Kim's Blogs

Murder, Therapy, & Walking Thru The Fire

Posted on June 20, 2013

There are all kinds of therapy.

 

For example,  I attempted
the old fashioned hip kind of therapy with a psychologist dude who sat boorishly
sketching pictures of circles and letters.

 

He nodded and grinned.  He adjusted his stupid glasses around his ears.
He glanced at his sparkling watch. He peeked inside his Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual.

 

He muttered stuff like,
“Today is a gift; that’s why we call it the present,”  and “Your sister isn’t coming back, and “When
my mother-in-law passed away at 82, we concentrated on joyful times.”

 

Thus, all I could observe plastered to his forehead following
those sessions were…

 

Dumb Ass.    Idiot.
Asshole.  Indifferent.
Freidan Freak.

 

How could I possibly respect a man with those dreadful words
wedged to his head in neon lights?

 

How could I trust a man who compared my sister’s unspeakable
murder to his 82 year old mother-in-law who died in her sleep?

 

After that,  I tried “Wine
Therapy.”

 

It was good for a while, worked for a while.

 

I felt anesthetized and sedated.  Sort of like how a butterfly must feel when
pinned through its thorax.

 

That’s no damn life.  That’s a miserable damn life.  Especially  without the  wings.

 

So,  I couldn’t become
an alcoholic after all.  I mean, even
after a bottle per day ( I waited until 5 pm because of the guilt) nothing
transformed or erased my weeping, bleeding organs.

 

In case you haven’t received the memo,  mourning is merely born and doesn’t fucking DIE.

 

And red wine,  even
the good kind,  cannot drown out the
loneliness or the missing or the shadows of a despicable act.

 

They are all still  stinking of rot and decay  in the mourning morning.

 

Okay,  let me start
again.

 

What I’m trying to articulate is this:   Nothing can truly save you unless you want to
be saved in the first place.

 

There are no shortcuts.

 

No treatments for the ill-fated— unless she opens herself
wide open to something greater than herself.

 

As for me,  I
struggled.

 

I tried to walk around the flames,  but realized quickly that I needed to walk
directly through the fire.

 

It hurts.  It hurts
like something inexplicable, unexplainable, undeniable.

 

But I’m walking.

 

I’m breathing.

 

I’m holding God’s hand.

 

Tightly.
Oh-so-tightly.

 

Now and again,  at the
most unexpected, surprising times,   I
feel the warmth of the entire sun pouring upon my face.

 

And I smile… because I know everything’s going to be
alright.

