In Memory of Kay

A Letter To Her Murderer


“My sister will die over and over again for the rest of my life. Grief is forever. It doesn’t go away; it becomes a part of you, step for step, breath for breath.–Jandy Nelson, The Sky is Everywhere

 

~Mike,

Today is a horrible day.

A not
wanting to get out of bed day.   A
missing my sister day.   A not being able
to escape reality day.

I hold on by
a slight string. I hold my breath, wondering if it may fracture and split me
wide open.

I’ve been bleeding for way to long.

792 days to be exsact.

I hold on by writing words,  by baking chocolate chip cookies, by dying my
hair red.

But far too often there is only loneliness,
nothingness, hopelessness, sadness-

And one question lingers in my mind…

Why did you kill my sister?

Why couldn’t you have  killed only yourself?   WHY?

Or better yet,
L I V E D.

I never liked you.

From the very first meeting.

I should have stopped you from entering our lives,
seeping inside our home like a kind of insidious negativity that overflowed
into every gap.

I should have known who you were from the beginning,
should have screamed and roared and jumped up and down in rebellious fury.

I should have broken all of your fingers so you
couldn’t pick up a gun.

I should have wrapped your mouth with duct tape to
end your belittling, demeaning, poisonous,
fatal tongue.

I should have…I should have.  I should have done so many things.

But I stood silent.

Oooh, God,  Ooooh,
God…

Silence is a
K I L L E R

A Crusher of souls.

The first time I saw your face, somehow I knew
immediately.

I knew…as a cat recognizes storms and catastrophes
and danger.

You know, the way her hair stands elevated upon her
back, the way she hisses a warning.

I remember vividly when you visited our old white
house on 65th. and Kay calling me into the kitchen excitedly–   “Well, Kimmy, what do you think of him?”

“He looks
like a monster,” I replied.

That’s what I said. Did she ever tell you?

You never left after that night. You hung around
like a substanceless depthless entity.

You– Took. Took. Took.

You even sucked up the fucking air.

You expected everything… but gave nothing.

You were obsessed with a sixteen year old girl who
would eventually become your Lolita….Somebody you could mold and shape and
manipulate into your own private puppet.

Remember when Kay tried to leave you the first
time?

And you sat outside our house for hours upon hours.

You simply sat like a predator,  a stalker, a black lingering blur, Kafka’s
roach.

Taking up space.

Mom and I continued looking out the front window- and
there you were….

Sitting.  Crying.
Waiting.  Watching. Planning.

You always had a plan.

I wish you would have died then. Died from the
fumes of your car…..your own toxic breath.

I know that sounds terrible, but I’m sp tired of
lying, pretending, hoping, feeling sorry for you,  and praying that someday you might change.

You
Never  Changed.

Why didn’t you leave Kay alone–

Find somebody else to put you back together again?

Find somebody else to make you feel whole, unbroken?

Kay’s love overflowed into the universe like
oxygen. You tried to take it all.   Absorb
it all.    Steal it all.

You son-of-a-bitch.

She was the best thing that ever happened to you….The
best part of you.

And she was Everything to me.

Interlaced into my veins, my heart, my soul, my
blood, the root of my root.

Didn’t you give a damn that your son would find both
of you sprawled out on the tiled floor…

Shot,
Murdered, Dead?

Are you in Hell?  Are you Burning up?

I hope not.
I truly hope not.

Because even after all of this unbearable pain, all
of these shadows, this loneliness….I still feel sorry for you.

Still think there is hope for you.

But not with Kay.
Not with Kay.

She is finally free of you, the very essence of
you.

And that’s all she ever wanted.

“I feel a burst of Joy,” she told me a few weeks
before you murdered her.  “Just knowing I
won’t be with him anymore.”

She’s not with you.

Is she?

Perhaps this is your Hell, Mike.

…Living without her, not being able to touch her,
control her, manipulate her, crush her spirit.

Yes.  This is
your true Hell.

My Soul Mate, Kay, was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010.  The Mourning Never Ends.

