—It’s been 2 years since your execution.
730 days since the coward bastard
son-of-a-bitch stood behind you and pulled the trigger three times.
It seems like a million years, dear. It seems like a split second in time, my
love.
I still feel your cheek against my cheek.
I still smell your perfume lingering in air.
Your heartbeat is my heartbeat.
Warm. Alive. Pumping.
Your roots tangle & twist inside my
roots.
Nothing much has changed…
Except the world turned upside down.
Except my soul cries out for you in the middle
of the night.
“Kay. Kay. Kay.
Come back to me. Come back to me.”
In 2 years, I’ve drank lots
of red wine, prayed lots of prayers, and
cried lots of tears…
I tried to escape this new reality
–if you want the whole truth.
I tried to find a way out.
I sought out other options.
But I’m here.
I’m here.
…& these are a few things I’ve
learned in the midst of darkness…….
1. That life as you
know it can change in one. solitary.
moment.
2. That mourning is
born, but doesn’t die.
3. That when people tell
you it gets easier and better, they
don’t know shit. Please, Shut Up!
4. That unexpected, unimaginable
angels soar into your life to rescue you.
5. That your truest
friends never leave your side. Ever.
Even when you’re craaazy, out of control, irrational, and tell the same stories over
over over.
6. That your weakest
moments become your strongest moments.
7. That darkness exists.
8. That God exists.
9. That writing with
your own blood saves you.
10.That there is a deep, profound core inside your body reserved
for grieving.
11.That anybody who belittles, demeans, minimizes, or makes you feel less than— is an “abuser.” Period.
12.That when you feel something insidious and gnawing within
your gut, do not ignore it.
13.That past behavior determines future behavior. In other words, people generally do not
change. When they say something the
first time, believe them. You better
believe them.
14.That nobody will ever know me like you, love me like you,
or accept me like you.
15.That the sun glimmers differently without you.
16.That Domestic Abuse is not merely the fist, but the
tongue.
17.That it is entirely possible to weep incessantly and
endlessly for 2 years strait.
18.That our pain becomes our purpose.
19.That life goes on, even when you don’t.
20.That the world cannot give you the peace you desire. Only God can.
21.That one can wear a mask with feathers, smiles, and vivid
red lipstick and fool the whole fucking universe.
~My best friend, sister, & soul mate was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010. The world turned upside down, the sun diminished, the universe weighs so much less…but I am still here. Love Love Love…. Always. So much love, my dear Kay.
Our Song….
~~~~Get Help NOW for Domestic Violence, Verbal Violence, Emotional Violence, Sexual Violence…..800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/
Subscribe To My Inner Chick
Never miss an update!
137 Comments
Adriana
May 26, 2012 at 8:42 amditto to number 3. thanks. also mourning lasts until the day we ourselves perish. xoxo
Adriana recently posted..About Twelve and Mojitos…
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:02 amYes, Adriana,
when I meet Kay once again, I will stop mourning for her…
and you shall do the same w/ your brother. Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Vidya Sury
May 26, 2012 at 8:50 am21 truths. and yes, no.3 breaks my heart too. As does 18. Some mornings I just don’t want to wake up – you know? That’s for 14.
Life just goes on.
Thank you Kim, for expressing so beautifully what most of us only feel and think about. Thank you for being my voice.
Love you more than the sunshine.
Hugs, Vidya
Vidya Sury recently posted..Staying On Top
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:03 amVidya,
I know you understand that DEEP loss.
Thank you for reading my mourning. Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Ashley Pariseau
May 26, 2012 at 8:58 amAlways such inspiring words.
Ashley Pariseau recently posted..Photoshoot
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:03 amAshley,
Love when you visit. Thank You. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Monica
May 30, 2012 at 10:56 pmTotally agreed. They are really inspiring and touchy too.
Monica recently posted..3144 בעלי מקצוע שנבדקו
Red Dwyer
May 26, 2012 at 9:00 amSo much love for you, Kim. Two years is just the blink of an eye. No, it does not get easier or better or further away when we love the ones we lost. The people who tell you that have never loved anyone they lost.
