—-My cat is a killer.
He will wait for his victim silently and wordlessly for
hours.  He will wait for that one single
chipmunk from sunup to sundown.
He has perfected his
Art—He is his own Picasso…
heads here.  eyes
there.  paws hanging in air.
He enjoys the power he possesses to permit something to live
or die.
In his cosmos, he  IS  God.
It’s partly my burden, because I allow him outside—and I
find myself chasing him around the garden shouting…
“GET Awaaaaaaaaaay from my chipmunk, you little bastard!  Don’t you dare put your grimy claws on that
bird, you son-of a…!”
My kids laugh.
“Mooooom, it’s his nature. Leave him alone.”
I shant.  I can’t.
The Killer has been thru four collars with bells attached since
June.
He comes inside bare necked, naked, indifferent…
and I’m like, “Daaaamn you.
Where is your collar, you devil?”
The other day, The Killer stalked a crow.
Yeah, you heard correctly.
A massive, oil-dipped, deafening crow.
The Poe-Ish creature was lounging on a small branch upon our
pine tree.
Suddenly– The Killer dropped his belly low to the ground as
if on a swat team….
Watching. Waiting.
When he decided to pounce, there was no warning, except a whip
of furry striped tail and
a wiggle of furry grey ass.
His razor-sharp claws caught one of the black wings for a mere
second like deadly transparent fishhooks.
The crow transferred to a higher branch blaring at The Killer.
He
remained there until way past dark so I assumed he was either in shock or his
wing was wounded.
“Look what you did, nooooow.” I said to The Killer.  “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”
I tossed and turned all night long thinking about that crow.
God, please let him be gone in the
morning. Please let him be gone.
And then, Â I thought
about Kay. How in so many ways, she was
just like that poor crow.
Broken & Wingless.
I remained awake throughout the night spinning around my
sheets.
At sunrise, I sprinted outside to seek out the crow.
He was nowhere in sight.
No black against green.
No fluffing of shadowy feathers.
He was gone.
G Â O Â N Â E.
And I looked into the sapphire sky and thanked God that
something in this crazy world was finally saved.

My sister, best friend,and soul mate was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010. I am sorry I could not save her.
xxx
~~~~Get Help NOW for Domestic Violence, Verbal Violence, Emotional Violence, Sexual Violence…..800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/ Do Not Wait ONE MORE DAY.



Very moving peice. I was starting to see Kay early on in your peiece becasue you wanted to saved them all. But you wanted to save your sister.
Even though you couldn’t – fate was not going to let that happen. Damn fate. You are keeping Kay alive for us.
Please keep cat indoors. that is one reason I have only indoor cats. I would like them to be vegans.
and get some sleep. xoxox
Elizabeth,
I get in trouble for having out – door cats!
Sorry!
Do you still love me? xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
I’m sorry, around here crows are the devil and we hate them passionately. Loan me your kitty, hmmm?
A striking post, as always. Such a way with words and heart. And while I understand your heart, I hate crows. They carry off small animals in our area, march around like they own the world and I’m sure if they could, they’d take over all the lounges and the swimming pool, chattering about what a weanie the owner is and how much they love Club Nan. Grrrr.
Oooooooo, the crows sound like demon-devils!
I must admit, they are quite the arrogant bird … but very beautiful. <3 xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Cats can be so evil! I am FOREVER on the look out to make sure my little nature friends like chipmunks, squirrels, birds and even butterflys are safe from my cat. I don’t get things done around here sometimes. Yeah, I get the same line “It’s nature, let it be”. NO! My cat seems very placid, but there will be days when he’s feeling spunky and won’t hesitate to charge! I’ve a small cemetery in my backyard. Funny, my cat won’t go after my chickens. The hawks do, and if I had a shot gun………and I’m like you, if I come across an injured creature, I stress all night about them. You’re a softie like me.
And as I was reading this I also equated it to your sister! The lurking, stalking, preying…..only this was a lasting ordeal. We can get over the little creatures, that’s nature. But this is beyond that. Something this heinous never goes away!
Irene recently posted..Remembering My Laundry Hamper
Irene,
I LOooooooooVE cats….
but I despise monster human beings.
Xx Kissssssss
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Beautifully written. You do know that Chester is on collar # 26. The new one is embroidered with name and number, with BIG bells, that piss him off. He is still quite the character. Take care. Me
Ooo, Chester LOVES his wild-life, doesn’t he?
