In Memory of Kay

461 Days


 

—-The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself—-Mark Caine

It’s been 461 days since your assassination.

461 days since the monster stopped that beautiful heart from flowing into the universe.

 And not a day goes by—a night—a moment—a second…

That I don’t think about you, cry over you, love you. love you.  love you.

Not.  One.  Solitary.  Day.

I still don’t know how I manage to get out of bed, put on clothes, brush my hair,  apply mascara.

All those meaningless, empty, insignificant tasks.

Some days I don’t.

Some days I just lay in bed watching the ceiling fan revolve like a revolting reminder of the past.

I remember the monster sitting  stalking outside our house for hours on end waiting for you to get home from your dates.

God, how I wish I would have confronted him then.  Gone outside and shouted with all my might…. “Why don’t you leave her alone, you bastard?  Why don’t you fucking leave her alone?”

But I didn’t.

I didn’t.  

And he never left after that.

Never.

He hung around like a debilitating  disease.

That was the beginning.   I know that now.

The beginning of the manipulation, control, molding, forming, shaping.

You were his pretty porcelain doll.

His lovely red-cheeked Lolita.

I never knew he’d turn out to be the Devil…

in the end.

I never knew he’d kill me, too.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

I wish…

I wish I could turn back time…

….walk out to his brown Camero and scream and yell and pound my fists on the hood.

“She doesn’t want you.  She doesn’t need you.  Go home.  You asshole.  You pathetic bastard.   Go home.   And never come back! ”

He never left.

And when he finally did,

he took you with him.

My angel, sister, best  friend,  & soul mate was murdered 461 days ago by Mike Peterson.   The mourning  & missing never ends.

 

Dear, Reader,  are you in an abusive relationship?  Do you know somebody who is?  If you’re not sure what the signs of abuse are, read this NOW:   Top 23 Signs of an Abusive Relationship

pink lips  

 

Top 23 signs of an abusive relationship.

Top 23 Signs of an Abusive Relationship


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85 Comments

  • Reply
    Ann
    September 3, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    Oh, Kim….I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I wish I could make it all better for you – or make a cup of coffee and some cookies so we could sit and chat, and hug, and maybe cry some, too.

    And then we could sit and talk about happy memories and sit and chat and hug, and maybe laugh some, too.

    ….thinking of you.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 5:57 am

      –Ann,
      I believe I will stop grieving when Kay & I meet again. That is when I will be whole & free of pain…
      I’d definitely have coffee with you 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Unknown Mami
    September 3, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    I just froze and stared at the screen for awhile and my body got hot. I don’t words or anything that could possibly make it better. I am so unbelievably sorry. Keep telling her story.

    Sending you love.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 5:59 am

      Dear, Mami,
      nothing really makes it better….just knowing we will be together again someday.
      Sending you love back…

  • Reply
    Totsymae
    September 3, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    “He never left.
    And when he finally did,
    he took you with him.”

    Wrenching words, Kim. But continue, you must and will.
    A Force much stronger than you holds and carries you in a time such as this.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:00 am

      –_Tots,
      that powerful force is God…But even He does not take away the pain. One must travel thru the darkness. I still am. xxx Kiss

      • Reply
        Totsymae
        September 4, 2011 at 4:54 pm

        You’re just in your feelings, having an essential part of you taken away. None of us who have never experienced this can know the complexity of your pain but we’re all here, spreading a little light and love. 🙂

  • Reply
    Theresa Sonoda
    September 3, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Every time you write to Kay, I know you are healing. In your own way. You may not realize it but you are working through the pain. I’m proud of you. Don’t stop remembering and don’t stop writing about her. It’s who you are. Bless your heart. Your beautiful heart.
    xoxo’s

    T

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:01 am

      Dear, Terri,
      I am trying. Oh, man, I am trying.
      xxx Love to you, sweet girl.

