—I lay awake thinking of you…
All the days that have gone by.
All the nights.

The loneliness.

The insidious gloom.
The birthdays,  Easter, Thanksgiving,   Christmas.

The chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, ginger bread men,  Mexican wedding cakes.
How we’d play Brenda Lee while we rolled out our cookie dough?
How we’d tell our stories and laugh so hard we’d pee our pants?
You wanted to work with animals.

I wanted to entice the world with words.
You wanted to leave your husband.
I wanted to leave my  job.
We talked about growing old together &  getting facelifts at fifty.
We giggled about wanting to lose weight while we devoured warm chocolate chip cookies.
I lay awake night after night…  Still
Uttering half prayers and broken halleluiahs.

I always forget the rest.

The part about restored souls.

The part about blessings.

The part about abundant joy.

Since you’ve been gone…
I live half a life.
I am left with half a heart.

Who the hell  fuck am I without you?

I  will never be enough without you.

Never whole.
The scent of cinnamon and nutmeg simmer on your stove.

The scent of your discontentment engulfs me.

The goodbyes we never said.

The secrets we’ll never share.

The monster who never left.

The cookies we’ll never bake.

The prayer that will never be finished.

—–My sister, Kay,  was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010.  —This was one of her favorite songs.  She played it over and over…

GET HELP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!    Domestic Abuse Hot Line

  Help For Domestic Violence

  In Memory of Kay 

Dear, Reader,  who is (was) your soul-mate?  Do you have a story to share?