—–Dear,  Reader,  do you believe in God? X X xxx

~~~~Get Help NOW for Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse–800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/ PLEASE Do Not Wait One. More. Solitary. Day.


Subscribe To My Inner Chick

Never miss an update!

You have Successfully Subscribed!

You Might Also Like

A New Kind of Royal Wedding! xx

April 29, 2011

Totally Chocolate Chip Cookies, Baby.

March 23, 2011

Why Domestic Violence Victims Don’t Leave

November 7, 2017

117 Comments

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    June 20, 2013 at 8:07 am

    <3 x infinity.
    🙂 Mandy xo
    Mandy – The Complete Cook Book recently posted..Shanghai SteakMy Profile

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    June 20, 2013 at 8:28 am

    “Nothing can truly save you unless you want to be saved in the first place.” Truer words have never been spoken! Amazing post.

    And without God, I would not be here. I would have died years ago in a quiet corner with slit wrists. He saved me, set me on my feet, began the healing of me, loved me enough to send Alpha Hubby, and loves me unconditionally. Oh yeah, I believe in God!!
    nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..He Has RopeMy Profile

  • Reply
    Red Dwyer
    June 20, 2013 at 9:01 am

    Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego survived the furnace and so shall you the fire.

    Love and protective healing, my sweetest Kimmy.
    xxx
    Red Dwyer recently posted..Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jann Huizenga
    June 20, 2013 at 9:46 am

    So strong and so powerful, Kim. Amazing piece. And how great to see a smile at the end!! xxxxxxxxx many kisses to you
    Jann Huizenga recently posted..Giorno del PadreMy Profile

  • Reply
    Tara
    June 20, 2013 at 9:54 am

    Yeah, that doctor had no idea what he was talking about. It’s one thing to have someone you love die (that’s hard enough), but to have someone you love ripped out of your life – robbed from you, even – by someone other than God Himself is something else entirely. It’s like, ‘Who the f*ck do you think you are, taking my sister’s life? You have something way more than audacity!”

    At least, that’s what I imagine it to feel like.

    I do believe in God (as you know). Sometimes, He feels far away, like He couldn’t care less. But I know that He’s there. I know, because if He WASN’T there, I and my life would completely cease to exist. He is the reason I’m held together, because He is the one who deems it so.

    I don’t know why you and your family have suffered such a tragedy, all I know is He did not make this happen. He can, however, create a greater good out of this tragedy, even if you don’t realize at the moment what He’s up to. In the meanwhile, tie your suffering to the Cross. Unite your pain to His, and know that He is all-too familiar with it. You and yours continue to be in my prayers.

    Love you,
    Tara
    Tara recently posted..Father’s DayMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 24, 2013 at 8:25 am

      Without God, I would have DIED died died.

      I believe. I believe Kay is finally Free, but life is lonely without her…you know?

      I wonder what plans He has? I want Him to reveal them.

      Love you, Tara. Love your faith, encouragement and love. Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Murder, Therapy, & Walking Thru The FireMy Profile

  • Reply
    Dangerous Linda
    June 20, 2013 at 9:59 am

    Dear Kim,

    You are so strong and brave to go through WHATEVER you have to go THROUGH! You don’t try to go around it or stuff it down or pretend it’s not there. That is the path to God. Yes — I believe!

    XOXOXOXXOXOXO

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 24, 2013 at 10:07 am

      “The Path to God.”

      I like that, Linda. Xxx

  • Reply
    Ellen M. Gregg
    June 20, 2013 at 10:26 am

    This is so important: “…mourning is merely born and doesn’t fucking DIE.” I too-often witness a sad belief that mourning is supposed to expire after a certain period of time. Wear black for a year, and it’s over. Moving on, folks. Outdated, unfounded, unsupportable, unhealthy, that. It evolves, but it doesn’t magically disappear one day.

    I believe in spirit in the cumulative sense. I don’t see an omnipotent being on a majestic throne, lord of all. I see a glorious, omnipresent ensemble of light (which, by the way, includes Jesus and other spiritual luminaries); balanced, beatific, perfectly imperfect. I feel the unconditional love of countless souls. There, I find comfort, peace, strength, and unity.

    Loving you, dear Kim. xoxo

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 24, 2013 at 10:08 am

      Love your words, Ellen. & YOU! Xxxxx

      PS. I shall wear black the rest of my life, metaphorically speaking.

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    June 20, 2013 at 10:41 am

    Yes, Everything is going to be alright, Kim. I find my outlet in writing, it is my only coping strategy. I wait for the day when you’ll finish your book.

    Love you more than a million free butterflies filling the sunshine-bathed gardens with their brilliant colors.

    Hugs. Holding your hand in mine.
