—It’s
been 629 days since I’ve seen your
beautiful- beaming face, my dear sister.
I have so much to tell you, so much to say,
so much to express.
For example, Mike murdered you.
The abuser fucker executed you inside your own
home.
But I suppose you already know that.
Don’t you?
Remember when I told you that he probably
dug a grave for you in the back garden?
And we laughed.
I’m not laughing anymore.
Did you know a mere human being
can actually cry for
one. year. strait?
I did.
I am.
Forever. Always.
I’ll never let you go.
Never, never let you go.
Not as long as have a pulse
& blood inside my body.
I had a dream you were sitting at
Saint Shirley’s kitchen table.
I walked in and screamed: “What Are You Doing Here! Where Have You Been!”
I ran to you and began kissing
you all over your cheeks.
You smelled of lilacs, wind, &
something else.
“Where have you been? Why didn’t
you tell me you were leaving?” I repeated.
“You know where I’ve been.” You answered.
That was all.
I drove up to the cemetery after
work today.
Snow covered your entire
gravestone.
I brushed it off & stood
under your tree for a long time.
I just stood there with half a
prayer caught inside my throat…
My best friend, sister, & soul mate was executed by Mike Peterson 629 Days Ago. The sun glitters much differently now.
800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/
CLick for help if you are being physically abused, verbally abused,
emotionally abused, belittled, diminished, finacially abused,
sexually abused, or minimized in any way…>>
Xxx
Subscribe To My Inner Chick
Never miss an update!
87 Comments
Joan
February 18, 2012 at 11:34 amWow- this is beautiful Kim. Your dream is incredible and so haunting. How hard it is to be without your sister, your best friend and your soul mate. She was beautiful. And your writing is such a testament to your spirit and to hers.
Joan recently posted..It’s a guy thing….
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:19 amJoan,
In my dream,
i walked into the kitchen & my heart leapt from my body.
My joy was complete.
Then I woke up.
Xx Let meet soon, dear.
Irene
February 18, 2012 at 12:11 pmKay visited you last night. That was her way of telling you that she’s ok and she misses you, too. My mom does that now and then.
This brought tears to my eyes. Dreams like that are so frustrating!
I’m going to have a glass of wine in your honor and Kays now.
Irene recently posted..I Bet I Know What Martha Wears!
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:20 amSo Sweet, Irene.
Thank you for your enduring support. Xx KIss
Kelley
February 18, 2012 at 12:33 pmI love that she spoke with you in your dream. And that she smelled like lilacs. I love that she is sitting on a white horse in that picture. I love that you love her so, so much. Your words to her are beautiful.
Kelley recently posted..The day my 3-year-old made me want to flush myself down the toilet
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:21 am–My heart aches.
Still.
Thank you, dear Kelley for visiting my mourning page so often. Xx
Dad
February 18, 2012 at 12:56 pmMy Dear Kim, Time goes so fast, it just don’t seem like 629 days She’s been gone. We miss her so much,
but only for a little while. I believe what Irene said, Kay visited you from heaven.
Love You More Than Sir Charles In The Garbage
Daddy
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:22 amAnd I love you more than….
10 shimmering panthers bathing in the Kenyan Sunshine on Sunday.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Elephant's Child
February 18, 2012 at 1:22 pmHurting for you. Hurting with you. I am so so sorry that she was stolen from you.
Elephant’s Child recently posted..Corellas Grooming Part 2.
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:24 amDear Child,
She was stolen. Yes.
And when he placed the gun to her head, I was too.
Love to you, Dearest.
Monica
February 18, 2012 at 2:16 pmI’ve had dreams like this about my mother. You get so excited to see them, but there’s a tug in your heart. You know, you know. Sometimes, though, you have to hear them say it. “You know where I’ve been.” Reading that line gave me chills and I just wish I could reach out and give you a hug, Kim. I’m so sorry.
Monica recently posted..One Shot, Two Stories a Success!
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:25 am–Monica,
one day….we shall hug for real.
we shall have Bella there, too.
Mourning never ends…Never. Does it?
Xx
ginger
February 18, 2012 at 2:43 pmOh wow I love this, but I also so love what irene wrote and dad…
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:28 amHey, Ginger,
I was abundantly excited to see her.
My heart jumped. My JOY erupted.
It was beautiful.
Xxx KIss for you.