We used to see feathers all over the trail and we’d say, “O, Chester was HERE!”
Luv to you, M.
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Wow Kim, you are a powerful writer girl.
Sandra,
thanks for reading <3 xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Yeah, that’s truly a powerful writing.
Emily Woodhouse recently posted..Argan Oil Care
Beautiful
Trish,
thank you. Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
My cat used to stalk birds but never got one. Zoe (our pit bull) did catch a Canadian goose, but let it go when we called her. Harry has killed 2 squirrels that I know of. I guess it is nature, but I shudder to think about that part.
Linda Medrano recently posted..Lost and Found
Linda,
I dread to know what my cat does when I’m not looking. I DON”T WANT TO KNOW! Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
A beautiful and moving piece my friend, I have never seen cats in such a stalker-ish light.
Wonderfully written.
Hugs
Uru
Choc Chip Uru recently posted..CCU Undercover: Taste Of Malaya
Dear Choc,
Hugs back to you, sweet girl. XO
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
The image of you chasing your naked, killer, gray fur-assed cat around in an effort to prevent the demise of unsuspecting chipmunks and birds is hilarious, darling Kim.
The saved crow as Kay brings a lump to my throat. The parallel you drew is so apt and poignant.
xoxo
Ellen,
my neighbors must think I’m a freak. I am, I guess! Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
My cat, too, was always capturing things. The birds I didn’t mind so much, it was the rabbits that threw me into a tailspin!
The Bipolar Diva recently posted..Questions, I Need Your Questions!
Diva,
I guess that’s what I get for having an outdoor cat. It’s ALL my fault. Xxx
hoping you are Okay.
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
It’s in your kitty’s nature to stalk and kill, and some things in life are beyond our control unfortunately. However, as much as I hate crows, I’m glad that one escaped.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell recently posted..#BlogHer12 Parties and Pals – WW
Liz,
he was a beautiful oil dipped beauty Xxx So glad he is living..
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
I’m so glad you write, Kim. The world would be less beautiful without your stunningly woven, illuminating, searing, heart-packed words.
Much love,

Cheryl
Cheryl Lewis recently posted..Happy 4th of July
Cheryl,
your words are beautiful just like YOU. <3 x
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
I too was making connections between your cat and the bird and your sister…. but I wasn’t sure exactly. This was a stunning piece of writing.
Michael Ann recently posted..Health Nut Muffins
Michael Ann,
it started out to be about my cat and the crow….
and transformed into something quite different.
My life is completely intertwined w/ Kay.
Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Hey, two things saved. Maybe this will give you some love…
http://nikkysstrengthandweakness-nikky44.blogspot.com/
Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever recently posted..Zen and Perspective
~~~~Jodi,
YES! I read it.
My heart just warmed up w/ gratitude.
Luv XXxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
That’s why I have dogs.

Blond Duck recently posted..The Original Babies
Haaaa.
try a kitty kat…you may like it <3
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Love your story about (THE CAT AND THE CROW).
Love You
Dad
Daddy,
I love you more than
14 white tigers purring in the honey Kenyan sun.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Jazz now has three bells on his collar. And I can hear him coming from houses away.
He would like to be an assassin all the time, but the three bells issue slows him right down. And I am letting them him and Jewel out less and less as well. Most days now they get about half an hour in the morning. When they come in for breakfast, that is it for the day.
Consequently the black ninja assassin attacks me. Very successfully. I always have cat bites and cat scratches on my arms, my legs and my butt. Grr.
And yes I too would ike nothing to be ripped from life. Death is OK. The theft of life is not.
I am glad the crow flew away and so sorry that Kay could not. Hurting for you, hurting with you.
Elephant’s Child recently posted..My Goodness
Dear E,
what do your cats hunt for in Austrailia? Kangeroos? haaa.
I want to see more photos of those panthers.
The black ninja assassin sounds very naughty.
Xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
It’s quite a journey to learn when and how to jump in. I do trust the Divine to give me a good boot if I’m supposed to be intervening. Guilt is a terrible waste of love – if we are wallowing in remorse, we aren’t loving who or what’s in front of us.
Amy@SoulDipper recently posted..Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of A Canadian Summer
Actually, Kim, I need to add that in my last sentence “we” needs to be changed to “I”! I don’t know…maybe other people can do both.
