((( 15 Things That Are Despicably Annoying )))
1. When the cat (Charlie) is outside all day frolicking in the forest and only comes inside to take a shit.
2. When Mr. Liverpool hesitates too long when I ask him how I look in my magnificent 100 dollar pair of jeans.
Dude, don’t you get it yet? Just say “Hot!”
3. When I Google my name and Kim Kardashian comes up. WTH.
4. When I bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies, but forget to add the chocolate chips. Seriously.
5. When I go to the bathroom in the morning and not only is the toilet bowl filled with piss, but it’s splattered and splashed upon the seat, as well.
Excuuuse meeeeeeeee, but are you flossing your teeth at the same time?
6. When people spread nasty, yucky, wicked, horrible, crappy shit behind your back and smile all sugary & sweet to your face (you know who you are, assholes… and so do I).
8. When football, soccer, rugby, baseball, basketball, darts, & bowling are on all 267 channels .
9. When I click on your blog, but you’re not there. I know I’ve grumbled about this before, but I loathe change, and I’m usually too lazy to travel to the other side.
I’m also envious…. because you’re like one of those petite pretty popular chicks in high school that everybody LOOOOVED.) Damn you.
10. When I try on a fabulously- sexy- silky- sensational blouse, which fits like a glove and I realize it’s from the Plus Size Department.
Okay, I bought the son-of-a-bitch and tore the size tags out when I got home. It just made me feel better about myself.
11. When Mr. Liverpool says I snore.
I ask him “Well, is it a feminine, cute kind of snore?”
He says, “No. It’s like a damn truck driver snore.”
Why can’t this dude bend the truth sometimes?
12. When all the kids at school are snickering, giggling, and snorting at my expense…
…Because my boot has a long section of toilet paper trailing after it like a white celebration streamer.
13. Howard Stern.
You are a meeeeeeeeeeeean, yucky, ishy man.
14. When I fling (yes, I’ve actually done this at home) boiling water in the air…and it falls down as white ice.
Yeah, it’s Realllly cool, but despicable when you’re freezing your ass off.
15. Spam (not the meat kind)
Lets just say, I get LOTS of this useless, worthless, scandalous debris.
For example, today a spam message had the nerve to utter: “Hey man, a monkey could do this.”
“For one thing, don’t call me man; you stinkin’monkey’s ass!” I say aloud.
“ And Take this, you FREAK”
((((( DELETE ))))))
16. Anne Coulture:
You are one person that should be completely, uttery, abundantly SILENT at All times.
~~~~~~Dear, Readers, what are some of your despicable things?