Helene Abbott
February 18, 2012 at 2:53 pmFrom heaven to your heart, Kim, Kay is always with you and you keep her alive with us as well. YOU are the best sister anyone could ask for, I would adopt you in a moments time.
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:29 amHelene,
you are sweet.
As long as I’m living, I shall should out Kay’s story.
She was me. I was her.
That’s how it always was and ( is ).
Xxx Many kisses.
ed pilolla
February 18, 2012 at 2:54 pmwhat a great photo. her memory is alive.
ed pilolla recently posted..Travel Light
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:30 am–Always. Forever.
Xx
Kelly @ Inspired Edibles
February 18, 2012 at 3:04 pm…I brushed it off and stood under your feet.
Beautiful Kim.
Your best friend forever; she will always be with you ~
xo.
Kelly @ Inspired Edibles recently posted..Black Dragon Cereal ~ warm coconut milk, wild rice, mango and dragon fruit
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:31 am–Yes, Kelly,
She is NEVER far away.
I feel her cheek brushing against my cheek…her heart beating inside my chest.
Always. Forever.
Xx Love. Love Love.
Mamawolfe
February 18, 2012 at 4:14 pmSending you hugs. I hope that motherfucker rots in jail
Mamawolfe recently posted..My Car Is My Quiet Place
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:32 amMamawolfe,
the motherfucker killed himself right after he killed Kay.
Why oh why didn’t he kill himself first?
WHy?
Xxx
Cheryl`Lewis
February 18, 2012 at 5:43 pmSweet Kim, I attended the memorial this week for a middle school student who lost his life a year ago. I thought I was going in order to support my husband, who mentors some boys who knew the student, and a teacher, who is a friend, and the students who would surely be grieving. But the strength of my own grief that it awakened took my breath away! I had no idea I would react that way after 3 years of living without Jordan, my nephew. I was so shaken that I changed our weekend plans and drove straight to my sister’s home 3 hours away. I haven’t even told her why I’m here. Just needed to be together. I know that my grief will never compare to hers – she lost the love of her life when she lost her precious son. I know that, in many ways, you did, too. Just know that, despite the furious pain that you feel and I feel and my sister feels – despite the absolute horror of it all – my nephew and your sister are united in their joy and celebration and, someday, we will be, too. What seems forever right now is the merest flicker in time. See? That moment is gone. And now another. Just a few more… a stretch of our heartbeats that tie us to Him and all He loves… and we will be together with all the glory we ever knew with those we adore and MORE oh so much MORE. This, I believe. I love you in the fierce way that hearts who understand can.
Cheryl
Cheryl`Lewis recently posted..You Make Beautiful Things
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:37 am—-For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.—
I love this promise, Dear Cheryl. Don’t you?
And I love you. I love that you drove to your sisters.
I love that you understand.
Xxxxxxxxxxx
Helene Abbott
February 18, 2012 at 6:52 pmDear Kim,
From heaven to your heart….Kay is always with you and you keep her memory alive for us readers. YOU are the best sister and I would adopt you in a moments time!
Phil
February 18, 2012 at 8:10 pmKim,
I sit here and read your words, and my heart fills with anguish and pain, as it feels in a very small way the pain and anguish that flows from your heart. What strikes me to the core however, is no matter how much I feel that pain, I cannot imagine how much deeper and constant the hurt in your own heart must be when compared to mine. I am in awe of that big heart of yours, as it constantly bleeds out pain, but more importantly LOVE for your dear sister Kay.
I realize it is of little consolation, but know that your message, your pain, your love, and your words will save lives of others.
God Bless.
Phil
Phil recently posted..In the News – Random Thoughts on Birth Control
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:38 amPhil,
You are a sweet gift.
Thank you. Xxx
Ann
February 18, 2012 at 8:35 pmKim ~ This is so beautiful and sad. Your dream….I bet it was haunting and happy at the same time. You’re in my heart…..
Ann recently posted..Prosciutto and Goat Cheese Tartine
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:39 am–Ann,
It was a beautiful dream. My JOY erupted & overflowed.
But it was a dream. I was disappointed waking up.
Xxx Love to you, Sweets.
Helen Herrick
February 18, 2012 at 11:01 pmI love it when they come back to us in dreams….knowing that their universe still intersects with ours helps make it feel like we are not completely severed. They may not be with us the way we want, but when love is strong enough they still will find a way to connect with us. Some day you two will be one again. No more half a prayer, half an existence. And the angels will sing………..
