Something’s been bothering me.
The other day while scanning Facebook, I noticed a sentence (
written by somebody I don’t actually know personally out of my 600 closest, dearest
friends).
But…
Seriously, and I’m
not kidding you, it said: “I put in my status about 3 hours ago and nobody “liked” it. I feel like a loser. Now I’m having a horrible day.” 🙁
Initially I thought she was joking, until I read the responses that followed.
She. Was. Not.
Joking.
How utterly heartbreaking that one’s identity and self worth
could be altered by a simple click of the finger, a simple like or no-like.
Bullshit.
Is this what we’re all truly searching for as Sally Field blubbered
in her famous Academy Award speech?
“You like me. You
really like me.”
Is the social media really that influential, powerful, and
dominant that it can manipulate and dictate, like a bully, somebody else’s day to day disposition?
Unfortunately, sadly,
the answer is YES.
We all want to be seen, heard, valued, needed, and
appreciated.
But truthfully, the
social media IS NOT the place where we should be searching for fulfillment, love, validation.
For example, how many
friends you have on Facebook, or how many followers you have on Twitter does
not make you amazing & wonderful.
I mean, like, you could still be an asshole with 5000 followers.
For bloggers, listen
closely, it’s not how many people read
your blog posts, or how many comments you acquire, so stop looking at your stats like it’s the
end of the world.
If you’re doing this, you may be severely disappointed. And if you’re disappointed, you might sell
your soul to the devil, and if you sell your soul to the devil, you might lose the beautiful uniqueness of
your own voice.
Do not be, I repeat, do not be manipulated into writing for anybody but yourself.
For Facebook freaks,
it’s not about how many ‘likes’ you get throughout the day. It’s about how many “likes,’ you get in Real
Life with Real People.
Get it?
Oh, I do hope you get it.
Because nothing can possibly become a substitute for a
living, breathing, pulsating human being.
Watch Sally\’s Famous Academy Award Speech!
Watch My ALL time Favorite moment From Oprah about Validation!
—Darling, Reader, Are you LOOKING for love in all the wrong places? What do you think of Facebook & other Social Media sites? xxXx
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157 Comments
Dawn
August 16, 2013 at 7:39 amSo. True.
Dawn recently posted..Joy in the Journey Blog Post:Connections
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 8:26 amThanks for reading my rants, Dawn!
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Noeleen
August 25, 2013 at 2:37 amExcellent post – & 63 people liked it, I note!! 🙂
You’re so right though – & that comment that girl made “I feel like a loser”, is really sad. I’m so glad I’m not on Facebook. I just don’t need it.
I didn’t know Sally Field had said that in acceptance speech – that was interesting.
Great post!
Noeleen recently posted..Tuning in to their wavelength
Liz
August 16, 2013 at 7:40 amI get it.
Liz recently posted..How Your Husband’s Career Affects Your Housework
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 8:27 amI thought you would, L. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
August 16, 2013 at 7:43 amBeautifully said Kim!
Love to you from a chilly SA.
🙂 Mandy xo
Mandy – The Complete Cook Book recently posted..Getting to know you series -1
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 8:27 amIs it Winter in South Africa? Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
August 30, 2013 at 12:28 amWe are nearing the end of winter thankfully! Spring is officially on 01 September which is just around the corner – yippee!!! Not sure it will be warm enough to call it Spring for a few more week though.
xoxoxo
Mandy – The Complete Cook Book recently posted..Hot Milk Chocolate Cake
karen sosnoski
August 16, 2013 at 7:50 amI totally get it, both the addictive quality of being virtually liked and that this virtual like ability is an addiction, no substitute for real relationships–you’re right Kim! The thing about facebook is it’s so easy to manipulate reality, show only the beautiful, or loving, or adventurous moments which may be, which probably are real, but which of course are only part of the story. We all realize this about each other’s posts and about our own, certainly (hopefully, and it’s not all meaningless–how we are seen is a real part of who we are–but as you point out we need to be there for the less than pretty, exciting, compelling moments which are a big part of being a real parent, partner or friend. And then there’s blogging. I can’t even do it right now while trying to devote myself to novel writing, even though everything I read and everyone I talk to says I should. It’s partly because it’s hard for me not to try to write well (which means revising and time taken away from the other project); but a bigger part of my aversion to blogging right now is I can’t seem to do it and let the stats fall as they may. If the whole point is to build a platform, connect with readers, etc., how can I help not obsessing about whether or not the readers are there? How do other bloggers avoid this? (Real questions, I guess, since I do need to blog again and tweat more etc.)
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 8:30 amKaren,
I’ve NOT ONCE looked at my stats. I have NO idea how many people read my blog. Truly.
How do bloggers do it? I believe they come to the conclusion that if only ONE person gets it, loves it, relates to it, the writing is worth it.