    Vidya Sury recently posted..Bhagavad Gita Practical YogaMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 24, 2013 at 10:11 am

      Vidya,
      love you more than my new COTTON CANDY candle.

      That’s a LOT!

      Xxxxx

      I am holding your hand tightly, too.

  • Reply
    jen
    June 20, 2013 at 11:07 am

    Reading what that therapist did and said to you makes me so fucking mad…

    If YOU were willing to draw some type of comparison in the grief or loss you felt with your sister and your mother-in-law that’s one thing. BUT for him to try to shove that down your throat as some sort of tough love lesson- or whatever just shows how much he SUCKS.

    I am so sorry Kim, you deserved better than that!

    love
    jen recently posted..Part 2 Bahama trip- The dramaMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 24, 2013 at 10:11 am

      Jen,
      that dude SUCKED rotten eggs! xx

  • Reply
    CAROLYN HUGHES
    June 20, 2013 at 11:21 am

    Oh gosh Kim, you’re post hits the heart where it hurts. You are a miracle of healing.
    I pray that you will always feel God’s hands holding yours reminding you that you are never alone.
    love Carolyn xo
    CAROLYN HUGHES recently posted..Pathway to passion.My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 24, 2013 at 10:12 am

      I feel God’s hand. Yes. I do.

      If not, I would have perished 3 years ago.

      I know you understand, Carolyn. Xx

  • Reply
    Barbara
    June 20, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    I see this post as hopeful. I’m sure Kay is walking through this with you, as is God. I am sure the Walk Event had a lot to do with moving forward. It is a wonderful thing.

    As for the shrink…you have to waste some time before you find a good fit. I remember when my marriage was falling apart and we went to a woman, recommended through insurance (big mistake), who was clueless. I sat there and spewed my guts, then she turned to Dave and said, “Dave?” He shrugged and she changed the subject! I almost got up and punched both of them!

    We did find an excellent therapist, through family intervention. He had Dave figured out in 15minutes! We still occasionally see him today. He is always the voice of reason. So from that experience, I say…don’t give up because you saw a lousy shrink. There are good ones, and they are worth the search.

    Just my unsolicited advice. 😉
    xoxob
    Barbara recently posted..Living at the United NationsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 24, 2013 at 10:14 am

      I appreciate your advice, Barbara.

      I know you, too, have been thru HELL.

      Xx LOVE.

  • Reply
    Emily
    June 20, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    I love that last image of you with the sun on your face. I’m glad you have such strength.
    Emily recently posted..Choose Your Own Adventure (The Puberty Edition)My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 24, 2013 at 10:15 am

      Emily,
      the sun is like the face of God to me.

      Xxx KISS.

  • Reply
    Dad
    June 20, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    As you know Kim I do believe in God, but that don’t mean that I understand him or even try to.The bible
    says his ways are not our ways, or his thoughts are not the way we think. So I have to believe the bible,
    because I believe in God and his Son Jesus Christ.
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 24, 2013 at 10:15 am

      You are my greatest mentor and role model, Daddy.

      Love you more than the entire universe. Xxxxx

  • Reply
    Goodness and Grit
    June 20, 2013 at 1:24 pm

    Kim,
    The opening of this blog post sucked me in like the intro of a brilliant novel. I even saw the movie scene flash before my eyes.

    Loved it!
    Klem,
    Kimberly

  • Reply
    lisa thomson
    June 20, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    The words went all blurry on me as tears welled in my eyes. Kim, your writing is so amazing…but that is only one form of therapy. I can’t believe the idiot psychologist! These are the people who are supposed to help us? SO, when nothing was working you walked ‘through the fire’ and I bet it burned like hell. I bet there are still days that feel like that. You are an inspiration to so many who have also lost someone to violence. I will link this post to the bottom of my recent one. It just makes sense to share this with my readers.
    lisa thomson recently posted..Something I’ve Been Meaning to Tell YouMy Profile

  • Reply
    Valentine Logar
    June 20, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    I love you.

    Your experience with a therapist mirrors my own. I called him Daddy Long Legs. He was an extraordinary azzhat. His ‘expertise’ was Victim therapy. What Really? No.

    For an entire 50 minutes as I poured out my fury, my pain, my fear at all I had lost and all I would never regain. This ijit born of a box of rocks, this example of poor breeding, this inbred moron repeated these words;

    “You have a right to feel that way.”

    I know that you assh*le! What do you think, the bullets that nearly ripped away my life, incapacited me and forced me to live in someone elses body made me as stupid as you?

    I never went back.