  • Reply
    The Bipolar Diva
    September 3, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Oh Kim,

    I feel like I’m right there with you. You can’t blame yourself, there’s only one responsible, only one. You could have never known what he was capable of.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:03 am

      —Diva,
      One person is responsible; The monster.
      I know this, but now I can tell (Scream) to other women – GET THE HELL OUT before it’s too late!!! xx

  • Reply
    Barbara
    September 3, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    Kim – I’ve asked myself questions too. Could I – should I – have done something different? At 2AM should we have gone to the ER? Should I have pushed the doctors harder? We can’t predict how things will be or go back and wonder “what if”. Life has a way of happening and then we beat ourselves with the question “could I have done something different to change this?” A torture to do. Kay knew you were with her every second, trying to protect her with your love. Remember that.There is no way to miss that one.

    Your quote: —-The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself—-Mark Caine

    I take that to be that you will not remain captive in this environment of grief. Your writing frees you and helps us.

    Hugs, Barbara

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:06 am

      —Barbara,

      i love when you visit.
      The quote was for women being abused (verbally, physically, sexually, financially, spiritally, etc…)

      but I now see that it is for me, as well.

      Love to you, Dear. xx

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury, Freelance Writer & Blogger
    September 3, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    Kim, “The mourning & missing never ends.” – it is true. Somehow, life goes on, doesn’t it?

    I am with you in spirit. Hugs.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:07 am

      —Dear, Vidya,
      you always say the right words 🙂 xx Hugs.

  • Reply
    Bridget
    September 3, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    Love to you friend.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:07 am

      —Dear, B.
      thank you. I appreciate that. 🙂 x

  • Reply
    LBDDiaries
    September 3, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    Parts of the song I’m using in my next post fit you, my dear dearest –

    I’ll be loving you – always
    With a love that’s true – always…
    Not for just an hour
    Not for just a day
    Not for just a year
    But always.

    Your love for her will be there always and someday, maybe it will overwhelm the pain and all that will be left is the shining love you have for each other. Always.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:09 am

      Dear, Nan,
      ALWAYS. ALWAYS.
      I believe in “Always & Forever.”
      I believe in God. She is there. I will be there, too. That brings comfort. xx Kiss for you.

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    September 4, 2011 at 12:06 am

    That’s such a beautiful photo of Kay Kim! I feel like I know her so well and I feel your loss xxx

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:10 am

      –Dear, L.
      I found the photo at my moms last week. That is the “ONE” that is sooo utterly and perfectly Kay.
      xx Love to you.

  • Reply
    Monica
    September 4, 2011 at 1:06 am

    Not. One. Solitary. Day.

    Your say it so well, Sweet Kim. I feel your emotions pouring through, especially in these four simple words. My heart goes out to you. Be strong for your sister, so you can keep telling her story. I know you’re helping others who are in similar relationships now. Bless you, Kim.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:11 am

      -Monica.
      I will tell her story. I will love her. I will cry. I will scream. Until My Last breath. xx Kiss

  • Reply
    Lola
    September 4, 2011 at 5:32 am

    Your words are so beautiful and powerful. And your pain is obviously still so raw. I’m sorry. Know that I think you are amazing for writing this blog and for empowering other women to take action against abusers. You inspire me.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:12 am

      —Lola,
      Kay would have loved this blog.
      She was my ‘greatest’ fan.
      xxx

  • Reply
    Irene
    September 4, 2011 at 5:36 am

    (((HUGS))) you have to stop beating yourself up! I can’t say I know what you’re going through, no one can. But your posts are so sad and the hurting you’re going through…don’t let it consume you!

    I know these posts help you release some of that anger and frustration. I DO know how you feel when it comes to missing her. I think that’s the hardest for you. The wanting to touch, hug, talk to her and you can’t. And the frustration of not being able to do anything about it. THAT pain I do feel for you.

    Go make some chocolate cookies. Then eat them.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:15 am

      —Irene,

      How did you know I made chocolate chip cookies yesterday? (with macadamia nuts) Yes.

      You know, I’m not beating myself up. Moslty I ‘m telling other women to “Observe the signs, the behaviour) They begin early.

      They can still do something about it NOW.

      luv 2 u, hurricane Irene. xx

  • Reply
    Marie
    September 4, 2011 at 5:38 am

    I can’t be there with a warm tea and some chocolates cookies, knock on your door and be a shoulder you can cry on, but my thoughts and prayers are with you today and tomorrow – the pain will never end but by writing it you heal your heart each time a bit more.
    You have done your best and you still do – Kay continue to live through the words you share, through your true and kind heart –
    By relating her story, can you imagine how many women you help,……………more that you expect maybe – You help them making the first step out – It’s precious, it’s gold, it’s a sister’s tribute to unconditional love.