One thing you learned is YOU are never less than. Never. Ever.
I cannot know your pain, but I can share it. I love you. Love your heart. Love your faith.
Red.
xxx
Red Dwyer recently posted..Sticks & Stones
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:05 amRed,
Thank you for sharing my pain…& for spreading the word about Domestic Violence.
Love Love Love. Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
elizabeth
May 26, 2012 at 9:05 amDear Kim,
Kay reminds me almost daily that love is the answer. Sending you and your family much love, hugs, shared tears and support. Love you, my dear friend. elizabeth xoxox
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:05 amLove you my dear, Elizabeth.
Love is always the answer. Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Nikky44
May 26, 2012 at 9:12 amI had plans for today Kim. I wanted to write something nice for my son who is celebrating today his 13th birthday. Then I thought I won’t. I thought I can’t write something that wouldn’t sound sad on this day, so I preferred to write a letter to Kay. I started then thought what would anyone think if i did since I only know her through your words? All I finally did was think of you and send my love.
I read by coincidence a nice article on a Blog that I wanted to share with you. Again I hesitated and just shared it on my wall praying you would see it.
I so want to help but I don’t know how. I wanted to say that i can’t pretend to know how you feel because no one can. I wish there was anything that makes it better, but I know there isn’t.
The only thing I know is that Kay is happier where she is, that her love for you has never been as strong as it is now, and that she wants you to be happy.
Love you Kim <3
Nikky44 recently posted..I Miss You 🙁
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:06 am~~~~Nikky,
I love love love your words, encouragement, & wisdom.
Kay would have adored your letter.
Love flowing. Xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Helen Herrick
May 26, 2012 at 9:23 amTwo endless years. Every day an eternity. Sigh. I love you for carrying on. I am so sorry I had to work and missed the walk. May you find a moment of peace in your day.
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:07 amHelen,
I do find glimmers of peace & laughter…
but never the same substance…w/out my dearest Kay.
Xx Love.
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Ronda Erie
May 26, 2012 at 9:28 amMy dear friend, my heart aches for you! I am sending you love, prayers, and support today and every other day of your life. I love you!!!!
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:08 amRonda,
You. Are. My. Unexpected. Angel.
Love Love Love. Xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Ellen M. Gregg
May 26, 2012 at 9:32 amHolding Kay – and you, dear Kim, and your family – especially close today. xo
Ellen M. Gregg recently posted..Out Of My Comfort Zone. Again.
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:08 amEllen,
I can feel the warmth of you. Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Joan
May 26, 2012 at 9:33 amDear dear Kim,
I am thinking of you on this day. It is yet another reminder of the violence that took your beautiful sister away from you and her family. Nothing can bring her back. Your words are a beautiful memorial to her. Thank you for writing such a wonderful blog that always makes me cry and often makes me laugh. Be kind to yourself today. Cry, laugh, sob, giggle, drink some wine, eat some of Saint Shirley’s Chocolate Chip cookies, play, read, write and just be yourself. I am so glad that I know you.
Joan recently posted..Happy Memorial Day
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:09 amJoan,
And I am Totally honored to know you.
and love you. Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Bridget
May 26, 2012 at 9:33 amTrue words friend, as always. Love and peace to you and thank you for sharing all these feelings with all of us.
Bridget recently posted..I’m Totally Famous Now
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:10 amBridget,
and I must thank you for a few giggles as I click to your blog in the mourning/ morning. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Brenda
May 26, 2012 at 10:32 am“your truest friends never leave you…” Miss Kim, you are indeed blessed, I know you look around every day with a fractured heart and wonder, but then you breathe in the love of those who are always there..
Brenda recently posted..The Next Stop
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:11 am~~~Brenda,
So utterly true.
thank you , dearest. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
marie
May 26, 2012 at 10:37 amWise words Kim on this day when 2 years ago madness took away love far away from you. It never gets better, how can it be. Sending my love, knowing the pain kills every part of you but even in pain you stand and let the world know THIS is not tolerable.
XXXXXXX
marie recently posted..Pieces of Jewellery
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:12 amMarie,
isn’t it amazing how people still go on….?
I am. I will.
but I will NEVER be the same w/ out Kay…Never.
Love. Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Valentine Logar
May 26, 2012 at 10:44 amYou have expressed in 21 what some of us never are able to say no matter how we try. We can only try to stand beside you and with you.
Val
Valentine Logar recently posted..Spare a Job, Brother?
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:13 amDear,Val,
thank you for standing beside me.
It is quite difficult to stand alone.
XXxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Tia
May 26, 2012 at 10:53 amOh God– how I wish we could turn back time. I love you Kim.
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:20 amI’d CHANGE many things. Wouldn’t you? Xx
lovelovelvoe.
Emily @ 2 little birds
May 26, 2012 at 10:57 amThis post speaks to my soul and is so immensely powerful to me. As I read your list and reflected on my own mourning of a great loss I found myself thinking “yes! Yes! Exactly!” you’ve put into words some of my own feelings. Carry on for your sister and tell the world about your loss, tell those who will listen and those who won’t! Do it for her and for yourself.
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:21 amEmily,
Thank you for reading my mourning pages. So glad you could relate. Xx
totsymae1011
May 26, 2012 at 10:59 amMy great-grandmother said also, that people generally don’t change. And yes, I believe what someone says the first time. It speaks volumes. Kay seemed to be a forgiving and kind soul. Forgiving is a strength not everyone has. I know you will always miss and long for her. What you had was so special. The stories you tell of your closeness is so endearing and pure. You bring the world into your pleasure and the pain of missing her and we’re here to embrace you and Kay.
Hugggssss
totsymae1011 recently posted..Underneath All These Clothes Is A Woman
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:22 amTots,
I feel NO hate for Kay’s murderer. I only feel indifference.
I hope he is not in Hell. I pray he is not.
His true hell is not being w/ Kay. He will never be with Kay again.
Love Xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Lady Fi
May 26, 2012 at 12:38 pmI feel your pain. Hugs.
Lady Fi recently posted..Tiptoe through the tulips
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:23 amLove. Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
The Bipolar Diva
May 26, 2012 at 1:00 pmOh Kim, unfortunately, as I told you, I can identify now. Only from the other side. The feelings are overwhelming and the most horrible of all things horrible. Much love to you always.
The Bipolar Diva recently posted..Unimaginable
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:23 amDiva,
What is the other side like? Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Ann
May 26, 2012 at 1:11 pmI wish I had magic words for you today – I don’t. ….but I’m always here to read to your words.
Hugs, love, wine and chocolate~
Ann
Ann recently posted..Sometimes you just know…..
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:24 am~~~Ann,
thank you for reading, encourageing, and supporting. Xx Miss Your Cooking.
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Alison@Mama Wants This
May 26, 2012 at 5:10 pmAm thinking of you on this day, Kim. Much love. xo
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..This Body
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:25 amMama A,
much love back to you, dear. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Hotly Spiced
May 26, 2012 at 7:15 pmWhat a sad and difficult day for you. They say pain lessens with time but I don’t think it does. I think we just learn to live with it. I’m so sorry for your loss. xx
Hotly Spiced recently posted..Day Two
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:26 amDear Hot,
Yes!
We learn to live with it somehow. We learn to get up and go on somehow…
Thank you for saying that. It’s TRUE.
Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Jann Huizenga
May 26, 2012 at 10:44 pmKim, I’m so sorry you had to learn these 21 things. #18, that our pain becomes our purpose, is so true of you. Now you are out to save others and you have turned your despair into your passions for poetry and helping others avoid Kay’s fate. You’re so inspiring & wonderful. xxxxxxxxxxxx000000000
Jann Huizenga recently posted..Settling in Sicily: The Long Decision, Part IV
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:27 am~~~Jann,
my heart fills up when I read your words.
My heart bursts when I read your blog.
thank you for inspiring me, as well. Xxxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
nan @ lbddiaries
May 26, 2012 at 10:46 pmOh. Kim. My heart is breaking and soaring and aching and with you all the way. So much truth packed into 21 simple little sentences. Full of power and heartache. Full of wisdom. It is true
That anybody who belittles, demeans, minimizes, or makes you feel less than— is an “abuser.” Period. and
That Domestic Abuse is not merely the fist, but the tongue.
Bruises heal more quickly than the damage the tongue causes. Years can go by and some random thing can still cause a flashback, totally unexpected and surprising. It makes me angry sometimes that someone who is dead can still hold power over me. simply because of the terrible voice he had.
Hold your heart to keep it inside you, and please keep preaching and teaching and sharing. It is so needed.
nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..Sweetest Passion Redux
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 7:31 am~~~Dear, Nan,
It is so weird.
The world is better without the murderer. I am sad about that…sad that he never contributed or loved or changed…
but the world is SO MUCH LESS without Kay. So much less.
He has NO MORE POWER.
NONE.
Thank you, as always, for your words of wisdom. Xxxxxx000
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Elephant's Child
May 26, 2012 at 10:47 pmOh sweet heart. Such profound and painful truths. I so wish that you hadn’t learnt them, and that no-one else need learn them either.
No that sort of pain doesn’t leave. It redefines you and reshapes you. A different you is born and carries that huge loss forward.
I am in awe at the positive things you have done in Kay’s name.
Hurting for you, hurting with you. Now and always.
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:36 amDear E,
As aways, I adore your beautiful inspiring words. Xxx Now and Aways.
Monica
May 26, 2012 at 10:55 pmWow, Kim. Powerful, raw and honest post. I especially like #16. It is so true. Words can hurt deeply. My ex excelled at this. Sending you a big hug, Kim!
Monica recently posted..Do You Know Where Your Phone Is?
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:37 amMonica,
So glad you got rid of your icky ex.
Sending hugs back to you. Xx
Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
May 27, 2012 at 5:00 amYou are so wise Kim. Beautiful post! I imagine Kay is very proud of you xxx
Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella recently posted..Watts on Crown, Surry Hills
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:37 amLorraine,
Love when you visit Minnesota. Xxxx
Kimberly
May 27, 2012 at 6:01 amI know the last one all too well…
Much love to you Kim. You are such a brave beautiful soul.
Keep talking to us.
xoxo
Kimberly recently posted..Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:38 amKimberly,
yes, the last one is a way of survival, isn’t it?
It not, some of us would be in a NUT FARM. Xxxx Love Love Love.
Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
May 27, 2012 at 6:23 amI really do pray for the day that you and I can sit over a bottle of wine and talk, talk, talk!
Have a beautiful and happy week darling Kim.
🙂 Mandy. xo
PS. I Hope I gave you the correct conversions for the recipe that you were asking for.
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:39 amMandy,
we’d have LOTS and endless things to talk about, wouldn’t we?
Perhaps one day. Xxxxx
Thanks for the converted recipe!! X
stephanie
May 27, 2012 at 9:09 amPowerful. #13 spoke to me. I learned this the hard way. I’m sorry for your tremendous loss. I’m glad you wrote about it. We can all learn from your words.
stephanie recently posted..If You Meet the Buddha on the Road…
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:40 amStephanie,
we thought Kay’s murderer would change.
He said he did.
HE DID NOT!
Xxxxx
Pamela
May 27, 2012 at 3:50 pm18, 19, and 20. Your pain has let you to do great things for other people, with God’s help. You are amazing.
Pamela recently posted..Bedazzled and Befuddled
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:40 amPamela,
Sending you love love love. Xx
Liz
May 27, 2012 at 7:07 pmBeautiful photo of Kay… I’m so glad you have many angels in your life…what a blessing. xo
Liz recently posted..Grilled Chicken Lettuce Wraps…#SundaySupper~
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:41 amLiz,
just found that photo of Kay taken right before her MURDER.
I love her face so much. Xxx
Dad
May 27, 2012 at 7:51 pmI think most people who abuse others are cowards, and he was one of the worst. To me he never
existed, he was a nothing. he isn’t worth talking or thinking about.
Kim, all 21 are good, and i loved the song, but, love you more.
Daddy
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:42 amDaddy,
I love you more than 12 tigers lounging by Kisumus’ Lake Victoria.
Xxxxx Love Love Love. Xxxxxx
Mamawolfe
May 27, 2012 at 11:18 pmLife just isn’t fair. Beautiful intense emotions sear through. I love number 6
Mamawolfe recently posted..Friday Photo: “Never Give Up”
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:43 amMama,
I am finding that number 6 sometimes gets me up in the morning.
and also makes me keep on SCREAMING…
Xxx
Rosamund
May 28, 2012 at 12:19 amA very fitting post for your sister. I know she is happy to read these words you wrote in her honor.
Rosamund recently posted..best smokeless cigarettes to stop smoking
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:44 am–Thank You, R.
Choc Chip Uru
May 28, 2012 at 3:03 amI can imagine how you learnt all these lessons my friend. The strength to pull through and learn is phenomenonal.
As always I am here for you xx
Choc Chip Uru
Choc Chip Uru recently posted..Exciting, Exciting, Exciting!
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:45 amDear Choc,
you are a 30 year old wise woman in a 16 year old body. WOW. Xxxxx
Blond Duck
May 28, 2012 at 5:34 amA true memorial day.
Blond Duck recently posted..Memorial Monday
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 28, 2012 at 7:45 amYes, Ducky. Yes. Xx
anne
May 28, 2012 at 8:00 am<3 <3 <3
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 4:02 pmAnne,
Same to you….
<3 <3 <3 Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Heal Now and Forever
May 28, 2012 at 3:24 pmI find myself reading 4-6 over and over, loving you an Kay!
Heal Now and Forever recently posted..War and the Soul
My Inner Chick
May 28, 2012 at 4:03 pm~~~Yes, Jodi.
4 & 6 are quite beautiful, aren’t they?
Xxxx Kisses.
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Emily
May 29, 2012 at 3:16 amOh Kim, such hard truths. I’m sending love to you.
Emily recently posted..Three Things
My Inner Chick
May 29, 2012 at 5:46 amEmily,
thank you. Xx
Tere Anne
May 29, 2012 at 8:17 amKim,
It seems like forever, yet it seems like just yesterday.
You are a strong individual and have people around you who care.
You will never stop learning. You can never changed what happened, but you can learn and grow.
You will continue to move forward and keep Kay’s memory alive… and continue to tell her story.
Never let people forget.
((hugs))
Tere
Tere Anne recently posted..Saw this… love this…had to repost it!
My Inner Chick
May 29, 2012 at 9:22 amTerr Anne,
Sometimes I feel UTTERLY and Completely WEAK,
but the people around & the great support me spur me forward…..
Xxx Hugs back.
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Kelly @ Inspired Edibles
May 29, 2012 at 9:54 amI love the angels soaring into your life…
So many of these resonate with me. Beautiful. Powerful.
Sending you love and warmth always – xo.
Kelly @ Inspired Edibles recently posted..Seared Garlic Chicken with Lemon and Olives
My Inner Chick
May 29, 2012 at 2:21 pm……& sending you love and warmth back, dear Kelly Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Pat
May 29, 2012 at 10:13 amKim, the love between the two of you was (is) amazing! I’m so, so sorry for your tremendous loss. You sure hit the nail on the head when you said life can change in a moment. Would you like to have lunch sometime soon? I’d love to chat with you again.
My Inner Chick
May 29, 2012 at 2:22 pmYes.
I’d love to. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
ed pilolla
May 29, 2012 at 11:14 amthat darkness exists and god exists, these two side-by-side struck me. the journey you have been/are on is something i don’t want to experience. you have wisdom and vision from where you have traveled through this tragedy. also that one’s weakest moments become the strongest, too. you really do have a lot to offer. love and peace to you and kay.
ed pilolla recently posted..Working Week
My Inner Chick
May 29, 2012 at 2:22 pmLove flowing your way, dear Eddie. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
lisa
May 29, 2012 at 11:32 amSo much truth (and pain) in each of these 21 things.
So eloquently expressed for Kay.
Sending you hugs dear Kim.
My Inner Chick
May 29, 2012 at 2:23 pmLisa,
So much love…So much pain.
It’s amazing how one goes on….
Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Sandra
May 29, 2012 at 11:53 amYou have a way with words like no other. They haunt, and inspire. Bless you.
Sandra recently posted..Put a Ring on it
My Inner Chick
May 29, 2012 at 2:24 pmSandra,
Thank you for reading my mourning. Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Blond Duck
May 29, 2012 at 3:34 pmI love you!
Blond Duck recently posted..The Blond Duck goes to a Farmer’s Market
My Inner Chick
May 29, 2012 at 4:40 pmI love you, too, Ducky. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Liz
May 29, 2012 at 8:19 pmSending love, as always. Thank you for sharing your soul.
Liz recently posted..Been Busy, But We’ll Be Back
My Inner Chick
May 29, 2012 at 8:43 pmLove Love Love. Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Stasha
May 29, 2012 at 11:12 pmOh Kim. Your 21 things are so painful yet so true. I love how you describe an abuser. Society needs to as well. SO many women could be saved if it did!
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 30, 2012 at 5:43 amStasha,
I only wish it did not take me that long to figure
out what a “TRUE” abuser was.
Xxx
Noeleen
May 30, 2012 at 12:28 amOh Inner Chick I SO love your “attitude with a side of BITCH” 🙂 It’s great.
This was excellent, so excellent. I am deeply sorry this Kay was murdered.
I loved what you learned – mourning is born but doesn’t die, writing in your own blood saves you.
All of the learnings you listed were so poignant. Man, this should have been freshly pressed – or maybe it was but I don’t know it : I DO know I never get 90+ comments, so maybe it was, and well deserved too. This is absolutely beautiful AND bolstering.
Noeleen
http://www.VodkaWasMyMuse.wordpress.com
http://www.WordsFallFromMyEyes.wordpress.com
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 30, 2012 at 5:46 am~~~~Noeleen,
Thank you for reading my mourning.
I love your blog. If you do not get 90 comments, you should.
I am going to send people your way…because I LOVE your authentic, kickass voice & they will too.
xxxx
Bella
May 30, 2012 at 9:28 amKim, when tragedy strikes us, we’re left feeling the same way you describe in this post. We question the why, how, when, what, and who. We shake our fist at God and scream, why? We feel completely alone, devastated, like life has stopped having a purpose. We put on red lipstick and smile, if only so people will stop saying what they think we want to hear and lives us the hell alone. The suffering seems to continue non-stop but few people understand the process. The process of realizing that this tragedy has happened and is not just a bad dream.The process of trying to get on with life when we ultimately wish we were dead too. The process of understanind why we were the ones chosen to undergo this life of pain. If we’re lucky, the truth is ultimately revealed to us. We are part of God’s plan. We are one of his instruments; a chosen one. One picked exclusively by Him to spread the word of our pain and in the process save others. Innocent victims who suffer at the hands of their abusers, children left motherless who look to us as role models, elderly parents who cling to us as their surviving child, strange women who derive comfort and courage to leave their abuser and save their lives and that of their children. You, my dear, painful and heart wrenching as it is, are a chosen one. You provide light to so many women who still roam in the darkness looking for a way out of their pain. Your love for your sister and retelling of her story helps others understand the consequences of domestic violence and how we should never be silenced. Your mourning may never cease, but now that you are loved; that your pain is our pain. That we grieve with you and join you in the fight to spread the word that abuse should never be tolerated. You may feel alone, lady, but please know this is not the case. We are here. Never forget that. Much love to you from me and Roxy.
My Inner Chick
May 30, 2012 at 2:00 pm~~~~Dear Bella,
that may be the most profound, poignant, beautiful comment I’ve EVER recieved.
Your shimmering words always bring me to tears.
Love Love love. Forever. Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Debbie
May 30, 2012 at 11:42 amAh, Kim, my heart goes out to you — can you feel my cyber-hug?? Never doubt that you’re doing a great service here. So many have suffered needless tragedies, yet keep their feelings bottled up. You, dear, are putting it all out there, continuing to tell your lovely sister’s story, in hopes of reaching someone who might be in a similar situation and too afraid to make changes. Hang strong, Kim, and know we’re here to support you!
Debbie recently posted..It’s Off to Work we Go
My Inner Chick
May 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm–I am sending a big cyber hug back to you, Debbie. OoooXx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Caroline
May 30, 2012 at 2:03 pmSending lots of love and hugs your way!!!! x
Caroline recently posted..switch it up. [chickpea & brown rice veggie burgers w. tomato salad]
My Inner Chick
May 30, 2012 at 2:07 pm-Thank You, Sweet Caroline. X
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Sandy Webb
May 30, 2012 at 2:05 pmYes Kim….life does go on. As you must. And in many ways you have. The pain never goes away. We just learn to live with it. ((((HUGS))))
Sandy Webb recently posted..My Past Life Is Slowly Slipping Away
My Inner Chick
May 30, 2012 at 2:10 pm–Sandy,
Yes, Life goes on…
Ahhh, That’s the rub, isn’t it?
& this is SO TRUE: that one must learn to incorporate the pain somehow into one’s life.
This is a process that will last forever.
I know you understand more than most. Xxx Love.
Elle Sees
May 30, 2012 at 5:31 pmi came here via tina’s blog hop, but i wasn’t prepared for this. i’m so sorry for your loss and your story, kay’s story will forever be a service and a testimony to the dangers. lives will be saved, and kay’s voice will never be silent. thank you for sharing this with the world.
Elle Sees recently posted..Spring Cleaning: Makeup & Beauty Products (Plus Winners)
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm~~~~Elle,
thank you for visiting my morning/mourning pages. Love Xx
Sofie
May 30, 2012 at 9:30 pmHi KIm, I’m a newbie here, I’ve just heard about your blog from my girlfriend. Such a beautiful article! I think I’m going to be a follower, I’ve lost someone from my family a few weeks ago, and I was told not to think about that, but I really like your style and how you keep the spirit of your sister alive.
Sofie recently posted..Frisuren für den Sommer
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 31, 2012 at 5:44 am–Thanks for reading, Sofie.
Aurora, HSP
May 31, 2012 at 12:07 amMourning is like love: eternal. Loving you eternally,
Janice
Kim Sisto-Robinson
May 31, 2012 at 5:45 amEternal. Forever Never-Ending, Janice.
Love love love. Xxxxx
Danica Martin
May 31, 2012 at 4:02 amAt first I thought I was reading fiction, well written, grasping fiction, but it’s true… wow, what a thing to live with, to go through, my condolences. Please keep reaching out to other women, support each other. -Danica Martin http://www.danicabridgesmartin.blogspot.com
Danica Martin recently posted..Wordless Wednesday #3
Missy | The Literal Mom
May 31, 2012 at 7:42 amWow. #2 is so powerful. And so true from what I’ve been told. I don’t have the experience to know personally, but that’s what friends have said. I am so sorry for your loss.
Missy | The Literal Mom recently posted..How to Have an Old-Fashioned Summer
My Inner Chick
May 31, 2012 at 8:43 amDear Missy,
I wish wish wish I was not experiencing this dark place…
thank you. X
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Ameena
May 31, 2012 at 8:11 amI usually put my foot in my mouth when I don’t know what to say…so the fact that you wrote #3 means a lot to me. I will never say that again! Because I really don’t know how it feels to lose someone so close. But I know that it probably doesn’t get better or easier for a whole lot of people.
Great post.
Ameena recently posted..the orange jacket
My Inner Chick
May 31, 2012 at 8:44 amThanks Ameena,
some advice: when somebody is mourning, simply say, “I shall mourn with you.”
Xxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Jessica
May 31, 2012 at 12:46 pmThere is so much truth in the statement your pain becomes your purpose.
Hugs to you as you continue on with your purpose in life.
Jessica recently posted..The Family That Trailer Camps Together…
My Inner Chick
May 31, 2012 at 3:19 pmAs always, thank you for your support, Jessica. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..21 Things I Learned After Your Murder
Lady E
June 1, 2012 at 12:58 amOh Kim, that song, those words… I feel as though I know your pain.
I shall mourn with you, then I guess.
xxx
Lady E recently posted..Suddenly Summer
Kim Sisto-Robinson
June 1, 2012 at 5:06 amLady E,
Thank you for reading my mourning pages.
Yes. That was our favorite song…it was still in her CD player.
Xx
Jester Queen
June 3, 2012 at 8:51 amSuch a painful memory. I am so glad you can celebrate your sister every day and that her loss, as devastating as it has been, has not destroyed you, has, in fact, spurred you to reach out. I feel sure that if you have not already saved lives simply by speaking out, then it will happen in the future.
Jester Queen recently posted..Review: Snow White and the Huntsman
Kim Sisto-Robinson
June 3, 2012 at 3:04 pmJester Queen,
I hope so. Oh, I really hope so… Xx
Tina Barbour
June 3, 2012 at 6:41 pmPowerful writing, powerful lessons. I am never untouched by your writing, Kim. You have found a way to turn your wrenching pain into something powerful to help others. I hope you recognize how you touch all of us.
#2 especially spoke to me.
Tina Barbour recently posted..Illuminating Blogger Award
Kim Sisto-Robinson
June 3, 2012 at 7:33 pm–Thank you for reading my mourning and pain, Tina.
I shall mourn my dear sister Forever…
Xxx
Karen Sosnoski
June 6, 2012 at 9:44 pmI’m glad for you in many ways, that you have a voice, a strong and moving one, that you have so many people who support you, love you–hear you. But you are teaching me to understand what grief feels like. It doesn’t go away does it? Because even though you have people remaining to live for and even know flashes of fun or happiness, each day that passes is ANOTHER day without your sister. I’m starting to see how the pressure to move on must feel insulting and inhumane. Anyway, I love that you never deny your feelings and as I’ve said before am grateful to have met you.
My Inner Chick
June 6, 2012 at 10:13 pm~~~~Dear, Karen,
And I am grateful to have met you.
Your support & encouragement is something that I shall never forget.
Yes….Mourning NEVER ends, but people like you, spur me into the next day.
Much Love. Xxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Poetry, Jimmy Choos, & False Eyelashes
Yvonne J. Salvatierra
June 9, 2012 at 10:58 pmI’m so very sorry about your sister. I’m so glad I found your blog! My sister is in the midst of divorcing the slime of the earth, husband of hers. He has mentally and physically abused her for over five years. It’s heart-wrenching to watch your sister become a total stranger. I pray and pray and PRAY, that this time, she leaves for good. That this time, she feels strong enough to NEVER, EVER, go back! -Thank you for sharing your story.
Yvonne J. Salvatierra recently posted..To The Moon!
My Inner Chick
June 9, 2012 at 11:07 pm–For her own sake, I hope she leaves her abuser…before it is too late.
I haaaaate being on earth without my sister.
It hurts like fucking hell.
Thanks for reading, Yvonne. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Poetry, Jimmy Choos, & False Eyelashes
Jack Milgram
January 10, 2013 at 12:32 amI am very very sorry for you and your sister.
You are doing a very important thing writing this blog – you share your pain with thousands of readers and probably push those who go through the experience of domestic violence to break their silence and stop it until it’s too late.
Jack Milgram recently posted..Annual Recap and New Year Resolutions for 2013
Carolyn
August 11, 2013 at 5:53 amSurreal. Just realized I’ve been exposed to a few out of the 21 items. THANK YOU!!!!!!!! Your sister and you are beautiful. I am awe inspired by your blog and your love for her radiates.
Kim Sisto-Robinson
August 11, 2013 at 6:56 am~~~Carolyn,
thank you for reading my mourning/morning pages.
I’m glad & sad that you can relate.
LOVE flowing to you. Xxx
Journeyintopoetry
September 25, 2013 at 4:09 amHi,
Peter (countingducks) directed me here to your blog. Im so pleased he did, and I am moved to tears by the posts I have read.
I will visit again.
Poetry is new to me but starting to write has saved my sanity since my diagnosis.
Best wishes
Christine
Sarah Leach
June 27, 2017 at 5:42 amI’m so sorry for your sister…I can’t even imagine how much does it pain… You are doing right things by sharing your thoughts with us. All the quotes are worth noting, I wrote a few of them in my notebook.