    Kim, it changes; the mourning and the pain. It doesn’t go away but it changes into something livable. The sun shines, instead of making you scream in fury it makes you smile in rememberance. Spring flowers bloom, you can see them without your heart breaking. It changes and your heart mends, just differently.

    I believe in something greater than myself.
    Valentine Logar recently posted..Flash: TableclothMy Profile

  • Reply
    Hotly Spiced
    June 20, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    I believe in God and I’ve been through some tough times – nothing like you’ve been through but times that send your world into a complete spin and you feel like you’re in free-fall. And I think the only thing that got me through was knowing there is a God watching over me. I cannot believe that idiot psychologist – what a disgrace he is to his profession xx
    Hotly Spiced recently posted..Almond Biscuits and…Starting SchoolMy Profile

  • Reply
    Beverly Diehl
    June 20, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    I have believed and have disbelieved in any number of deities, gods and goddesses. At this time, I am a relaxed seeker. I see the Divine more with a feminine aspect, or even non-gendered, than a grumpy old man with a beard and rulebook, but am willing myself to be open, to learn, grow, and be comforted.

    I do not believe “this is it.” One thing I found helpful, this year, is an audiobook a friend gave me as a gift: Proof of Heaven, (Eben Alexander). Listen to it, please, and share with me what you think. I found great comfort in his NDE (Near Death Experience), and his encounters with LOVE on the other side.

    I know Kay has found LOVE, peace, security. It’s just those who loved her, and the rest of us who lose someone we love, in a horrible, senseless way, left to walk through the fire.
    Beverly Diehl recently posted..Go See It On the Mountain #mountshastaMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 24, 2013 at 3:01 pm

      *** but am willing myself to be open, to learn, grow, and be comforted.***

      I Love that so much. If we were all like this, Beverly, our universe may survive and flow with LOVE.

      Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Murder, Therapy, & Walking Thru The FireMy Profile

  • Reply
    Debi Pasricha
    June 20, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    This is a beautiful poem on pain, on love, on assholes, and on God. Yes, we do have to walk THROUGH the flames, and yes, there are actual idiots out there who think they can lead us around the flames to joyfulness (wtf!?), and unfortunately, alcoholism doesn’t work for all of us (I try it too in times of despair, but it’s short-lived), and yes(!), when you feel the sun shining on your face, you know God’s got your back.

    Do I believe in God? Hell, yeah–without the support and guidance of God, I just might actually become that alcoholic.

    Blessings to you Dear One. Xo
    Debi Pasricha recently posted..Chasing SnailsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Annette Molitor
    June 20, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    I just love the way you are so open with your words Kim. I’m very proud of your uninhibited way of expressing yourself. I have to say your posts have been a real gift to me in my healing process.

    I believe in God and put on my life preserver daily with the initials JC.

    Blessings! annette

  • Reply
    Irene
    June 20, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    I truly have to say you are the only person I know that can really put, no, POUR their feelings into words and convey that feeling so strongly!! And it’s not like “I feel so sad”. It’s not just feeling sad that Kay is gone, it’s the inner turmoil, the wrenching of your heart, the bottomless abyss of unexplainable agony that you are able to put into words and make your reader feel it as well. I commend you. You’re talent for this should be recognized outside the blog world and not just on some other website. When you finish your book, you’re going to go places with it!
    Irene recently posted..New Theme: WireMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    June 20, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    Kim, you are raw, beautiful and honest. And that’s why we love you. That therapist is the opposite! xxx
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella recently posted..A Glutton in Guangzhou, ChinaMy Profile

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    June 20, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    Oh Kim. That psychologist was an oxygen thief. And sadly not alone.

    Grief/mourning/pain doesn’t go away. We just (mostly) find a way to live with it. Some days that is easier than others. Some days it feels almost impossible.

    And no, I am not a believer.

    Hugs and love – as always.

  • Reply
    Sandra
    June 20, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    You are so strong Kim.
    Sandra recently posted..Vintage Cakes ~ Black & White CakeMy Profile

  • Reply
    debbie
