posted..Phoenix, My Golden Retriever, The Notorious Ball Cap BanditoMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 22, 2014 at 8:48 am

      Mike,
      no wonder I dig you dudes!! XXxx

  • Reply
    Ellen M. Gregg
    February 18, 2014 at 11:44 am

    Should we excuse certain behaviors? I believe with children, yes.

    When it comes to adults – and being deeply compassionate about and empathetic to the stories people hold – I believe there’s a distinct line. Regardless of the backstory, when it comes to meanness or disrespect or cruelty, that’s when it’s time to compassionately (and firmly) let that person know that you empathize with whatever is going on with them, but it is not okay, ever, to treat someone (you) in that manner.

    There are better and safer places and methods to vent that level of pain. xoxo

    • Reply
      Ellen M. Gregg
      February 18, 2014 at 11:46 am

      P.S. Back to children: Excuse it, and turn it into an age- and time-appropriate lesson for them. Excusing it without using it as a teaching moment, to the degree that suits the situation, is unhelpful.

      • Reply
        Kim Sisto-Robinson
        February 22, 2014 at 8:49 am

        Ellen,
        I agree.
        Empathy and Excuses are 2 different things.
        I empathize, have compassion…. but I will not tolerate somebody who is mean and horrible to me. No. Never. Again.

        Xxxxx

  • Reply
    Kathy
    February 18, 2014 at 11:52 am

    As someone who has a hell of a story to tell, I appreciate this post so much. I may have had a father who was involved with organized crime, but that doesn’t excuse any behavior of mine. I agree stories may explain, but they do not excuse. We are responsible for what we do or don’t do with the stories we’ve been given. Just think about you and your story and Kay’s. Look what good you have brought about from that horrible tragedy-crime.

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy
    Kathy recently posted..Valentines from Trash: A DIY Tutorial from EcuadorMy Profile

  • Reply
    lisa
    February 18, 2014 at 11:54 am

    I’m afraid that my response would have been the same as Saint Shirley’s.
    I have a (bad) habit of trying to justify bad behavior. 🙁
    I feel really sad when people (like Mr. Liverpool) are treated this way though.
    xo.

  • Reply
    Chris Carter
    February 18, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    “I stand inflexible in my belief that there is no defense for belittling, demeaning, disrespecting, or the minimization of another human being.

    Ever.

    Never.

    I just won’t allow it. Not anymore.

    No matter your story. No matter your circumstances.”

    Yes…my dear friend. I absolutely agree. Perhaps explanations, but never worthy of acceptance.
    Chris Carter recently posted..My Top Ten Blogs To Share!My Profile

  • Reply
    Che-Che
    February 18, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    Excuse, NO!. Understand, maybe.

  • Reply
    Debi
    February 18, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    Oh, man. Our stories. It’s so easy to let them define us. And those of that have walked a path of shit yet are able to be kind, do. And for those that allow their stories to excuse their fucked-up behavior, do so because they are incapable of kindness, apparently. So, we must try to dig deep for compassion for them. Not always easy.

    Xoxo
    Debi recently posted..I Have a Major Panty ProblemMy Profile

  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    February 18, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    I agree with you. Never an excuse. You cannot use your past as a reason for disrespecting or dehumanising another.
    Unacceptable.

    Hugs
    Uru
    Choc Chip Uru recently posted..Risky BusinessMy Profile

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    February 18, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    Yes we all have stories. Most of us have pain in our stories. Which is a reason for INCREASED empathy, not less.
    And our stories, and the way we react to them, are the seeds for other people’s stories.
    Their is a fable I am particularly fond of.
    Picture a young boy/girl talking to their grandparent who says ‘Inside my stomach their are two wolves. One of them is a good wolf, full of kindness, respect and caring. The other is mean, vicious and nasty. They spend their lives fighting.’
    ‘Which one wins?’
    ‘The one I feed.’
    Hugs to you, oh good wolf.

  • Reply
    Beverly Diehl
    February 18, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    I think there is a fine line between forgiving people for being human – tired, stressed, cranky, and snappish, we’ve all been there – and making excuses for people.