Love your perspective and insight. ALWAYS. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Liz
August 16, 2013 at 7:58 amThis is a really hot topic right now about how social media makes us feel. I’m glad you posted this Kim. Right, we should not utilize Facebook to ‘feel’ our worth but to connect with other people and find out about things going on.
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 8:31 amRight on. Perfect advice, liz. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
nan @ lbddiaries
August 16, 2013 at 8:04 amI understand the driving need but thank God I don’t need it anymore. I walked away from all that a couple of years ago. I never did learn how to check stats and stuff like that. I almost got caught up in the “# of followers” thing along with social media brouhaha but I found out after I disconnected from Twitter and a few other social things like SITS that I didn’t die, when Google took its Friends thing away, I didn’t die, and for truth, I never could get into Facebook because I hate, loathe and despise it with a passion. It’s a time-sucker and I don’t have time to give to that demon. I hate reading blogs that get so cluttered with advertising that they flash me to distraction (even while understanding why that necessary evil is there).
I have a few bloggers I read who inspire me, make me laugh, make me cry, and move me with passion (YOU). I have the few precious e-friends I’ve made and LOVE who read me faithfully, and especially Alpha Hubby. What else is there?
nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..Unexpected Forever
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 8:31 amNan,
I love your honesty! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
elizabeth
August 16, 2013 at 8:13 amI get it! so come to NY so I came hug you in person. xoxox
elizabeth recently posted..My Views from the Edge
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 8:32 amOh, believe me, e,
I shall! We shall hug and talk into the night about stuff that matters. Xxxxx LOVE>
Tara
August 16, 2013 at 8:43 amI totally agree. It seems the more technological we get, the more impersonal we get. We become all consumed in our selves, and less concerned with those around us. I wonder if that person you’re referring to bothered to notice the status updates of everyone else, rather than whine about how nobody “liked” hers.
I will admit, though. There is a certain high you get when a bunch of people like what you’re saying. I guess we all have our egotistical issues to deal with. At least, I do. :/
Kisses!
Tara
Tara recently posted..Light up the darkness!
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 9:16 amTara,
yes, there is a rush, I agree, but the problem is…when we do not get that rush, that “like,” that validation, how are we going to deal w/ it?
KISSES back, sweets. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Dangerous Linda
August 16, 2013 at 9:15 amthe most important ‘like’ must come from within…
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 9:16 amLinda,
now that, my dear, is the most profound quote of the day : ) Xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Red Dwyer
August 16, 2013 at 9:28 amI am heavily immersed in social media because of my business. My friends think I have lost my marbles or fallen into a hole when I do not bother with my personal SM. Frankly, if I get there, I do. If I do not, they all have my tele number!
While I have FAB friends, I also have friends I have met online who live not only in my computer and in my CrackBerry, but, like you, also walk directly into my life in the FAB world. Virtual life closes the distance for me with my overseas friends, but nothing will ever, ever, ever, ever, ever replace being able to touch someone who loves me in spite of what I post online.
How sad to let virtual applause drown the sweet sound of true endorsement.
Much love, my sweet can caring friend.
xxxx
Red Dwyer recently posted..Love, Love Not
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 9:19 amDear Red,
YES! I agree. I’ve met some AWESOME, fabulous people on-line, including YOU, Val, my pen pal, soooo many others… But… this ‘like’ thing and how many reads we get etc…is going too far.
Our “Being” should not depend on this, does not make us better than anybody else.
Sending you love, hot mama. x
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Vidya Sury
August 16, 2013 at 10:03 amIt is a sad world when people must depend on random likes from strangers and acquaintances for validation.
Love what you wrote “Because nothing can possibly become a substitute for a
living, breathing, pulsating human being.”
And that is the absolute truth. My son asked me how I would feel if the internet ceased to exist. I told him I would miss my friends, the ones who are in my heart.
Hugs! Beautiful post, Kim. I fantasize about meeting you one day. I know I will 🙂
Vidya Sury recently posted..Book Review The Healthy Juicer’s Bible
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 9:21 amGuess what?
When we leave on vacation or whatever…I am NOT connected AT ALL.
I feel liberated and free.
That is weird, cuz I love being connected.
Love more than the stupid internet! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Carolyn Hughes
August 16, 2013 at 10:17 amI totally get it! It isn’t about quantity, it’s about quality. Social media can be a great place to form relationships (how else would I have had the pleasure of connecting with you Kim 🙂 ? ) But it should never be the be all and end all.
You’re experience reminded me of all those messages I get in my ‘other’ box from guys looking for relationships. Mainly I think they’re just creepy but there’s a sadness about going down to that level.
I enjoy my online friends, but as you say, nothing beats face to face contact!
Love to you my friend 🙂
Carolyn Hughes recently posted..I love you.
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 3:10 pmCarolyn,
Yes, it’s true. I’ve met AMAZZZING people thru the internet (YOU, for one) but it goes a bit far when this is the only way we connect & gain validation!
