In Memory of Kay Kim's Blogs

Moving Forward Using All My Breath


—It’s been 699 days since he murdered you.

 

I believe I shall always count the moments you’re not with
me.  Always remember your voice.   Always love you the most.

 

I’ve been thinking about the oddest things lately.

 

For example,  when
you’d unexpectedly stop in the center of the Waterfront Trail, look up into an
old birch tree and call out,   “Who’s
that?  Hi, baaaaby.  I heeeear you.  I seeeee you.”

 

When I looked up, I’d see a bird.  Just a plain old bird.  A nameless bird.  Nothing
magnificent like a Mockingbird or
Cardinal or Blue jay…

 

….but you thought it
was the most beautiful creature  in the
world.

 

A simple bird.
Colorless.

 

But you observed  the
beauty in everything.

 

Even the murderer.

 

Didn’t you?

 

Isn’t that the reason you stayed?

 

Isn’t that the reason you allowed him to make you small,
stupid, insignificant?

 

You.  Were.  Everything.

 

He.   Was.  Nothing.

 

Anyways—

 

I still awaken thinking of you.   You’re
the first reflection in my head.

 

Your hair blowing in wind, your eyes closed evenly,
peacefully.

 

The sun shining upon your face.

 

Sometimes I find
myself waiting for the phone to ring at a ridiculously, outrageously early
hour…

 

…with you on the other end purring,  “Kimmy, are you up yet?  Just called to say I love youuuu.”

 

Oh God Oh God Oh God
Oh God

 

When I get like that, when I memorize like that—

my heart hurts.  It
hurts so fucking badly.

 

It hurts like loneliness and death and darkness and breathlessness
and anger  & aching all mixed into
one.

 

And I wonder, I wonder….. how the hell I’m standing?

 

But I am.  I am.

 

People have told me to
Let Go.”

 

N E V E R

 

People have  said,
“You need to release her.”

 

N E V E R

 

Not as long as I have breath inside my body.

 

Not as long as I have a pulse.

 

It’s strange, but all the same feelings that hurt me deeply—

 

Are the same feelings that move me forward to get out of bed
in the morning,  brush my teeth, make
coffee, and apply my  lipstick.

 

I mean, my heart is still beating.

 

So that must mean something.

 

But I still can’t believe it’s beating when you’re not here,
my Dear Sister.

Kay was murdered on May 26, 2010 by Mike Peterson.  The Sun Fell.  The Earth Shook.

Xxx My Inner Chick Badge

Get Help  NOW for Domestic  & Verbal Abuse. Don’t wait ONE MORE DAY….…..800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

 


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145 Comments

  • Reply
    Alison@Mama Wants This
    April 29, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Beautiful Kay. So beautiful.

    No, never let her go. She’s always in you. Let that be your strength.
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..This Is About Blogging . . . Sort OfMy Profile

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    April 29, 2012 at 8:25 am

    As always, your words are full of beautiful pictures of Kay. And full of pictures of horror and grief of Kim. Your words are powerful.
    nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..Gee Baby, Ain’t I Good To YouMy Profile

  • Reply
    mamawolfe
    April 29, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Kim, you are standing because she is not….but you hold her upright everyday with your words, your thoughts, your love, and your sharing her memory with all of us. That is all very, very good. And we all hold you up with the same.
    mamawolfe recently posted..Friday Photo: Learning Through Community ServiceMy Profile

  • Reply
    Ellen
    April 29, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Kim, I feel as though I know Kay, to a degree, through your heartfelt words. What a gentle, loving soul you depict.

    To “release her,” it seems to me, would be to release a portion of your very essence. Who would do that?

    Sending a warm hug.

    xoxo

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 30, 2012 at 8:53 am

      **To “release her,” it seems to me, would be to release a portion of your very essence**

      Ellen, I Soooo Love that. I love it.. Kisses for you. Xxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Moving Forward Using All My BreathMy Profile

  • Reply
    Ameena
    April 29, 2012 at 8:37 am

    699 days…and I’m sure it never gets any easier. Your sister was beautiful!

