—Since my sisterâs murder,
my sensitivity thermometer has been sharply & acutely Â heightened.
I mean, if it used to
be a 10, it is now 10 x 10.Â Â You
So, when people utter Â ignorant things because they donât know what
else to say, that thermometer rises like hot red lava.
For example, a few weeks ago Iâm talking to this person and
she says something like this:
âI can really identify
with what youâre going through, Kim.
I quite smoking a few months ago and I think of that cigarette every
I wanted to yell,Â âMy
sister is not a fucking cigarette, you
stupid stupid stupid person!â
Yeah, I wanted to, but I didnât.
I just write about
it.Â Here.Â Now.
Which brings me to yesterday at the grocery store.
Iâm walking down the cereal isle and I see this familiar woman.
Shit.Â Â Damn. Â Â Poop.
She asks,Â âAre you
I reply,Â âYes. I am.â
âDo you remember me?â
âOh, yes. I do.âÂ I
I kind of
remember.Â Was she from church, school…?
âI canât believe what happened to Kay.Â We were supposed to go for lunch.Â I gave her
my number, but we never got together.
And thenâŚ.âÂ she laughs an
âIâm sorry, I donât what to talk about this right now.âÂ I say nicely.
I grab a cheerio box, Â pretend Iâm reading the label.
Salt.Â Calories.Â Â Who really
gives a shit.
âI wish I would have called her for lunch. Are you doing
better? I canât believe it.Â I just canât
believe it.Â I wasâŚâ
Heat.Â Â Anxiety. Â Angst.
rises from my toes to
the top of my head like heated flashes.
âIâm not talking about Kay right now, okay?âÂ I repeat.
I lay the cheerios inside my cart and begin walking down the
isle, which seems like an extended plank into nowhere.
She follows me.
Go awaaay.Â Get Â away from me.
Leave me alone.Â GoÂ GoÂ Go
go go go
Then I feel a startling whisper of breath inside the right
side of my ear.
âWhen he murdered her IâŚ.â
I turn quickly now– look her strait in the face now.
I try desperately to
be rational, considerate, kind.
But that has all passed now.
âI.Â Am. Not.
Talking.Â About.Â Thiiiis.â
I articulate the words deliberately,Â slowly,
clearly, loudly so she understands.
She has to understand I canât talk about this. Â Not here.
Not now.Â Never with her.
What else could I possibly doâŚexcept
I neglect the rest of the isles.Â My milk drops to the floor. Â I donât pick it back up.
I walk swiftly to the check out lane.
When I get home,Â Mr.
Liverpool says– âWow, we must not have needed much food this week, huh?â
I put down Â my grocery
bags, sit on the couch, Â & tell him
the whole sad story.
—–Dear Reader, Â how
do you respond in uncomfortable situations?
Have youÂ had a similar situationÂ like mine?
~~~~Get HelpÂ NOW for Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Sexual Abuse,Â Physical Abuse, Finacial Abuse- or any other kinds of abuseâŚ..800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/ DoÂ NotÂ WaitÂ Â One.Â More.Â Day.