Love back to you! xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Mayor Of Crazy Town
August 16, 2013 at 10:21 amI agree 100%! I stopped blogging for years because I thought no one “liked me” anymore. That’s not why I started blogging to begin with so how did it go that direction for me? I really had to start getting personal again, because for me, blogging was an outlet. A way to vent and be healthier. I don’t care if anyone reads what I write – although if you did that would be awesome! I’m Jus’ Sayin’!
Sometimes I am sappy, and sometimes I am funny… either way it’s all me. My self worth isn’t in the amount of likes I have. Otherwise I woulda been really sad by now! hehe
Mayor Of Crazy Town recently posted..I Was Impaled By A Falling Star…
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 3:13 pmDear Mayor,
you are right!
I started my blog as a way to mourn. I was surprised when people actually started reading it my mourning. You see, it was for me, my outlet, my release. When people read, it’s was just an extra plus…
but it was never truly for them!
Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Sandra
August 16, 2013 at 10:30 amOh how I hear ya! Despite the utter pain I am putting onto the screen, I am enjoying my voice far more now than I did when I was obsessed with stats on my other blog. Now the writing is about the writing, not about the accolades. As usual, your wisdom is a gift to us.
Sandra recently posted..Dusty Blessings
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 3:13 pmAmen, Sandra!
You nailed it <3 Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Angie@Angie's Recipes
August 16, 2013 at 10:36 amTotally with you, Kim. I saw some people have more than 10000 likes…and really wonder how they manage all the communication and stuff like that…
Angie@Angie’s Recipes recently posted..Kumato Avocado Salad
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 3:14 pmAngie,
not sure how somebody gets 1000 likes unless they’re like, you know, Lady Gaga! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Lorre Lyons
August 16, 2013 at 10:47 amHell yeah!
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 3:14 pmI second that, babe! x
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Barbara
August 16, 2013 at 10:49 amI won’t be surprised when someone like this person, or perhaps this very person you speak of, appear on Dr. Phil, or some such program. There will, likely, be therapy for some people who place their personal worth and self esteem in the hands of virtual strangers.
On the other hand…it’s easy to see how the responses you receive through social media can have an effect, whether positive or negative. Guess it comes down to being grounded and giving and receiving real love…not the virtual kind.
I hope the person you mentioned saw this and ‘got’ it.
xob
Barbara recently posted..Georgia on My Mind /12
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 3:16 pmI hope this person does not see the post. I’m not sure who she is…but I think she’s feel badly about it.
Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Debi Pasricha
August 16, 2013 at 12:39 pmThis is so spot on. And I think so important for young kids to KNOW: Our friends are not summed in our FB likes. And I love that Sally Field Speech, btw!
xo
Debi Pasricha recently posted..Facebook Needs to Hire Me
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 3:17 pmI know.
I loved that speech from the first time I saw it on the awards!! She received it for Norma Rae, right? Xx
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totsymae1011
August 16, 2013 at 2:42 pmLife is full of a mixed bag of nuts.
totsymae1011 recently posted..Hello world!
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 3:17 pmAint that the truth, Nut!? Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Sandra
August 16, 2013 at 2:43 pmSay it again girl!!
Sandra recently posted..Sweet Potato Pound Cake Redux
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 3:18 pmOkay,
second verse, same as the first! x
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Hotly Spiced
August 16, 2013 at 2:54 pmYou have truly spoken a word in season. It’s so true that we are all (with the exception of your good self) so obsessed with social media and that is not where we should feel validated. As you have reminded us, it’s so much more important to live the kind of life where you’re the kind of person people want to be around. But I do have to say, I love your ‘likes’ and comments on all my FB statuses! xx
Hotly Spiced recently posted..Baxter’s at Bridgepoint, Mosman
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:56 pmHaaHAaaa,
Me, too!! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Renee A. Schuls-Jacobson
August 16, 2013 at 3:11 pmLove this sooooo much.
And more importantly, reach out to this person.
Maybe she is depressed and reaching out the only way she knows how.
xo
Renee A. Schuls-Jacobson recently posted..Incident on a Plane
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 4:55 pmI did make a comment on her status, Renee. 🙂 Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Elephant's Child
August 16, 2013 at 4:10 pmHow very true. And, at the end of the day there is only one person you have to live with. Yourself. So loving, liking, respecting yourself and personal integrity are sooooo important. Which is not to say it is easy. Liking myself is certainly a work in progress.
Hugs to you, you wise and wonderful woman.
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 4:56 pmRespecting one’s self.
That is 3 powerful words, dear! Xx
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lisa
August 16, 2013 at 5:38 pmReally, really great post, Kim.
I feel bad for the person. She sounds like someone who might be very lonely.