    I’m so sorry my friend…thinking of you.
    Ameena recently posted..the lemon lawMy Profile

  • Reply
    Linda Medrano
    April 29, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Kim, your pain is so breathtakingly described. Your darling sister will live forever in your heart and in the hearts of those she touched. I hope the happy memories remain too.
    Linda Medrano recently posted..Torn AsunderMy Profile

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    April 29, 2012 at 8:49 am

    I know how you feel, Kim. You don’t have to release her. You are a strong person and lucky to have Kay as your sister. Those memories are precious. Treasure them. Relish them. Soften the sadness. I am sorry we cannot turn the clock back on our deepest sorrows. Yet we have to live, as long as we are alive. Losses like this can never be “okay”. Because they’re not. I know that Kay is smiling at you, admiring you for the strong voice you are.

    I will be there in spirit for Kay’s Walk. Let me know what I can do to help.

    I love you. Very much. Hugs and kisses,

    Vidya
    Vidya Sury recently posted..Collecting SmilesMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 30, 2012 at 8:56 am

      Vidya,
      your love and support and passion and empathy move me.

      Love you. love your BIG HEART. Love you spirit.

      I hear you heart beating in Minnesota ….
      all the way from India….
      Many KISSESSSss
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Moving Forward Using All My BreathMy Profile

  • Reply
    Ronda
    April 29, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Kim you are here because WE need you! You have a purpose…. to be Kay’s voice and you are helping so many women in the process! I can only imagine how hard it is for you my dear, but just know I am so glad that you get up every morning because you fill my days with laughter and a friendship that I treasure! I love you, and Kay is so lucky to have you keeping her memory alive! Don’t ever let her go, keep telling all of us how wonderful she was, I love hearing about Kay.

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 30, 2012 at 8:57 am

      Ronda,

      You. Are. Amazing.

      —-you have made this year bearable with your smiles, passion, and great understanding….
      Love Love Love. So much Love. Xxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Moving Forward Using All My BreathMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jen
    April 29, 2012 at 9:15 am

    KIm,

    Kay is a beautiful person,with a beautiful spirit how could she not be imprinted in your heart?

    This is what I think….I think you have to do what feels right for you, don’t let people tell you what to do my friend, nobody can do that. {I’m talking about people saying you need to release her }

    I don’t think we ever really move on {we never ever forget} after such a life changing tragedy {my opinion}. But we can live on in our own time; and each of us had a different clock!
    Jen recently posted..no worriesMy Profile

  • Reply
    columbibueno
    April 29, 2012 at 9:18 am

    699 days are a very long agony.

    I don’t care what they say. This is a sick planet where abuse and murder are rewarded.

    Well, enough for now. I wish you peace.
    columbibueno recently posted..Midnight PeachMy Profile

  • Reply
    Jann Huizenga
    April 29, 2012 at 9:44 am

    I love the story about Kay and the bird in the old birch tree! How beautiful that she so intensely observed and loved the world around her, including her amazing sister. (Stunning bracelet!!)
    Jann Huizenga recently posted..Ancient, Abandoned & AloneMy Profile

  • Reply
    Ann
    April 29, 2012 at 9:49 am

    As always, I wish you peace. I’m sorry that you’ve had 699 days without her…..but I’m glad you have such beautiful memories. Hugs and love to you always, my friend.
    Ann recently posted..One Year Ago…. and a Giveaway!My Profile

  • Reply
    lisa
    April 29, 2012 at 10:13 am

    You have such wonderful memories of Kay, Kim.
    You just hold onto those, for it is those that get you through the tough times.
    There is most definitely a reason that she left you such wonderful memories.
    Sending you hugs dear Friend.
    xo.

