In Memory of Kay

I Want To Tell You


Like a bird alone in the desert or an owl in a ruined house, I lie awake and I groan.   Psalm 130

—-In the midst
of Holiday Cheer, I miss you, my dear.

 

I want to call you.  I
want to hear your voice.  I want to meet
for intoxicating coffee & double chocolate cake at Barnes’s & Noble to
discuss literature, love, life.

 

I want to exchange gifts how we used to do.

 

Remember when we bought one another the same “Sister” Christmas
cards…

 

….Or the way we finished one another’s sentences?

 

I want to tell you how heartbreaking it is on earth without
you

 

That sometimes,  I
feel as if I’m the  only   person   in
the  entire  damn  universe–

 

….without a sister, without a soul-mate, without–

 

I want to tell you that I utter the same stories over and
over and over…

 

until the words become real, until the words absorb every
stain.

 

I still can’t believe it’s been 582 days since you left me.

 

I want to tell you that in my dreams, I already know about
your murder, but I can’t stop it…can’t fucking fucking stop it.

 

“He’s going to kill you,” I scream.

 

“He’s going to shoot you three times in the back of the  head.      He’s going to destroy our family.”

 

But it doesn’t matter a damn.

 

You don’t believe me.

 

You continually saw the good in people.

 

Even in your murderer.

 

I want to tell you a secret I never knew until now….

 

Life goes on.

 

It goes on regardless.

 

One day pours into the next.

 

The heart still beats.

 

The sun still shines.

 

The clock still ticks.

 

The moon still smiles with her head of gold.

 

I want to tell you so much.

 

Things nobody else understands.

 

Things nobody else cares about.

 

Sometimes in the middle of the night

 

I call your name.

 

Kay       Kay        Kay

 

Sometimes,

I write a poem…

 

—My sister Kay was murdered by Mike Peterson 582 days ago—-   The sun diminished.

——For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Click here NOW.  Do. Not.  Wait. One. More. Minute.  >>http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

In Memory of Kay

The Brady Campaign/ Gun Control

 

 

pink lips xxx XX

A Safety Plan to Get Out Today


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117 Comments

  • Reply
    Michael Ann
    December 27, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Tears and a lump in my throat. I wish I could take your pain away. That feeling of being alone. That feeling of wanting so badly to be with that person you love. I hope you find just a little bit of Peace at least for today.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:36 am

      ~~Michael Ann,
      I thank you for kind words. They are apprecitated. Xx

  • Reply
    Charlene
    December 27, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Another beautiful poem about and by such beautiful souls. Wishing your comfort and love this Christmas season Kim.
    xoxo
    Charlene recently posted..Just Your Typical Busy Suburban WeeknightMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:36 am

      –Charlene,
      Love to you, dearest. Xx

  • Reply
    Wild Child Mama
    December 27, 2011 at 10:26 am

    You have so much courage. I want to tell you that Kay hears you. She hears you. She hears you. But I know it’s not the same. The same as talk to her, with her. Having her respond in actual words, with her voice, her eyes. You speak so clearly of your experience that I sometimes feel I understand your pain. Though I cannot understand the depth. My heart goes out to you. I pray for her to visit you in your dreams, at Barnes and Noble, over coffee and chocolate, knowing you are continuing this ride together in a strange and unexplainable way. <3
    Wild Child Mama recently posted..A Space of My OwnMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:38 am

      –Wild Child,
      What spurs me forward is knowing we will meet again to hug & talk & love.. Love Love. Xxx

  • Reply
    Joan
    December 27, 2011 at 10:28 am

    As always, such a beautiful post about your lovely and loving sister. Your love for her comes through so plainly in your writings. Your loss is palpable.

    I just wrote a tribute to my sister, Barbara Lund, also shot by her estranged husband, on the website of bradycampaign.org/toomanyvictims. I hope your readers will check out the website and find a vigil to attend on Jan. 8th in memory of gun violence victims. It is the one year anniversary of the Tucson shooting and a way to remember all victims of senseless shootings.

    We need to remember the many victims. We need to stop the domestic abuse. We need to stop the shootings. We need to keep our loved ones with us. We need to not have so many blogs about losses of loved ones. Yours, dear Kim, is such a beautiful tribute to Kay. Please keep writing and keep talking about Kay and domestic violence and shootings. Your voice is powerful.
    Joan recently posted..No holiday from stupid and dangerous gun stuffMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:40 am

      ~~~~Joan,
      I read your post on the Brady Campaign. Powerful.
      So proud of you for all you do..for being pro-active…for gettting the word out there..for getting awareness out there in the universe!

