~~Every morning, I wake up
and forget just for a second that it happened. But once my eyes open, it buries
me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. Once my eyes open, I’m heavy, like
there’s too much gravity on my heart. ––Sarah Ockler
~~I’ve gone though my whole life adored, respected, &
applauded by my sister, Kay.
“OoooH, I love this poem.
Sis, you’re going to be famous someday.
This essay is unbelievable. I’m serious. Unbeeeelievable.
I think you should send this story out to
Women’s Home Journal immediately!”
I mean, nobody EVER believed in me like that.
N O B O D Y.
What an invaluable gift I had in her.
Beautifully. Continually. Ceaselessly.
On our walks, she’d never miss asking:
“What are you writing today, Kimmy? Are you
writing about Meeee again?”
And I’d grin… For
she was (is) my supreme abundant muse. For example, I wrote Big Jugs & Jagger Lips a few months before her murder. (she loved this essay so much)!
“ You know I’m dedicating my first book to you, Kay.” I ‘d say.
“What will you write in it?”
She smiled enormously, bumping her hip into my hip. “What will you write about me?
Tell me. Tell me.”
“Um, lets see, something like:
sister, Kay, who believed in me–even when I didn’t believe in myself.”
That’s all? she sighed.
“What about ‘my beautiful sister, Kay?”
“I guess so.” I
God, how I
miss miss miss fucking fuck fuck miss miss her.
So many days, so
many hours, so many minutes…
And I wonder how I will
I found this card tucked inside one of my journals last week. I sobbed as I read it. sobbed sobbed sobbed
Kay used to send me encouraging cards for no reason. You know,
just because she was W o n d e r f u l.
~~~~Dear, Reader, who is your greatest encourager & inspiration?
My sister Kay was Murdered by Mike Peterson 812 Days ago. She died with part of my heart & soul. Mourning lives on forever….
~~~~Get Help NOW for Verbal Violence, Emotional Violence, Sexual Violence, Finacial Abuse or any other kinds of abuse…..800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/ Do Not Wait One. More. Day.