Caged Bird / Writing Contest

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{The free bird leaps on the back of the wind and floats downstream
till the current ends and dips his wings in the orange sun rays and dares to
claim the sky}
—-Maya Angelou

Antonio Frasconi/photo credit.

“I know what’s different about you,” I say to my sister on our last walk.

“What?” She smiles with those big pink lips. The kind of lips women envy.

“You don’t need me like you used to. I like that. I like that you’re finally
sliding into your own skin. When do you sign the divorce papers?”

“In a couple weeks.” She says.

She skips ahead of me. Her long brown hair flowing behind her like a kind of
freedom.

“I can’t wait to start my own life!” She squeals. “Hurry, get over here and
grab my hand.”

We pray right there in the middle of the trail. We pray for transformations
and smooth departures.

We pray for still waters and flourishing futures.

However

My sister never got the chance to sign those divorce papers.

Her soon to be ex-husband murdered her two days after that walk.

We were going to have a surprise shower for her.

An “Emancipation Shower.” A “New Beginnings Shower.”

Candles & Cosmopolitans. Salsa & Sangria. Sushi & Sex and The
City.

We were going to fill her new home with love, love, love.

So much love that she would drown inside of it, swallow it whole.

We were going to watch chick flicks until we were chick flicked out.

We talked about painting her living room funky colors like bubblegum pink,
lemony lime, or crazy cranberry.

None of that happened.

He left work early on May 26th.

He said he had business to attend to, appointments to keep, phone calls to
make.

He sat on the couch like a demon-devil.

Waiting.

Planning.

He was never a man, so I shall call him The Murderer.

After all, that’s what he became in the end.

The Beretta pistol was so minuscule, the murderer could conceal easily inside
the palm of his hand.

I imagine he rubbed the iron between his fingers anticipating her absence,
his absence, his final control.

I imagine he tasted the metal upon his toxic tongue.

I presume he was prepared to go strait to HELL.

My sister came home from work at about 5:00 pm.

She had the same routine every day of the week.

She’d change from scrubs to walking clothes, hoist her hair in a high
ponytail. She’d call our dad to meet her on the Waterfront Trail.

“I’ll see you on the trail in five minutes, Dad.”

Her last words. Her final beautiful breaths.

And mine.

You see, we were tangled and twisted together as one.

The same blood from the same root.

The same heart.

He had already locked the front door so she couldn’t escape.

Perhaps he uttered a prayer to whomever murderers utter prayers to. Perhaps
he gave last rights to himself.

I often wonder why God didn’t intervene. Why He’d allow the cage to remain
closed.

There were two options. She stayed with him or she died with him.

He placed the gun to the back of her head as she walked out the door.

And shot once…twice…and a third time.

He had to make damn sure my sister never gained consciousness, had to make
certain she couldn’t fly away.

He then wrapped his arms around her like a snake and shot himself in the
right temple.

I remember asking my husband a few months later, “Did he really kill Kay? Is
it true?”

He said, “Yes, it is true.

“Then why am I breathing? Why am I walking? How can my heart still beat?”

People have frequently alleged that a caged bird sings.

I don’t believe it. I’ll never believe it.

The caged bird cannot sing until she is set free; she cannot form a pleasing
melody of verse until the cage is swung wide open.

Only then will she sing her sweet song of freedom. Only then will her wings
reach the orange of the sun’s rays.

Sometimes in my dreams, I hear my sister singing.

I see her hair flowing like a dark water through air.

I call out her name.

“Kay.    Kay.    Kay.

Where are you? Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”

“You know where I am.” She whispers softly, slowly…

Like a feather falling.

And I smile.

Because I know she is finally free.

Flying. Flying. Flying.

My Sister Kay was Murdered on May 26, 2010.  Everything changed in one. solitary.  moment.

Dear. Readers, this essay is featured on a  writing contest on Here Women Talk.  You can click  HERE to vote for me if you like the piece. <3   Thank You! Xxxpink lips

 

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In Memory of Kay

103 comments

  1. Katy Clark says:

    I voted. And as always when I hear her story – I cried for your sister, and your family and his. Much love your way…if I could send healing, I would, but I’m not sure a wound that raw, that deep can heal.

  2. Monica says:

    Oh, Kim, the way you’ve written it, it’s so gripping. I wish you could go back in time and change the course. I wish you knew then what you’ve known since and could warn Kay. Don’t go in the house, don’t have a fixed schedule, change one thing. Oh, Kim, the way you’ve written this, as a story, I feel the pain. Beautifully told and I’m heading to the site where I can vote for you. Hugs to you, Kim!

    • ~~Monica,
      I have wished and wish and wished …..

      but when I wake up, this new reality is really here.

      IT SUCKS…

      but one must go forward. It is hard as HELL.

      Xxx your support is sooooooo much appreciated.

  3. Laci says:

    I love Maya Angelou. Such beautiful words.

    Gosh, I cried. I cry every single time. I feel your every word. You are such a beautiful writer Kim. With each word I could see you and Kay walking through the park and enjoying each other and life. God bless you and give you the strength to go through each and every single day. You are such an inspiration. Through you I find strenght. Thank you so much for sharing your soul with all of us.

    • Laci,
      I am trying to get thru every day, every birthday, every holiday.

      Kay’s birthday is on Wedesday. This will be another VERY difficult day for all of us.

