In Memory of Kay

Sister Gone


“Gone. The saddest word in the language. In any language.”—Mark Slouka

 

–Dear Kay,

I dreamed of you last night.

 

Suddenly you were there as if it were completely natural.

 You know, how it used to be with us.  How it will never be with us again…

At least, on this earth.

I turned to you excitedly and said, “ O’ I can’t believe I haven’t told you the name of my book yet.”

“Tell me.” You said.

“730 Days.”  I answered.  “I can’t believe I haven’t told you that.”

“I already knew.” You said.

“Where the hell have you been?  I’ve missed you.  Why haven’t you called me?”

You smiled with that stunning pink-lipsticked smile.

 “You know where I’ve been.”

I noticed how your hair had grown long…flowing down your back like glimmering dark diamonds.

I noticed you were whole and perfect and happy.

I wish I were happy.  I wish…I wish…I wish

“Why do you keep dying and coming back?” I asked. “Why can’t you just stay with me?”

Please don’t leave me.  Please please please

  Stay   Stay   Stay

Then you were

G   O   N   E.

My Soul Mate was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26th, 2010.  The entire earth darkened on that day. 

~~~~Get Help NOW for Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse–800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/ PLEASE Do Not Wait One. More. Solitary. Day.

—The Kay Marie Sisto Memorial Walk To End Domestic Violence  Will be on June 1, 2013.   Much more info  to follow.—


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104 Comments

  • Reply
    Trish
    February 10, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    Thinking of you,
    Xoxo
    Trish

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnon
    February 10, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Love you Kimmy !!!! XxxXxxxxxxxooooooooooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxocococ

  • Reply
    Kelly @ Inspired Edibles
    February 10, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    The saddest word of all.

    Hugs, prayers and thoughts of you my dear.

    xoxo
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  • Reply
    Helene Abbott
    February 10, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    So precious are your writings….so precious are You, Kim. My heart never stops bleeding for the love you had and lost. It is snowing today, Kay is making angels for all on earth. Maybe you and Saint Shirley ar making some cookies today….it is a good day for that. Take care, my friend
    Sissy

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 10:52 am

      Sissy,
      my heart will NEVER stop bleeding…until we meet again.

      Love to you, dear. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Ellen M. Gregg
    February 10, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    She comes in your dreams to be with you, comfort you, be real with you. She loves you for all eternity.

    And it sucks that her physical presence was taken from you in such a way… in any way. xoxo
    Ellen M. Gregg recently posted..5 Reasons Why You Don’t Want to Go VeganMy Profile

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    February 10, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    Oh sweetheart. Hurting for you, hurting with you. As always.

  • Reply
    Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever
    February 10, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    Find a dimension where stay is the only way there is. It’s just beyond a veil where bioloigical death means nothing. She is there, we are all there. Hearts beating together.
    Love you!
    xoxox
    Jodi
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  • Reply
    nan @ LBDDiaries
    February 10, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    No matter how awful it is, your words put everything into perspective and pull the emotions out. Your words are so powerful – what a voice. Love love you.
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  • Reply
    Jann Huizenga
    February 10, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    A heartbreaking and beautiful poem, Kim. The line “Why do you keep dying…?” is so sad. But I love how Kay is happy and whole and perfect, and how the emotions in the poem run the complete gamut. Much love to you from Sicilia. xxxxxxx
    Jann Huizenga recently posted..Stuff That Scared Me Silly, SicilyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Carolyn Hughes
    February 10, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Your darling sister may be gone in the physical sense but you will always be together in spirit. Hugs and love to you. xx
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  • Reply
    Debi Pasricha
    February 10, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    Gone, indeed, the saddest word of all. Bless you, Beautiful. Xo
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  • Reply
    Red Dwyer
    February 10, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    Gone is sad. You may not be able to touch her, but she is definitely with you. She is even thinking of you when you are asleep.

    Much love, sweet Kimmy,
    xxx
    Red Dwyer recently posted..1%My Profile

  • Reply
    Annette Molitor
