~“I am learning how to live again. Here’s what I do…. I grab God’s hand and hold on with everything I’ve got.–” Kim Sisto Robinson
–It’s been 1223 days since your murder.
I think I shall always count the hours you’re not with me, always be unfinished without you.
Like a poem discontinued in midsentence. Like a sun hidden in daylight. Like a half moon…
Dangling in air. Half
breathing. Partially present.
I found a tissue the other day trapped inside one of your
books. It was one of those Vince Flynn
books you loved so much. I forgot the
name. But the tissue had your lipstick
blotted on it. Pink. Still vivid– as if you had placed your lips
on it yesterday.
Here. Then gone. Just like that. Just like that.
I cried. I cried so
hard I fell to my knees. Then I screamed. I screamed & screamed.
Damn it. Fuck. Why?
What can I do? Show me the
way. Give me direction. I miss you. I miss you. The Lord is my Shepherd. Help Help Help.
I can’t recall the first three years after your shooting. The days are blurred. The nights overflowing with tears, salt,
yearning, darkness, wine, disjointed dreams, inexplicable grief.
Sometimes I believe I actually drowned—then somehow found my way back to the surface.
Perhaps I was meant to be here.
And I find that remarkable since I spent so many hours
contemplating how effortless it might be to place my head inside an oven.
When I look back, I
see God. A God I once thought was
silent. A God I dismissed.
I now see Him clearly,
He is restoring my soul.
He speaks to me thru the dead poets.
For example, remember
the e e cummings poem we loved so much?
The first time we
heard it, I elbowed you hard and
whispered- “You will read this poem at
You said, “No! You will read it at mine.”
I read it at yours, dear.
At least, that’s what I’ve been
I know you will not come back to me….but one day I will come
Unbroken. Whole. Smiling.
The words. The
metaphors. The stanzas.
–Kay’s basket, of course, is the pink one. Notice the row she is in ( E E ). When I realized this, I looked into the heavens and said … “THANK YOU thank you Thank You!”
–Dear, Reader, where do you seek comfort? How does God talk to you?
Get Help Today: For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.