      Love to you, Dear. Xx

  4. Joan says:

    I voted for you, of course. This was one of the most haunting and beautiful pieces you have written.How could I not cry? I felt the scene. I pictured Kay’s last seconds though it’s impossible to really know how it was. I thought of my sister. What did they feel? Did they cry out? Did they have time for any last thoughts? Thank you for writing this one, Kim.

  5. I voted and left this comment on your post there, Kim:
    Kim and through you Kay continues to live on and bring a voice to the voiceless – and empower many caged birds to set themselves free!
    With all my love …..

  6. Ann says:

    Vote for it if you like it? Can we vote twice if we LOVE it?! Kim, this was powerful, haunting and stunning. Truly your best piece….I sat here – stunned – after reading. Hugs always my friend….

  7. Vidya Sury says:

    I cry afresh every time I read about this. Caged birds sing sad songs that break your heart. Kim, you’re so beautiful and you weave words like the purest silk. I want to hold your hands in mine and tell you I feel what you’re feeling. It hurts so much because it is so unfair that the lovely Kay had her life snatched away like this. I think she reads your blog and loves you even more each day. Take strength from the memories.

    Love you, Kim. Keep writing. Let people know that they should not keep quiet. Hugs, Vidya

  8. Kay, I am off to vote… I didn’t realize that he killed himself too…. your sisters story reminds me so much of my former neighbors sisters… Her sister too was getting a divorce from her husband, and the same thing happened. The only difference was their two young daughters found their parents when they came home from school. Fortunately for the girls, my neighbor and her husband flew to TX and got the girls and raised them…

  9. Ellen says:

    Sometimes details aren’t important – sometimes. In this case, they make his actions more vile, more despicable, and more cowardly. In this case, they highlight Kay’s sense of self-worth. She chose herself when she chose to walk out that door.

    I vote for you, and for Kay. xoxo

  10. totsymae1011 says:

    Damn, Kim. You know, I wondered about it all and read a good deal when I was preparing to paint the portrait. Some things should never happen, you know. Reading this just makes you sit and think for a good while and ask why. At her happiest moment, this visual you give, you just ask why. I so wish this wasn’t a story you had to share, however beautifully written.

    I’m going to vote now.

    Blessings and Hugs.

  11. Patricia says:

    Kim,

    This is so moving and heart-breaking at the same time. You’re a great sister and I’m sure your sister is watching over you. All the best with the submission.

  12. Ameena says:

    I had no idea that he’d killed himself too…not sure why I always assumed he was in prison?

    This is unbelievable. My heart goes out to you. Not sure what else to say my friend.

  13. How is it possible to feel happy – at Kay’s upcoming uncagedness, fearstricken, heartbroken, and too frickin’ furious for words, all at the same time? For a woman I have never met, except through your stories?

    Because you have that gift, Kim. You have the gift and now, the duty, to sing not only for yourself, but for Kay because she cannot. You do it so well that though it often makes me cry to come here, I would never stay away.

  14. Pure Complex says:

    I said it once, and I will say it again.. you have a voice that can help so many people. You definitely inspire me. I am headed to vote now and I hope you win. You have a story that everyone should read

  15. Caroline says:

    Kim, this broke my heart reading the story again. I had no idea he killed himself as well…what an absolute idiot and coward. I can’t believe it. He just took the easy way out. I’ll head over to vote now. Sending lots of hugs your way. xx

    • Kim Sisto-Robinson says:

      Caroline,
      Thank You <3

      & also thank you for being a great distraction from my mourning w/ your yummy food. Xx

  16. nikky44 says:

    You’re SO lucky Kim to have had her in your life, so so lucky. I know you would have preferred to have her physically with you for a longer time, but things don’t always happen the way we want them to. I can guarantee you that you made her life beautiful just by being part of it, exactly like she did for you, and you are honoring her every single day by the efforts you are putting to help others. I will check again why I am not getting a notification for your emails. I don’t want to miss anything. I’m grateful for Sandy who gave me the link. Love you

  17. I could not wait for the page to load so I could vote for you Kim. Can we vote more than once?
    Your words are extremely powerful and paint such a vivid picture! I know I always say it but yor keep Kay’s beautiful memory alive with each word that you write.
    :-) Mandy xo

  18. Of course I voted. I feel so fortunate that I was able to get away from an ex who was every bit as evil as your sister’s cowardly murderer, and so sad that she was so close to her escape before he took that away from her – and her away from you. You have such a beautiful way with words – I’m sure that Kay is singing brightly with all you do for her memory. ((HUGZ!!))

  19. Kimmy says:

    Kimmy you are my number one everything! You have such a beautiful talent for writing from your heart. I’m so very proud if you. Kay will never be forgotten nor will others before her or others in the future. But because of your fierce love for Kay and in hopes of saving others by your writing and getting word around the world many lives will be saved. Hopefully all. You are very loved and supported!! Love you K

  20. Your writings are so powerful. I always look forward to reading them. I see from the comment above that Kay’s birthday is tomorrow. I’ll be thinking about you.

    PS. All 3 50 Shades books were finished within a week. They.were.so.freaking.good!

  21. It is indeed a heartbreaking story. I never thought it is about a true story until I reached the middle part of the story. There shall be no man like him on Earth. Too bad. Hugs for you.

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