    Be blessed Kim………..sending my love. Marie

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:18 am

      –Marie,
      your words move me.
      Yes, Kay will always live as long as I have breath inside my body. I will never be without her. She is me. I was her. That’s how it was (is) .
      Thank You! xx

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    September 4, 2011 at 6:05 am

    As always, wrapping you up in a love filled warm hug!
    Have a happy Sunday.
    🙂 Mandy

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:19 am

      —Mandy,
      I feel that warm blanket all the way from South Africa to Minnesota. xxX

      Have a good Sunday, too. Cook Lots.

  • Reply
    Dad
    September 4, 2011 at 6:32 am

    Kim, I couldn’t agree with you more, I miss Kay so much, but i know that i will be with her some day.
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:45 am

      –Love you more than Chocolate Chip Cookies w/ macadamia Nuts. Come have some, daddy. I’m waiting for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    The Accidental Somebody
    September 4, 2011 at 6:48 am

    Your words are so poignant and you are amazing.

    Much love…

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 6:52 am

      —Dear Accidental Somebody,
      thanks for reading.
      Love back to you. xx

  • Reply
    Tia
    September 4, 2011 at 6:55 am

    I love you!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 7:14 am

      –And I love you back… x

  • Reply
    Ronda
    September 4, 2011 at 7:10 am

    Kim,
    I love you! You are amazing and I am so glad that you do get out of bed in the morning because you make my world a happier place!!!!

  • Reply
    Kim Sisto-Robinson
    September 4, 2011 at 7:20 am

    –Ronda,
    what a blessing you’ve turned out to be. xx x Luv U

  • Reply
    Laci
    September 4, 2011 at 7:28 am

    I know that there are no words that can make 461 day of sadness disappear or bring you sister back to you. I can only hope that your writing is helping through this difficult time. Your words are amazing.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 7:31 am

      –Laci,
      The words have continually been a saving grace for me. Without them, I may have parished long ago.
      Thank you for visiting my world. xx

  • Reply
    Jann Huizenga
    September 4, 2011 at 8:00 am

    Kim, Blessings to you & a huge virtual hug from Sicily.

  • Reply
    Kim Sisto-Robinson
    September 4, 2011 at 8:09 am

    –Dear, Jann,
    I feel you hug all the way from Sicily. xx

  • Reply
    Kay Van Hoesen
    September 4, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Dear Kim,

    I am so sorry for you in your loss of Kay. I can’t imagine the range of emotions you’re feeling. No one can. Your loss of Kay is unique to you. My heart goes out to you, all the other women who are suffering in abusive relationships, and all their family members who are helpless in knowing what to do. I hope you’ll share some of your stories on our HWT blogzine. We have a category on surviving abuse http://herewomentalk.com/category/justice-and-help/support-and-help/abuse.

    Thanks for opening your heart and baring your soul. Perhaps your words will help another woman escape abuse.

    ((HUGS))

    Kay

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 9:42 am

      Dear, Kay ( I love that name)

      I do pray that my words help other women….
      —- this is the reason I am here without my dear sister, perhaps.
      I will look at HWT. Thank you for all of your support & encouragement. xx

  • Reply
    Helen
    September 4, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Do you realize how much you help others who are grieving…..for whatever reason? How many souls you are saving from being sucked into the dark abyss, from down into that whirlpool of sorrow???? Just to know they are not the only ones…………..God bless you for sharing and caring…..and for trying to prevent this from happening EVER again to another woman. The picture of Kay and the kitty is oh so poignant….such a beautiful pure love moment frozen in time………Peace……..

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 11:56 am

      Dear.Helen,

      Daddy was here today and I told him that photo above (which was taken not long ago) is my ALL -Time-Favorite of Kay.

      Yes.

      Pure. Peaceful. Angelic. So very Kay.

