We Were Beautiful Together

 

—I tossed and turned all night long…

knowing I’d spend another birthday without you.

I loathe celebrating life, birth, breathing while you’re inside the ground–

while you’re five blocks away  from me inside the ground–

while your dead  and rotting inside the damn fucking ground.

I cannot pretend to care.

I cannot pretend to  live. 

I cannot  pretend to function–

Fully.

Completely.

Entirely.

Sliced in segments.

I cannot  rejoice and laugh and delight in another birthday without your face sitting across from me—

Loving me.   Loving me.    Loving me.

Remember how you constantly stained the Apple Martini glasses with the glitter pink of your lipstick…

Or how we giggled and flirted with the cute boys at the bar—

Or  how we talked nonstop about philosophical books, God, Love, and our Futures growing old together?

You were me.   I was you.

We were beautiful together.

I miss the way you’d wrap each gift in fluffy pastel tissue paper, big beautiful bows,  &  Cat cards written on both sides with your scribbles.

“Hurry. Open the bag, Kimmy!”  You’d squeal.

Scented candles.   Girlie journals.   Dangling silver earrings.  Silk scarves.   Chocolate.   Always Chocolate.

My God,  how have I lasted on earth without you, my dear Sister?

How have I endured day after day,  night after night, month after month?

How haven’t I drowned inside my own tears?

How have I survived another birthday without you loving me?

 My sister, Kay, was murdered by Mike Peterson 1 year & 4 months ago.   The world weighs less.   I am less.   Xx

SILENCE KILLS.

For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

                         Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women

click here NOW >http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

Read More about Kay here:    In Memory of Kay

pink lips  

In Memory of Kay

89 comments

  1. Deb says:

    Sweetest Kim,

    You were definitely beautiful together ~ but you are beautiful still. And you are still together. She remains in your heart and you keep her alive and introduce her to so many people with your writings and with your work in helping others NOT to suffer as she did.

    No doubt, you are beautiful still.

    Hugs,
    Deb.

  2. Kim, I am so sorry this happened to you, your sister, and your family. Nobody should have to experience such sorrow. I really hope for your heart to heal. One day, it will hurt a little less and the end will mean less than the fact that you shared so much with your beautiful sis during your time together. I’m sorry, Honey. Really.
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  3. Joan says:

    I’m sending my wishes for a happy birthday. You are doing great things in your sister’s name. That doesn’t bring her back. Kay is watching as you deal with your grief and as you come out on the other side of it a stronger woman. Keep up the writing. It’s heartfelt, funny, sad, poignant, serious, frivolous and I just love reading it.
    Joan recently posted..More NRA nonsense in the newsMy Profile

  4. Phil says:

    Kim,

    I’m sitting here in front of my screen in a frozen state, desperately trying to think of something, hell anything, that will soothe your spirits and take away some of the pain and hurt in your heart. Words seem to fall so woefully short of their mark. I know you love Kay with all your heart, and that’s a lot of love from the little time I’ve gotten to know you.

    I hope you will somehow manage to find some peace and comfort. The wounds are raw, the pain is true, but I’m here to tell you that you are surrounded by so many who will be here for you to lend an ear to listen, a hand to help, their arms to embrace, and their love to help carry you through this.

    Light and love to you dear Kim on this your birthday. You are in my thoughts.

    Phil
    Phil recently posted..Weekly Photo Challenge – Or Is It Weakly Photo Challenged?My Profile

  5. Kim, words cannot soothe enough. I hope this hug can. I felt the same way last week when I had my birthday and my Mom, my best friend was not around. Physically to hug and kiss me and joke with me.

    Know that you are loved, Kim. She’s watching you and loving you.

    I wish you peace on your birthday.

    Hugs.
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  6. Kim Pugliano says:

    Dammit, Kim. I just had a fight with my sister today. She is my FAVORITE person in the entire world (after Noah) and fighting with her is rare but sometimes necessary and I hate it so much…yet I cannot FATHOM life without her. The two of us have talked before about how we could go on without our husbands but not without each other.

    My heart hurts for you.
    xxooxxooxxooxxooxxoo
    Kim Pugliano recently posted..What Have I Been Reading?My Profile

  7. Kelley says:

    I am in tears for you! For Kay! I feel like I can reach out & grab your pain. I am so very sorry. I know your words & your posts are helping others find the strength & courage to leave abusive situations. I know you are saving lives!
    Kelley recently posted.."All The Single Daddies"My Profile

  8. What a beautiful line – “You were me. I was you. We were beautiful together.” The descriptions – sometimes I feel I right there while she wraps in tissue, excitedly sharing, glowing. While I’m not glad she moved to heaven without you, I am so very glad y ou were born and are here to light my world. Because you do.
    nan @ LBDDiaries recently posted..The Loves of My LifeMy Profile

  9. Psycho says:

    Aww Kim, I can only imagine how you feel having lost a loved one myself.
    On days like these, I just trust in the thought that wherever I am, my Dad is watching over me.
    In the air I breathe. In the wind that touches my face. In the birds in the sky.
    In the trees that give me shade. In everything that is part of my life.