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:40 amBeautiful words, Helen.
No more halves…but WHOLES.
Lovely. Xxx
Lady Fi
February 18, 2012 at 11:27 pmSo moving and beautiful. I feel your pain and loss. Hugs.
Lady Fi recently posted..Joy
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:41 amThank you, My dear Lady. xx
Amy@SoulDipper
February 18, 2012 at 11:48 pmKim, you are one beautiful sister to express your love this way. I cannot imagine having to carry the pain of any family member being murdered, never mind a sister!
I watched Whitney Houston’s funeral on video – all 4 hours of it – because it was so full of love. The message I came away with is this, Kim: Death is not the winner, Love is! You are proving that in this post!
Many blessings on your activism against abuse. I support our little “safe home” for abused women in different ways – I cannot imagine having that kind of fear and no help.
How have we raised boys to become men who kill women? How have we slipped so badly?
Amy@SoulDipper recently posted..Occupy Blogosphere – Thursday, February 16, 2012
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:45 am–Amy,
I watched Whitney Funeral, as well.
It was like on long beautiful prayer & I loved it.
Love endures FOREVER. This is what lasts on earth.
I am pleased you support “Safe Home.”
We need to shout out to the world that
ABUSE of any kind WILL NOT BE TOLORATED. EVER. Never.
Love to you.xx
Emily
February 19, 2012 at 2:58 amShe smelled like lilacs and wind. I think that’s lovely.
Thinking of you, Kim, as always —
Emily recently posted..A Family of Bad Dreams
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:45 am–Thank You, Sweet Emily. Xx
marie
February 19, 2012 at 3:47 amA beautiful dream Kim thought one you’d prefer not to have to do. Keep praying, keep loving.
You are in my thoughts always..xoxo
marie recently posted..Rain of Love
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:46 am–I never stop praying. Never.
Thank you, dear Marie. xx
Katy Clark
February 19, 2012 at 4:50 amWhen I hear from one of my sisters, I think of you. My older sis is coming to visit me in about 2 weeks. I shall hug her tightly, breathe in her scent, and say a prayer for Kay.
As always, Kim, your love for Kay is palpable – your pain unimaginable.
Katy Clark recently posted..How Do I Love Thee? Hmmmmm……
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 8:47 am–Katy,
HOLD her tight. Tight. Tell her you love her.
Xxx Kissses
Kimberly
February 19, 2012 at 8:53 amKeep writing Kim.
Let her story be known to so many women.
Gentle hugs my friend.
xoxo
Kimberly recently posted..Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday
My Inner Chick
February 19, 2012 at 9:03 am–Kimberly,
I’ll never stop writing.
It is the other half of my prayer.
Love to you. X
My Inner Chick recently posted..Half A Prayer
Jann Huizenga
February 19, 2012 at 9:22 amWhat power in your dream, and in your words, Kim. Was that the first time Kay appeared to you in a dream? How wonderful that must have felt, and how terrifying as you began to awake, once again, to the reality. A big virtual hug xxxxxxx
Jann Huizenga recently posted..Ti Amo
My Inner Chick
February 19, 2012 at 9:54 amJann,
No. I had another dream where I saw her at our prayer picnic table.
She was sitting there and I said: “”WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?””
and she simply responded, “He shot me three times/”
So sad waking up for that other dream, though.
Xx Kisses for you.
Kimmy
February 19, 2012 at 11:07 amKim. I truly believe what Irene & your dad said that Kay was letting u know she’s ok & misses u too. As I know that when I was talking to Kay & looking up at the stars right after she went to heaven & praying for you I saw a shooting star & I knew that was Kay & I knew she would watch over you. It’s this complete feeling but I know it was Kay with out a doubt. You are one of my beautiful best friends. Love you forever.
My Inner Chick
February 19, 2012 at 11:18 am–And I’ll love you forever and ever, Kimmy. Xx
Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
February 19, 2012 at 12:51 pmKim, WOW, what a dream!!! And that you remember it so vividly!!! Awesome!!! I love that it felt so real!!!
Much love to you for a beautiful happy week.
🙂 Mandy xo
Mandy – The Complete Cook Book recently posted..Take a walk with me around our garden
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 19, 2012 at 1:02 pm–And sending you love to S. Africa, Dear Mandy. Xx
Julie
February 19, 2012 at 1:26 pmSuch a beautiful prayer, your sentences could make my tears come…
Julie recently posted..dental cosmetic
Trish
February 19, 2012 at 1:58 pmSuch a beautiful post. So sorry for your loss.