      Xx See you on Fri.

  • Reply
    Ashley
    December 27, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Your posts like this never fail to touch me. It’s amazing how much you love her.
    Ashley recently posted..I would like to thank the blogging academy.My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:41 am

      Ashey,
      thank you for reading my lamenting & mourning. Xx

  • Reply
    elizabeth
    December 27, 2011 at 10:33 am

    such a mournful piece. such a beautiful piece, I wish I could turn the clock back for you. xxx elizabeth

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:41 am

      Dear e,
      I wish you could turn back the clock, too.

      I’d know exsactly what I’d do…

      Xx luv U

  • Reply
    Karen Sosnoski
    December 27, 2011 at 10:38 am

    So heartbreaking and beautiful. I’m sure somehow your words do reach your sister. I wish for you that they could bring her back. Lots of love! Karen

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:43 am

      Dear, Karen,

      ~~Sometimes I wish I’d wake up and this was all a horrible nighmare.

      But it’s not. So, why don’t I believe it?

      Love to you. X

  • Reply
    Hilary
    December 27, 2011 at 10:57 am

    You are an amazing sister. I wish I could hug you.
    Hilary recently posted..Hello, hello, hello… what a wonderful word, helloMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:43 am

      –Hiary,
      you already are hugging me w/ your words. X

  • Reply
    Jann Huizenga
    December 27, 2011 at 11:34 am

    KIm, this poem is so hauntingly sad, as is Kay’s snow-covered gravestone. I don’t understand why life is so cruel, but you are creating something truly beautiful out of your pain, and profoundly touching your readers. Big virtual hugs.
    Jann Huizenga recently posted..Death by Sugar in SicilyMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:45 am

      ~~~~Jann,
      I have NEVER allowed the snow to cover Kay’s stone. I am up there often brushing it OFF.

      Xx Kisssss & Looove flowing to you in Italy.

  • Reply
    totsymae1011
    December 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Still loving Kay from afar.

    I remember when my paternal grandmother passed three years ago. My aunts had her portrait displayed and they were busying themselves arranging all the plants and flowers around it from those who wished us well. I simply sat there watching them and said, “Look at y’all. Still taking care of Grandmama.” And this is what you do for Kay when you speak of her. You also take care of other women who may find themselves in a potentially dangerous situation.

    We thank you.
    totsymae1011 recently posted..He Put A Ring On My Finger…And HersMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:47 am

      –Still taking care of Grandma.—
      Ooooh, I do love that….
      xx
      Luv to U, Dear Tots.

  • Reply
    Caroline
    December 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    So touching, Kim. My heart breaks for you. Sending lots of love your way during the holiday season. I know it’s particularly tough right now. xx
    Caroline recently posted..cheers. [coctel de camarones – shrimp cocktail]My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:48 am

      ~~~Caroline,
      Every day is a new day. Some days I cry all day. Some days I don’t.

      Xxx Kiss

  • Reply
    The Bipolar Diva
    December 27, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    yes. psalm 130. I need that one myself.
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    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:50 am

      –Dear Diva,
      I use that verse often…

      King David seems to understand completely Xx

  • Reply
    Alison@Mama Wants This
    December 27, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    You’re brave, strong and a wonderful sister and person, Kim. Thinking of you. xo
    Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Guest Star: Julie of mamamashMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:50 am

      Mama, A,
      Thank you. I like to be thought of. Xx

  • Reply
    Pat Scattergood
    December 27, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Hugs and kisses to you, sweet Kim.
    Pat Scattergood recently posted..The Christmas marathon.My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:51 am

      ~~~Pat,
      & I send you hugs and kisses back. Xxoo

  • Reply
    Dad
    December 27, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Kim, You are not only a amazing sister, but also an amazing daughter.
    How Much I Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:52 am

      –Daddy,
      I love you more than shimmering black panthers bathing in the Nairboi sunshine…
      Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Claire
    December 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    As someone who has lost someone I can really relate to your blog
    Claire recently posted..Young Driver InsuranceMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:52 am

      Thank you for reading.