      Love to you, my dear Helen. xxxx

  • Reply
    Phil
    September 4, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Kim,

    Reading this just stuns me to the core, and leaves me with pain in my heart. I do hope in your attempt to reach out to others in order to help them recognize the signs of monstrous abuse, that you do not go down the path feeling you somehow failed your dear sister. Please don’t go there, for I’m certain in my own heart Kay would not want you suffering in such a dark place so full of self-despair. God bless you for what you are trying to do for others. I do recognize that. I just don’t want to see you beating yourself up about this. It is what you’ve done since that is the true measure of love, and you’re doing alright.

    What a wonderful and beautiful picture of Kay. It captures the very essence of how you describe her.

    Light and love to you Kim.

    Phil

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 1:03 pm

      –Phil,
      thank you for your support. I appreciate it.
      I’m not so much beating myself up, but more telling women that
      the signs are there EARLY, (look for them) . Somebody asked me after the monster shot Kay, “When did it all start , Kim?” I did not hesitate. “From the very beginning,” I said.
      xx

  • Reply
    The Girl Behind
    September 4, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    I really feel for you when I read about your sister. I can’t imagine what you must be going through and how very difficult it must be.

    My own sister was involved in an abusive relationship. She escaped that and moved away, but even now there are times when she’s looking over her shoulder.

    Grief is something that takes a very long time to work through, and I find that writing is such a great way to work through feelings. I hope that the sharing is comforting for you.

    And I’m so very sorry for what you’ve lost. x

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 1:05 pm

      –Dear Girl Behind,
      the writing has saved me thousands of dollars that I would have paid a therapist.
      I live One. Day. At. A. Time. now.
      I will never be complete without Kay. I know this…. But I will go on. I will never release her. xx

  • Reply
    Caroline
    September 4, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    No words of comfort here Kim, I could never be that powerful to sooth such pain. I just want to remind you of ALL of the love that I feel for you and Kay down to my very SOUL.
    In the last few years, the loss of Pearl, Shirley Ann, Nowall and now Kay, that has personally cut into my soul, leaves me with a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart that has never gone away. That is my hurting for my loss. Then I think of you and what our parents have lost most recently and over the years, and then I hurt all over again, for them & you. What a vicious cycle of inner turmoil we must endure as loving caring beings and we all know that this isn’t the end of it, we will all endure more loss and greater pain in our future.
    What I came to realize is that the only way you can hurt so much is if you have loved just as much. And personally, I will take every bit of that hurt because all of the love and great memories were worth it to me, and I am still able smile and laugh. My love, my memories, and my absolute faith that we will all meet again is my strength and my enlightenment.
    I will never take you for granted Kim, and I will try never to take anyone for granted for that matter. I will suck in each precious moment I am given with the people I know and love…….. This reality came to me through Kay! I am very GREATFUL!!!!!
    I love you Kim,
    Caroline

  • Reply
    Kim Sisto-Robinson
    September 4, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Dear, Caroline,

    I knew I would experience loss, but I ALWAYS thought that I’d have Kay to share it with. We have gotten thru a lot together. Always together. We were never apart in spirit. Our hearts seemed to beat together in 2 separate bodies.

    I told her 1 week before her murder ….“You know, I could face many things, But not the loss of you.”

    But I am facing it. Every. Single. Day.

    I’m walking thru the darkness. Every. Single. Day.

    I do not feel grateful at the moment. (yes, for family & those years with Kay) but….

    This is something I need to work on with my God. He knows me VERY well. Before Him, there was Kay. The only one who truly knew me. Nobody else knows me or loves me like Kay did.

    But I was left behind for a reason. I do know this.

    I pray for the revealing of His plan to come soon.

    This is NOT our Home. This gives comfort.

    Love you, Caroline. xx

    Love is all that survives on earth. Love Love Love. This survives.

  • Reply
    Kelley
    September 4, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    This is absolutely heartbreaking. I know the story now and I think of you. I have a sister and you are inspiring me to tell her more that I love her. I have two sons- 3 & 6. I have trained them to finish this sentence “If something happens to you, Mommy will…”

    “never stop crying.” they say. That is what I have told them over and over.

    The same would be true for my sister as it is for yours. I am so sorry that monster took her away. I am hurting for you and wish there was something I could do to help you feel better. 🙁

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 4, 2011 at 9:12 pm

      —kelley,

      —- to be completely honest, i haven’t stopped crying for 461 days. yes, a human is capableof of this without dying.

      i still can’t believe i’m here without my best friend. that is so wrong.

      thank you for your lovely words. x

      Ps. I always told my sister I loved her. Tell your sister right now!

