—I am in love w/ this Cherry-Red Toaster.
—-So yesterday I hear that this couple Mr. Liverpool and I know (sort of) are already divorcing after less than two years of marriage.
You’d assume my response would be something like: Oooh, that’s sooooo sad, or what happened, or I feel sooooo awful about that.
No can do, babe.
The first thing I say to Mr. L. is, “What about the toaster?”
He looks at me with that bewildered look on his face, which I’m used to because quite regularly he has no idea what the hell I’m talkin’ about.
He tells me my brain is like a web. And I say, well, you shouldn’t be complaining cause you’re stuck in that web, babe, and you’re damn lucky I’m not a Black Widow or your ass would be grass about now.
Anyway…. Back to the toaster.
“What are you saying here?” He asks.
“The Cherry Red Toaster. That’s whaaat.”
Jeeeese. Doesn’t he know nothin’?
I glare at him.
He glares back.
“Give me a clue here, Kim. A little clue.”
“I went to Target, Pier One, and TJ Max searching for this Cherry Red Toaster.
Not Red. Cheeeeeeerry-Red. And now those assholes are getting divorced?”
I draw out the eeee and it feels real good.
Silence.
“Well, I supposed she’s going to keep the damn toaster,” I whine. “That’s sooooo wrong on soooo many levels.”
‘Are you kidding me? Mr. L. says.
“No, I’m not. I don’t care about the money we gave for the wedding. I mean, that 50 bucks at least paid for the meal. But the TOASTER. I want that baaaaaaack”
“You’re NUuuuTS.” He says.
“Yeah, so what else is new?”
——–Dear, Readers, am I nuts, or is there some validity to what I’m saying? Give me your thoughts.
Beautful Kim,
I HAVE IT!!!!! You should throw a “RE-GIFT” party and request that everybody invited (which would of course include the new divorce’) needs to regift a CHERRY RED TOASTER!!!! HA HA HA HA
I LOVE YOUR web of thinking!!! Your are the BEST!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE love LOVE,
KraZy Kel
KraZy Kel,
we are both Webs of Desire !! heeeeeee. xxx
Nope!
Get the red toaster!
So I googled “Cherry Red Toaster” and got two toasters, none of which looked like the cool one in the picture, and Pop Tarts.
Pop Tarts!!
No, get the toaster. Tell her you’ll buy it back. I mean, when is she ever going to use it?
But first tell her how sorry you are about the divorce. Let her whine and cry and cuss. Ask her what they’re going to do about their stuff. Ask her casually who’ll get the toaster. If HE gets it, then nag him for it. If she gets it, tell her yours just crapped out and you can’t find another like it or hers and if she’s willing to part with it.
If she’s THAT attached, then ditch her as a friend. Friend’s don’t let friends go without a favorite toaster.
Dear, Irene,
I have a feeling they named that Hurricane after you, girlfriend
Knew I could count on you to be on my side xxxxxxxxxxx
Well since my very Very favorite color is RED and I’m very partial to toast…..I’m with you on this one, Ms Kim. That is a mighty fine looking toaster, and they totally should give it back to you.
My birthday is in a couple weeks. Just sayin…
HUGZZZ
————Dear, Terri,
Give me your address….you may not get a Cheeeerry Red Toaster, but I’ll send you a beautiful card….xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
You’re something else!
Since it’s pressing in your web though, you need to get it back. Demand it if you have to, for all the trouble you went through to get it. Mr. Liverpool doesn’t understand the importance, being a guy and all.
He’s lucky to have you to keep him on his toes.
Dear Tots,
Men drive me INSANE
I looooooooooooooove when you come to visit me. xxx
And I looooooooooove hanging out here too.
Hugs
You’re totally nuts! But in a very lovable and hilarious way.
Though, it is a phenomenal toaster. Maybe you should just pay her a visit and switch it out with yours when she’s not looking.
Dear, Grumpy,
Ohhhh, Yeaaah,
I think I am quite nuts in a beautiful way xxx
I love that your mind is a web! The cherry red toaster is way cool…but once a gift is given – it’s theirs to do with as they please!
….a nice compromise is you should get yourself a “they’re getting a divorce present”….and make it a cherry red toaster!
FAB & FUN post!
Hi, Ann,
sooo true. a gift is a gift…
but damn it, why should she have that toaster???!!!
xxx
You were simply having a Crazy Chick moment. The toaster is cute … looks sort of retro
Dear, L.