  • Reply
    Renee Fisher
    December 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    Yes, life goes on. Every single day, Kay depends on you to to be the life force in this world that she can no longer be. For that reason, you will not only go on. You will shine.
    Renee Fisher recently posted..A Boomer New YearMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:53 am

      ~~~Renee,
      It is hard to believe that I can shine w/ out Kay…

      this may take some time..this may take a lifetime…

      Xxx

  • Reply
    Julie
    December 27, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    I hope you can find comfort in this new year, and continue to spread your message to those who need to hear it.
    Julie recently posted..WTF Wednesday: Nope, broomMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:54 am

      –Julie,
      I wish Kay would have heard this message. I really do…. xx

  • Reply
    Tia
    December 27, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Your words never cease to amaze me. They are so beautiful and touching.
    I Love You!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:55 am

      Tia,
      I love you, 2. Xxx

  • Reply
    Seriously Shawn
    December 27, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    I can feel your pain by reading this. I am so sorry for your pain and the loss of your sweet sister.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:55 am

      –Shawn,
      thank you for your words. Xx

  • Reply
    Joan Angel
    December 27, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    My heart cries out for you, I know what it is like to lose someone you love at the hands of a killer. My best friend was murdered right in front of my eyes when I was a young girl. I truly feel your pain and I am so sorry for your loss.

    My angel wings lift you up when you feel you cannot go on any longer. God bless you.

    blessings and love,
    Joan
    Joan Angel recently posted..StarvationMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:56 am

      ~~~Joan,
      so very sorry to hear about your friend. so sorry.
      Yes. Angel Wings lifting…. I long for this.

      Xxx Thank you for reading.

  • Reply
    Ann
    December 27, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    A stunning post – I’m speechless. I wish I had the right words to say. Life does go on – but it’s never the same.

    However, there are many folks here who love you and want to share with you.

    I can only imagine how much you miss Kay but I am grateful that I get to know her through you.
    Ann recently posted..Junk Stock and Soup!My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:57 am

      Ann,
      So glad to be able to share Kay.
      She was the best side of ME!! Xx

      Love to you, sweet Ann.

  • Reply
    Impulsive Addict
    December 27, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    These posts to your sister always touch me and make me so thankful that I CAN’T relate to this. I hope that doesn’t sound mean. You know what I mean, right?. I love you and I hate that you hurt.
    Impulsive Addict recently posted..Hellmart Strikes Again.My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:58 am

      Dear Impulsive,
      I know exsactly what you mean.

      I wish I were not writing this…I wish time could turn back…I wish I wish.

      Xx

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    December 27, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    She is as gorgeous as the words that flow from your soul.
    Sending so
    Much love from Canada xoxo
    Kimberly recently posted..And When Santa Squeezes His Fat White Ass Down That Chimney Tonight…My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 8:59 am

      ~~~~~~~~~Kimberly,
      Kay was pure beauty from the inside out…

      This is why she stayed w/ her abuser.

      I feel your love in Minnesota. Xxxx

  • Reply
    Unknown Mami
    December 27, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Just keep writing.
    Unknown Mami recently posted..Eat Your Colors: #AmwayHealth Review and GiveawayMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 9:00 am

      –I shall stop when I cease to be..

      Xx

  • Reply
    Bridget
    December 27, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    I love you so much. I’m so sad for your loss. My heart is with you.

    But I have to stop reading these. I’m so worried about my love, my Dallas right now, that I just can’t read them. Please don’t think I’m neglecting you or your pain. It just touches me so deeply right now. I just can’t read them for a while.

    Love. Love, love, love.
    Bridget recently posted..WTF WednesdayMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 9:00 am

      Dear, B.
      Love Love Love.

      Coming your way… Xxx

  • Reply
    Terri Sonoda
    December 27, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    Hi sweet lady. Beautiful words about your love for Kay. I’m hoping your writing and sharing with us has helped you through this holiday season. You are loved, sweet one. XOXOs
    Terri Sonoda recently posted..Resolving Not to ResolveMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 9:01 am

      –Terri,
      thank you for reading the same stories, the same mourning, the same lamenting.

      I don’t think I shall ever stop mourning….

      Xxx Love to you, dear.

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    December 28, 2011 at 12:34 am

    Beautiful and moving. So sorry for your pain.
    Lady Fi recently posted..December rosesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 9:02 am

      –Lady Fi,
      I thank you for your distraction of beautiful photos & Oscar. 🙂

  • Reply
    Rosa
    December 28, 2011 at 5:11 am

    Beautiful and so sad.