I wish you a wonderful weekend, my friend! xo.
lisa recently posted..Hidden
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 4:57 pmLisa,
I feel bad, too and it’s sad there are MANY people out there just like her. Xx
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lisa thomson
August 16, 2013 at 6:24 pmOh, I love this kim You are so right. I think it’s a great reminder for the younger crowd who seem to be getting all of their social needs met on social media outlets. Unlike us ‘old timers’ who understand the power of presence in real life like coffee with a friends who just needs to talk, or a walk on the beach with someone you love…or fill in the blank with your favorite pastime with friends. Social media is highly addictive apparently more so for women. I love that you point out you might have 5,000 followers but still be an asshole…LOL xo
lisa thomson recently posted..Lisa’s Divorce Movie Countdown
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 4:58 pm–Yes, it is VERY addictive.
I am SO glad I decided to NOT have the internet on my phone! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Mike
August 16, 2013 at 8:14 pmKim, this is a fantastic post and not spoken about amongst folks often enough. I’m not going to get into a long rant but there was a day before computers and the internet (yes, I was there) where life was far more fulfullling socially. Unfortunately those generations of people are fading away through attrition and any hope for passing down this wisdom of life will be lost forever. Keep up the great writing! 🙂
Mike recently posted..My Top 10 +1 Favorite Kevin Costner Movies
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 4:58 pm–Thanks for reading my rant, Mike! Xx
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Amy Tong
August 16, 2013 at 10:55 pmGreat post and wonderful message! I agree, people these days are obsessed with the social media. And frankly, the more that we rely on the “social network” thing, the more that we are disconnecting from real life, real relationships! 🙂 Hope more people will read your post and “wake up” and stop the obsession.
Amy Tong recently posted..What We Did This Summer….
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 4:59 pmAmy, I know. It’s SO weird.
We assume we are CONNECTING, but at the same time, we are becoming anti-social and disconnecting from the Real World. Xx
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Hilary
August 17, 2013 at 4:37 amGreat post! you are so right.. it is so sad that so many people value their worth by these things – but equally sad, I can understand why… the way we interact with others has changed so drastically with technology – these tools should help bring us closer, but I feel in a lot of ways it has hurt our social skills.
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My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 5:00 pmI understand, too.
And I’m sad about this.
When I disconnect completely while on vacation or weekends…
Well, I feel utterly FREE)))
Xx
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debbie
August 17, 2013 at 6:14 amRight.On.Sista. Don’t need to say anything else.
debbie recently posted..Black-Eyed Susan Salad
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 5:01 pmRight On! Glad you get it. Xx
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Debbie
August 17, 2013 at 8:37 amKim, thank you for saying this! It’s so easy to obsess over statistics, when all they are is numbers. Why must we feel so pressured to PROVE we have worth? Why is a number proof anyway? You’re so right in saying that living, breathing people who “Like” us are much more relevant, and we should be concentrating on building/solidifying our relationships!
Debbie recently posted..Just a little change??
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 7:06 pmDebbie,
if our self-worth is determined on how many reads we get or how many likes we receive, we are up shit creek! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Rita
August 17, 2013 at 8:39 amI love this post Kim and it’s really a timely post for me. I like what you said for bloggers. It’s hard to not look at stats but to be able to blog with honesty, it is indeed important to stop looking at them. I have made some changes lately on my blog. For example, I don’t link my posts with other blogs as much as I use to do because I decided that I wanted people to visit my blog because they wanted too not because they had too. My stats dropped but I can live with that because at least I know that people that still come and visit do it because they love my blog.
Rita recently posted..My Etsy Shop is now open!
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 7:08 pmRita, I’ve never looked at my stats….not sure even how to do this.
I don’t want to know! Glad you are blogging honestly!
Xx
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Dad
August 17, 2013 at 8:55 amI get it I GET IT.
Love You
Dad
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 7:09 pmLove you MORE, Daddy. XxxxxxxxXxx
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Jann
August 17, 2013 at 9:01 amYou are so right, Kim! I haven’t looked at my blog stat page for over a year. Life is better!! xxxxx
Jann recently posted..A Pair of Painters, Sicily
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 7:09 pmJann,
not even sure how to do this 🙂 Xxx LOVE flowing.
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Ellen M. Gregg
August 17, 2013 at 10:09 amI love this post, Kim. I see such statuses with alarming frequency. (Seeing it at all is alarming, to be clear.) I saw two them, in fact, just this past week.
The first was, “One person unfriended me this morning. :-(” My response, unwritten, was, “I don’t even know how many Facebook friends I have, to be able to know that has happened.” It means she’s looking at those stats, and hinging on their fluctuation.
The second was, “Two people unlike my page today. I wonder who they were. :-(” Since the page is more on the business side of things, I get the wondering, because it could have to do with the content being put out, and lost likes could mean lost business. Even so, focusing on that would drive me nuts.
I hope you’re enjoying a lovely summer, honey. 🙂 xoxo
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 7:10 pmEllen,
I believe we are focusing on the wrong things/issues…& It’s scary!
Xxxx LOVE.
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Elisabeth Kinsey
August 17, 2013 at 11:25 amYes! Rock this post! 🙂
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 7:10 pmYou. Rock.