 

~~~~Get Help  NOW for Domestic Violence, Verbal Violence, Emotional Violence, Sexual Violence…..800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/ Do Not Wait   One.  More.  Day.

Love   Love   Love


Subscribe To My Inner Chick

Never miss an update!

You have Successfully Subscribed!

You Might Also Like

125 Comments

  • Reply
    Jenn
    July 22, 2012 at 9:47 am

    My heart goes out to you. Such a powerful expression of feeling. love Jenn

    • Reply
      michelle canan
      July 22, 2012 at 1:16 pm

      I still think of her all the time, her spirit will live on forever and you are correct in that Mikes hell is he cannot be with her. She was a very special friend and I loved her dearly

      • Reply
        Kim Sisto-Robinson
        July 24, 2012 at 7:16 am

        Michelle,
        I don’t know who you are….but thank you for loving Kay. I’ve never loved anybody more… Xx

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:15 am

      Thank You for reading my mourning, Jen. Xx

  • Reply
    Joan
    July 22, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Thank you for writing this one. It should be a lesson to everyone. My daughter is going through marriage problems. I get worried. He is nothing like Mike but nonetheless, I am worried. She is about to leave him, I think. That will be very hard. You saw through Mike from the beginning. Your sister was in love. My daughter was in love. Love is blind. This is a beautiful post.
    Joan recently posted..Another mass shooting, another anniversaryMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:18 am

      Joan,
      I do not think Kay every loved him….She felt SORRY for him.

      And he NEVER loved her…She was only a possession.

      How are you, dear? Xx

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    July 22, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Sending you love and hugs, Kim. I feel your hurt, anger, pain and loss. It is the unfairness that hurts the most. Pour your heart out, baby. I am here to listen. I pray for your peace.

    Love you.

    xoxoxo Vidya
    Vidya Sury recently posted..The Life of Buddha – Story In PicturesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:19 am

      Ooooo, My Zen Teacher,

      I should be paying you w/ chocolate or something.

      Love Youuuuuuuuu. x

  • Reply
    Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell
    July 22, 2012 at 10:03 am

    It’s so interesting that your hackles were raised upon first meet, but still, there was no way of knowing how sick he would end up being. That kind of sickness is unpredictable. I have no doubt he’s paying for what he did right now.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:21 am

      Liz,
      I think of what Maya Angelou says: “When somebody shows you or tells you who they are, LISTEN & Believe them.”

      This is more than TRUE. This awareness can SAVE your live.

      Xxx

  • Reply
    Katy
    July 22, 2012 at 10:12 am

    I send you hugs. You knew from the very start – if only she could have seen through your eyes. My heart breaks when I read your pain. It would be fitting if his “hell” is watching her from afar as she thrives and blossoms and waits to be with her true loved ones in heaven.
    Katy recently posted..Cops + Doughnuts = YumminessMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:22 am

      Katy,
      you know something?

      She was blossoming on earth already …. And he could not stand it…

      Thus, he shot her.

      Xxx Kiss

  • Reply
    Barbara
    July 22, 2012 at 10:35 am

    I can’t imagine how painful this must be. Your emotions are palpable and they should be. I pray you find peace so he doesn’t end up killing you as well.
    Sending you prayers for peace in your soul.
    b
    Barbara recently posted..Are You A Collector?My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:23 am

      Barbara,
      He killed himself after he killed Kay.

      Thank you for reading my mourning pages. Xx

  • Reply
    Irene
    July 22, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I would want his parents to read this.
    To let them know what a monster he was.
    That they raised a killer.
    They should, besides you and your family, suffer also.
    Misery loves company.

    ((((HUGS))))
    Irene recently posted..Things You Really Don’t Need To Know But I’m Telling You AnywayMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:28 am

      Irene,
      your honesty is why I love ya. xxx Many Kisses.

  • Reply
    Rachel (Totally Ovar It)
    July 22, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Oh Kim, my heart screams for you and your sister. I want to help your pain, but know I can’t. But I will help you feel it. Love being tirelessly sent from the burbs of Seattle, my sweet friend.
    Rachel (Totally Ovar It) recently posted..This Is Me, Get Over ItMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:30 am

      Rachel,
      I have a feeling you UNDERSTAND pain enough.

      Hope you are well, dearest. Xx

  • Reply
    Valentine Logar
