—It’s been 499 days since your assassination.
And still, I call your name in the middle of the night.
Kay. Kay. Kay.
My beautiful Kay.
Your name is forever upon my tongue.
Your face is forever touching my cheek.
Your heart beats inside my chest like a small bird fluttering.
I haven’t stopped crying, screaming, & mourning since you’ve been gone.
You are the only one who could possibly understand…the only one who ever truly knew me, truly knew me.
I haven’t been able to finish an entire prayer.
-The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want;
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul.-
But my soul is not restored.
It seems impossible….
for a soul to be glued back together again…
Perhaps when we meet once more, my dear Sister.
Somebody told me recently, “Don’t think about what you’ve lost. Think of what you have left.”
I’m trying. I’m damn well trying.
But mostly, I think about you & our past together.
Gossiping endlessly into the night. Telling dark secrets. Eating massive amounts of chips and guacamole. Drinking Apple Martinis. Bitching about our weight. Laughing because we finished one another’s sentences.
Remember how you’d punch my arm squealing- “JIiiiNX!”
I’m so sorry, Kay.
I’m so sorry I can’t let you go in peace. I can’t let you go. I can’t.
I write the same stories over and over.
I can’t stop.
The words keep gushing gushing gushing.
The memories keep flowing flowing flowing.
Some days, I feel the promise of still waters.
Some days, I can’t reach the surface.
Some days, I scream out to my God whom I love….
Help me. Help me. Help me.
Glue back my soul.
—Dear, Reader, If you, or somebody you know is being physically, emotionally, financially, sexually, verbally, & psychologically abused…Please get involved, step in, & Scream, NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE!
My sister is gone because we thought the monster would change. He NEVER changed. He never changed.
Do. Not. Wait. One. More. Day.
**For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at– 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.