Trish recently posted..Presidents (Five Day) Weekend
My Inner Chick
February 19, 2012 at 6:52 pmThanks for reading, Trish.
My Inner Chick recently posted..Half A Prayer
Hilary
February 19, 2012 at 3:34 pmshe is always with you, and you are always with her…sending you hugs
Hilary recently posted..I’ve been tagged – you’re next!
My Inner Chick
February 19, 2012 at 6:52 pm–Always. Always. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Half A Prayer
Goodness and Grit
February 19, 2012 at 6:28 pmOMG is Kay a princess on that horse or what!?
Beautiful post Kim.
BTW…this morning I woke to my daughter’s voice….
She was singing your song, and since she was recording on my iPhone, I had to share…keep in mind she (to my knowledge) has never practiced this song, and speaks Norwegian ( so try to look over the text mishaps) ……but it is YOUR SONG!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/user/MrBOSTodd?email=subscription_create
My Inner Chick
February 19, 2012 at 6:57 pmOOOO, Is this your daughter?
What Passion! What a Beauty!
What a JOY! I love love love this…
And if it’s your daughter, I hope she continues to SING. WOWWWWW.
XX
My Inner Chick recently posted..Half A Prayer
Goodness and Grit
February 20, 2012 at 1:05 amYep, That´s Eliane, just turned 8 and sings ALL THE TIME!!!
She drives us nuts! 🙂
Tia
February 19, 2012 at 6:47 pmI Love You!!!
My Inner Chick
February 19, 2012 at 6:58 pmLove you 2. Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Half A Prayer
Stasha
February 19, 2012 at 8:50 pmI am so so sorry Kim. This must be so hard for y to write and I know that if your crusa helps but one woman to come forward and seek help the sun will shine just a wee bit more again. Hugs!
Stasha recently posted..Monday Listicles
My Inner Chick
February 19, 2012 at 11:42 pm–Stasha,
I appreciate your support.
Thank You. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Half A Prayer
Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
February 20, 2012 at 2:09 amOh goodness me Kim that dream must have been wonderful yet heart breaking to wake up from too… *hugs* xxx
Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella recently posted..10 Minute Malteser Slice O’ Crack!
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 20, 2012 at 8:12 amHeartbreaking to wake up…
yes. quite true, L.
Xx
Ellen
February 20, 2012 at 6:33 amHaunting and powerful, Kim. I believe passed loved ones sometimes visit us in dreams, if not as a ghost. Somehow, in some way, Kay will find a way to reach out to you. xoxo
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 20, 2012 at 8:13 am–Ellen,
She is with me. Always.
Xx Thanks for your continual support.
Adriana Iris
February 20, 2012 at 7:40 amreading you had a dream of her seating in the kitchen made me cry. i’ve had those dreams and when i wake up i am angry. love ya xoxo
Adriana Iris recently posted..A Stationary Nomad…
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 20, 2012 at 8:14 amAriana,
When I awaken in the morning, it is the hardest part of my day.
I wake up and think WHY AM I STILL HERE?
Love you, too. x
Corinne Rodrigues
February 20, 2012 at 9:04 amKim – I have never had a sister – but I see the fierce love that you had for yours and to have her taken in such a brutal way is beyond awful. I believe that our dreams help us to heal. But of course, healing is an ongoing process. What I admire is how you’ve channelized your anger and pain to speak out to and for victims of abuse. I’m sure Kay is applauding you for your bravery. ♥
Corinne Rodrigues recently posted..Letting The Hens Be
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 20, 2012 at 9:08 am~~~Corrine,
Thank you for coming to my Mourning Pages.
I shall come read about your hens. Xx
Kelly
February 20, 2012 at 9:12 amMy BEAUTIFUL KIM!!!
Sitting at Saint Shirley’s table is so comforting for both of you and what a perfect place for Kay to connect with you!! And just like you need your Kay she needs her Kim. — Don’t we all :o) — I truly believe she just wanted to make sure you knew she is okay and she is ALWAYS around you! She knows you miss her so much and she misses you just as bad!!! I would say that you helped Kay with what SHE needed, YOU!!!!
Love love LOVE you!!!