    February 10, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    You WILL see her again! But I’m sorry you have to temporarily endure her loss.

    Hugs!!! Annette
    Annette Molitor recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chcik
      February 14, 2013 at 11:04 am

      Annette,
      this is what keeps me going…
      knowing we will be together again. YES! This will be a beautiful day. Xxx
      My Inner Chcik recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Renee
    February 10, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    Your dreams are proof that your sister is always with you. Peace to you.
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chcik
      February 14, 2013 at 11:05 am

      Renee,
      Kay is me. I am Kay.

      this is how it shall always be.

      thanks for visiting. Xx
      My Inner Chcik recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Tia
    February 10, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    Love You!

  • Reply
    Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell
    February 10, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    She is near in spirit and and in heart. Hugs!
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  • Reply
    Valentine Logar
    February 10, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    Gone, says it all. Beautiful and terrible.

    Love and Hugs
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 3:58 pm

      Yes, Val,
      shade and light.
      night and day.
      Hope and hopelessness…
      Somehow, they all mix together to keep me surviving…

      Xx LOVE.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Alison
    February 10, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    Tears. Just tears.
    xoxo
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  • Reply
    jen
    February 10, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    Sigh…dreams of our loved ones passed are gifts however painful.
    xxxooo
    jen recently posted..a glimpse at love 1917 styleMy Profile

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    February 10, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    Never doubt that Kay lives in your heart, Kim. I know how it hurts not to be able to hold the warmth, smell the familiar aura that is unique, and hear the modulated voice and feel that gentle warm breath before a cherished kiss. Feb 8 was three years since my Mom passed. Out of the blue, a friend offered a mediumship reading and it was the most beautiful experience. I had no idea what to expect…but at the end of the hour, I had immeasurable peace. It does not minimize the pain, but it adds up to the good memories.

    As ever, I will be with you in spirit during this year’s walk, Kim.

    I love you and feel with you, dear friend.

    Love and hugs, Vidya
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 4:08 pm

      Vidya.
      I didn’t know it was 3 years for you sweet mother.
      you know what? For me, it’s not so much about peace….it’s about the lonliness and not having a best friend.

      That’s sad to me.

      I love you, my dearest girl. Xxxx Kiss flowing to India.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    ladyfi
    February 10, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    So beautifully written.

    Hugs.
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  • Reply
    Monica
    February 10, 2013 at 11:15 pm

    I concur with Jodi, and couldn’t have said it better. I’m so sorry for your pain. Sending you lots of hugs, Kim!
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 4:09 pm

      Jodi always manages to say the right thing at the right time.

      love to you, dear Monica. Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    February 11, 2013 at 12:57 am

    Oh darling Kim, your dreams are pure and simple proof that Kay is still with you and will always be.
    Love, love, love,
    🙂 Mandy xoxoxo
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 4:09 pm

      Always. Forever.

      Love Love Love endures. Xx Kissss for you, Mandy.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Shakti Ghosal
    February 11, 2013 at 2:46 am

    May you gain the strength to accept and move forward. In my last blog, I have attempted to drill down inside after the loss of a close person.

    Shakti
    Shakti Ghosal recently posted..The Other Side of SadnessMy Profile

  • Reply
    debbie
    February 11, 2013 at 4:14 am

    Beautiful and so sad at the same time. Dreams can bring us comfort but sometimes we don’t want them to end. Stay strong and keep writing….
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 4:22 pm

      Debbie,
      this is true. I want the dreams about Kay to last forever. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Solid gold creativity
    February 11, 2013 at 4:19 am

    Dear lionhearted Kim, we love you and mourn with you. N xx
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  • Reply
    Che-Che
    February 11, 2013 at 7:09 am

    Kim, I truly believe Kay visited you, and that she wanted you to know she did. Obviously, your spirits are joined for eternity. I so enjoy your writing. ~Cheech

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 4:23 pm

      Che Che,