    July 22, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Take it back Kim, you can never ever ever have a ‘should have’ because there are no should haves, you didn’t know what he would do. You maybe knew he was a terrible man but you didn’t know what he would do. Your pain is terrible because he was terrible and his acts were terrible and your loss, forever is terrible; but no matter how terrible you couldn’t know what he would do.

    The monsters in our life, they are monsters that no matter how bad we simply cannot predict because they are not like us. Their acts of horror are not love, even though they name them so. We can never ‘should have’ them because we can never walk in their shoes, they are heartless, without compassion or empathy. Without love.

    You stood silent out of love for your sister. You stood silent because you trusted her great and marvelous heart.

    You knew he wasn’t deserving of his love, because like a cat you recognized him as ‘less than’. But you could not see his complete lack of humanity. Please, never ‘should have’.

    This was so beautiful. I wish I could hug you and rock you in your pain. I know others are there for you. I know even your sister surrounds you.

    Val

    XXX000XXX
    Valentine Logar recently posted..Now What America?My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:33 am

      ~~~Val,
      you are such a beautiful person ….
      and this was such a beautiful comment.

      Thank you so very much for your powerful words. Words have always saved me.Xxxx

  • Reply
    Helene Abbott
    July 22, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Kim,
    There aren’t words to describe how powerful your letter to that ass is. What a selfish monster…I do feel pitty for his family as they have to live with what he did to Kay and the anger, hurt and lonliness they brought into her families lives. Everytime Dick and I ride by Kay’s home, we feel it and think of you guys. If only one could go back in time like you put in your words, but you were just trying to be the good person you are. Just keep writing, making cookies, whatever it takes, you are an Italian trooper!
    Make it a good day and God bless,
    Sissy

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:35 am

      ~~~~~Sissy,

      I don’t know if I could change things, but I dream that I tell Mike exsactly what I think of him (as I just did in this letter). I never told him, you see. NOBODY DID. And he was an ASSHOLE from the beginning.

      You are so special. thank you for being there, sweets. Xxx

  • Reply
    Mehreen
    July 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    My heart goes out to you. I wish you peace in whatever that brings you comfort. I hope your words find home some place they are desperately needed. And I hope they decide not to be silent after hearing your story. Take care, my friend.
    Mehreen recently posted..Expanding!!My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:36 am

      Mahreen,
      Thank you for reading my mourning. Xx

  • Reply
    Amy@souldipper
    July 22, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Don’t let him kill you, Kim. Don’t give him the power.
    Amy@souldipper recently posted..Is “Alone” Lonely?My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:38 am

      Amy,
      he has NO power over me…..But Kay does. & I miss her SOOO much.

      Xxx

  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    July 22, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    I wish I could express how I feel for you my friend but words are inadequate in your presence. You are so motivated, powerful and strong, your writing is all consuming.
    Let out the feelings my friend.
    We are here to listen and support.

    All my wishes
    Uru
    Choc Chip Uru recently posted..ChangesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:47 am

      Dear Choc,
      you continually amaze me w/ your love, words, compassion, empathy.

      I very much appreciate you. Xx

  • Reply
    Wild Child Mama
    July 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I have no idea what it must take to have sympathy for him. I have no idea how you can find that within you. To not wish Hell upon him. To privately want him to be suffering.
    Kay must have been the most generous, loving, patient woman to care for him and remain as positive and joyful about life as she was.
    I miss her and I didn’t even know her.
    Wild Child Mama recently posted..Three Things Thursday – MiraclesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:50 am

      Mama,
      I don’t know why I have sympathy for him, but I always have.

      How strange that I still feel sorry for the man that killed my sister.

      At the same time, I feel completely indifferent. On earth, he was NOTHING…. but where ever he is now…I hope he is something.

      Xxx Kisses for you.

  • Reply
    Sandra
    July 22, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    First impressions mean a lot Kim…..hugs.
    Sandra recently posted..Mango ChutneyMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:51 am

      Sandra,
      I’m beginning to understand that now…

      Xx