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    April 29, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Just too beautiful for words my darling Kim.
    Big hugs and lots of love to you my friend from a beautiful sunny South Africa.
    🙂 Mandy xo
    Mandy – The Complete Cook Book recently posted..Another short intervalMy Profile

  • Reply
    Samar Saleh
    April 29, 2012 at 11:15 am

    you say it so beautifully, love it 🙂
    Samar Saleh recently posted..Till Shines The DayMy Profile

  • Reply
    Nikky44
    April 29, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Isn’t that the reason you stayed?

    This might not be the only reason, but it surely was an important one. She wasn’t able to see the bad in him or in anything or anyone. Some people are like that, they prefer to see the bad in themselves rather than accept others are bad. She stayed because she hoped her love could save him, and make him change. She stayed because she knows she has a big heart and can put up with him whereas someone else wouldn’t be able to do that. She also stayed because she wants her children to have a dad. She wanted to stay and she stayed till the end.
    Love you Kim.
    Nikky44 recently posted..I even have to welcome his ladyfriendMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kelly @ Inspired Edibles
    April 29, 2012 at 11:59 am

    What a beautiful piece Kim… and I love how you appreciate and celebrate all that was Kay…even her adoration of the nameless bird.

    Hugs, warmth and loving energy to you ~

    xox.
    Kelly @ Inspired Edibles recently posted..Spicy Black Bean Mexican CasseroleMy Profile

  • Reply
    lafemmeroar
    April 29, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Another powerful and touching poem! Thank you for sharing.
    lafemmeroar recently posted..Lies, lies, lies …My Profile

  • Reply
    Dangerous Linda
    April 29, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Dear Kim,

    I would never dream of telling you how you ‘should’ handle your pain! Everybody gets to choose for themselves. Just like Kay chose…

    One thing I notice is that the very traits you value so much in your sister may be calling to you, too.

    “You. Were. Everything.

    He. Was. Nothing.”

    What would Kay think about this?

    I was deeply moved by a video I watched about a woman who found healing by forgiving her son’s murderer. I wanted to share it with you, not because I think you should do anything differently than you already are, but because I would do anything to help you find some peace. Maybe this will help. Maybe not. I will keep praying that somehow, something will bring you some comfort from your unfathomable pain. http://www.dangerouslinda.com/?page_id=153

    love, XOXOXXO
    Dangerous Linda recently posted..picture windowMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 30, 2012 at 9:05 am

      –Dangerous Linda,

      I knew him ( the monster ) for 29 years…

      He was nothing to me….

      He is still nothing to me…

      Kay was EVERYTHING.

      —–But even so, I forgive him.

      Xxx Kissss
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Moving Forward Using All My BreathMy Profile

  • Reply
    Dad
    April 29, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Kay and I were walking the trail and we saw a big fat sewer rat, it was so fat it couldn’t run
    very fast. And of course Kay said ‘come here baby,’ but it slowly walked down to the water.
    She even saw beauty in that rat. She loved pretty much everything.
    Love You More Than All The animals In Kenya
    Daddy

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 30, 2012 at 9:06 am

      –Daddy,
      so many stories like that. Sooooo many. My brain is overflowing…

      I love you more than all the tigers, lions, & panthers of Kisumu <3 Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Moving Forward Using All My BreathMy Profile

  • Reply
    Heal Now and Forever
    April 29, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    I guess it is like we need to see the beauty in death. I’m not quite sure how, but I’m thinking grief is really love, isn’t it. You’re expressin grief and is readers read the love. Keep expressing!
    Love,
    Jodi
    Heal Now and Forever recently posted..Shiny Happy Bloggers Holding HandsMy Profile

  • Reply
    ed pilolla
    April 29, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    wish i could do the walk and snag a goodie bag:) sounds like a wonderful event to honor kay. you know your path. you live it out loud and beautifully.
    ed pilolla recently posted..Rides At SunsetMy Profile

  • Reply
    Sandy Webb
    April 29, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Kim –

    Moving forward and letting go is all about how you look at it. I had a widower (a guy! imagine that! LOL) give me some excellent advice on that. I posted it on my blog about a year ago, you can read it here http://flyingwg.blogspot.com/2011/05/moving-forward-or-letting-go.html