      thank you so much for reading my mourning pages.

      Xxx You’re sweet.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    countingducks
    February 11, 2013 at 7:21 am

    Sad beyond words, but then your heart is big beyond words too. It carries both of you in it xxx

  • Reply
    elizabeth
    February 11, 2013 at 8:34 am

    Dear Kim,

    If only our dreams could come true. xx
    elizabeth
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 4:23 pm

      –they will one day, e. I know this to be absolutely TRUE. Xx LOVE
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  • Reply
    Bridget
    February 11, 2013 at 9:08 am

    Beautiful post. xoxo
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  • Reply
    Girl with a New Life
    February 11, 2013 at 9:38 am

    I attended a funeral this week.

    There are so many things I wish I had the chance to say, but I’m saying them now.

    Sounds like you sister is still listening.
    Girl with a New Life recently posted..Life Affirmation: We are ConnectedMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 4:24 pm

      Dear Tina,
      she hears and speaks thru me now.

      Xxx Love.
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Debbie
    February 11, 2013 at 9:59 am

    Hugs to you, my friend. It’s a bit unnerving when we dream of someone who’s passed on, but it’s also comforting. Like they might be gone but they’re not far away, even though we can’t see them or touch them any more. Perhaps Lovely Kay just knew you needed reassurance?!
    Debbie recently posted..Waiting…Waiting…My Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 5:45 pm

      Debbie,
      the only problem w/ dreams like this is that I NEVER want them to end.

      Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Charlene Ross
    February 11, 2013 at 10:01 am

    Sending you love and hugs. Today and always. xoxo
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  • Reply
    Dad
    February 11, 2013 at 10:38 am

    I’m just waiting for 730 days.
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 5:45 pm

      Nobody loves you more than me, daddy. XXxxxx LOVE LOVE LOVE
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    February 11, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    The sensation of hugs and the feelings of pouring your heart out to each other must be the most difficult loss in the world but know that spiritually, she will never be gone my friend.

    Hugs
    Uru
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 5:46 pm

      Dear Choc,
      the idea of uniting again is what spurs me onward. Xxx LOVE
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Sandra
    February 11, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    Your sweet memories and your outstanding writing skills will help to keep you afloat. Hugs!!!
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 5:47 pm

      Sandra,
      I’m trying to stay above water, but sometimes I drown a little. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    mamawolfe
    February 11, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    Her spirit is truly with you, isn’t she? You must have had an incredible closeness in this life for it to continue into the next. Hugs.
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 5:48 pm

      Mama,
      believe me, we will be together in our next life, as well.

      I have NO doubt. LOVE. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    February 11, 2013 at 11:32 pm

    No matter how much time has passed, the pain is still there. How we grieve with you Kim xxx
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  • Reply
    Dawn
    February 12, 2013 at 5:08 am

    Powerful Kim. I remember one night feeling on of my parents (don’t know which one) sitting on the end of my bed. It was so real I am convinced it was real, regardless of what the grief counselor said about that being a normal thing, for me to ‘imagine’ it. I know one of them was there, and sat with me for a long time. Just as your sister was with you. It was real.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 14, 2013 at 5:48 pm

      Dawn,
      it was real. I have absolutely NO doubt abou this. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    injaynesworld
    February 12, 2013 at 9:20 am

    Your words, as always, are powerful; your thoughts beautifully expressed. Reading them helps me understand my friend whose sister was murdered by her mentally ill son and realize that while she may seem all right on the outside, the pain for her will never be over on the inside. You’re a teacher, my friend. And so is Kay.

    Hugs…
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  • Reply
    Deborah Batterman
    February 12, 2013 at 11:50 am

    I know what it is to lose a dear friend, and still see her in a dream. Murder casts it in a different light, indeed.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2013 at 10:50 am

      Deborah,
      pain is pain….but murder makes it almost unbearable at times. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Donna Spears
    February 12, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    Your sweet memories with Kay will always be precious.
    Hugs for your longing heart.