    Can’t we all just get along – or try to?
    Beverly Diehl recently posted..9 Ways to Find Your Next Favorite Book #amreadingMy Profile

  • Reply
    Dad
    February 18, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    I think the story goes like this. Where ever you go & you think things are terrible, you will probably find it terrible where ever you go. On the other hand if you find things great, wherever you go, you probably will find things
    great wherever you go. So i think it’s the way we act that makes the difference.
    .
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 22, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      Daddy,
      I had a poster in my room that said
      “ATTITUDE is a small thing that makes a BIG difference.”

      You like?

      LOVE YOU so much. Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Our Stories Become Our LivesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kim
    February 18, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    I completely agree with you – there are no excuses for that kind of rude behavior. Everyone has a story and rough things that happen but it is no reason to treat people like crap!!!
    Kim recently posted..My Top Tip for ProductivityMy Profile

  • Reply
    debbie
    February 18, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    Rudeness should not be tolerated. Too many small businesses need customers and I would take my business elsewhere and let the owner know that. Kindness goes a long way. But it’s not always easy. I try to smile at the hospital where I work at almost everyone I pass in the all and 99% of the times it’s returned. You get back what you give out. Karma…I see it every day.

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    February 18, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    I’m so tired of seeing criminals up before the courts trying to get reduced sentences because this or that happened in their childhood. While I’m sympathetic towards anyone who has had an awful childhood, it should never be used as a tool to excuse bad or criminal behaviour xx
    Hotly Spiced recently posted..Moroccan ChickenMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 22, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      It’s completely like this in America, too, Charlie.

      Don’t you think it’s about time to take responsibility for our actions? Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Our Stories Become Our LivesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Laurie
    February 18, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    Inflicting pain of any kind is inexcusable. Taking responsibility for our own actions, or own lives is imperative to a productive life and a functional place to live, at home and in the world.
    Congrats on being mentioned on The Mom Café. It’s where I heard about your blog. Chris has great taste. 🙂

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:50 am

      Laurie,
      thanks for reading my rant! xx

  • Reply
    Ilene
    February 18, 2014 at 7:59 pm

    No – never excuse certain behaviors. Ever. BUT – the stories help me UNDERSTAND even if I don’t condone. I think there is a difference….I think.
    Ilene recently posted..A Modern Family ValentineMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:51 am

      Understanding. Empathy. Love.

      Yes. Yes. Yes. Xx

  • Reply
    Monica
    February 18, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    Like my mother always said, two wrongs don’t make a right. The same goes here. Just because someone was wronged doesn’t give them the right, the free pass, to be mean to anyone.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:52 am

      Monica,
      I agree. Nobody deserves a free pass to be HORRIBLE. xx

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    February 18, 2014 at 10:13 pm

    Amen, sister.
    Blond Duck recently posted..For Valentine’s Day….My Profile

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    February 18, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    Politeness or rudeness…it’s all about the choice….and education. Recently I had a not quite pleasant with one of my senior neighbours…well, disappointed but I chose to forgive her…
    Have a wonderful day, Kim!
    Angie
    Angie@Angie’s Recipes recently posted..No Bake Molasses Granola BarsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:52 am

      Angie,

      I forgave my sister’s murderer, but it doesn’t mean I excused his HORRID behavior!! xxx

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    February 18, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    I meant….not quite pleasant ‘experience’
    Angie@Angie’s Recipes recently posted..No Bake Molasses Granola BarsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Alison
    February 19, 2014 at 1:51 am

    There is no excuse for rudeness. None.
    Alison recently posted..How We Survived International Travel With Two Young KidsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:53 am

      I agree, Alison Lee, but we excuse it All. The. Time. Xx

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Book
    February 19, 2014 at 2:02 am

    You are absolutely 100% most definitely correct Kim.
    We all have a story of some kind – its just sad that so many people use that as their life’s excuse!
    Manners and respect cost nothing – so very sad we are surrounded by nasty horrible people.
    Urgh!!!
    My folks always taught me, if I have nothing nice to say, I must say nothing!
    Have a beautiful day friend.
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo
    Mandy – The Complete Book recently posted..Lack of Food PostsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:54 am

      And you have a beautiful day, too, Mandy.