    Giant Hugs to you my dear. xoxo
    Sandy Webb recently posted..Flowers for LeontienMy Profile

  • Reply
    Joan
    April 29, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    What I love, love, love about your blog, Kim, is your open expressions of love and pain. It’s obvious that your family had and have huge hearts and are not afraid to say “I love you.” It’s a great Italian family and so different from my Scandinavian upbringing. That is one reason your blog is so attractive to so many people- your open expression of love, hate, grief, despair, hopelessness, hopefulness, and all of those other emotions. Don’t ever change that. And I love that Kay loved nature so much. She had a huge heart as well. And she tried her best but it wasn’t enough. She tried to get away but it’s so hard for women to get out of a relationship. It’s so hard to make that decision to leave. It’s dangerous as well. It takes, on average, 8 times for women to actually leave an abusive relationship.

    I will look for those birds in the birch trees when I walk on May 20th but I will avoid, at all costs, the fat rat.
    Joan recently posted..Guns in the produce sectionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Katy Clark
    April 29, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    A person who is truly beautiful inside finds beauty all around her – even in those who will crush her. I love your devotion to her.

    That is a beautiful bracelet – I hope the walk is successful.
    Katy Clark recently posted..These Things Do Not Actually Constitute ForeplayMy Profile

  • Reply
    Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell
    April 29, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    I am absolutely devastated for you. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you must feel each and every day. My heart aches for you and for the life your sister never had the chance to finish. (((hugs)))
    Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell recently posted..I Can’t Take A ComplimentMy Profile

  • Reply
    Bella
    April 29, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    Kim, those who tell you to release and let go don’t know what they’re talking about. After all, how can you release a part of your heart and still keep living? Not possible. Not possible at all. For those we love, even when they’re long gone, are still a part of us; are still a big chunk of our beating hearts. Our love keeps their spirit alive. I think of how much time has passed since Kay’s been gone and think, how does Kim do it? But then she’s not really gone is she? She lives through your memories; your thoughts of hers; the lovely visuals that pop into your head like the one of the bird. Keep loving your sister, sweet lady. Keep her in your heart and your soul. And never let go.

  • Reply
    sue williamson
    April 29, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    Kim,

    Today on my way into work I stopped at a Caribou coffee as I do every morning on my way to work and to my suprise on my way out, I looked at the bullitin board, as I always do an there it was…

    Kay Marie Sisto Memorial Walk

    A huge poster in Minneapolis of beautiful Kay.

    Your voice is being heard Kim. I didn’t put the poster there. I hadn’t even seen one yet. I don’t know who did put it there but I will find out and thank them.

    I know there are good days for you and I know there are bad days – and the pain never ever really goes away.

    But know and understand that the work you are doing on behalf of Kay and the thousands of women and their loved ones who have suffered the effects of domestic violence are being helped by your tireless efforts.

    Love you lots & I’ll see you at the walk.

    Sue

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      April 30, 2012 at 9:27 am

      ~~~Sue,
      I love that you saw that poster <3

      I am pretty sure Kay's son's fiance is putting those out. She is VERY pro-active.
      last year she won first prize for getting the most money!

      Looking forward to seeing you, Sweet Sue. Xxxx
      My Inner Chick recently posted..Moving Forward Using All My BreathMy Profile

  • Reply
    Psycho
    April 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    I hear you Kim and I feel you.
    People say :”let go..” … so easy to say.

    But when every loved one has become a part of you, you never really let go. They may no longer be around physically, but they will always stay, as a part of a whole.

    Take care and stay sweet!
    Psycho recently posted..Irreverence and MeMy Profile

  • Reply
    Beverly Diehl
    April 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    How many women (and perhaps even men) will be shaped, changed, saved, by you sharing Kay’s story, and your pain at her loss?