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  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    February 12, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    I’ve been having weird dreams too about my unborn children. Maybe the dead and spirits can only connect with us through dreams.
    Blond Duck recently posted..Pug LoveMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2013 at 10:52 am

      Ducky,
      I don’t consider my sister “Dead.”

      She is very much alive & her heart beats inside my heart. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Wild Child Mama
    February 12, 2013 at 9:36 pm

    Why do you keep dying and coming back? Omg. That is the most honest thing I’ve heard about losing someone you love. It just hit me in the pit of my stomach.
    I look at her picture and I feel like I should get to meet her. I want to meet her. It’s so unfair.
    You are so bold. I pray that God surround you with His loving arms and hold you, hear you, comfort you in the way only He can. You are amazing, Kim. Xoxo
    Wild Child Mama recently posted..Tat for my mamaMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2013 at 10:53 am

      Mama,
      you would have LOVED Kay. She was much more soft spoken and kinder than me! She made me a better person.

      Thanks for the prayer. I send one back to you! Xxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lady Jennie
    February 13, 2013 at 12:37 am

    I had a dream about my brother too.

    My poor, grieving friend. Sending you courage and love.
    Lady Jennie recently posted..Life in the Trenches – Chapter 6My Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2013 at 10:54 am

      Thank you, Lady Jennie.

      Mourning never gets easier, does it? xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Liz
    February 13, 2013 at 7:27 am

    I think Kay is trying to comfort you, hug you, love you via your dreams…I only wish those visits were real. xo

    PS…sheesh, what’s going on with my feedburner???? I’m still getting post updates…I hope you’ll resubscribe and see if that works. SORRY!
    Liz recently posted..Penne with Spicy Tomato Cream Sauce…#WeekdaySupper, #SautéExpressMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2013 at 10:54 am

      Liz,
      I wish they were real, too….more than you know.

      I shall subscribe again to your blog. Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Brenda
    February 13, 2013 at 9:20 am

    I am always thinking of you and your love. Hugs my sweet friend.
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  • Reply
    Emily
    February 13, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Those are the hardest dreams. I’m thinking about you, friend.
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2013 at 10:55 am

      Emily,

      Yes, Hard dreams when I need to awaken w/out my sister. Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Tara
    February 13, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    I suggest the word “away” instead. Gone…never. You two will be together again…you WILL. You will see one another, laugh, joke, sing, admire each other’s lipstick shades…all of it, again! This is God’s promise to you, my dear. One of His MANY promises. Love you!

    Tara
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2013 at 10:55 am

      Gone. NEVER.

      This is TRUER than true, Tara. Love you. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kathy
    February 13, 2013 at 4:53 pm

    Oh, Kim, I can’t even imagine how painfully sweet these visitations must be–to reconnect to the closeness and the agony of separation over and over again. Blessings and hugs to you, my friend!
    Hugs,
    Kathy
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    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      February 15, 2013 at 10:56 am

      Over and over….

      living and dying…

      Sometimes it’s too much.

      Love when you visit me, Kathy. Xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Sister GoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    adrianairis
    February 13, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    Almost Valentines Day and I wish and send you nothing but love. xoxo
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  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    February 14, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    Happy Valentine’s Day!
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  • Reply
    Beverly Diehl
    February 16, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    I hate when people we love visit us in dreams – and then are gone again.

    But at least they stop by to wave hello.
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  • Reply
    Pat Scattergood
    March 1, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    Hi Kimmy. I’ve been away from blogland for a while, licking some wounds. I had missed this post. Those very real dreams are such a mixed bag in my experience. On the one hand you’re so happy to see your sister. On the other hand you’re terribly sad because she left you again. I’m thinking good thoughts for you. God bless!
    Pat Scattergood recently posted..It is what it is.My Profile

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