      How is the running going? xxx

  • Reply
    Rita @ The Crafty Expat
    February 19, 2014 at 3:25 am

    Very interesting Kim… I have to admit that I’m a bit like Saint Shirley who you are referring too… I would say, maybe she just received a bad news and this was the first person who unfortunately got in front of her so he received all the crap.
    But, on the other hand, I agree with you that we live in a society were we find excuses to people way too easily… He committed an assault because he was drunk, she killed her child because she was suffering depression, etc…
    Certainly one of the problem in our society is that people don’t think on the consequences of their actions therefore commit some terrible acts and expect that everyone will understand their excuses which is so wrong.
    Rita @ The Crafty Expat recently posted..Books read in 2014My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:54 am

      Rita,
      I believe in LOVE, forgiveness, & Understanding.

      Not excuses.

      Xxx

  • Reply
    Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever
    February 19, 2014 at 4:19 am

    It helps us understand why people do what they do to know that it comes out of their misery. It helps us know it is not us and this is important. But it never excuses what they do. It is never OK.

    Knowing this allows us to not get pinned underneath it. Not let it effect us and our sense of worth. That is important!

    Love that you write about these important things.
    Love, Jodi
    Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever recently posted..Women Need WomenMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:55 am

      Excellent, Jodi. Xxx Insightful.

  • Reply
    Sandra
    February 19, 2014 at 5:48 am

    I don’t see a reason to be rude to someone else because you’re having a bad day or you’re unhappy with your life. That being said, sometimes the temptation is great to go all “eye for an eye”, however that just perpetuates the bad vibes.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:56 am

      Never an Eye for an Eye…

      But never excuses either. Xxx

  • Reply
    countingducks
    February 19, 2014 at 6:19 am

    As you know, I’ve met Mr Liverpool, and you couldn’t meet a nicer guy. You cannot control the behaviour of everyone you meet, and sometimes your own behaviour might escape your clutches but I am sure that whatever prompted this lady to behave in the way she did, Mr L handled it with his customary grace and patience.
    countingducks recently posted..Careless LivesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:56 am

      Grace & Patience.

      Yes!

      But not excusing the behavior. Xxx KISS

  • Reply
    Glamorous Glutton
    February 19, 2014 at 6:54 am

    A story should make you more empathetic, not form an excuse for awful behaviour or criminality. GG
    Glamorous Glutton recently posted..Florence And Penne Alla Vecchia BettolaMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:57 am

      YES!
      Isn’t that strange how it happens the other way sometimes? Xx

  • Reply
    Deborah Batterman
    February 19, 2014 at 7:18 am

    I think stories are what we live by . . .

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:57 am

      Deborah,
      Yes, and they are OUR stories! xx

  • Reply
    Aussa Lorens
    February 19, 2014 at 10:59 am

    My opinion is all over the map. On the one hand, when someone is hateful to me I do assume that they’re dealing with something shitty in their lives (even though they might just be a shitty person). But I don’t think that having a bad day or going through a tough time gives anyone permission to mistreat someone else.

    At the same time, when it comes to judging people for their failings or their inability to “pull themselves up,” I do tend to take their story into account. You’ll never hear me say “why can’t he just get a job and stop being so lazy?” because I’ve read so many charts here at the hospital that are full of abusive childhoods and horrible traumas. I think we often take for granted the things that have happened (or not happened) in our lives that allow us to function in our worlds. People will sometimes say to me “wow, but you’ve turned out okay” when I tell them certain stories but the truth is… I’ve been armed with a ton of resources: I’ve never been hungry, I’ve always had a ride to school, I’ve never been afraid to fall asleep in my own bed, I’ve always had SOMEONE in my life who cared for me, and on and on. A lot of people… don’t. So in those situations, I think their “story” definitely justifies some of their current problems.