    June 20, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Yes I believe in God and I know he exists every time I look at my children. How could love like that come from anything but God…..Great post Kim. I feel every word and would love to have punched that idiot of a therapist in the head when he compared your sisters death to his mother in laws. What an ass! Reminds me of the saying “they walk among us..”
    debbie recently posted..Guacamole – TGIV (Thank God it’s Vegan!)My Profile

  • Reply
    Sandra
    June 20, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    I believe in God. I believe He gave you the gift you so selflessly share with us, your readers. Your sister, although in her Maker’s arms, has bestowed upon you an ability to move the world. How can we not all love Kate for sharing you with us?
    Sandra recently posted..I can’t breathe…My Profile

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnon
    June 20, 2013 at 7:42 pm

    I love you Kimmy and love what everyone else wrote.
    I too believe in God! I had so much fun with your family and friends!!
    So much love. Xoxoxo

  • Reply
    Angie@Angie's Recipes
    June 20, 2013 at 11:13 pm

    A thought-provoking post, Kim. You are a brave and open-minded woman.
    I hope that psychologist dude reads this and avoids his dumb-a§§ comments in future…

    I wish you a delightful weekend!
    Angie
    Angie@Angie’s Recipes recently posted..Gluten Free Coconut Cheese Bars with ApricotsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Alison
    June 20, 2013 at 11:30 pm

    Yes, everything WILL be alright. xo
    Alison recently posted..The Easy Way OutMy Profile

  • Reply
    solidgoldcreativity
    June 21, 2013 at 1:33 am

    “There are no shortcuts.” That’s the truth. Great post, Kim. About God? This is what I say: we ARE God.
    solidgoldcreativity recently posted..New websiteMy Profile

  • Reply
    feeling beachie
    June 21, 2013 at 3:45 am

    how could that “doctor” compare your situation to an 82 year old dying a natural death… Unbelievable… I know how hard every day is for you, but you are an inspiration to so many. I know your sister smiles down at you every single day and is so proud of you for keeping her memory alive and letting so many people like me who never would have known her get to know her…
    feeling beachie recently posted..The Wedding DressMy Profile

  • Reply
    Brenda
    June 21, 2013 at 9:50 am

    May your strength, your voice, your passion, your compassion, your beautiful words that delight and inspire many, always blaze.
    Brenda recently posted..The Awesome DietMy Profile

  • Reply
    Pat
    June 21, 2013 at 10:32 am

    Sometimes I believe. Sometimes I don’t. But mostly I do. As someone said above, I continue to be a seeker.

    Love you, Chickie.
    Pat recently posted..Freshman orientation.My Profile

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    June 21, 2013 at 11:25 am

    I’m learning to do that right now. Walk through the fire. I’ve repressed so much pain and memories that they are burbling up to the surface in such a force that all I want to do is numb the feelings with whatever is in my fridge.
    I know it’s wrong.
    Thank you friend for this kick in my ass.
    And I am sending that dick face a kick with a chair in the whole face because no one should fluff off anyone’s pain.
    xoxo
    Kimberly recently posted..And All The Way BackMy Profile

  • Reply
    ed p
    June 21, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    i am just rocked by this. i felt your heart, seemed like. love your pace, storytelling, journey. love.
    ed p recently posted..While darkness fallsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Liz
    June 22, 2013 at 8:47 am

    I’m sorry you had such a crappy therapist…what a jerk. You’ve found a way to express your grief via your writing…and channel your energy into preventing heartache for others. You are using your gifts to the ultimate degree.
    Liz recently posted..Sablé Breton Galette with Berries #FrenchFridayswithDorieMy Profile

  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    June 22, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    You are brave, beautiful and take on the world, grappling with it with your arms and legs if you have to. Keep strong and find the peace my friend, this was beautiful.

    Hugs
    Uru
    Choc Chip Uru recently posted..Superfoods #3: Chia SeedsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Amy Tong
    June 22, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    Sorry about your terrible experience at the therapist when you needed help the most. But I’m glad you’ve found what you really needed. This is a beautiful post.
    Amy Tong recently posted..How to Make Azuki (Red Bean) Paste (自家製紅豆沙餡料)My Profile

  • Reply
    Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell
    June 23, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    It is!!! You deserve to live, to be happy in your life, and I am SO thrilled that you are starting to know it and feel it!

  • Reply
    Charlene Ross
    June 23, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    It still makes me mad to hear about that awful doctor. Just ugh. And you are so right, Kim. No one can be saved unless they want to be. I’l so glad you want to be. So glad you feel the sun shining fully on your face. (Sometimes.) And so glad I have the honor and the privilege of reading your beautiful words. Even when they are dark your beauty shines right through.