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    July 22, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Neither one of them are suffering anymore. And yes, he had to have been sick, suffering, self-centered, horrid inside to be the type person he was. Not whole, so afraid if she left he’d splinter and become nothing. I don’t feel sorry for him because there was always the ability to change and become someone worthy of her love. He just never did that – never became worthy of her love.

    As normal, your words speak so loudly. You are not at fault; you know that, right?
    nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..More Favorite Things 1My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:54 am

      Nan,
      I love that you said “he had the ability to change.”

      He had many opportunities, but did not want to change…..all he wanted was Kay. She was ALL he saw.

      Yes. I know it was not my fault, but I still wish I would have done something. You know?

      Love to you, dear. x

  • Reply
    Debbie
    July 22, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    This reminds me of the expression to “go with your gut instinct.” You had a good gut instinct on this guy but we never ever know what another human being is capable of. Especially someone who is so different from us that they are basically alien to us. Please don’t should have. I know that I would most likely feel the same way and just die inside thinking of what I should have done but I really do feel we never have any way of knowing what someone like this is capable of. Be good to yourself because you are a good person. Your sister just has to be looking down and smiling at you all the time……..
    Debbie recently posted..Strawberry Summer Cake and Fun Pics!My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 7:56 am

      Debbie,
      I had this gut instict from the beginning. How powerful this was. But I guess, we second guess ourselves, don’t we?

      WE must not. As Angelou says, “When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!”

      So True.

      Xxx

  • Reply
    Kelly @ Inspired Edibles
    July 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Kim, I send you my love, compassion, tenderness.

    A million hugs to you – xo
    Kelly @ Inspired Edibles recently posted..Strawberry Vanilla Tie-Dye Yogurt PopsiclesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 8:12 am

      Kelly,
      I feel your hugs from Canada. Thank you. Xxx

  • Reply
    Alison
    July 22, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Love to you, my friend. Do not make his hell yours, do not torture yourself with should haves.

    xo

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 8:13 am

      Alison,
      I’m trying. I really am. Xx

  • Reply
    Pat Scattergood
    July 22, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    I love you, Kimmy.
    Pat Scattergood recently posted..Unexpected encouragement.My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 8:13 am

      Ooo, Pate, And I love you, too. X

  • Reply
    Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever
    July 22, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Kim, You are a beautiful soul. So IS Kay. He is still alone and she is free. I am so glad she made that decision before she died. It seems more of a betrayal since she was almost free, but actually for her soul healing, making this decision to be free cannot be taken away. She completed her karma before she passed and for this she is grateful. Kay is sending her love and showers of smiles to you.
    Love you chica!
    Jodi
    xoxox
    Jodi @ Heal Now and Forever recently posted..My Path To the Healing ArtsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 8:45 am

      Jodi,
      you know what gives me great comfort… knowing she is FINALLY free of him…FREE & Flying on her own.

      Love Love love. Xxx

  • Reply
    Ann
    July 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    Such powerful, powerful words. I could feel your hurt and see your soul. As always, I wish you peace and days of joy….

    Hugs, dear friend.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:01 am

      Ann,
      thank you, my sweet friend. Xx Yes. You are my friend.

  • Reply
    Jann Huizenga
    July 23, 2012 at 12:30 am

    Your poetry addressed to Mike is so powerful and devastating, Kim. I was looking out the kitchen window with you and your mom at him in the car, stalking. That’s unreal that you said “He looks like a monster” when you first met him. Unreal. Although you had premonitions and gut feelings, nothing about the murder was your fault….. You are an innocent victim. So very very very innocent.
    Now you’re bearing witness, and you can be so proud of yourself. xxxxxxxBIG HUGS to yousxxxxxxxxxx
    Jann Huizenga recently posted..Safe in SicilyMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:02 am

      Jann,
      one must follow one’s instincts. I am beginning to understand this. Much too late…

      I love this Maya Angelou quote: ” When somebody shows you who they are. Believe Them!”

      He showed us from the start….

      Love coming your way. Xxxxx