Amy@SoulDipper recently posted..Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of A Canadian Summer
~~~~Dear Amy,
it’s not so much guilt I feel…..but not having control over something…not having the control to get rid of that man, not having the control to save a life. (my sister’s life. I, sometimes, despise life w/out her.
It’s not my fault. I know this. The murderer would have NEVER let her go.
but I’m pissed about that fact…
Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
I felt your heart go out to the chipmunk and the crow in the same loving way it wrapped around Kay. I would be considering declawing The Killer, even as harsh as that may sound. He has his home and protection, so you would just be extending both the home and protection to the animals he encounters.
Much love soft heart,
Red.
xxx
Red Dwyer recently posted..To Thine Own Self…
~~~~Yes,
the declawing would have been to break every fucking finger so he couldn’t pick up a gun…
….and then taping his mouth…so he couldn’t talk.
OOO. That feels good to say that.
Love to you, dear–sweet Red. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
I once had a cat, she was the mother of all the cats I had after her. Her name was Fancy, after the song, she was a hunter.
Each morning she would slip out the window and before I would wake she would bring me a gift, sometimes still alive and lay it at the foot of my bed. She would then sit at my head and yowl until I was awake to inspect her latest offering.
Finally, after the offering of many a varmit and my leather couch I gave up. Fancy was declawed and the windows were closed. Every cat I have owned since that time have also been declawed.
Tis their nature, but we are the alpha and do not need their offering. I feel your heart, it extends up and out. Save your kitty and your heart.
Much love my friend
XXXX Val OOOO
Val,
you always leave the most amazing comments. Thank you. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Oh, Kim, you’re saving more than crows with your anti-domestic violence campaign. And I thank you for all that you do in that regard and for the chipmunks, too.
You made me laugh with your cat-chasing tale. I just adopted my daughter’s cat because her children were driving the poor thing crazy. She’s jumpy and not good with children so we decided she would be happier here with me. Besides that, I kinda needed some company.
This cat is Lulu, short for Tallulah. She’s an indoor feline and a big wuss. I doubt she will even smell that tiny mouse that keeps visiting my pantry. And if she did, she sure as hell wouldn’t chase it. But she likes me and she snuggles with me on the couch. I think I’ll keep her.
Pat Scattergood recently posted..I’ll do my crying in the rain (while mowing the lawn!?)
Just saw Lulu on your blog, Pat.
What an adorable kitty!
Cats are GREAT companions.,too. I love to hear them PURRRRRR.
what lovely music.
Luv to you, dearest. Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Loved this, Kim. xo
Alison recently posted..This City
Mama A,
I love that you loved it. <3 X
You have to write a book about your cat!
Love you
Kimmy,
I dont’ think so…
but I shall write one about Kay. Xxx Luv U
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Very powerful. Love you!
Love you more. Xxxx
Heart wrenching and hilarious at the same time, girlfriend. I’m glad the crow got away – and your cat is a hoot! Hugs always~
Ann,
my cat is a little devil, but an angel sometimes, too. Is that possible?
Hoping you are well.
Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Yes, yes, this IS a striking piece which, with the naked eye, seems to be about a cat. But. Then there’s the brilliant use of metaphor, the cat a symbol of the Killer.
Broken and wingless, love this! xox
Debra recently posted..Off the Wall
Debra,
thank you for reading my mourning… X
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Mine’s an indoor cat, but she’ll watch the birds and squirrels through the screen door, and make the funniest noises… It kills her to NOT be able to chase ‘em.
Kay’s wings are fully intact, strong and beautiful, now.
Beverly Diehl recently posted..Unpacking My #RWA12 Inspiration and Memories
Yes,
I feel Kay’s wings agaist my cheeks
All. Day. Long.
thanks, Bevery. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Wow, Kim, there are scintillating images in this post. This bolted me upright … “I remained awake throughout the night spinning around my sheets” and “the Poe-ish creature” … love it!
There really are creatures called chipmunks????
Solid gold creativity recently posted..“A death-battered childhood”
Yes, Chipmunks! they are adorable, sweet, fluffy, tiny, innocent.
Where do you live, Gold?
Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
I live in Melbourne, Australia, the land of the chipmunk-free … Narelle xx
Solid gold creativity recently posted..The more things change …
Ooo, I didn’t know that.