    Stay safe and loved my dear.
    I wish you a fantastic birthday and my your heart’s fondest wishes be granted!
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  10. Oh, Kim… My heart and prayers go out to you for the unimaginable pain the insensible act has wrought on you and your family.

    I pray you will come to a place, when the time is right, of being able to celebrate your sister’s life as it was, fully understanding that there will always be a part of you that grieves her passing. I pray her murderer will not diminish you as he diminished her.

    Peace, love, and light.
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    • Kim Sisto-Robinson says:

      Hot Coco,
      I feel diminished. That’s the truth. The murderer took so much from us. So very very much.
      Thank you for your lovely thoughts. X

    • Kim Sisto-Robinson says:

      —Ducky,
      There is no doubt that the world is LESS without Kay’s presence. She was a light. A bright, beautiful light. Xx Kiss.

  11. Margaret Mckenzie says:

    Kim-
    Our dear friend Tony Rich died 4 years ago today!! What I remember most about that day is Aaron and Kay coming to the hospital walking through the hospital doors and her loving and supporting each of us. I remember her squeezing me and kissing my cheek and rubbing my HUGE pregnant belly~ telling me how beautiful I looked. I FELT horrible. I still love Kay and I miss Aaron terribly!! Thank you for reminding me to hold loved once close!!!!! P.S. I would love for you to pass my Email address on To Aaron!!!
    mckenzie.margaret23@yahoo.com

    Thank you Kim for your inspiration. I know that if Kay were here She would also give us inspiration to get through today!!! Love your family!!!
    Maggie

    • Kim Sisto-Robinson says:

      ~~~~ Whenever I read your lovely memories about Kay, I get all emotional & teared up…..

      I can just see her loving your belly & Kissing you.

      She actually told me about you. I remember. How beautiful you were. How much she enjoyed you.

      Love to you, Dear, Maggie. I’ll send this onto my family. Xx

  12. Hi Kim

    My prayers and thoughts are with you as you get through this hard patch of grief. She should still be here with you, celebrating as only sisters can.

    (hug)

    I wrote a post a while back about my grief losing one of my best friends and her toddler daughter in a head-on collision. Her older children are in my home often. I miss her everyday.

    http://godmessedmeup.blogspot.com/2010/12/sometimes-unexpected.html

    (If we lived in the same city I would get us a decadent chocolate dessert to get sugar drunk with.
    Pam Hogeweide recently posted..The Writing SignMy Profile

    • Kim Sisto-Robinson says:

      –Pam,

      Your blog was recommended to me a year ago. I’ve read about your friend and cried.

      Life is SO damn hard, isn’t it?

      Yes. Lets meet for decadent chocolate someday… Yes. Lets. X

  13. Toni says:

    You are such a powerful writer, I am missing my sister today as well. It would have been her birthday today and my birthday was 3 days ago. We celebrated every year together (except the 4 I was away at college). Sending love and blessings your way. XOXO

  14. Dad says:

    Kim, You are so beautiful, Yes we know how Kay was so caring. I can just see her rubbing Maggie’s
    belly and telling her how beautiful she is. And yes Maggie, we remember how caring and concerned
    Kay was when Tony passed. But That Was Kay.
    Love You

    Dad

  15. I am sure that Kay would be so, SO proud of you for championing this cause. But I am also sure that she would not want you to wake up for even one single morning and NOT celebrate breathing.

    Celebrate it, Kim. Every day that you’re able to be here and spread the word and change others’ lives for the better, celebrate it.
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  16. Wow. I wish I could say the things that could help your heart, your soul, your every fiber. I’m not sure I have them. I am sure that, no matter how terrible things seem to get, there is a light around the corner. It might take some time to get to that light, but it’s there (at least I pray it’s there). Sending warm thoughts and hugs your way.
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  17. Laci says:

    Kim I cry each time I read about Kay. I sob like a baby. I wish there was something that could be said or done to take the pain away from you, but I know that there isn’t a thing that could make it right. I am so sorrry, so sorry! Bless you for having the strength to make it through each day.
    Laci recently posted..Peace, Love & Stop Domestic ViolenceMy Profile

    • Kim Sisto-Robinson says:

      —Charlotte,
      She will NEVER be released. NEVER.
      She lives inside me.
      thank you for you lovely words & magical blog :)))

  18. Bella says:

    Kim, damn you for making me cry with this heart wrenching, beautifully worded post! If one ever doubted the bond of sisterly love, they have but to look at your amazing relationship with Kay. I am forever awestruck at the raw emotion in your posts of her; emotion that makes your pain tangible. How I wish you would’ve spent this birthday with your lovely sister! I’m sure that no matter what, she watches over you and cradles you in her embrace. Believe that. And while your pain will never end, you might feel a bit of comfort in knowing your sister knows your love for her. Because Kim, I believe sisterly love is able to transcend the infinite and beyond. You’re in my prayers, lovely lady. Hugs to you!

  19. Sandy Webb says:

    Kim –

    Kay IS with you. She is right there in your heart. She is in the cool autumn breeze. She is in the full moon and in the beautiful sunshine that warms your skin. You are keeping her spirit alive and for that she is grateful. Hugs to you my friend.
    Sandy Webb recently posted..Stop And Smell The RosesMy Profile

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