–I sit at Oneonta Cemetery playing Lady Antebellum at full volume from my car window.
That CD was still inserted inside your player, Dearest.
Remember how we loved that song, Need You Now the most?
How we played it every time we drove anywhere.
How we sang all the words, knew them by heart.
“Play that song!” I squealed the minute I sat down.
You always wanted to please, always wanted to satisfy.
My dear sister, the root of my root, the heart of my heart…
It’s been 548 days since you left me, since my soul was sliced in two, since my days have become long, long, long….
It’s been an infinity.
It’s been a split second in time.
It’s been fucking
fucking fucking Hell if you want the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Why would I sugarcoat it? Why would I declare that walking thru darkness gets improved with time?
Mourning is born…but there is no death. No death for that beast.
So sometimes I sit at Oneonta Cemetery to get a little closer.
A little closer. To you.
Remember how we’d walk the grounds speculating who all the dead people were?
We wondered how they died, what they did, who they loved.
We’d stare at the soft marble stones and wonder how they got there.
Now you’re one of those people.
When I think about this new reality– my heart aches, my body trembles, my organs moan.
Still. Still. Always.
We talked about death on our walks.
“What would you do if you had a month to live?” You asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered “What would you do?”
“Bring the family to Italy.” You said without hesitation. “I really want to go to Italy!”
You never made it there, did you?
But I imagine us there sometimes….
Walking the cobblestone streets with our arms linked together, wearing flowing scarves & cherry lipstick…. our hair blowing wildly in the breeze.
I imagine us devouring cannoli and drinking strong espresso.
I imagine us laughing outside the café’s flirting and blowing kisses at all the dark, beautiful Italian boys.
My favorite photo of Kay taken about 3 years ago. She was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010. The mourning & missing never ends.
Dear, Reader, are you in an abusive relationship? Do you know somebody who is? If you’re not sure what the signs of abuse are, read this NOW: Top 23 Signs of an Abusive Relationship
GET HELP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! Domestic Abuse Hot Line