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    July 23, 2012 at 12:32 am

    Kim, all I can do is send you love, love, love! I hope that one day I can give you a hug in person so you can feel the love!
    🙂 Mandy xo
    Mandy – The Complete Cook Book recently posted..Johannesburg to Sundays River Road Trip 2 of 2My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:03 am

      I feel your love, Mandy…

      And I send it back to you. Xxx

  • Reply
    Hazel
    July 23, 2012 at 4:26 am

    I guess we will never know the answers to your questions. The important this is that you don’t forget about one of the most important people in your life; her passing, although not in a good manner, can serve a better good and that is your crusade against domestic violence.
    Hazel recently posted..best electronic cigarettesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:03 am

      Well Said, Hazel. Xx

  • Reply
    Tere Anne
    July 23, 2012 at 5:31 am

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. May you see the rainbow and the sunshine, may you understand that Kay is looking down at you and watching over you.
    ((hugs))
    Tere Anne recently posted..its a not so exciting dayMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:07 am

      Yes, Tere….

      I look forward to seeing that rainbow….but I do not see it yet.

      Xxx Someday…Perhaps.

  • Reply
    totsymae
    July 23, 2012 at 6:30 am

    Your words drip with tears and power.Sadness swells in my heart for you and your family as Kay helps you write this under these circumstances. May you continue to find inner strength in dealing with your loss.

    Love and Hugs to you,
    Totsy
    totsymae recently posted..Another Ride through The KingdomMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:07 am

      Tots,
      I scream the same stories over and over again.

      Thanks for reading my mourning…. Xxx

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    July 23, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Kim, he was a coward for not giving you the answers to your questions and for facing things as he should have. We love you Kim xxx
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella recently posted..Fifty Shades of Naan: A Curry Dash Down Harris Park’s Eat Street!My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:09 am

      A coward. Yes, that is a PERFECT word for him…

      He always was a coward. A no good coward w/ who valued only superfical things.

      Love to you, L. Xxxx

  • Reply
    Ellen M. Gregg
    July 23, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Kim, when I look within (so I can see without; beyond) I see Kay surrounded by light, infused with light. There is love and there is joy. Nothing else. I don’t tell you this for any other reason than to reaffirm statements you made above in regards to where and how she is. If only all that love and joy could have been hers to have and be on Earth, without him in her life. Hugging you tight. xoox

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:10 am

      OoOO, Ellen,
      Yes. I can see her bathed in light. So much light.

      Thank you, dearest. Xxx hugging you back.

  • Reply
    Debbie
    July 23, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Hugs to you, Kim. You’re right — poor Kay never has to fear again. Just know you’ll be reunited with her one day, and won’t that be heavenly?!
    Debbie recently posted..Me and My ShadowMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:11 am

      Yes, Debbie.

      We have soooo much to talk about. I look forward to that GREAT SISTER MEETING.

      Xxx

  • Reply
    marie
    July 23, 2012 at 9:13 am

    I feel every drop of your pain in these lines Kim. Kay should have had this life and love on earth, but now she shines in the sky and the heart of so many, she is free at last, in peace.
    Thinking of you dear. xoxo
    marie recently posted..That FeelingMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:12 am

      “”Free.””
      I love that word wholly & completely.

      XXx Love for you, Marie

  • Reply
    lisa
    July 23, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Sending you hugs, Sweetheart.
    I cannot imagine the pain you must feel, but
    I am glad that you are able to share it here.
    xo.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:15 am

      Lisa,
      yes, this platform has been quite healing and safe to LET GO, Scream, YELL, Lament…

      and to think people actually read my mourning blows my mind.

      Xxx

  • Reply
    Sandy Webb
    July 23, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Oh Kim, this moved me deeply. It is so raw and emotional. I am so very, very sorry that this tragedy will haunt you for the rest of your life.
    Sandy Webb recently posted..Are You A Planner?My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:16 am

      Sandy,
      yes, it will always be w/ me. ALWAYS.
      But the distractions of life save me a minute at a time…

      How are you, dear? Xxx

  • Reply
    Debra
    July 23, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Hug.

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