But you do have gorgeous Kangaroos, don’t you?
Xxx did you google chipmunk? you must see what they look like!
As I read that piece it made me think about some of the cats I have had over the years, and I was going to leave a comment about one of them, but as I continued to read the tone of the post changed. I felt a wave of sadness wash through me. at the waste of a life that was your sister’s, and the the loyalty and determination you show in keeping her memory alive and present. You are never is never less than moving. God bless you x
countingducks recently posted..An Unexpected Feast
Ducky,
And God Bless You, Dear. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
wow….
We never let Alex out of the house, so he never was a killer… but I once was feeding the strays and watched them stalk, kill and eat a bird by the beach and it was so disturbing… It was years ago and I still can’t get the image out of my mind..
Feeling Beachie recently posted..Girls just wanna have fun…..Wordless Wednesday
–Beachie,
I know. I feel like such a horrible person. I thought the cat would love it outside…and for some reason I thought he’d only eat his CAT FOOD.
I am such a dork!
Xx think of you often and I MISS Alex, too.
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
So beautifully written Kim! I too battle with this balance of nature as 2 of my 3 are mousers – thankfully I have only ever seen the “catch” dead and they do eat every ounce of what they catch except for the gallbladder – clever children! It is natural for them, especially seeing that they had to fend for themselves until they found their way to us to look after them.
Mandy xo
Declawing is cruel! Can you imagine declawing felines in the wild! What an awful thing to do to any animal.
Kin is smiling down on you today as she does every day with love and adoration for what you write.
Big hugs and much love to you from a very cold South Africa.
Mandy – The Complete Cook Book recently posted..International Scone Week – Yoghurt Scones
Mandy, — I cannot imagine Africa being cold.
What do your cat’s eat? Monkey? Just kidding.
What are you baking today?
Xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Kim, this is just one more reason why I have a dog. Dogs are generally happy with the food they get at home and ignore any “prey” instincts they may have. Your piece read like a poem. I’m so glad the crow got away.
Monica recently posted..Four Cities, Three Gals, Two Weeks
Monica,
I am such a cat person…even though they are hunters. I shall always have a cat, but perhaps… I must keep it inside! Xxx
So I loved this piece not only because you made me laugh but made me think. You word sorceress you… xoxo Keep stringing those words together they will reach every corner of our universe.
Adriana recently posted..The Tortoise and the Hare…
~~~~Dear Adriana,
I love when you visit me <3 Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Kim, so glad your “Poe-ish” bird was gone at sunrise, and while I’m sorry you were “spinning in (your) sheets” all night, I do LOOOOOOOOVE the imagery!!!! Sending kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Jann Huizenga recently posted..Saturday Night Fever
Jann,
sending kissses to you right this minute to Italy. <3 xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
And yet another poignant, powerful post Kim. You always leave me speechless. I was going to launch into sharing of similar stories about my cat assassin, but then you brought up Kay, and I got nothing. Nothing but sadness and sympathy, and prayers. I stil have a hard time wrapping my mind around the circumstances of her death. You are my friend who speaks so valiantly against violence against women. You are my friend who is brave and writes Kay’s story as though she had lived it herself, your words so powerful, mesmerizing, and intense. YOU are the one who is going to change the world with your fucking words!
Sandra recently posted..Why blog?
~~~~Sandra,
wanna hear a secret?
I never used fuck before Kay was murdered….now I say FUCK FUCK FUCK.
& damn, it feels good.
….and another thing, YOU inspire me with your authentic voice. X
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Awww, give the poor cat a break. He is a hunter, it is OK!
Sandy Webb recently posted..Please Welcome Pamela Hutchins!
Sandy,
what is your address…
I’m sending the fat ass to your house !! XXXX
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
I love your writing, Kim–your view of things, the way you use words, your humor, your pathos–brilliant!
Tina Barbour recently posted..A poem: What happens to our dreams?
Tina,
I feel that way about you, too, dear. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
You are a poetess at work, Kim. Your words always sound very lyrical. I’ve never had a cat and doubt that I ever will…but Charlie’s antics! Oh!
There’s something about watching a bird being injured that is heart-wrenching – not that watching anything being injured is okay…but birds… I go berserk when I see them dead on the road sometimes and wonder how that happened.
A beautiful title – Broken and Wingless – and how you connected it to Kay. She knows peace now.