Elizabeth!! X
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
injaynesworld
August 17, 2013 at 2:23 pmThis should be scrawled on bathroom walls all over the country. And I mean that in a good way. There are so many lonely, isolated people of all ages who depend on social media to make them feel alive. A “like” or a comment is like a crack high. And then comes the crash and they need more and more. It’s very sad. Wise words, my friend. And for the record, I really, really like you. 🙂
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My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:48 pmAnd I like you, too, Jayne. I really really like you! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Monica
August 17, 2013 at 4:58 pmHere, here, Kim.Well said and I couldn’t agree more.
Monica recently posted..Singing the Bad Luck Blues–Again!
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:49 pmMonica,
love when you pop over to my side of town! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
solidgoldcreativity
August 18, 2013 at 4:40 amWell said, Kim. I particularly liked this line, “Do not be, I repeat, do not be manipulated into writing for anybody but yourself.” I get surprised when people forget that writing can only ever be for ourselves. Sure, it might speak to many others along the way, and that’s in the nature of a happy bonus.
I’ve had a few people over the years tell me what I should be writing in my blog and how I should be writing it, even while they were reading it and, supposedly, enjoying it. The funniest incident I saw was a woman who got irate on a famous knitter’s blog because the blogger had used the word, “nipple”. In the next post, the knitter replied in the only way possible: she wrote a post full of “nipple”, and nothing else.
solidgoldcreativity recently posted..Ode to Friday
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:49 pmNipple. Nipple. Nipple.
I love it!! ))))) Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Goodness and Grit
August 18, 2013 at 6:14 amWriting should flow without critique, and Facebook should add a HUG button.
Klem,
Kimberly
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:50 pmPerfectly said, Kimberly! Xx
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Shreya Kashyap
August 18, 2013 at 6:14 amI hope as many fb critters get to read this !
Shreya Kashyap recently posted..Dive in!
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:50 pmCritters!
I Like! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Bella
August 18, 2013 at 6:20 amBravo, Kim, bravo! You are a woman after my own heart! I tell my daughter exactly this on a weekly basis. I cannot understand the need for social validation, much as I try. I think that if a woman doesn’t feel beautiful, or believe herself to be beautiful, no amount of ego stroking is going to change that. Sadly, so many women post hundreds of “selfies” on Facebook looking for just this. Such a waste of energy and time, if you ask me. Methinks the reason for this is that we’ve lost our passion–our passion for life, our passion for following what we believe in, our passion for standing up for what we believe to be true. Instead, many use their time on such trivial pursuits as that of seeking admiration from acquaintances and strangers. How very sad.I miss the days when a day well spent included spending time with family and friends, helping others, or doing something for the good of our community. The idealistic side of me still believes we can get back to that. You are proof that our voices make a difference and that one person can instigate change. Loved this post! So spot on and such a great reminder that our worth is not measured by how many likes or followers we have. We, and we alone are responsible for thinking ourselves to be worthy and valuable. The opinions of others should matter not. Hugs to you from Roxy and me! 🙂
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:51 pmBella,
you said a mouthful, dear. And all of it is TRUE! Sad, but true.
Love to you and Rox. Xxx
How are you?
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Jennifer Wolfe
August 18, 2013 at 11:07 amKim, those people sadly are ones who live their non virtual lives seeking approval from others as well. I e spent time teaching my own kids about this, but I feel sad when I see those types of posts. Everything in balance is my belief.
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:51 pmAhhhh,
balance…. that’s the rub! Xxx
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Beverly Diehl
August 18, 2013 at 1:33 pmI’m on FaceBook a fair amount of the time – but sometimes I am busy having a LIFE, and I don’t get on it for days.
Even if it is a day that I don’t talk to anybody via phone, text, Twitter, FB message, whatever, I have to be happy with ME. Or at least content with myself – maybe I am having a day where I feel blue, and that’s okay, too.
So sad that this young woman (or young man) – I’m guessing s/he is young, anyway – is still so in need of instant confirmation of worth from outside sources.
Beverly Diehl recently posted..This Book Changed My Life: When The Body Says No
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:52 pmBeverly,
it seriously made me sad…but there are so many more like her out there….
just searching for love.
Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Fireblossom
August 18, 2013 at 3:22 pmAmen to all of it. I do have my three people without whom a poem doesn’t seem complete, but as for the rest, I enjoy comments from everyone, but i certainly don’t measure the worth of my poems or myself by that.
That said, thank you for your recent comments! 😛
Fireblossom recently posted..Concerto for two trumpets in C
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:53 pmFireblossom,
Glad you dropped by to visit! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Dawn
August 18, 2013 at 4:14 pmExactly. Though I guess the reason I don’t look at my stats is because I don’t even know where they are. I do enjoy a good comment though and think of many of my regular readers as friends…just another category of friend from the people I grew up with or went to school with. You know? Not lesser friends….just different friends.
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:54 pmI agree.