    The words you have written here show how deeply you love your sister.

    My brother was my best friend too. I used to spend every Sunday afternoon at his house drinking coffee and talking philosophy, deep stuff. And after he died I was at a loss. I couldn’t go near the family; the grief was so raw it was like opening the wound all over.
    Debra recently posted..Off the WallMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:18 am

      Sooo sorry, Debra

      …..then you understand. The mourning NEVER ENDS.

      & the MISSING never ceases.

      I love that you and your brother talked about DEEP issues. Kay and I did, as well.

      God, life, goals, death, dreams, books, soooooo many things.

      I’ll never have that again on earth….

      Xxx

  • Reply
    Marcella
    July 23, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    I think of me passing before my Husband and how difficult it would have been for Him if I had passed first…He was so sensitive, sweet, emotionally touched by every little beautiful thing in the world ~ it took me years to understand, no….just comprehend and believe ~ He would not hit me. Beautiful, beautiful. There is only one thing that brings me peace…. to know He will not have to suffer dying twice…..I wonder if you, dearest Kim, ever feel that way about Kay being taken away, also?

    I do not know what it feels like to loose a Sister, to have that precious beauty and fulfillment of souls shared only in the way Sisters can, must be agony for you Kim.

    ~ In honor of Kay, of her love and life and compassion ~

    And honoring You and All who loved Your dear Sister, for Your heart growth, respect of life and sharing it here for Us to join You – it is a privilege.

    Love, Love, Love….
    ~ <3 M <3 ~

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:20 am

      Marcella,
      beautiful moving insightful words.

      Thank you for that.

      Your husband is an ANGEL w/ Kay. I have no doubt about this. They are both BEAUTIFUL SOULS>

      Love Love love. Xxxxx

  • Reply
    Unknown Mami
    July 23, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    There is no point in trying to understand a monster. His mind did not work the way yours does. The choices he made would not be considered choices by non-monsters.
    Unknown Mami recently posted..Parenting Tips: Tackling Messes and Stress #HuggiesLatinoMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:21 am

      Beautifully said, Mama.

      What a shame that the non-monsters must live among the monsters.

      Xxx

  • Reply
    Bridget
    July 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    Love to you friend. And no, no he doesn’t get to be with her now. She never has to feel his evil presence ever again.
    Bridget recently posted..Money And MommyMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:22 am

      Yes,
      this gives me peace, Bridget.

      She is FREE of him. Finally FREE of him.

      Thank You, Jesus. Xx

  • Reply
    Dad
    July 24, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Kim, You couldn’t have described him any better. Like i said before, to me , he meant nothing
    he was nothing but a thorn in all of our sides. When he was around he always made things
    a little bit worse. (what a legacy to leave).
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:23 am

      Ooo, Daddy,

      only if we knew …. only if we took action…

      I love you more than chocolate, lions, tigers, and 10 panthers in Kisumu.

      Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    (FL) Girl with a New Life
    July 24, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Sending love and light your way.
    (FL) Girl with a New Life recently posted..My First Country Garden & Steel Magnolias RebornMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 24, 2012 at 9:23 am

      FL,
      I accept all light.

      Thank you. Xxxx

  • Reply
    Jessica
    July 24, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    I can’t imagine the pain you go through everyday missing your sister. Hugs to you as you struggle and as you continue to bring awareness.
    Jessica recently posted..Peace, Love, and Tie-DyeMy Profile

  • Reply
    Adriana
    July 24, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Love this. Keep spreading the word my love you are only building a strong army of powerful women.
    Adriana recently posted..Summer Madness…My Profile

  • Reply
    Brenda
    July 24, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Kim, that is on hell of a letter. Sometimes I worry for you but then I stop myself. You have a beautiful gift of family, friends but on the ground at home and all of us in the virtual world sending you love and support, but mostly because you have your writing. It keeps you strong and powerful. Keep writing and punching and kicking. You’re voice is strong and is being heard. Love, Brenda
    Brenda recently posted..Sudoko For WritersMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      July 24, 2012 at 10:18 pm

      ~~~~Brenda,
      Don’t worry.

      I am still here &