  • Reply
    Jessica
    September 4, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    Someone close to me was in a very abusive relationship and I’m thankful everyday that she was able to escape from it. I couldn’t imagine if I had lost her because of it. My heart hurts for you and your loss. Hugs.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 5, 2011 at 5:58 am

      –Thank you, Jessica.
      My heart hurts for me, too.
      Glad your friend got out in time…. xx

  • Reply
    Kelly
    September 5, 2011 at 5:08 am

    It’s so difficult and the inescapable truth is that there is no way to accelerate the process of grief. I wish there were. It seems to take forever but healing and peace do eventually come… my thoughts are with you. Big hug, k.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 5, 2011 at 5:59 am

      –Kelly,
      no accelerations….
      I have figured out that one needs to walk thru the grief…..& sometimes one is not walking, she is on her knees.
      xxx Love .

  • Reply
    countingducks
    September 5, 2011 at 7:25 am

    My heart goe out to you. Nothing I can say will make much difference but I wish it could. What a waste of a lovely young life

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 5, 2011 at 11:17 am

      –Thank you for your kind words, Countingducks. They are appreciated. x

  • Reply
    countingducks
    September 5, 2011 at 7:29 am

    This is so horrible. My heart goes out to you. I hope the pain of it gets easier over time. I’ve nothing I can say to make much difference but I wish there was

  • Reply
    Heavenly Housewife
    September 5, 2011 at 7:31 am

    It always makes me sad to hear about what happened to your sister. Always remember the good times, thats the way she’d probably want to be remembered, not for her sad end.
    *kisses* HH

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 5, 2011 at 11:09 am

      Dear, H. H.

      Quite True, but VERY difficult to do…..

      xx Thanks.

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    September 5, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Life is all about loss, love, learning… Sometimes the only way to deal with hell is to go through it.

    Hopefully, this blog will help you – is helping you – to heal.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 5, 2011 at 11:12 am

      Lady, Fi,
      You said that beautifully.
      —– I tried to figure other ways out of this: Anger. Drinking. Denial. etc….. but finally realized one needs to walk directly thru the hell. And sometimes one does not walk ….druing those times, she falls to her knees….xxx

  • Reply
    ed pilolla
    September 5, 2011 at 10:29 am

    the abusive relationship is sure tough to get out of. people don’t know they have options. so good to link to more material. i wrote a freelance piece about a domestic violence team in redondo beach where i live, and i thought i knew something about domestic violence but the statistic were staggering, specifically that if a man has threatened a woman the chances are quite high he will attempt to kill her. i had no idea that was the case.
    it’s beautiful how you sing your sister’s song here. she lives in your words.
    i remember the police coming to our door when i was a kid and my dad telling them nothing was wrong and the police went away. we live in a diseased and violent paternalistic society, and voices like yours are the ones rupturing its hold on us day by day.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 5, 2011 at 11:16 am

      ed,
      i never realized how many women (some men) are in abusive relationships—–which is Verbal, Financial, Physical, Sexual, Spiritual…This is all abuse. My sister told me seval times: “Kim, he crushes my spirit.” Ooooh, this breaks me up inside.
      love when you come visit. x

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    September 5, 2011 at 11:43 am

    I know that you hurt immensely.
    But Keep writing Kim.
    Let your grief spill onto this screen.
    Let your words help another victim gain enough strength to walk away from their monster.
    Kay is with you, giving you the courage to write about this.
    My heart hurts for the both of you and I’m sending prayers.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 5, 2011 at 11:54 am

      –Kimberly,
      This is why I was left behind w/ out my sister….to tell her story.
      I will scream it out until my last breath.
      xxx

  • Reply
    Elisa
    September 5, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    I am so sorry! I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Just know you are on my heart today. I’m praying for you.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 5, 2011 at 3:13 pm

      Elisa,
      I feel the prayer. Thank you x

  • Reply
    Grumpy Grateful Mon
    September 5, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    My continued prayers and thoughts are with you. Not just words, I mean that. I wish I could make it better. While I don’t think you can ever accept what was done, I’m hoping you can eventually find moments of peace. If your rolls were reversed I’m guessing you would hope that for your sister.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 5, 2011 at 8:41 pm