I love reading comments, dawn! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Liz
August 18, 2013 at 6:12 pmSo true! What a great message, Kim…and a push to call some girlfriends up to have lunch 🙂
Liz recently posted..Caramel and Rolo Rice Krispie Treats #SundaySupper
My Inner Chick
August 18, 2013 at 10:55 pmYes, Liz.
I do love a good lunch w/ girlfriends and wine! xX
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Alison
August 19, 2013 at 1:30 amI feel bad for the person who write that loser update – how can one be so wrapped up in that?
Over the weekend, my sister and simultaneously decided to spring clean our Facebook friend lists – we were competing to see who will have less friends, haha! (she won)
Alison recently posted..Universal Laws
My Inner Chick
August 19, 2013 at 6:44 amHaaHAaa.
that is funny.
It seems like lots of work, Mama A. Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
August 19, 2013 at 2:40 amWow I would have thought that she was joking too! I agree, social media is lovely but take it for what it is, like a cocktail party. Real friends are real friends. BTW you asked me about Breaking Bad? I am LOVING it! How good is the latest season? :O xxx
Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella recently posted..Fika Swedish Kitchen, Manly
My Inner Chick
August 19, 2013 at 6:45 amLorraine,
The newest season is great.
Walt has changed so much. It is REALLY GOOD. I’m hooked and don’t want it to end.
Are you on season 5? Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Blond Duck
August 19, 2013 at 6:00 amThey’re all like that now!!!! Life is not worth living unless you can throw it on instagram. Ridiculous!
My Inner Chick
August 19, 2013 at 6:46 amSO true, Ducky! It is RIIIIdiculous. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Coffee and Crumpets
August 19, 2013 at 8:10 pmWith all the social media available now to our young generations, they have no idea on how to be sociable! I see my daughters friends and not one knows how to hold a conversation or to be be polite. All this social media as great as it is for fun, is terrible for somebody insecure. Thank you for stopping by my blog!
Nazneen
Coffee and Crumpets recently posted..Egg Roll Borek
My Inner Chick
August 19, 2013 at 8:42 pmI LOVE the social media. It has changed my life in a good way…
but I can see the dark side of it, too….
That’s for damn sure. I feel sorry for our children.
Thanks for popping over. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
ladyfi
August 19, 2013 at 8:46 pmAmen sister! Your message is true and needs to be heard!
ladyfi recently posted..Dive-bombing
My Inner Chick
August 20, 2013 at 7:23 amLady Fi,
does Oscar ever get hassled on Facebook? Xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Heather @ Sugar Dish Me
August 20, 2013 at 5:09 pmThis is the 2nd time in a week I have read a post about not defining worth by numbers and I NEEDED IT!!! Especially because this is how I earn my living. When it comes to advertisers and a paycheck all they care about are the numbers and it can be SO defeating. You are so right to remind all of us that it is quality NOT quantity! Thanks so much for this!!!
Heather @ Sugar Dish Me recently posted..From Scratch Stew Beef
My Inner Chick
August 20, 2013 at 10:17 pmHeather,
people don’t really care about quality out there…
I mean, look at the Karadashians!
Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
ed p
August 20, 2013 at 5:41 pmdo not be manipulated by anyone else. that’s divine.
you are a freedom writer. you have that ability to stir in the direction of the light, i believe.
ed p recently posted..the cold truth
My Inner Chick
August 20, 2013 at 10:18 pmed,
LOVE when you visit me w/ your exquisite words of encouragement. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Barbara @ Barbara Bakes
August 21, 2013 at 5:34 amIt is sad that technology has separated us so much that we resort to social media for validation. There are so many lonely people out there. It is sad.
Barbara @ Barbara Bakes recently posted..Caramel Cashew Cookie Cups
My Inner Chick
August 21, 2013 at 7:18 am–Barbara,
it is sad. I suppose the social media fills them, all of us, in some strange way. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Lady Jennie
August 21, 2013 at 7:17 amThe end was the best part of it all: Because nothing can possibly become a substitute for a
living, breathing, pulsating human being.
Lady Jennie recently posted..Creamy Chive Cucumbers
My Inner Chick
August 21, 2013 at 7:18 amLady Jennie,
Love when you visit from France! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Pure Complex
August 21, 2013 at 11:36 amI couldn’t agree with you more on just about every point you made. You should’ve seen me giving you the church “Amen” over here lol. But you’re so right, especially about the blog. I had to learn, the content is more important then the stats. Stats change and will work in your favor if you love what you do and your content shows that. LOVED reading this
Pure Complex recently posted..Capture / Underwater Beauties
My Inner Chick
August 22, 2013 at 9:15 amKay,
you hit it on the nail: If we “Love What We Do!”
This, yes this, makes all the difference. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Blond Duck
August 22, 2013 at 4:00 amHave a wonderful day!
Blond Duck recently posted..Better than Eggos
My Inner Chick
August 22, 2013 at 9:16 amYou, Too, Ducky Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Girl with a New Life
August 22, 2013 at 8:20 amThank you for this post.
