~~Every morning, I wake up
and forget just for a second that it happened. But once my eyes open, it buries
me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. Once my eyes open, I’m heavy, like
there’s too much gravity on my heart. â–Sarah Ockler
~~Iâve gone though my whole life adored, respected, &
applauded by my sister, Kay.
âOoooH,Â I love this poem.
Sis, youâre going to be famous someday.
This essay isÂ unbelievable. Iâm serious.Â Unbeeeelievable.
I think you should send this story out to
Womenâs Home Journal immediately!”
I mean, nobody EVER believed in me like that.
N Â O Â B Â O Â D Â Y.
What an invaluableÂ gift I had in her.
Beautifully.Â Continually.Â Ceaselessly.
On our walks, sheâd never miss asking:
âWhat are you writing today, Kimmy? Are you
writing about Meeee again?â
And Iâd grinâŠÂ Â For
she was (is) my supreme abundantÂ muse.Â For example, I wrote Big Jugs & Jagger Lips a few months before her murder.Â (she loved this essay so much)!
â You know Iâm dedicating my first book to you,Â Kay.â I ‘d say.
âWhat will you write in it?â
She smiled enormously, bumping her hip into my hip. âWhat will you write about me?
Tell me.Â Tell me.â
âUm, lets see, something like:
sister, Kay, who believed in me–even when I didnât believe in myself.â
Thatâs all? she sighed.
âWhat about âmy beautiful sister, Kay?â
âI guess so.âÂ I
God,Â how I
miss miss miss fucking fuck fuck miss miss her.
So many days, so
many hours, so many minutesâŠ
And I wonder how I will
I found this card tucked inside one of myÂ journals last week.Â I sobbed as I read it.Â Â sobbedÂ sobbedÂ sobbed
Kay used to send me encouraging cards for no reason.Â You know,
just because she wasÂ W o n d e r f u l.
~~~~Dear, Reader,Â who is your greatest encourager & inspiration?
My sister Kay was Murdered by Mike Peterson 812 Days ago.Â She died with part of my heart & soul. Â Mourning lives on forever….
~~~~Get HelpÂ NOW for Verbal Violence, Emotional Violence, Sexual Violence, Finacial Abuse or any other kinds of abuseâŠ..800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/ Do Â NotÂ WaitÂ Â One.Â More.Â Day.