      Dear Grumpy,
      I live one day at a time. I don’t know how else to do it.
      I will miss my soul-mate my entire life….Forever.
      Thank you for your beautiful words. xxx

  • Reply
    Kiddothings
    September 6, 2011 at 12:46 am

    I hope, Kim that you find comfort in writing it down here as you keep count of the days you’ve been missing your sister. You are great in reaching out to others with the message about abusive relationships. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

  • Reply
    Kelly
    September 6, 2011 at 7:53 am

    Kim,

    You have helped SO many but at such a high cost. I love you!!!

    Love love Love,

    Kelly

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 6, 2011 at 1:06 pm

      –Kelly,
      I love you, too. What a blessing you are 🙂

  • Reply
    Pat
    September 6, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Kim, those 23 signs of an abusive relationship are really good. A great thing for women to be aware of. So sorry for your grief. Your sister’s beautiful personality lives on through your blogs. I believe with all my heart that she is incredibly proud of you.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 6, 2011 at 2:02 pm

      —Hi, Pat,
      Kay would have loved this blog and all the attention.! 🙂
      Love when you stop over xx

  • Reply
    Bella
    September 6, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Kim, every single time I read a post about Kate, I’m moved. I’m moved to the depth of my soul because I feel your pain; pain that is raw, tangible, and fresh. Kate is so beautiful. I say is, because she’s with you, beside you, keeping you company, like all sisters do. She’s still your beautiful angel, one that watches over you and keeps you safe. Hugs for you, my beautiful friend. May you smile at the thought of how your sister’s love will forever guard and protect you and that when the time comes, you will see her again and it will seem like all of this was just a bad dream.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 7, 2011 at 5:14 am

      —Bella,
      thank you for your beautiful words.
      Kay is with me forever. forever. until the very end of time. Xx

  • Reply
    Tara
    September 12, 2011 at 4:43 am

    “I never knew he’d kill me, too.”

    WOW. I really don’t know what to say, other than that line really struck a chord in me. I think it sums up this entire tragedy nicely. So many people died that day, not just Kay and him. You and your entire family, too.

    I was watching some ‘September 11th’ documentary, and they interviewed a wife of someone who died. She said (and I’m paraphrasing here), “Their absence is never filled, and the pain never really goes away, but you learn to COPE with their absence and the pain. So it does get better.”

    Keep in mind, her husband died 10 years ago, so she’s has plenty of time to learn to “cope.” But each person is different, too. With your family, friends and God, you will learn to cope as well.

    You titled your blog “461 Days” (a countdown of life without Kay.) All the great philosophers – from Plato to Jesus – never regarded time as an object. Time (they said) was created by man to help manage earthly tasks, such as work, etc.

    In reality, they said life is one, continuous experience, beating and thriving in the PRESENT MOMENT, and only that. There is no past, and there is no future, for these are just concepts created to aid humanity. In other words (finally, the point) all that matters is what we do with the present moment, because that’s all life is…the experience of now. If God wants to grant us our so-called “future,” He will do so. If He chooses otherwise…

    The only problem is your “present,” my dear, is plagued with sorrow. Every waking moment of your life is heavy. I think, however, that the more you live with the pain – grow accustomed to it – the stronger you’ll become. The more you’ll be able to “cope,” as that wife put it. Until that day comes, just write your heart out, pray from the bottom of your soul, and surround yourself with the people who make you happiest.

    Love yous!
    Tara

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      September 12, 2011 at 5:55 am

      —Tara,
      You are a Great Philosopher. Your words ALWAYS move me.
      Are you sure you’re not going into the ministry?
      Love you, too. :))))) XXX

  • Reply
    Athena
    October 10, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Know that she is with you everyday. I actually picked you recipe for chicken marsala…I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE chicken piccata, marsala…stuffed chicken…pratically anything chicken. Keeping cooking…it will kepp you strong and healthy to be the survivor that your family needs and loves.

    Happy Family + Good Food= Bliss 🙂

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      October 10, 2011 at 8:53 pm

      –Dear, Athena,
      I’m trying. God only knows. I’m trying. Thank you Xx

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