    I’m sorry to hear about that.

    Cheers,

    Rosa xx

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 9:02 am

      –Rosa,
      Thank you. X

  • Reply
    Cheryl`Lewis
    December 28, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Hey Kimmy, I love you, girl. I’m sad that now you are defined by loss. I remember your blogs before. The way you laughed your way through the times with Kay. You made us smile at your closeness and we felt a bit wistful. I still feel that way, even though I have my own sister and we are soulfully bonded. Even though I, too, understand loss. Your love is larger than life, just as you are. Just as Kay is. Kim… get this. Kay is larger than Life … or Death. And so are YOU. You are together and one in a way that we can’t fully understand yet, but it doesn’t make it less true. Your whole love is intact and so is she… when you feel lonely, when you feel broken, remember that it is but a feeling. It is not real. Because you are not alone. You are never, ever alone. She is with you and so is He. Know that you are Held. (And, just as she laughed here, she is singing joyfully There… Here… can you feel Her?)

    Way big Love,
    Cheryl
    Cheryl`Lewis recently posted..You Make Beautiful ThingsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 9:04 am

      –Cheryl,
      Your words soak inside.
      Beautiful. Real. True.
      Yes. I feel her.
      Every. Single. Day.
      …with every heartbeat. with every poem…with every prayer.

      Luv You. x

  • Reply
    Laci
    December 28, 2011 at 7:37 am

    Oh Kim. My heart goes out to you. Your writing is so beautiful and powerful.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 9:05 am

      Laci,
      As is yours. Xx Love.

  • Reply
    Sandy Webb
    December 28, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Kim….this made me cry. I love my sister so much and can’t imagine losing her. I am going to call her right now. xoxo
    Sandy Webb recently posted..When Kind Words Are SpokenMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 9:05 am

      Sandy,
      Yes. Call Her! Call her.

      Love love Love… x

  • Reply
    Psycho
    December 28, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Aww, Kim, your post squeezed my heart I practically choked.

    All I want to believe in is that she will always be with you, and you will always have her in your core.

    And they can hear us. I talk to my Dad too. Sometimes late at night when I feel so alone and defeated and my pillow is wet with my tears; I call him out to stroke my hair and put me to sleep. The thought of him sitting by my bedside watching me sleep lulls me into a restful slumber. I just know he is there.

    I am with you Kim, there is not a single day in my life that I don;t miss my Dad, much like you miss Kay.
    Someday, we will meet them again and perhaps then, we will always have them beside us.

    Sending you a warm, tight, virtual hug. Take care of yourself Kim, Kay would really love that.
    Psycho recently posted..HATE ON THE NETMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 11:17 am

      Psycho,
      –I love that you understand the pain, the sorrow, the ache, the lonliness…

      I have learned that one must incorporate all of this (somehow) into one’s life.

      I do not like my new life w/ out Kay. But….

      Yes. We shall meet again. & You shall meet your dad again….& he will stroke your hair for Real …..

      Yes. I look foward to this beautiful meeting.

      Xxx Kisss for you.

  • Reply
    Monica
    December 28, 2011 at 11:18 am

    This line is the most heartbreaking, because it evokes such feelings of helplessness:

    “He’s going to shoot you three times in the back of the head. He’s going to destroy our family.”

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Kim. There are no words that can ease your pain. Sending you lots of love and hugs, my dear. Lots.
    Monica recently posted..Holiday Shopping MadnessMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 11:36 am

      ~~~~ I’ve had that dream several times…..

      And Kay doesn’t believe me.

      Her kindness was her greatest asset … & her her greatest fault.

      Love to you, dear Monica. x

  • Reply
    Kristy @PampersandPinot
    December 28, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    I love you also ended this with a link for a safety plan. Beautiful post. Beautiful picture of her in the dress!
    Kristy @PampersandPinot recently posted..Our Christmas Story, Part 1 (“You’ll shoot your eye out!” and other bad decisions are highly probable.)My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 4:30 pm

      ~~~Kristy,
      I wish I would have known that the most dangerous time is when the woman finally decides to leave…

      I did not know this. I did not know…

      Xx

  • Reply
    Kelley
    December 28, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    What a selfish monster he was to take Kay that way. Such a monster. I think of your nephew a lot. I think about how he doesn’t have either of his parents. I bet he relies on you a lot. So sad. Even though this post was so sad, I smiled at the same sister cards. That says so much about how you two were on the same page.
    Kelley recently posted..I need an inner ear upgrade. Stat.My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 28, 2011 at 4:32 pm

      ~~~Kelley,
      Kay has 3 boys…

      The monster was never a father….