    If I were you, I wouldn’t give a rat’s hat about them, I would trade everybody and everything to have my sister back. But since that’s not an option, at least you have some small comfort, I hope, knowing Kay’s life, her death, and your openness about it is changing hearts and lives. SAVING lives, I do believe.

    Peace and love to you, now and always.
    Beverly Diehl recently posted..Here’s What I Read in April When I Was Too Burned Out To WriteMy Profile

  • Reply
    Monica
    April 29, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Kim, I don’t know how you do it.

    How you live with the pain of what happened to Kay, and yet manage to go on with life, commenting on all our blogs, sending us such positive, supportive sentiments. I love you being part of my blogosphere. I love what you do, what you write. Through the memory of your sister, you are making an incredible difference, helping other women so that this horrible nightmare doesn’t happen to someone else. God bless you, Kim. Hugs, my friend.
    Monica recently posted..Office PerksMy Profile

  • Reply
    Lady E
    April 30, 2012 at 12:05 am

    Dear Kim,
    It’s the little things that get us, isn’t it? The memories when you least expect them that tear through your chest, the way beauty can no longer be shared.
    What keeps scrunching my heart up on your behalf is the brutality of your loss, in every sense. And its finality…
    Perhaps we can all bear a little bit of your sadness so that the burden may be lighter.
    xx
    Lady E recently posted..The five stages of break-up griefMy Profile

  • Reply
    Elephant's Child
    April 30, 2012 at 2:41 am

    Kim, I think that Kay would be feeling as bereft as you do if you had been the one stolen leaving her to struggle on alone. Reading your posts it is obvious that you needed each other to feel complete.
    You do such amazing work in protecting many, many other women from the same fate, but that doesn’t reduce your pain by a drop.
    Hurting for you, hurting with you, sending hugs.
    Elephant’s Child recently posted..Sunday Selections #67My Profile

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    April 30, 2012 at 2:44 am

    Beautifully put Kim. Your heart still aches and it forever will. But you’re a strong, good person so you help out others by speaking out. Thank you xxx
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella recently posted..Vaucluse House Tearooms For Afternoon TeaMy Profile

  • Reply
    Quay Po Cooks
    April 30, 2012 at 3:16 am

    Our love ones who had left us will live in our hearts and mind forever. HUGS!!

  • Reply
    Emily
    April 30, 2012 at 5:00 am

    I love the way you describe your sister, the way she found goodness and beauty in the world around her, and the way she inspires you every day. You had such an incredible love, such an incredible friendship.
    Emily recently posted..Apartment LifeMy Profile

  • Reply
    marie
    April 30, 2012 at 7:43 am

    How can you let go when Kay is living in you, when her heart is beating in yours………..for every minute you live she is next to you, keep sharing your pain, keep spreading the beautiful love Kim.
    xxxxxx

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    April 30, 2012 at 9:30 am

    We can’t let go of those we love: they live for always in our hearts.

    Just beautiful!
    Lady Fi recently posted..Bubbly feelingsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    April 30, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Her soul is your strength.
    Blond Duck recently posted..Magical Monday 87My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      April 30, 2012 at 2:09 pm

      Ducky,
      So true. Yes. Xxxx

  • Reply
    Patricia
    April 30, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Very moving. Sending you positive vibes and lots of hugs. XO

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      April 30, 2012 at 2:10 pm

      Patricia,
      I’ll take all the positive vibes I can get. Thank You. Xxx

  • Reply
    Adriana
    April 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

    your words always stir my soul.
    they move me from one space to the next.
    xoxo
    Adriana recently posted..About Rabbit Holes…My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      April 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm

      Adriana,
      funny you should say that..

      because I feel the same way about your photography, words, & positive spirit. Xxxx

  • Reply
    Choc Chip Uru
    April 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Your strength, courage and boldness are inspiring mg friend. Hold on to her and cherish her memory, which you have shown beautifully today.
    You are amazing.

