“My feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping, but I shall go on living.” –Pablo Neruda
–“If you’re not improved soon, you’ll need additional help,
”Mr. Stinkin’ Thinkin’ says.
He smiles thru empty
eyes, heartless eyes.
Eyes that tell me he’s done this, said this, observed this,
hundreds of times before.
Eyes that tell me he has a ham sandwich waiting for him in
the back room, a phone call to make, another appointment to be at.
Mr. Stinkin’ Thinkin’
must have gone blind long ago, because he has no empathy or compassion.
He does not see me.
He’s all business & I’m one of his case studies.
He converses as if he’s reading directly out of a psychiatric text book.
“Kim, what do you want?”
“I want my sister back.”
He shakes his head as if I’m a moron.
“She’s not coming back.”
That’s all he says.
He quickly glances at his watch.
I can’ t stand this man.
I want to tell him he doesn’t know nothing, nothing,
And I swear to God,
He finally says,
“Kim, you know what? Today is a gift. A sweet gift.
That’s why it’s called the present.”
I want to tell him, Hey, Dumb Ass, did you type that cliché
on your Facebook status this morning?
I watch him grab a tablet off his desk.
He begins scribbling circles.
An ‘A’ for negative thinking and a ‘B’ for
“What you’re doing here, Kim, is called Stinkin’
He points to the ‘A’ circle.
I want to scream, What
did you expect; sunshine and lollipops?
My sister was
murdered by the man who ate Christmas Dinner with us for 29 years.
And I’m abundantly sad
about that. I’m
fucking lonely lonely lonely without my best
Sometimes I can’t get out of bed.
It’s been Hell :::
Hell ::: Hell.
Why don’t you listen and stop drawing fucking circles?
I want to tell him that mourning never ends.
It’s merely born into one’s existence.
It intertwines into one’s mind and body like blood flowing
like roots twisting through dreams.
I want to tell him he’s the biggest asshole I’ve ever encountered.
Perhaps, I’ll send him this blog.
–Dear, Readers: have you ever experienced mourning? if so, how did you go forward? writing. blogging. GOD. family. Therapy. Wine.
My Sister, Kay, was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010. Darkness Fell upon The earth. The sun glitters differently now.
FYI: Kay’s Memorial Walk / Run is on May 20–on the Waterfront Trail. More info to come….
800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
CLick for help if you are being physically abused, verbally abused,
emotionally abused, belittled, diminished, finacially abused,