      …they lost a mother…that’s all. They never really knew him…none of us did…

      Love to you. Thank you for reading my mourning!

  • Reply
    Beverly Diehl
    December 28, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    The beauty, the waste – glad to see I’m not the only one weeping. So sorry any of us have to.

    The magnificence of this poem rips my heart out. I so wish I could give your beautiful sister back to you.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 29, 2011 at 7:39 am

      Dear, Beverly,
      Me, too…
      I look forward to when Kay & I meet once again…

      Xx Kiss

  • Reply
    mamawolfe
    December 28, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    It sounds like the world lost a truly wonderful woman. I’m sorry I never met her, but your writing certainly allows us to know her.
    mamawolfe recently posted..Middle School Madness: What Parents Can Do To HelpMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 29, 2011 at 7:40 am

      ~~~Dear, Mamawolfe,
      I shall probably write about Kay forever….
      Always. Scream her story into the Universe.
      Xx Thanks for reading…

  • Reply
    susan boswell
    December 28, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    🙁
    What you said makes me think- how our biggest strength can be our biggest downfall. Although here you speak of a dream, when I think (I know???) that you warned her, right, in reallife? But she would not listen, as you say, always seeing the good in people. Sometimes, I am that person, too- and you are, too dear Kimmie. Is it our curse or our salvation to have hope? It’s both, I suppose – our hope is our loss. How different is it to hope for peopleto change as it is to hope for the sun to rise again or for pigs to fly or for you to get your life, a piece of your soul back, somehow? They are all really long shots – if you think about it- a series of miracles

    And it seems some of the most beautiful people that have ever walked this earth pay that great price for humanity. Like Kaye.:(

    Over this nearly two years since Kaye’s death, you have been a wounded animal we have watched- mesmerized, held in place by the outpouring of emotions in the shape of words on apage. We have felt your screams and your soul shake this earth. We thought it might take you, but it didn’t. And in this eloquent poem, we feel the great, sad Truth, and the Salvation… that you are going to go on tomorrow and the next day and the next. You step on the rocks and out of the fire, alive but ablaze. And we, your friends, fans, and family- have been given a sacred privilege of taking this journey with you, of hearing these intimate conversations between you and God and Kaye, again. And we are amazed.

    Much light, much love and peace to you my beautiful bright and shining friend.
    We are all sisters.
    xxoo Susan

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 29, 2011 at 7:44 am

      –Susan,
      Your words fill me up today.
      thank you, my sweet Susan…
      ….for listening to my screaming, crying, mourning, lamenting, cussing, questioning, and arguing w/ my God.

      I love you. X

  • Reply
    Ameena
    December 28, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    The same sister Christmas cards? What are the chances? Really, amazing.

    Happy New Year my friend! Not sure if I can get to the Internet again so I just wanted to say it a bit early. 🙂
    Ameena recently posted..au-revoirMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 29, 2011 at 7:45 am

      —Ameena,
      Happy 2012 to you, as well.

      In Paris? How Grand! X

  • Reply
    nan @ lbddiaries
    December 28, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    One thing I know – you DO tell her everything – all that is in your heart, good and painful. I know she would wish you healing and wholeness but I also know that is the hardest place to reach because how can you be whole when you have a hole in the place she used to fill daily? Just remember, she is in your future, and that is not too far away. Soon.
    nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..I Love How He Loves Me (Redux)My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 29, 2011 at 7:45 am

      ~~~Nan,
      Yes. Yes. I look forward to that future.

      Xx Love to you, dear.

  • Reply
    Emily
    December 29, 2011 at 1:04 am

    The love you felt for each other is beautiful to witness. I’m sorry it turned into so much sadness.

    Thinking of you —
    Emily recently posted..…a day meant for laughingMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 29, 2011 at 7:46 am

      Emily,
      Thank you for your kind words.
      Xx

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    December 29, 2011 at 2:52 am

    Big hugs to you Kim, your heart is aching and that makes us all sad xxx
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    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 29, 2011 at 7:47 am

      –Lorraine,
      Thank your for returning often to my mourning.