    Choc Chip Uru
    Choc Chip Uru recently posted..A Belated Tribute: Anzac Day 2012My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      April 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm

      –Thank you for reading my mourning/morning pages, Choc Chip. Xxx

  • Reply
    Tia
    April 30, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Love you!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      April 30, 2012 at 7:51 pm

      love you more…Xx

  • Reply
    Kathy Radigan
    April 30, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    I was so moved by your beautiful words and the powerful feelings behind them. You had me with each word, and in each word I was starting to feel like I was getting to know bits of your sister, Kay. Thank you. My heart goes out to you as you learn to walk without her.
    Kathy Radigan recently posted..My Dishwasher’s Really Possessed!My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      April 30, 2012 at 7:54 pm

      Kathy,
      ~~~ I’m not sure I will ever learn to walk w/ out her…

      I don’t know how… Yet.

      Thank you for reading my mourning.
      I shall visit you, as well Xxx

  • Reply
    Pat Scattergood
    May 1, 2012 at 7:35 am

    I love your sweet memories of your sweet sister.
    Pat Scattergood recently posted..As the mind wanders…My Profile

  • Reply
    Liz
    May 1, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    No, you can’t release, you can’t forget…but you can and you will fight against the epidemic of domestic violence. You have such a purpose…I admire you and thank you!!! xo
    Liz recently posted..Hungarian Shortbread…Baking with Julia~My Profile

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    May 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Some love for you today.
    Blond Duck recently posted..SistersMy Profile

  • Reply
    Stacy Uncorked
    May 1, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    She will always live on in your heart – and smiling down on you with her graceful angel wings. ((HUGZ!!))
    Stacy Uncorked recently posted..May Day Weather and Spicy RacksMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 1, 2012 at 7:56 pm

      Yes, Stacy,

      Always. Always inside my heart <3 Xxx

  • Reply
    CurvyEveryday
    May 1, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    I don’t have the right words other than you are in my heart and sending you love. I am in tears and so thankful for my sister and can’t imagine your loss. You are a very strong woman.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 1, 2012 at 7:57 pm

      Dear Curvy,
      I’d give ANYTHING to have my sister back w/ me.

      I miss her. I miss her deeply to my core.

      Go call your sister. Now. Xxx

  • Reply
    Wild Child Mama
    May 1, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Damn. DamnDamnDamn.
    Wild Child Mama recently posted..Worry. Worry. Worry.My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 1, 2012 at 7:58 pm

      Love Love Love. <3 Xxx

  • Reply
    Impulsive Addict
    May 1, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    Your writing is so beautiful and moving. NEVER stop writing. Ever!

    Thanks for your sweet comment today. You make me smile too. xoxo
    Impulsive Addict recently posted..April AwesomenessMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 2, 2012 at 5:46 am

      Never! Ever!

      Thanks for visiting, Impulsive! Xxxx

  • Reply
    Brenda
    May 1, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Moving forward with all you have is more than most do on an ordinary day in an otherwise dull life. You flutter, you stall, to fly, to howl at the moon asking why, why did you do this to me, but every night that you leave a tear on the pillow, you also dream beautiful dreams and rise and begin again, breathing and moving forward with all that you have.
    Brenda recently posted..A Mom’s Job DescriptionMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 2, 2012 at 5:47 am

      -Sweet Brenda,
      your support and words mean A LOT <3

      Thank You Xxx

  • Reply
    Joan
    May 2, 2012 at 1:07 am

    Hello Kay you have a beautiful post. Its true that It hurts like loneliness and death and darkness and breathlessness and anger & aching all mixed into one.
    Joan recently posted..Pictures in MiamiMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 2, 2012 at 5:48 am

      Thanks, Joan <3

  • Reply
    (FL) Girl with a New Life
    May 2, 2012 at 9:46 am

    I have such admiration for your bond with your sister, and such heartbreak over your loss of her.
    (FL) Girl with a New Life recently posted..What I’m Eating: Chick Pea Salad Sandwiches & Homemade MayoMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 2, 2012 at 12:12 pm

      FL,
      Such Heartbreak…

      Sometimes it’s hard to find the light.