    Okay, long winded comment over!
    Aussa Lorens recently posted..File of Awkward: E for EffortMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 23, 2014 at 8:58 am

      Great insight, Aussa! thank you, dear. x

  • Reply
    Dana
    February 19, 2014 at 11:31 am

    There are always excuses, but I don’t think there is ever a legitimate one for making another person feel like they aren’t worth anything. A tough childhood or a bad day may be an explanation, but it’s not an excuse. We choose to behave badly or with humanity, no matter what.
    Dana recently posted..Seven day sugar detox – accomplished!My Profile

  • Reply
    Ms. CrankyPants
    February 19, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Yeahhhh, I tend to be more tolerant (read: take shit) than is probably good for me. As I get older, I’m becoming less so, but really in-your-face rude people completely throw me off. I often end up apologizing, which in retrospect is infuriating. Work in progress…
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  • Reply
    Marie
    February 19, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    I excused before. Yes before my life turned upside down. I excused every pain people would cause me. I thought the way that they treated me was justified: ugly childhood, cultural issues, bad parents.

    It’s too easy. Some have shitty life and raise, don’t allow their past to define who they are, they become better. So it’s possible.

    No excuse for rudeness, for abuse, for sharp words or violence. Forgiveness YES, Excuse NO.

    Much love Kim!
    xoxo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 23, 2014 at 8:38 am

      Marie,
      Kay excused, too. Excuse after excuse. NO more! Luv U. xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Our Stories Become Our LivesMy Profile

      • Reply
        Marie
        February 24, 2014 at 2:45 pm

        NO MORE Kim, you’re right. I just told this to my friend yesterday. No excuse are allowed, NO MORE.
        LOVE
        Marie recently posted..Words of WisdomMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    February 19, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    Another great post. I think she is a saint to think that, I would have just gotten mad and told her that her attitude needed work but then that’s just a gut reaction. I watched Mandela recently and I loved it! xxx
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 23, 2014 at 8:36 am

      Lorraine,
      My mother IS a Saint!

      About Mandela. He is one of my great heroes. I have not watched the movie yet, but shall. Have you watched 12 Years Of Slave yet?

      xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Our Stories Become Our LivesMy Profile

  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    February 19, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    Like Jodi, I like that you write about these important things, Kim.

    I want to look at it from a different angle. You know, I am often rude and intolerant to others, sometimes out loud, mostly in my mind. I have all kinds of opinions about others, and I regularly make them wrong in my mind and try to dominate or be right. I do this with my friends and family, people I hardly know, and also complete strangers. I just finished a project for a client and I spent days towards the end making the client wrong, getting on my high horse about what they should have done or shouldn’t have done. The fact I was doing it in my mind doesn’t mean it wasn’t real, and didn’t have an disempowering effect on the client and the project AND ON ME. I felt lousy, small, discontented and righteous.

    When I’m being this way, lousy, small, discontented, righteous, the world becomes like that for me; others show up as lousy, small, discontented, righteous, etc. When I’m being generous, authentic, of service, then the world becomes like that; suddenly, others are glorious.

    To me, the world is a giant mirror. What I see in it shows me who I am being.
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  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    February 19, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    I’ve been thinking a lot about stories lately!

  • Reply
    Jann
    February 20, 2014 at 7:55 am

    Wonderful! You can rant with the best of them, Kim, and I love it. Agree with you 100%, by the way. Mr. Liverpool did NOT deserve that.
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 23, 2014 at 8:34 am

      Mr. Liverpool is one of the nicest, kindness people I know & I’m not just saying that.

      When I asked him what he said to her, he said “Thank. You.” xxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Our Stories Become Our LivesMy Profile

  • Reply
    thedoseofreality
    February 20, 2014 at 9:28 am

    I am definitely going to have think about this one. I think what you said is so interesting, and I am inclined to agree, but then I kind of pause. Great post! This is going to be on my mind all day!-Ashley
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 23, 2014 at 8:33 am

      Ashley,
      I do not believe we should EVER be cruel, but we need to stand up for ourselves and others in a role-model-type of a way, in a way that says, “NO! We are brother and sisters, You & I!” xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Our Stories Become Our LivesMy Profile

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    Debbie
    February 20, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    I don’t believe in being nasty. Ever. And when someone is nasty to someone I love, I become a Mama Lioness!

    While I understand that some people have suffered through a wicked childhood or whatever, that doesn’t excuse them for copping an attitude with the rest of us. Find a shrink, read self-help books, whatever it takes, but just get over it. We’ve ALL suffered — some much more than others — yet not all are nasty. And if you’re in the public eye, you can hardly afford to be rude to customers (I wonder if that woman’s boss knows how she treated Mr. L.??)