      I find it amazing that people read.

      Love to you in Austrailia. Xx

  • Reply
    Bella
    December 29, 2011 at 8:23 am

    Kim, with every post of Kay, I’m convinced, utterly convinced, that EVERY woman should have a sister like you. Your devotion, loyalty, and love is like a warm, cozy blanket on a cold winter’s day. With every word you write, it is easy, so easy, for me to imagine you sharing secrets with Kay, laughing, joking, and promising to be each other’s best friend forever. WIthout a doubt, what you have with Kay is what sisterly love is made of. But I do want to share something with you–your words, your love-filled words, inspire us to be better people; better sisters. To love, cherish and respect those women we call sisters by virtue of a familial bond, and those we call sisters by virtue of emotional bonding. Something tells me Kay must read your words and affirm that what you and she have is what being sisters is all about. As I write this, I think of my own sister. I wonder what my reaction would be if I were in your place. And I feel nothing but admiration for your courage, for your love, and for your perseverance in keeping Kay’s memory present in the hearts of those you love and know. Yes, if every woman had a sister like you, we would be better women. We would know what opening our hearts and sharing our soul are about. We would know the meaning of support, care, reassurance, and fidelity. We would go through life knowing we are never alone. That someone has our back. That someone will do whatever it takes to make sure that even when we’re physically gone, we are never forgotten. And what a wonderful world this would be, my friend. Hugs for you across the miles.

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    December 29, 2011 at 9:06 am

    –Dearest, Bella,
    Have we met in another life?

    Your beautiful words move me sooo. xxx Love Love Love.
    My Inner Chick recently posted..I Want To Tell YouMy Profile

  • Reply
    lisa
    December 29, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Dear Kim,
    I wish I could tell you how much my heart breaks for you.
    I cannot tell you that I understand, for unless one has suffered the same loss in the same manner, there is no understanding how those who are left behind, feel.
    Your words here are just beautiful, and somehow I know that your beloved sister feels them.
    xo.
    lisa recently posted..A Bright and Beautiful New Year is Just Around the Corner…My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 29, 2011 at 3:00 pm

      –Lisa,
      Yes, she feels them…I know this.

      I do!

      Thank you for stopping by Xx

  • Reply
    Patricia
    December 29, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    Kim,
    Sending you hugs. XO
    Patricia recently posted..Ballerina BunMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 29, 2011 at 9:12 pm

      Patricia,
      Thank You. X

  • Reply
    Sandra
    December 29, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    Always inspiring. Your reality is something very few can understand and yet, your words paint such a vivid picture.
    And can I say, I always get such satisfaction when I see you call out Kay’s murderer like that. I can’t presume to know, but I would think everytime you write his name or say it out loud, you are talking back some of the power he stole.
    You are so strong. Never forget it, even on those darkest of days.
    Sandra recently posted..An ode to my ex-husbandMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 30, 2011 at 12:45 am

      –Sandra,
      His legacy is that of a murderer…

      …this is what he is now. This is what his children know him as…

      Thanks for reading my mourning. Xx

  • Reply
    lafemmeroar
    December 29, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Each time I read your post about Kay, it reminds me of how much I need to tell my sister how much I love and appreciate her. Thank you once again for reminding me to express my love to those near and dear to me. Happy New Year Kim …
    lafemmeroar recently posted..The Harmony and the MalfunctionsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 30, 2011 at 12:45 am

      Dear L.
      Yes. Call your sister. Tell her you LOVE HER.
      Xxx

  • Reply
    janice
    December 29, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Breathtaking words and photo… thank you for sharing more of your inner. Big hugs of love going your way xo
    janice recently posted..E for EffortMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 30, 2011 at 12:46 am

      Dear J,
      thank you. I feel your word/hugs. X

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    December 29, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    Kim it is beyond remarkable how you are able to share so frankly – your words penetrate deep into my soul, so much so that I almost feel your pain and loss.
    Sending you a love filled hug from South Africa.
    🙂 Mandy xo
    Mandy – The Complete Cook Book recently posted..Broccoli Cheese Quiche with a Rice CrustMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 30, 2011 at 12:47 am

      –I feel your hug all the way from South Africa, Mandy.
      Thank you for that, dear. Xx

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    December 30, 2011 at 5:17 am