      Xxx Kiss for You.

  • Reply
    Anna
    May 2, 2012 at 9:56 am

    She was really really beautiful, it is such a terrible thing which happened to her, I just can’t believe that…
    Anna recently posted..Ramblings about dental health issuesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 2, 2012 at 12:12 pm

      Anna,
      I can’t believe it either…

      but it happend in my family.

      Thanks for visiting. X

  • Reply
    Christine @ Love, Life, Surf
    May 2, 2012 at 10:37 am

    This is heart wrenching and so beautiful. I am so very sorry for your loss but you have an incredible bond with your sister. You are absolutely right – never let her go in your heart and in your soul.
    Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Under Armour Women – What’s BeautifulMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

      Christine,
      Thank you for visiting my mourning pages. Xx

  • Reply
    Red Dwyer
    May 2, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Kim, you keep her close and relish in those beautiful memories everyday. The tragedy brings your tenderness to us. It is Kay’s gift of living on through you so you can bring us the beauty of your relationship and sisterhood and personify the love siblings should have.

    Hug close those memories. They keep her alive for us all.

    Love and hugs,
    Red.
    xxx
    Red Dwyer recently posted..KnightlyMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

      Red,
      Love & Hugs Back to you. xx

  • Reply
    Heather
    May 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    This is my first time reading your blog, and I am so sorry to hear what your family had to go through. Keep those beautiful memories of your sister close and never let go.
    Heather recently posted..Baked My DayMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 2, 2012 at 1:57 pm

      Heather,
      I shall NEVER let go.

      Thanks for reading. I shall come visit you, too. Xx

  • Reply
    Julie
    May 2, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    I want someone I love to read this. Someone who is in an abusive relationship that is only mentally/emotionally abusive at this point, but is escalating. I am so frustrated, because I know what can happen. I’ve read your sister’s story so many times. But what can I do? People don’t want to listen.
    Julie recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Mud pie piggiesMy Profile

    • Reply
      My Inner Chick
      May 2, 2012 at 3:12 pm

      Nobody will listen until they are ready to listen….

      Tell your friend your concerns. Send her this blog.

      Mental–Emotional-& Verbal IS (((ABUSE))))

      this is how it starts…This is how it ends.

      I hope she HEARS you, Julie. Xxx

  • Reply
    Born27
    May 3, 2012 at 3:07 am

    I was in shock seeing the date. It’s my birthday and I am very sorry. I hope justice and peace is with you. Kay is very pretty and optimistic. For sure, she’s with you all the time. Just be strong for her. Always.
    Born27 recently posted..Best Video Conference CallMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 3, 2012 at 5:58 am

      –Thanks for reading, Born27. <3

  • Reply
    Barbara @ Barbara Bakes
    May 3, 2012 at 5:20 am

    It’s a gorgeous bracelet, Good luck with the walk. I especially love the last line. It’s hard to believe the whole world doesn’t stop after a tragedy.
    Barbara @ Barbara Bakes recently posted..Low Calorie MealsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 3, 2012 at 5:59 am

      Barbara,
      yes, the whole world has gone forward,

      …except me.

      Love xx

  • Reply
    Pamela
    May 3, 2012 at 7:59 am

    I’ve never lost someone as close to me as Kay was to you, but I can believe I feel the horror of it, through you. I hope the walk is a huge success. I wish I was in Minnesota to do it!
    Pamela recently posted..Nerves! Announcements!My Profile

  • Reply
    julie gardner
    May 3, 2012 at 10:20 am

    I have a sister, as I’ve told you before.
    Every time I come here I’m reminded of my love for her.

    I could never let go, either.

    But I want to tell you that when you write, it reaches us. It reminds us to love, to hold on tightly, to be present and aware and there in the moment.

    I’m just sorry that your giving to us involves such pain for you.