I know. Right? Do you love it or not? xxx
Ignore Ms. Emily Post “Ann” up there who thinks you should follow rules. I doan thenk she know yew veddy well. What would be the fun of that? BREAK THE RULES, BABYEEE, Oh and don’t tell Ann I said that.
Oh and p.s. – hit amazon.com and put red toaster – there are some amazingly cool toasters that come up – I want the Bodum one – so so so modern – or the Hamilton Beach or the Kitchen Aid that looks like the one up there or super cool Betty Crocker one – love that one – NOW look what you’ve done. I have to go order a cherry red toaster now. And it is all your fault.
Thank you!
My Dearest Nan,
I am quite surprised that you do not have a CHERRY RED toaster. whaaat?
Get one! And then show all of us your Gorgeous Kitchen. I looooooooove it sooooooo much. So utterly Home & Garden. xx
Well I wasn’t eating toast so no need for a toaster! Now i just want a red one for the cool factor! The kitchen is closer than ever to being finished! Got the new floor tile in and finished painting. All that is left are two things – the BIG window that will overlook the backyard (behind the hanging copper pans) and finish staining the oak cabinets a dark walnut color. Then I will have my Mediterraneankitchen. Happy happy!
please do one of your blogs on you finished project. W/ Lots of photos. One with Alpha, too! xx
Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems to me gifts should only be returned if the divorce happens during the first year of marriage. After that, I don’t see how you can get it back–unless you suggest she hold a garage sale, everything must go, and then buy it for a dollar. You can justify this by suggesting she get rid of all reminders of him. Good luck in getting it back!
—Monica,
easier just to buy one, Huh?
love when you pop over xxx
No you’re not nuts…GET THE TOASTER BACK!!!
Love that cherry red colour!
Dear, Kiddothings,
I like your way of thinkin’ girl xxxxx
I think it’s a matter of national importance that you retrieve this toaster now. Clearly from your shopping investigations it is now a collectors item, and during the turbulant period the couple are going through, they will not be able to give it the respect and usage it deserves.Even worse, it may get scratched.
Hey, Continducks,
xx
I shall get Mr. Liverpool to go retrieve this little gem immediately
A gift is a gift is a gift and a gift!!!!! But I say you are as funny as hell and had me laughing while I was having breakfast. My toaster is white…now THAT is bland! Hubby bought it so I can blame him. I love that cherry red toaster…..so cute!
Damn it, Debbie,
Aint that the truth. A gift is a gift is a gift.
Now that asshole has my toaster. heeeee..xxx
That toaster is fucking AWESOME! Ummm…I mean, it’s a real shame about your friends (that sounded sincere, right?) Now not only do you HAVE to go get yourself a cherry red toaster, but I think I have to have one too! Toast will NEVER be the same. Well actually, it probably will but still? The toaster is just plain FABULOUS! I start my Google search…NOW!
Dear, Lola,
I hear toast tasted better coming outta a Cherry Red Toaster.
Is that fucking cool or what? xxxx Kiss from MN.
Kim, I’m with you! This is wrong on sooooo many levels! I say you should be returned the cherry red toaster! After all, two years of marriage hardly jusitifies a fifty dollar toaster! My idea? Call and tell her you’d like to buy the toaster because you heard the husband wanted to keep it. If she’s like most women, she’ll sell it to you pronto just to make sure he doesn’t get it! Strategize, lovey, strategize!
Dear, Bella,
xx
have I told you lately how absolutely awesome you are?
Weeeeeeeeell, You Are
I got a very cool art deco looking toaster for a wedding gift 5 years ago and I love it. But now I want a cherry red toaster! very funny. xoxo
Dear, Elizabeth,
Yes! Instead of dreaming about Brad Pitt these days…..
I am dreaming about Cherry Red Toasters.
Omg, Hope Mr. L doesn’t read this! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hmm, sadly I feel once gifted, it’s gifted – why don’t you rather get a brand new cherry red toaster – not one that is filled with the angst of a divorce – and get a 4 slice one while you are about it.
Mandy xo
Have a happy weekend.
Dear, Mandy,
I think that’s a grand Idea. A 4 slice. YES, Indeed. XX Kiss 4 U
Yep – you’re a little bit nuts, but then aren’t we all. Although I haven’t had feelings for a cherry red toaster, there is a cherry red Kitchenaid Mixer that I could feel that way about.