    I hope you have a wonderful New Year!
    Blond Duck recently posted..Friday Five: New Year’s EveMy Profile

  • Reply
    Adriana Iris
    December 30, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    I want to tell you… you are loved. I want to tell you I am glad we have crossed paths. Happy New Year!
    xoxo
    Adriana Iris recently posted..A Bohemian Toast…My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 30, 2011 at 1:07 pm

      –Adriana,
      ME, TOO 🙂 Xxxxx

      Happy 2012

  • Reply
    Kelly @ Inspired Edibles
    December 30, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Psalm 130, so powerful…

    A beautiful tribute to your loving sister – forever yours.

    xo
    Kelly @ Inspired Edibles recently posted..Cinnamon Roasted Lychee with Slivered Ginger and AgaveMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 30, 2011 at 2:51 pm

      I adore Psalms…

      King David really gets me!!

      Xx Kiss for you, Dear K.

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury, Freelance Writer & Blogger
    December 30, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    I always get a big lump in my throat when I read about your sister, Kim. God gives the best, and sometimes takes away the best. I suppose we must console ourselves that we were privileged enough to experience the special kind of love that was snatched away, unceremoniously. Mourning is lifelong.

    Sending you love, understanding and hugs…
    Vidya Sury, Freelance Writer & Blogger recently posted..An Affirmation for 2012My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      December 31, 2011 at 8:17 am

      –Vidya,
      So glad you Understand. That helps to know that you know…

      Yes. Mouning is forever. Doen’t it?

      One imagines it will go away…but it NEVER does.

      One learns, somehow, to live with it.

      Xxx Many kisses flowing to India.

  • Reply
    Mrs4444
    December 31, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    My heart….it just breaks for you. I’m so sorry…
    Mrs4444 recently posted..Friday Fragments: Episode #178My Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      January 1, 2012 at 2:51 pm

      Mrs, 4444,
      thank you.

      I am sorry, too. Xx

  • Reply
    Lady E
    January 3, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Dear Kim,

    This holiday season is very bitter sweet isn’t it?
    I have been quiet but thinking of you recently.
    Lots of love from across the Atlantic,
    xx
    Lady E recently posted..Year 1: The endMy Profile

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      January 3, 2012 at 7:22 am

      –Same to you, Lady E.

      Xx Sending you love from Minnesota.

  • Reply
    Nora
    January 6, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Kim,

    Just want you to know you deeply you and your sister’s story have touched me. I am in a marriage that is not physically abusive, but in many ways breaks my spirit every day. I have a beautiful loving sister who sees my spirit die a little at a time. She tries so hard to lift me, she makes me strong, she tells me how much i matter and how much i am valued and how much she loves me. I have three children and I stay for them. They see a mom with a broken spirit. Thank you for sharing your deep love of your sister and the beautiful soul that she was (is).

    Hugs,

    Nora

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      January 6, 2012 at 10:08 am

      ~~~Nora,
      My sister could be writing this….
      I am crying, crying…because…
      I swear, she would have written this SAME thing.

      Abuse is NOT only physical. Kay used to tell me ALL THE TIME…how much this man broke her spirit. Always.

      She’d say, “He is breaking me. His words hurt me. He has crushed my spirit.”

      All of this is in her journals.

      I can’t read them anymore.

      I can’t believe it…. Kay could be writing this.

      Get out now….if he is crushing your spirit.

      Life is too short…

      And Eventually, Kay’s monster took her beautiful life…

      and quite seriously, Part of mine…

      Love Love Love

  • Reply
    Goodness and Grit
    January 7, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Your words touch, they heal, and they help so many people.
    Thank you for your words.

    Does Kay ever visit you in your dreams, in the now?

    I have a close friend, former lover actually, that died of aids about 10 years ago. He visits me in my dreams on occasion. We sit and talk for what seems like hours. We catch up on EVERYTHING. I LOVE his visits.

    I hope Kay visits you.

    Kimberly
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    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      January 7, 2012 at 10:35 am

      Kimberly,
      I PRAY for those visits all the time…

      But i’ve been having horrible dreams latley.

      For example, in one of them, I run up to Kay and scream,

      WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

      ANd she said, He shot me three times in the head.

      I would give ANYTHING to talk to my dearest sister. I Have SOOO much to tell her.

      I look forward to that day.

      Xx Kiss

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