    Much love to you, my beautiful friend.
    Always.
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me well-examinedMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 3, 2012 at 1:51 pm

      Dear Julie,
      Hold On…

      HOLD on with everthing you have…

      and Love Love Love.

      Hugs from Minnesota. Xxoo

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    May 3, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    I love you! 🙂
    Blond Duck recently posted..Time for a Tea PartyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Phil
    May 3, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Kim,

    So many days have passed. I sense a pain as raw as the day it was inflicted upon your heart. I sense a longing that is as unfulfilled as the day Kay was ripped from your arms. I sense a river of tears, the source of which will never dry. And yet, I sense a love, a devotion, and a purpose, all of which keeps that torch lit and provides light and warmth.

    Steadfastness. That is what you are Kim. Always there, never forgotten.

    Light and love to you my dear friend.

    Phil
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Phil recently posted..Derby Day 2012My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 4, 2012 at 5:52 am

      ~~~~Phil,
      Sending you love from Minnesota, Dear.

      I’ve missed you.
      Hope all is well with your family. <3 Xx

  • Reply
    The Bipolar Diva
    May 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    never let go Kim, never let go. And keep moving forward, for both of us. I need your help. I’m at a standstill, yet the comment you left me was wonderfully encouraging. I just wish I could encourage you the same way. Don’t let go Kim, carry her always.
    The Bipolar Diva recently posted..Don’t Wake Me EarlyMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 4, 2012 at 5:53 am

      Dear Diva,

      Keep holding on…holding on….

      …that’s what I am doing.

      God hears your pain.

      love flowing to you this very moment. Xxxxx

  • Reply
    Maryden25
    May 4, 2012 at 4:18 am

    I hope peace and the best for you. Hold on for hope, but let go of pain.
    Maryden25 recently posted..Coffee Creamer CouponMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 4, 2012 at 5:54 am

      Maryden,

      Thank you for your encouragement. X

  • Reply
    Kelley
    May 4, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Some of my favorite posts of yours are when you tell us things that Kay did. Things like talking to sweet birds. I love hearing the things you did together. She was a beautiful person and so are you. I wish I could be there for the walk.
    Kelley recently posted..Does this VHS tape belong to you??My Profile

  • Reply
    Laci
    May 4, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Never let go. Never, ever, ever, ever let go.

    You are doing such a wonderful thing for so many women who are being abused or who have been abused. You are thier voice. You are Kay’s voice. Don’t you ever let go of what means the most to you.

    That is a beautiful bracelet! I wish you the all the best with the walk. I wish that I lived near because I would be there with bells on. I cannot wait to hear of the success! Have a great time remembering and representing your dear Kay.
    Laci recently posted..Already DoneMy Profile

  • Reply
    countingducks
    May 5, 2012 at 4:15 am

    Every time I come to your Blog and see these posts I am moved by the power of your emotions and the constancy of the emotions you feel about your sister. I love the way you remember these little details about her. God Bless You
    countingducks recently posted..Egg On My FaceMy Profile

  • Reply
    Karen Sosnoski
    May 8, 2012 at 9:45 am

    I love your insight that the same feelings of grief that make your waking a nightmare are those that propel you through the day and keep you living. I don’t fully understand it but it struck a note of truth, Maybe feeling, however awful, is life–numbness, death in life. Thank you for making your sister alive and her loss real for those who didn’t know her. Love you and your words!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 8, 2012 at 2:46 pm

      Karen,
      Thank you for your support, encouragement, & non-judgement of my mourning pages.

      I love you and your words TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Brenda
    May 12, 2012 at 8:18 am

    I echo what Wild Child Mama said but send along warmth and compassion.
    Brenda recently posted..A Writer’s Creative ProcessMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 12, 2012 at 8:21 am

      -Thank You, Dearest. Xx

  • Reply
    Blogging Out Loud :: My Inner Chick
    January 5, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    […] wrote Kay’s Story over and over.  I wrote my mourning on this so-called-blog of mine until the sadness and tears and […]

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