—If you frequent my blog, you’ve already heard about our wicked cat, Charlie.
Otherwise known as dumb-ass, little bastard, & demon boy.
He’s the little creep that pisses on lovely shoes, leather purses, picture glass windows, & beautiful goose quilts.
He climbs screens, and even had his back toe amputated because it got stuck halfway up the front door.
He doesn’t cover his big shits in the litter box.
And unfortunately, he deposits human size amounts, which, he assumes somebody else will clean up. Somebody (meaning, ME)
In the dead of the night when the vampires come out, he dumps the garbage cans over to rummage for blood & chicken bones.
I swear to god, even if chicken was not prepared that night, he unearths the bones regardless.
He meows:::meows::: meows to come inside as if he forgot he meowed like a beast in heat to get outside in the first place.
He’s a very naughty pussy cat.
So to add to Charlie’s escapades, here’s how my morning went….
I awaken at 7:30 and step in puke. Yes, demon boy puked directly where I stride.
And It’s not your regular-run-of-mill-puke. It’s satiated with feline saliva, Meow Mix, & rat’s tails.
I gag and cuss incessantly as I wipe it up.
Then I begin preparing my salad for my work day.
It is a beautiful salad w/ everything. I like EVERYTHING salads. You know, the kinds with bacon, cheese, massive croutons, & roasted chicken.
I leave it on the counter while I go check my email, blog, facebook, twitter, & life.
When I return, I notice the cover of my salad bowl is on the kitchen floor.
I know immediately who the criminal is.
Not only did Charlie knock the cover off my ‘Everything Salad,’ but he ate all of the white chicken out of it.
Every fucking piece.
You may ask yourself why we keep him.
Because when he’s not raising holy hell, he looks like an this….