  • Reply
    marie
    June 24, 2013 at 8:26 am

    God is in there with us, whatever hardship we have to face. I think I really understood it lately.
    You are beautiful Kim and the eyes of Kay are shining in the night sky.
    xxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Noeleen
    June 24, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    I am so, so sorry – again and again and again, as I read your loss.

    I wish he would read the loss, realise, but God knows what he is, in reality. And even then, he cannot bring her back. I am so deeply sorry.

    There is all kinds of therapy. Glad for you to find yours.
    Noeleen recently posted..Survive-allMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jennifer Wolfe
    June 24, 2013 at 8:48 pm

    I’m so glad you’re walking. One foot in front of the other, and if you fall back, know you can move forward tomorrow.
    Jennifer Wolfe recently posted..A Perfect Summer DayMy Profile

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    June 24, 2013 at 11:11 pm

    You really are one of the strongest and most authentic souls I have the privilege of knowing.
    ladyfi recently posted..Of flowers and frogsMy Profile

  • Reply
    countingducks
    June 25, 2013 at 5:03 am

    You are a phenomenon of heart and guts. Unless you are pushed to the edge by an event or events and struggle back you don’t know what struggle is, but you do. You have walked the walk, and I can attest to the wonderful and special lady who has walked out of that fire, and to the family and husband who supported her journey through it. Above all I can bear witness to the extra ordinary generosity of spirit which you demonstrate despite the tragedy which marked your life. I am never reminded of it without shaking my head and thinking of the waste and cruelty. You have had to live it, but the way you have done so inspires others so deeply. You are owed more thanks than you know.
    countingducks recently posted..The Coffee ShopMy Profile

  • Reply
    adrianairis
    June 25, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Keep going love. You are a goddess. xo
    adrianairis recently posted..Guiding Light…My Profile

  • Reply
    Girl with a New Life
    June 25, 2013 at 11:41 am

    Love and light, my dear.

    Love and light to you.
    Girl with a New Life recently posted..6 Summer Loves: Strawberry Cranberry Salad & MoreMy Profile

  • Reply
    Heni
    June 26, 2013 at 2:01 am

    Actually, Wine therapy can work for a couple of weeks but you easily can get in a deep trouble which is really difficult to get out of… I know what I’m talking about, I’ve got some really bad experiences while treating my pain…
    Heni recently posted..3D nyomtatás a fogászatbanMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 26, 2013 at 7:04 am

      Heni,
      I understand, Dear. Xx

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    June 26, 2013 at 4:59 am

    Writing and art are the greatest therapy for me.
    Blond Duck recently posted..Thoughts from your neighborhood bunnyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Debbie
    June 26, 2013 at 11:12 am

    Frankly, Kim, I don’t see how one can NOT believe in God. Why, everything around us is a miracle! Yes, man is fallen and continues to make a mess of things on the beautiful planet God gave us. Nevertheless, I firmly believe there’s a better place He calls us to, a place where every tear will be wiped away, a place where we’ll be reunited with everyone we’ve ever loved, a place where we won’t recall pain or suffering or anger. And while we might not be able to find that place until we’re dead and gone, we can and should do whatever is possible to surround ourselves with peace and joy until then. As you learned, alcohol isn’t the way to do that; therapy isn’t either. Writing seems to help, though. So do music and art and the love of family. God bless you, Lady!
    Debbie recently posted..Half-year Review of GoalsMy Profile

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    June 26, 2013 at 11:37 am

    YES!
    Yes!
    Yeees!

    Without God, I would have died years ago.
    He is my strength during my weakest hours.
    He is my hope.
    Without Him…I am NOTHING.
    I believe this.

    All of my family are Christians….And Kay was a DEEP believer.

    Here is what she said on her last Facebook status before she was murdered.

    It seems quite apt now….almost as if she knew what was going to happen to her.

    “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

    Love to you, Debbie. xxxx
    My Inner Chick recently posted..Murder, Therapy, & Walking Thru The FireMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lady Jennie
    June 29, 2013 at 3:49 am

    Oh Kim.

    A big tight squeeze.

    That psych was a psycho.

    And God heals in ways nothing else can.

    PS I’m posting the vanilla cupcakes today that you asked for. 🙂
    Lady Jennie recently posted..Fais Gaffe!My Profile

  • Reply
    The Real Cie
    June 29, 2013 at 11:33 am

