It was a fine cry – loud and long – but it had no
bottom and it had no top, just circles and circles of sorrow.” –Toni
—I hate to call whatever I’m on a journey, but I guess
that’s what I’ve been on for 651 days now.
A journey of loneliness, insidious shadows, and unfathomable
A journey of a loss so incredibly deep that I cannot
comprehend it all at once, cannot swallow it whole.
I figured out that humans have this unique apparatus, which
only allows slices, segments, and fractions of pain inside a little at a time….or we’d die from
the unbearableness of it.
Then I imagine, well, what’s so bad about that? What
the hell is so bad about that?
Before Kay’s murder, I was under the impression that a
journey had a destination, an objective, a purpose.
For example, one attends college and receives a degree. A woman gets pregnant and delivers a
baby. One flies from here and arrives
However, when one mourns, the so-called-journey is eternal.
There is no ending.
There is no finale.
There is only a birth of sharp black rotten teeth…
Some mornings, I awaken with a familiar joy. The kind of joy I had before all of this
And then I remember—Oh,
Kay is gone. My sister is dead.
Or I’ll begin laughing about some hilarious ridiculous
story, and quite suddenly, I STOP.
What the fuck am I
laughing at? My sister is gone. My sister was murdered murdered murdered.
But even now thru
this haze of fog,
There are those extraordinary occasions when
in between the hours
A slight flicker of light seeps thru…
And I look at Mr. Liverpool at the end of the day and
“You know what? I
haven’t cried all day long.”
My sister Kay was MURDERED by Mike Peterson 651 Days ago. The Missing & Mourning Never Ends. Never.
Donate to The Kay Marie Sisto Memorial Walk on Sunday, May 20th on the Waterfront Trail. More Info to come….
800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
CLick for help if you are being physically abused, verbally abused,
emotionally abused, belittled, diminished, finacially abused,