Trying to generate a “life” on facebook is not the same as going out and living it.
One of my friends from across the pond once told me, “Watching people living exciting lives on tv is not a substitute for actually living your own life.”
Girl with a New Life recently posted..Writing is Scary: Talking to Your Blog
My Inner Chick
August 22, 2013 at 9:17 amAbsolutely True, Tina.
Sometimes I get so involved w/ what I’m doing, I forget to live! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Marie
August 22, 2013 at 8:50 amYou are so right Kim.
All this craziness around “likes” or “follow ups” makes me a bit sad. Some people really need this to exist, to feel loved. It feels so wrong.
XXXXX
Marie recently posted..Gifted Hands
My Inner Chick
August 22, 2013 at 9:17 amI am sad about this, Marie.
Especially for our kids.
How are you? Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Brenda
August 22, 2013 at 9:59 pmYou’re a beautiful person, Kim. I suppose getting likes is like all those other thing people view as really important. I am PATHETIC when it comes to self-marking and socializing, and I don’t lose any sleep over it. What I do worry about besides my family, is writing every day and hit submit on a story. That’s what matters to me. Thank you sending love out to the universe, my sweet.
Brenda recently posted..Catch Me if You Can
My Inner Chick
August 22, 2013 at 10:15 pmThe “WRITING” is the important thing. After family, of course.
Blogging is my writing practice for the “real thing!”
How about you, B?
Xxxx LOVE.
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
TheKitchenLioness
August 23, 2013 at 6:33 amDear Kim, I really appreciated reading through this wonderful and inspiring post of yours – so true and really such a wake-up call for many of us – I often think that we spent way too much time looking for friends in all the wrong places instead of doing the things that we should be doing like taking the kids for a walk, talking to a friend or read your wonderful blog posts (HA!) – one thing is for sure, I love spending time here and get inspired each and every time I visit – your blog makes me happy and thank you for that, Kim!
TheKitchenLioness recently posted.."River Cottage Veg Everyday" – Oven-dried Tomatoes
My Inner Chick
August 23, 2013 at 7:15 am….and I LOVE when you visit me!
Your blog inspires me, too. Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Ameena
August 23, 2013 at 6:48 amSo sad to read that someone’s day can be affected by the number of Likes they receive on FB. I find myself moving away from FB every day…just realizing that it’s not that important in the grand scheme of things!
Great post Kim.
Ameena recently posted..a tantrum
My Inner Chick
August 23, 2013 at 7:16 amYou know what?
When I’m vacation, I am completely disconnected.
It is LIBERATING)))
xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell
August 24, 2013 at 1:57 pmThat’s why I didn’t start blogging until my kids were out of the home. I wanted all of me to be filled with the joys of the people I loved most and I couldn’t give up a second of it to social media. However, now that my dear people have flown my nest, I find social media to be quite a nice time filler and it allows me to be able to afford trips to see my babies.
My Inner Chick
August 25, 2013 at 9:18 amLiz,
you are an awesome Mama! Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Adriana Boatwright (@AdrianaIris)
August 24, 2013 at 5:39 pmSocial media can be detrimental when it runs our lives like the status you speak of above. Sad this person is needing so much love and not getting it in real life. Like everything we need to know thyself. 🙂
I hear a lot of this being said by many bloggers then the comments pour in about how we don’t care about numbers or social media but it is obvious we do. If we didn’t we just would not go around making sure we comment, tweet the new post etc. If we did not care about who read we would write on a journal and no one would have to comment on it would be for self satisfaction. Bottomline we hit publish in hopes we are heard. I also know many asshole bloggers with little readership as well as large.
Now I am just rambling.
My Inner Chick
August 25, 2013 at 9:21 amDear A,
I think we do care…but I’ve NEVER looked at my stats. I have NO idea how many people are reading. I don’t want to dictate what I write by who reads or who does not read.
Yes, I agree. There are many assholes out there! Xxx
PS. SO glad you like your package. I had fun putting it together for you.
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Sammie
August 25, 2013 at 2:25 amhahaha.. I totally agree with you! It’s unhealthy to be so obsessed about these things!
Sammie recently posted..Ensaymada – Sweet Filippino Buns
My Inner Chick
August 25, 2013 at 9:22 amSammie,
and the thing is…sometimes I fall into that obsessive category! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Noeleen
August 25, 2013 at 2:33 amExcellent post – & 63 people liked it, I note!! 🙂
You’re so right though – & that comment that girl made “I feel like a loser”, is really sad. I’m so glad I’m not on Facebook. I just don’t need it.
I didn’t know Sally Field had said that in acceptance speech – that was interesting.
Great post!
Noeleen recently posted..Tuning in to their wavelength
My Inner Chick
August 25, 2013 at 9:23 amI know.
Isn’t Sally Awesome!