    I long ago ceased believing in the Church God (or at least believing that said God was any kind of good.) This doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in a higher power or the existence of the spirit beyond the death of the body. I’m not one of those acerbic types of atheists. I’m actually not an atheist at all, but I don’t want to paint all atheists with the same brush. Not all of them are acerbic.
    I thankfully don’t know what it is to lose a loved one to a horrific accident or murder, and I hope I never do. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, and I’m very sorry for your terrible loss. I don’t think that anyone has the right to tell us how we “should” grieve. I get very angry at people who tell others that their grief is “too extreme” or they should “just be over it by now.” Nobody has the right to make that call.
    The Real Cie recently posted..Whining about Money and MadnessMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 29, 2013 at 2:22 pm

      Just returned from your on-line home.

      Thank you for your thought provoking comment.

      Xx

  • Reply
    Belief and Grief | The Cheese Whines
    June 29, 2013 at 11:52 am

    […] is a response to a woman who lost a loved one in a horrific way. Her sister was murdered. Here is the post that I was responding […]

  • Reply
    Sue - The Spin Cycle
    June 29, 2013 at 8:44 pm

    This was so profound. As I read it, I kept thinking, “Give this to God. Please, please hand it over to Him.” And I was so glad to reach the end and learn that you have. There’s no escaping pain. There’s plenty of it all around. But I believe that our only true hope in living through the unbearable is by holding tightly onto His hand…and sometimes letting Him carry us when we feel that we can’t go another step. Hugs.
    Sue – The Spin Cycle recently posted..Navigating Silicon Valley: A Multiple Choice QuizMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 29, 2013 at 11:20 pm

      Sue,
      thanks for dropping by my mourning pages.

      I’ve given it to God…I’ve surrendered. I’ve given Him everything.

      I cannot do it alone. That’s for damn sure.

      Without Him, I’m nothing.

      Xxx Love.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Murder, Therapy, & Walking Thru The FireMy Profile

  • Reply
    Patty
    June 30, 2013 at 5:04 am

    We all suffer loss in our lives and I won’t compare anything in mine to what you’ve endured. I cannot begin to imagine your pain but I so admire your strength. And, any words to say how sorry I am for what you and your family have suffered just aren’t enough.

    I’ve had just two encounters with moronic “shrinks” that probably enpowered me more to deal with issues of my childhood abuse on my own. With one eye on the clock from a head that never looked up from his/her notebook, I heard comments about “what could you have done to prevent this?”….”do you find yourself angry at your parents?”. Really? Is this professional idiocy what most people deal with when seeking help?

    The end result is that you make those forward steps, one at a time, and allow God to do what He can. It’s a partnership.
    Patty recently posted..A matter of opinion…My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 30, 2013 at 7:05 am

      I agree.
      I’ve given everything to God. Everything. I’ve finally surrendered.
      I can’t do it alone.

      Thank you so much for visiting my mourning/morning pages, Patty. xx

  • Reply
    Maggie Grace
    June 30, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Amazing write and so very true. I was a therapist. I’d say you have to walk through the muck. Can’t walk around it. But I’ll put on my wading boots and walk through it with you. Yay for you. The sad, feeling futile, drowning in grief part totally sucks. But it can be survived. Glad you found you can live and still have those other feelings.
    Maggie Grace recently posted..CD: FutilityMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      June 30, 2013 at 3:05 pm

      ***But I’ll put on my wading boots and walk through it with you.****

      I love love love that sentence.

      The people walking thru w/ me are few and in between, but they are my BEST friends forever.

      Thanks for visiting my mourning pages, Maggie. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Simple Sinful Double Chocolate Chip CookiesMy Profile

  • Reply
    Monica
    June 30, 2013 at 10:27 pm

    Wow. Powerful stuff, Kim.

    Favorite line is this: “How could I possibly respect a man with those dreadful words
    wedged to his head in neon lights?”

    So descriptive and visual. Do I believe in God? I believe there is something out there, bigger than any of us. But I don’t know what. I also believe in the power of science and how it is a reminder of how little we know.
    Monica recently posted..And I Quote–AgainMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kristy @Loveandblasphemy
    July 1, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    Hey, girl! I remember you! (I’m Kristy from previously Pampers and Pinot – I’m back) 🙂 If I were to ever get a tattoo, it would be, “Every little thing is gonna be alright.”

  • Reply
    Kristy @Loveandblasphemy
    July 1, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    oops, I thought I made a mistake with my comment before.

    • Leave a Reply to Kim Sisto-Robinson Cancel Reply

    CommentLuv badge