My dear sweet Kay.
“Your coffin reached the monstrous hole. And a part of me went down into
the muddy earth with you and lay down next to you and died with you.” –Rosamund
I feel you leaving me.
Your voice a faint whisper thru pines. Your soft cheek skimming my cheek. Your
fingers gently unfolding from my fingers.
I feel you letting go.
I haven’t cried myself to sleep all month. The tears dried up, the blood
clotted, the pain finds other places to flow.
Prayer soaks thru my bones even when I don’t pray.
I can’t. I can’t.
The words stick inside my throat like dead verse, broken benedictions.
I feel you freeing yourself from me. Your breath caught in air. Your pink lips smiling in space.
I dream of you all night long. The insidious gloom. The shade consuming me.
Who can I share my secrets with?
All of the birthdays without you. Baking chocolate chip cookies without you.
Saturdays roaming around Barnes and Noble without you.
The sun shines differently without you.
You wanted to work with animals. I wanted to write like Sylvia Plath.
You wanted to leave your husband. I wanted to leave my dead end job.
We talked about growing old together and getting facelifts at fifty. We talked
about living in a duplex as wrinkled women with 100 homeless cats. Remember how
we were going to wear high heels around the house and bright red lipstick?
We laughed until we peed our pants.
Nobody loved me like you.
Nobody. Ever. Again.
Now your long brown hair twists and twirls thru sky as if you’re leaving me, as
if you’re waving goodbye, as if you’re wrapping your arms around a new
And even now inside this darkness, these black fangs of mourning, now and again, I feel a
surprising surge of joy….
…because I know you are FREE—–finally free of him.
My soul mate and sister was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010. The sun shines much differently now.
It is a healing experience being part of the KAY MARIE SISTO MEMORIAL WALK to END domestic violence: Saturday, June 1, 2013 @ 11:00 AM on the Waterfront Trail
If you are want to send a donation directly to me:
please send to—- My Inner Chick / Kay’s Walk– 715 North 65th. Avenue West, Duluth, MN 55807
My Wish List for The Kay Marie Sisto Memorial Walk:
City Permit– $120.00 (((( HAS BEEN PAID FOR ))) !!! Thanks Bobby. Xxx
PA System– $200.00
~~~~Get Help NOW for Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse–800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/ PLEASE Do Not Wait One. More. Solitary. Day.