How are you, Noeleen? Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
countingducks
August 26, 2013 at 1:32 amYou always say the right thing, with a directness I just love. Unless you know someone well over a period of time being a FB book friend can almost be an keyboard accident, and any liking or not liking is irreverent. Having actually met you, I do consider you to be a real friend, but even then I wo9uld not over do it. Mr Liverpool would understand I’m sure. I( came across a forum recently where people referred to each other as ‘family’ even thought they had never met and I just thought that was bonkers. Where will it end.?
countingducks recently posted..A Flight Of Fancy Beyond The Normal
My Inner Chick
August 26, 2013 at 6:06 amPeter,
well, I must say, I really really dig you, man. Xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Blond Duck
August 26, 2013 at 3:57 amI hope you’re doing well!
My Inner Chick
August 26, 2013 at 6:07 amYou, too, Ducky. <3
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever
August 26, 2013 at 4:34 am*I mean, like, you could still be an asshole with 5000 followers.* Too true.
I like to think of the prayer of St Francis when I get down about feeling unliked.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
It’s about what we give from our heart that matters, not what we get.
xoxox
Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever recently posted..Dancing Through Cancer Viral Video
My Inner Chick
August 26, 2013 at 6:08 am****and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life***
what comfort!
I love it more than you know, Jodi. XXxxx KISS from MN.
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Kathy
August 26, 2013 at 5:29 amOMG–I was convinced you weren’t blogging any more! Just saw your comment over on Val’s last post and decided I had better check, just to be sure. Yikes, why am I not getting your emails anymore?
Hugs from Ecuador,
Kathy
Kathy recently posted..Once upon a Pigeon: A Bird’s Eye View of Ecuador
My Inner Chick
August 26, 2013 at 6:09 amI know, Kathy.
Something happened w/ wordpress.
I’ve miss you. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Ms. CrankyPants
August 28, 2013 at 8:51 amSo good. And true. You are awfully wise. XOXO
Ms. CrankyPants recently posted..Goodbye to a Friend I Never Met
My Inner Chick
August 28, 2013 at 11:01 amWell, thank you, dear. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Diane Clark
August 29, 2013 at 12:25 amI could not agree with you more about this sad situation. Social media makes some of us sick. It’s totally natural to look for love and attention. Yet, it’s unnatural to look for these things online from your friend list, whom you hardly know. I wish everyone could just get back to real world and live a real life.
Diane Clark recently posted..Essay Editing: 10 Quick Steps You Can Take Right Now
My Inner Chick
August 29, 2013 at 6:18 amDiane,
unfortunately, the social media is taking over the universe. X
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
reneejohnsonwrites
August 29, 2013 at 4:17 amInstantly reminded me of those little handwritten notes from grade school with the two little boxes that said: I like you. Do you like me? Check yes or no. Geez. I don’t even check mine on a regular basis and have certain blogs set up to post to groups automatically – another reason for having two blogs – a personal and a profession-based.
Great post! I ‘like’ you!!
reneejohnsonwrites recently posted..The Power of Focus
My Inner Chick
August 29, 2013 at 6:17 am& I like you! I really like you. xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Wild Child Mama
August 29, 2013 at 2:17 pmI’ve seen this same type of thing on FB. It drives me f’ing crazy!!! I don’t get on facebook that much. I can’t keep up with people’s lives that way. If I didn’t see your post, don’t assume I don’t like you!! Jeez!
Drives me crazy.
And, holy cats, if I wrote in my blog for ratings I’d be pretty disappointed, HA!!! Man oh man.
I love your honesty. Someone had to say it!
Wild Child Mama recently posted..Grief
My Inner Chick
August 29, 2013 at 3:45 pmI like you, too. I really really like you! Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Charlene Ross
August 29, 2013 at 4:57 pmWell said, Kim. And I love you. (In all the right places!) Even when I don’t comment on your Facebook page! (And I love that you know that too!)
xoxo
Charlene Ross recently posted..Reagan Library: Exploring Air Force One, The Berlin Wall and The Lincoln Exhibit
My Inner Chick
August 30, 2013 at 7:39 am& I love you, too, Charlene. <3 XXxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Charlene Ross
August 30, 2013 at 4:15 pmMwah!
Charlene Ross recently posted..Reagan Library: Exploring Air Force One, The Berlin Wall and The Lincoln Exhibit
Blond Duck
August 30, 2013 at 5:03 amHave a good weekend!
Blond Duck recently posted..Big Bib Barbecue
My Inner Chick
August 30, 2013 at 7:39 amyou, too, Ducky. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Francesca
September 4, 2013 at 3:19 amThis is so true. Great post.
One of your readers linked this post up to my monthly linky, Francesca’s Festa of Favourites for August, as it was their must-read post for August 🙂
Francesca recently posted..Cinque Anni Fa…
Kim Sisto-Robinson
September 4, 2013 at 4:49 amFabulous!
Glad you started a blog about EMPOWERING WOMEN!!! xx