      I shall scream and kick and lament and pour out words…

      F O R E V E R.

      xx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..A Letter To Her MurdererMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kimmy
    July 24, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Kimmy.
    I miss you. I’m always here for you. Your wonderful blogger friends say it all quite beautifully. Love you.
    XXXXOOO. K

  • Reply
    Carol @ Always Thyme to Cook
    July 25, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    I am so sorry. You have my heartfelt sympathy.
    Carol @ Always Thyme to Cook recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Wood for Brick Oven PizzaMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 25, 2012 at 12:17 pm

      –Thank you, Carol, for coming to my mourning pages. Xx

  • Reply
    Angela
    July 25, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Those are powerful and beautiful words. I am so thankful, every day, that I was able to get out of my abusive marriage alive and start a new life. I wish that no one would ever get into that situation to begin with and am so glad there are people like you who are raising awareness.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 25, 2012 at 3:52 pm

      Angela,
      so glad you got out of your abusive relationship…
      I wish my sister would have…

      <3 Love.

  • Reply
    Red Dwyer
    July 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Keep venting. Mike deserves the hell of not being with anyone. Not with Kay. Not with anyone with any heart whatsoever. He deserves to be with his kind. With loads of other life-suckers who can pull whatever soul he may have had into a million shreds.

    Much love, Kimmy. You have my heart, as always <3
    Red.
    Red Dwyer recently posted..Writers Spotlight: Ann Marie DwyerMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 25, 2012 at 3:53 pm

      ~~~Red,
      And you have my heart, as well <3 Xx

  • Reply
    Tina Barbour
    July 25, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Such powerful writing. There is such pain in your words–I feel it in my heart. I wish I could take it away from you, but I know that’s not possible. I hope writing about your sister and honoring her in this way brings you a measure of comfort.
    Tina Barbour recently posted..Book review: I Hardly Ever Wash My Hands: The Other Side of OCDMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      July 25, 2012 at 8:10 pm

      Tina,
      this platform has been a great relief from my misery & pain….And also a platform to scream out Kay’s story…

      but it will never be enough.

      Thanks for reading my mouning. Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..A Letter To Her MurdererMy Profile

  • Reply
    Terri Sonoda
    July 25, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Sad, yet beautiful and powerful writing. LOVE how you use words. LOVE YOU!
    XOXOs
    Terri Sonoda recently posted..Monday Listicles – Ten things about having birthdaysMy Profile

  • Reply
    InsideJourneys
    July 25, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    My mom died suddenly 11 years ago. It took me years to feel like myself again. I raged at God, at everyone. I felt like i was the only one on earth who’d ever lost a mother, nothing could console me. Then one day, I remembered her and smiled.
    I cannot even begin to understand how you feel but I can tell you with certainty that one day, one day, I don’t know when, it’ll begin to feel better. You’ll smile again when you think of her. Heck, you’ll even laugh at some silly joke you shared or something stupid she said.
    Till then, keep writing, and ranting and raging. Let it all out.
    Sending you big, warm hugs from Jamaica.
    InsideJourneys recently posted..Menorca, an Island of ContrastsMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      July 25, 2012 at 11:08 pm

      Jamaica?

      WOW. How sweet. One of my fave. places.

      btw…I do laugh. I do smile…. But Kay’s cheek is ALWAYS against my cheek…her heart beats inside my heart.

      I shall mourn forever.

      This much I do know, but I will live on….

      SO sorry about you mother. It’s nice to be understood. thank you for reading my mourning….XXxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..A Letter To Her MurdererMy Profile

  • Reply
    colleen
    July 26, 2012 at 2:48 am

    I simply can’t imagine. I read this with tears in my eyes. Wish I could say more but I don’t know how to say how sad this is. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful and precious sister. So so sorry,

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 26, 2012 at 7:21 am

      ~~~Colleen,
      thank you for reading my mourning.

      It shall never end. Xx

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    July 26, 2012 at 2:49 am

    Oh sweetheart. I have been away from the blogosphere for a while.
    I am so sorry. Hurting for you, hurting with you. And well aware that words change nothing.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 26, 2012 at 7:21 am

      Dear E,
      you. are. beautiful. & oh-so-wise. Xxx I’ve miss you.

