—I tossed and turned all night long…

knowing I’d spend another birthday without you.

I loathe celebrating life, birth, breathing while you’re inside the ground–

while you’re five blocks away  from me inside the ground–

while your dead  and rotting inside the damn fucking ground.

I cannot pretend to care.

I cannot pretend to  live. 

I cannot  pretend to function–




Sliced in segments.

I cannot  rejoice and laugh and delight in another birthday without your face sitting across from me—

Loving me.   Loving me.    Loving me.

Remember how you constantly stained the Apple Martini glasses with the glitter pink of your lipstick…

Or how we giggled and flirted with the cute boys at the bar—

Or  how we talked nonstop about philosophical books, God, Love, and our Futures growing old together?

You were me.   I was you.

We were beautiful together.

I miss the way you’d wrap each gift in fluffy pastel tissue paper, big beautiful bows,  &  Cat cards written on both sides with your scribbles.

“Hurry. Open the bag, Kimmy!”  You’d squeal.

Scented candles.   Girlie journals.   Dangling silver earrings.  Silk scarves.   Chocolate.   Always Chocolate.

My God,  how have I lasted on earth without you, my dear Sister?

How have I endured day after day,  night after night, month after month?

How haven’t I drowned inside my own tears?

How have I survived another birthday without you loving me?

 My sister, Kay, was murdered by Mike Peterson 1 year & 4 months ago.   The world weighs less.   I am less.   Xx


For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

                         Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women

click here NOW >http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

Read More about Kay here:    In Memory of Kay

pink lips