KraZy KeLy
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 20, 2012 at 9:39 am–KraZY Kelly,
Love Love love you right Back! XxX
Impulsive Addict
February 20, 2012 at 9:33 amI never quite know what to say and even when I say something, I’m afraid it’s the wrong thing. I am just so sorry that you are hurting. I totally believe we can cry every day—although I hope to NEVER experience that. I’m sorry that you do. =( Prayers and hugs for you my friend.
BTW, I DID delete that creepy fb stalker but he can still send me messages. I need to see if I can block him from doing that. He makes me ill. I hope he NEVER finds out where I live. He seems unstable. Thanks for your comment.
xoxo
Impulsive Addict recently posted..My Facebook Stalker
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 20, 2012 at 9:42 am–Dear Impulsive.
Stalkers are obsessive & can also be VERY abusive.
They are not in Reality or the Real world.
Be safe, Dear. Xx
Rachel (Totally Ovar It)
February 20, 2012 at 10:47 amAs heart-wrenching as this post was to read, I cannot imagine the strength it took to write. It saddens me that such a beautiful person has to endure such a great amount of pain. You are in my prayers.
Rachel (Totally Ovar It) recently posted..10 Things I Would Rather Do Than Clean My House
My Inner Chick
February 20, 2012 at 11:13 amRachel,
I so appreciate your support.
I know how hard it’s been for you, too, dear. Xxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Half A Prayer
Jessica
February 20, 2012 at 2:40 pmDreams can be so real sometimes. Hugs to you, each and every day.
Jessica recently posted..Why YouTube is Awesome
My Inner Chick
February 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm& Hugs back, Jessica. Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Half A Prayer
Kristy @PampersandPinot
February 20, 2012 at 3:06 pmThose kind of dreams are hard. I’m so sorry for your pain and the lost moments you must think of all the time for your sister.
Kristy @PampersandPinot recently posted..You Gotta Laugh
My Inner Chick
February 20, 2012 at 3:20 pmKristy,
One needs to weave the pain into one’s every. day. life. somehow.
This is quite difficult to do.
Xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Half A Prayer
Debbie
February 20, 2012 at 5:22 pmAh, Kim, isn’t it wonderful having dreams where we see our loved ones again? But then, we wake up and realize they’re still gone and we’re still here. That makes the grieving even harder for us. You speak so eloquently of your sister, and I’m so sorry both of you had to endure this. What a lovely photo of her on that white horse that almost looks like a unicorn! Hugs to you.
Debbie recently posted..Revisiting Junior Parents Weekend
My Inner Chick
February 20, 2012 at 6:02 pm~~~~~Debbie,
It’s VERY difficult on earth w/out her,
but we shall meet again.
I look forward to this great meeting. Xxx
Thanks for reading.
My Inner Chick recently posted..Half A Prayer
Sandy Webb
February 21, 2012 at 5:13 amKim – I think you are very lucky to dream of your sister. I have not dreamed of TJ since he died. I would so love to see him again, even if it is only a dream.
No, my little Oido has not returned. I only hope that someone picked him up and gave him a good home.
Sandy xoxo
Sandy Webb recently posted..Grief, Guilt & Happiness
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 21, 2012 at 8:09 am-Sandy,
I pray to dream about her every. night.
I have so much to tell her. So much to say.
I hope you can dream about TJ !
Sad to hear about Oido. I am sure he is in a good home. xx Love to you.
Blond Duck
February 21, 2012 at 5:43 amHave you ever thought about writing a book of poems?
Blond Duck recently posted..Creative Woman of the Pond: Annette from Enjoy Your Healthy Life
Kim Sisto-Robinson
February 21, 2012 at 8:10 am–B. D.
Yes. This book is done already.
Xx
Vidya Sury
February 21, 2012 at 9:39 amEvery morning when I light my lamp around 6.15 am, I think of you, Kim. I close my eyes and pray for you. I think about your posts about Kay and my eyes fill up. And I pray.
Because I know how it feels. I feel your pain. Because as soon as I wake up in the morning, I head over to my mom’s room, half expecting her to call out to me. And I even imagine I hear her voice. Sigh.
Love and hugs.
Vidya Sury recently posted..The Haiku Challenge 2012 – Day 20 – Affirmation
My Inner Chick
February 21, 2012 at 9:46 am~~~Vidya,
You are my dear sister in India whom I love.
I feel quite close to you, dear. Such a connection thru
our sadness & grief. I’ve known you forever.
Love Love Love.
My Inner Chick recently posted..The Greatest Sin Of All