  • Reply
    Feeling Beachie
    July 26, 2012 at 3:29 am

    I wish I could give you a great big hug… I am so sorry… I can’t imagine how hard this is for you… but don’t ever blame yourself…. ever… big ((hugs))
    Feeling Beachie recently posted..Catalog Living at Its Most UbsurdMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 26, 2012 at 7:23 am

      ~~~Beachie,
      The mourning NEVER ends….one just interweaves it into one’s life somehow.

      Hugs for you, Dear. Xxxx

      btw, I miss Alex.

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    July 26, 2012 at 5:26 am

    I feel your pain.

    Hugs to you.

    And thanks for all your kind comments on my blog. I’m back home now so that your site is no longer blocked! Hurray.
    Lady Fi recently posted..London skiesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 26, 2012 at 7:24 am

      Lady Fi,
      how was your trip? I can’t wait to “SEE all about it!!”

      Love Love Love. x

  • Reply
    Cathy
    July 26, 2012 at 9:40 am

    I wish all teenage girls would be required to read your website.
    Cathy recently posted..One thingMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

      –Oh, that would be nice, Cathy.

      It woud be an eye-opener for them…..to KNOW this could happen in their family.

      xx

  • Reply
    Kristen
    July 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Oh Kim… I think of you often. Sometimes I just NEED to come here and find out how you are. This post is beautiful. Beautiful – heartbreaking – and …. just… well, beyond words. I taught my sociology class this past year a very powerful class on domestic violence. Kay was with me the entire time – in my thoughts. I blogged about it … but now is not the time to discuss it. I just wanted you to know. Love to your heart from mine. You both have touched my heart.
    Kristen recently posted..It’s Not Too Late for a Bucket ListMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 26, 2012 at 12:12 pm

      ~~~Kristen,
      your comment has melted into my heart.

      Love love love. Xx

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    July 26, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    That guy needs to rot in hell.
    Blond Duck recently posted..Recipe and Review: HungryMy Profile

  • Reply
    Pearl
    July 27, 2012 at 5:59 am

    So moving, and so well-written.

    The name seems familiar — Minnesota???

    You have my sympathies, and I wish it could be more.

    Pearl
    Pearl recently posted..Part III: Liza Bean Tells a StoryMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 27, 2012 at 7:06 am

      ~~~Yes, Minnesota. Is this where you are from?
      Thanks for reading my mourning pages, Pearl. X

  • Reply
    Sandy
    July 27, 2012 at 10:06 am

    It’s the most tragedic true story, I’ve ever heard! I wish you to be strong! It could be difficult to lose someone, who was important to you! I hope your pain will ease one day!
    Sandy recently posted..Stay healthy, stay fit! Summer tipsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 27, 2012 at 10:49 am

      Sandy,
      thank you for reading my mourning pages. <3

  • Reply
    Shell
    July 29, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    How heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for your loss.
    Shell recently posted..Things They Can’t Say: With Just a Bit of MagicMy Profile

  • Reply
    Monica
    August 5, 2012 at 3:20 am

    Wow, Kim. Another powerful, brutally honest piece that truly resonates. One of my favorite lines is this:

    “And you sat outside our house for hours upon hours.

    You simply sat like a predator, a stalker, a black lingering blur, Kafka’s
    roach.”

    So vividly captures this pathetic man’s black hole of a heart. Hugs to you, friend.
    Monica recently posted..Euro Traveller ExtraordinaireMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      August 5, 2012 at 8:50 am

      I’ve miss you, Monica.

      looking forward to reading your adventures <3

  • Reply
    Kat
    August 15, 2012 at 8:41 am

    What an incredibly powerful expression of rage, sorrow, and incredibly — pity. Would that I had words to give you a momnts comfort. You have not experienced a “loss” as I have, rather your cherished Kay was ripped away from you… The only good truth I know to share here, is that as enormous as death is – it has nothing on LOVE. The love you and Kay share will always live on, and it will live free.
    My heart goes out to you.
    Kat recently posted..Celebrate Hope with Miche’s Newest Shells!My Profile

  • Reply
    Nikky44
    September 10, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    I wish my sister could see the monster in him before its too late. I wish they can at least understand or even just accept my decision. I’m tired and so scared
    Nikky44 recently posted.."Playing The Game"My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 10, 2012 at 7:27 pm

      Nikky,
      It doesn’t matter what anybody thinks EXCEPT YOU.

      You. Must. Get. Out.

      before it’s too late..

      Luv U

    Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge