–It’s been 2 years since your execution.

730 days since the coward bastard
son-of-a-bitch stood behind you and pulled the trigger three times.

It seems like a million years, dear.  It seems like a split second in time, my
love.

I still feel your cheek against my cheek.

I still smell your perfume lingering in air.

Your heartbeat is my heartbeat.

Warm. Alive. Pumping.

Your roots tangle & twist inside my
roots.

Nothing much has changed…

Except the world turned upside down.

Except my soul cries out for you in the middle
of the night.

“Kay. Kay. Kay.

Come back to me. Come back to me.”

 

In 2 years, I’ve drank lots
of  red wine, prayed lots of prayers, and
cried lots of tears…

I tried to escape this new reality
–if you want the whole truth.

 

I tried to find a way out.

 

I sought out other options.

 

But I’m here.

 

I’m here.

 

…& these are a few things I’ve
learned in the midst of darkness…….

 

1.  That life as you
know it can change in  one.  solitary.
moment.

 

2.  That mourning is
born, but doesn’t  die.

 

3.  That when people tell
you it gets easier and better,  they
don’t know shit.  Please, Shut Up!

 

4.  That unexpected, unimaginable
angels soar into your life to rescue you.

 

5.  That your truest
friends never leave your side. Ever.
Even when you’re craaazy, out of control,  irrational, and tell the same stories over
over over.

 

6.  That your weakest
moments become your strongest moments.

 

7.  That darkness exists.

 

8.  That God exists.

 

9.  That writing with
your own blood saves you.

 

10.That there is a deep, profound core inside your body reserved
for grieving.

 

11.That anybody who belittles, demeans, minimizes, or  makes you feel less than— is an “abuser.”  Period.

 

12.That when you feel something insidious and gnawing within
your gut, do not ignore it.

 

13.That past behavior determines future behavior.  In other words, people generally do not
change.  When they say something the
first time, believe them.  You better
believe them.

 

14.That nobody will ever know me like you, love me like you,
or accept me like you.

 

15.That the sun glimmers differently without you.

 

16.That Domestic Abuse is not merely the fist, but the
tongue.

 

17.That it is entirely possible to weep incessantly and
endlessly for 2 years strait.

 

18.That our pain becomes our purpose.

 

19.That life goes on, even when you don’t.

 

20.That the world cannot give you the peace you desire.  Only God can.

 

21.That one can wear a mask with feathers, smiles, and vivid
red lipstick and fool the whole fucking universe.

~My best friend, sister, & soul mate was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010.  The world turned upside down, the sun diminished, the universe weighs so much less…but I am still here.  Love Love Love….  Always.  So much love, my dear Kay.

pink lips

Our Song….

~~~~Get Help  NOW for Domestic Violence, Verbal Violence, Emotional Violence, Sexual Violence…..800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

 

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