–Whenever I drive past your house, my stomach tightens like
a closed fist.
You should be there, my love, digging your hands deeply inside
the soil planting your pink petunias.
You should be there cooking on your new grill, mixing your
famous beans with maple bacon, and marinating your chicken breasts in lemon
I still hear your voice sweetly pleading, “Hey, I’m grilling tonight. Cooooome over, Kimmy.”
I never did.
You see, I couldn’t stand visiting when he was there.
I couldn’t stand pretending everything was normal, all right,
I couldn’t stand watching him do nothing, say nothing, be
Do you remember the last time we baked together?
While cutting out sugar cookies into little stars, I said
something like, “I can’t wait until you leave that son-of-a-bitch.”
And you shushed me hastily- uttering, “He might be listening,
Then you checked around the corner to see if he was standing
A dark shadow. A
predator. A stalker. A murderer.
He became all of those things.
Why didn’t I save you then?
Why didn’t I break his fingers so he couldn’t pick up a gun?
Why didn’t I tear out his tongue so he couldn’t poison you
with his manipulation, deception, perversion?
Why didn’t I….Why didn’t I…Why the
hell fuck didn’t I?
Nothing is the same without you.
Your murder has become my identity.
Your loss has become my emptiness.
When I think of you not being with him–
When I think of you finally free of him…
My closed fist suddenly opens –
transforming into a chrysanthemum…
And I fling the white petals into the universe in celebration of your beautiful
My Sister Kay was murdered on May 26, 2010 by Mike Peterson. The earth shook. The sun dried up. A flower now gone… No love was (is) greater than ours.
~~~~Get Help NOW for Domestic Violence, Verbal Violence, Emotional Violence, Sexual Violence…..800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
–My Lovely Readers. I am taking a week off to edit & write my book. Please know I’ve Not forgotten about you <3 xxx