Hugs – you know I always mourn with you, Kim. I love you!
Vidya Sury recently posted..Things That Matter
~~~~Vidya,
Love you all the way from Minnesota to India <3 Xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Kim, your writing is always so raw and beautiful. We revel in it, don’t ever stop writing xxx
Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella recently posted..Low Fat Chicken & Apricot Sausage Rolls
Lorraine,
I’ll never stop writing … if you never stop cooking/baking. Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Another reason why I’m not a cat person. But oh, Kim, how your words drew me in – until like you, I was praying for that crow. I’m so sorry that Kay didn’t get away in time….how helpless and infinitely sad that must make you feel.
Corinne Rodrigues recently posted..Positive Ripples
Corinne,
my world will NEVER be complete w/out Kay…. I will not lie about that fact…
but I shall go on living, breathing, writing, & loving.
Xxx Kisses
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
So raw and beautifully written.
Lady Fi recently posted..Outstanding (with a side dish of give-away)
Lady Fi,
Thank you for your words & photos. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
This is why Ben doesn’t let me volunteer at the humane society. I keep trying to take the puppies home.
What did you mean by not reading books like Wings? Is it too dark? It’s going to get happy, I swear!
Blond Duck recently posted..Recipe and Review: Geek Girl’s Guide to Cheerleading
I never read fantasy….
but I’d read YOURS, Ducky. YOU ROCKkkk. X
Such a huge heart you have. I’m sorry it’s been broken. xo
I am too, Liz. Xx
I really feel sorry for that brutal case, but I must say I love this post! P.S. she must be in the heaven.
Lily recently posted..Delicious and healthy dessert
–She IS in heaven! X
I’m constantly rescuing lizards from my cat’s jaws. I love lizards. Mice, he’s welcome to. There are plenty of those little bastards. Unfortunately, he doesn’t regard them as food, but as interactive toys and when they “break” he brings them in the house, drops them at my feet like I’m supposed to fix them or something. Sometimes, he finds the mouse inside, then the chase is on. This is a real bummer when it occurs in the middle of the night and he decides to jump onto my bed with it. Living with a cat is never dull.
Beautifully written metaphor, Kim.
injaynesworld recently posted..injaynesworld it’s "All About Leather…"
–Jayne,
your cat sounds like quite the character.
On the bed? OMggggggggg, i’d flip! Xxx
Poignant piece, Kim. The way you inserted the breaks in the page felt a little like a poem. I felt myself free falling into the story. I sense Kay was with me as I read through the first half and found her there holding my hand as we reached the end. She caught me before I fell. You’ve a way about out that gives the heart hope. Hugs, Brenda
Brenda recently posted..Good Intentions vs. Goals
Dear Brenda,
“Free Fall.”
I love love love that. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
oh my, what an emotional post. I do not know what to say at this time except that I appreciated it. Thank you for sharing ! xoxo E.
elizabeth recently posted..Wordless Wednesday
-Thank you for reading, Elizabeth <3
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
I kind of think that the one who flies away has the power…not broken and wingless at all, anymore.
mamawolfe recently posted..Friday Photo: Night at the Museum
~~~~thank you, Mama W.
I love love love that… xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Broken & Wingless
Another reason to be a dog lover. Miss my friendly, always-happy, never hurt a fly beagle.
Although he would have been happy to eat anything.
Sometimes I think my mom sends robins to greet me and I say hi mom miss you when I see them. I’m sure Kim is sending you “robins” too.
Barbara @ Barbara Bakes recently posted..Cheese Ravioli with Summer Squash Ribbons
Barbara,
yes, they will be with us ALWAYS. Forever. I take comfort in that. Xxx
Stumbled upon your blog….your writing is brilliant. Yoru description above could be of my cat, Cleo, tho she is getting slower as she ages. I, too, want to save them all and have spent many a day nursing (mouse, chipmunk, rabbit, bird, etc.) back to health or bringing them to the local wildlife rehabber. I’ve cried tears and buried the not so lucky and yet, I still love this blue-eyed kitty with all my heart. Sigh.
I’m so sorry about your sister. This blog is a wonderful tribute to her. I hope one day you find peace. Hugs.
Milkayphoto recently posted..Identity Crisis
Milkayphoto,
How sweet of you to drop by. I just love my little chipmunks & squirrels & birds…so why do I have a cat?
Cuz I love him, too. Xx