    I think it’s big of Saint Shirley to be so forgiving — she’ll probably get to Heaven before I do! At the same time, I think excusing a person’s bad behavior merely gives them the go-ahead for continuing it, rather than working on their attitude.

    Kim, you’ve written about an exceptionally DEEP topic today — thanks for making me think!
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  • Reply
    ladyfi
    February 21, 2014 at 11:26 pm

    Although there is no excuse for such demeaning behaviour, the world is a better place with a little understanding of the why perhaps.

    When people act like that, I try to smile or offer some sympathy back – otherwise it’s too easy for me to retaliate with the same kind of behaviour. As I often tell my daughter when she is at the other end of the class tormentor/bitch – ‘Stand up for yourself, but don’t stoop to her level. You can be the better person.’
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  • Reply
    Corinne Rodrigues
    February 22, 2014 at 8:04 am

    I have very low tolerance for rudeness, Kim. I’m sure there’s a story – but why take it out on someone else?
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  • Reply
    Hilary
    February 23, 2014 at 5:49 am

    I don’t think someone’s “story” should excuse their behavior but when you know what someone has gone through, or is going through, it does help you understand their behavior…
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  • Reply
    Phoebe Wulliman Graber
    February 23, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Thanks for commenting on my TToT this week! This is the first time I’ve visited your blog. I’m glad you are putting a voice to your sister’s story alongside your own. We can never totally understand another’s story, but we can treat them with the respect and dignity we wish for ourselves.
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  • Reply
    Jennifer Wolfe
    February 23, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    Oh, my story…of course, I have one, but what I’ve noticed lately is that my story (when I’m a teacher) becomes invisible to parents who want to blame me for their child’s x,y, or z. They attack first, ask questions later, and create a battlefield instead of a playing field.
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 24, 2014 at 10:10 am

      Jennifer,
      I totally understand as I work for the Duluth Schools.
      Parents are a HUGE part of the problem.
      I NEVER understood about “The Apple Falling Close To the Tree,” until I started working for the school district!

      Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Our Stories Become Our LivesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Tricia
    February 23, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    I agree. Many have challenging lives. Troubling stories. And many rise above. Those are the ones who get my respect.
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  • Reply
    Gary Philip Pennick
    February 23, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    What say I leave a nice, short comment 🙂 I have encountered my fair share of rude, disrespectful people. I confuse the heck out of them with kindness. You have to remember that some folks seem to think that politeness is a form of weakness.

    I also wish to thank you for your very kind comment on my latest posting, Kim. It means a lot.

    Hugs,

    Gary x )
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  • Reply
    Adriana Boatwright (@AdrianaIris)
    February 23, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    Sometimes people just plain suck. I know is no consolation but then we have people like you and our favorite England import. Love you hard.
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  • Reply
    Charlene Ross
    February 24, 2014 at 7:08 am

    I try to be like your mom when people are rude to me and figure they’re having a bad day. We’ve all had them.

    But with that being said, you are right, there’s no excuse for rude, bad, mean behavior. It really is just as easy to be kind. Or at the very least not rude.

    (And perhaps Mr. Liverpool needs to find a new dry cleaner.)

    I’ve often found that people who go through hardships that are unimaginable are the kindest, most loving people I’ve met. So a bad day or even a bad life excuses no one. But I suppose we all have our bad moments. The trick is to make sure they’re just moments and the bad, rude, mean behavior doesn’t become our story.
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  • Reply
    Lady Jennie
    February 24, 2014 at 8:58 am

    Hmm. I’m reading “What’s so amazing about grace?” by Philip Yancey, and he quotes a man named Bonhoeffer, who was persecuted under Nazi Germany as saying:

    “Through the medium of prayer we go to our enemy, stand by his side, and plead for him to God. Jesus does not promise that when we bless our enemies and do good to them they will not despitefully use and persecute us. They certainly will. But not even that can hurt or overcome us, so long as we pray for them . . . We are doing vicariously for them what they cannot do for themselves.”

    I’ve been meditating on that lately. Forgiveness. Doing vicariously for these people what they cannot do for themselves. I’m not saying I have it down – I don’t. But I know I am walking in the right direction to focus my thoughts on this.
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 24, 2014 at 4:20 pm

      Jennie,
      the book sounds interesting.
      Here’s what I feel: If I can forgive my sister’s murderer, I can forgive anybody.

      And I have. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..A Beautiful ResurrectionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Beth Teliho
    February 24, 2014 at 10:32 am

    I adore you. I really do. What a profound post. I have to say I 100% agree with you. I think every one has a story, of course, and this story will leave an imprint. But it is NOT an excuse for bad behavior towards others.

    An eye for an eye is bullshit. You don’t get to hurt because you’ve been hurt. It doesn’t work that way.

    Hateful is just that. Hate full. Mean. Vicious.

    No one gets to do that. Past circumstances do not an excuse make. Period.
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  • Reply
    Tina @ Girl with a New Life
    February 25, 2014 at 10:59 am

    While I try to be compassionate, I don’t excuse vicious behavior.

    The cruelest people I know are the ones who are convinced they are in more pain than the whole rest of the world.
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  • Reply
    Barbara @ Barbara Bakes
    March 2, 2014 at 6:46 am

    I think life’s experiences can change you, but they can’t define you. You choose who you are and how you will behave. Whether you give light to the world or suck out all the light around you. Let’s stay away from those people who suck 😉
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  • Reply
    Pam Hogeweide
    March 9, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    Ok love this post. Let’s start with the image you chose which is an art piece by my very favorite artist, Kelly Rae Roberts who lives in Portland, who I’ve met, and also right now I am enrolled in her first ever online e-course on mixed media and it is saving my sanity as I reel from my son’s cancer diagnosis.

    My rant…..?

    My family wants to be mad at someone that Jeremy didn’t get diagnosed proper for nearly five months. I took him to the clinic seven times. No one thought cancer. Everything else was ruled out. Nobody thought it, breathed it, blinked it, googled it….I thought maybe he had an ulcer or a digestive issue.

    Then a naturopath, a fucking naturopath who we never met before, I took him to her, fresh eyes, something’s not right with my son. Fix him. She listened to his history, examined his body, found the swollen nodes, and by the next day was sending him to an oncologist for testing. After months of mystery we had partnered with the perfect detective who was solving the crime.

    I can’t be mad at the five different doctors he saw in the clinic over those months. They worked with what they knew. I chose instead to do what mothers do : I blamed myself. Why didn’t I advocate harder? Why didn’t I insist on testing? How could I not have been more worried as he lost weight and became fatigued and was nauseous every other day? How could I not know there was a fucking monster sucking the life out of him from the inside out?

    My rant is at Me. I am the worlds worst mother for not knowing that my boy was being eaten alive by cancer.

    I tortured myself with self-loathing rants for weeks.

    But I don’t anymore.

    I spoke it outloud to people who love me. I cried it. I wouldn’t let it stay a secret to become my own private soul cancer. And bringing my shame and blame into the Light healed it. My rant lost power.

    I still feel a little guilt for Not Knowing…. but it’s more of the standard mother’s guilt we all start carrying the minute those little Beings are born into our care. The Big Guilt is gone. I am like Good Will Hunting having collapsed into the arms of Kindness heaving as Truth spoke over me, It’s not your fault.

    I don’t want my kid to have cancer. I don’t want this story. Almost everyday I declare it like a creed: I Do Not Want This For My Kid.

    It’s our story now, though. It’s his story, my amazing 16 almost 17-year old teenage boy’s story. But it’s a chapter. Not the whole book. Just a chapter, and the sooner we can rip through it, the better. And I know that this chapter will lead to the next chapter, and I can hardly wait to read it, to know that part of the story and how he will pick up where he left off when fucking cancer interrupted everything that was precious to him.

    I guess I do have a rant.

    It’s at cancer.

    Cancer Sucks.

    I think I need to go blog now. 🙂

  • Reply
    jen
    April 3, 2014 at 5:23 am

    I forgave the man who took the life of my son and daughter…
    It was easiest and the hardest thing to do all rolled up into one.
    But it taught me a lesson about compassion and forgiveness
    and has made me a better person…i hope!!

    Amazing thoughtful post kim…
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