Dear, Barbara,
there is something so utterly delicious about “Cherry Red.”
Love when you come over to visit. xx
It’s their Cherry Red toaster, you gave it to them, there were no stipulations. They can do whatever they want to do with it.
Dear Carolyn,
Did you know that this blog was done in fun?
Just sayin’ xx
I love bright kitchen ware, so by all means, GET THAT TOASTER BACK!!
Sweet, Mama Alison,
Love how you think, Sistaaah. xx
You could pull a George Castanza a la Seinfeld and steal it while you are at her next dinner party. Imagine her surprise when she can not, in fact, find her cherry red toaster. She will probably blame it on the ex and then you will be golden.:)
Speaking of cherry red appliances, have you seen the cherry red front loading washer and dryer?
Swoon.
Who knows? If I had those, I might actually WANT to do laundry.
—I am swooning….
I think after I retrieve the Cherry Red Toaster, I shall go
ALL red in my kitchen.
Luuuuuuuuuush
PS. love the George C. idea ! x
I vote that you use all of your womanly powers to get your cherry back. Um… I mean your cherry toaster.
—Pam,
Laughing over here in Minnesota! xxx
Makes sense to me… I mean who wants to go through the time and effort (and monetary sacrifice) of picking out the perfect wedding gift so the fuckers can get a divorce in two years? Here’s what I’d do: When she gets married again and is looking for another wedding gift, ask her to “borrow” her toaster, wrap it up, and give it back to her, haha!
New York.
xx
—-you are a girl after my own heart
Swipe it when she’s not looking then blame the soon to be ex!
Great post! Visiting from the Lady Blogger Social Tea Party!
—Patty,
xx
Good Idea.
Except she lives far awaaaaaaaaaay.
–just visited you, too.
I’m with you on this one and guys don’t get it unless it involves tools or guns.
I say you head over and nicely offer to help someone pack up and then steal it. I have no problem with that at all.
–Catherine,
xx
you’d be a great partner in Crime
LOL, you are naughty, but you know what? You say what the rest of us would think but are afraid to say. Wouldn’t it be cool if we gave people money for their wedding and then they got divorced that we got a refund?
Have a great weekend.
*kisses* HH
—Yeah,
a refund!
I keep thinking about Cherry Red toaster sitting in that woman’s kitchen! Damn her! Love when you visit, H. H. xx
I would write a poem asking for the toaster back…LOL
Adriana,
perhaps I will. good idea. xxx
Kim, If you get the cheery red toaster back, I will trade you for the coffee pot i told about at sams club.
I think that cheery red toaster would look real nice in my new basement.
Love You More Than Red Roses
Daddy
—daddy,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
love you more than a Cherry Red Toaster
I’m ith you…I love that toaster! Oh and bummer about the divorce…
—Dear, Accidental,
Yeah, don’t you just looooooooooove that toaster ?
I muuust buy one. xx
Hahaha!!! You are right! If they get divorced, all wedding gifts, especially those of the cherry red variety, can be immediately repossessed. Go get your toaster!
—Yeah,
now I just need to figure out how, Kelley. Hee ee
Too funny. This is my kind of nuts!
Lady, Fi,
I have a feeling we’d get along just fine !
Knowing me I would be asking for that toaster back. Or at least heavily complaining to my husband about it. I don’t like wasted gifts.
—Jessica,
xx
I have been and obviously, I need to take the situation in my own hands.
I despise WASTE.
I’d love a toaster like that. I don’t have a toaster. Not red, not any color. I use a griddle (we call it a “tava”) to make my toast. Sigh.
I once had the same situation – had gifted someone who got married a gorgeous Tea Set. Funny thing was – I kept arguing with my mom about how we always spent so much time choosing gifts for other people, yet just ogled at things when it came to us – because we didn’t want to “waste” money on ourselves. So crazy. And this this couple went and got separated. My first thought was the tea set. Of course I got chastised by my mom
Still, I haven’t forgotten it. Because I never came across another like it 
—Vidya,
so glad I am not alone in my way of thinking.
NO! I still do not have a Cherry Red Toaster…
But I have a feeling I will be getting ONE! The more I whine…the more I get!! xxx x kISS
Dude, cherry toasters are nothing to joke about.
This may be a good case for a divorce court show…I can see it now…
—Kimberly,
I’m calling Judge Judy immediataly!!! x
I dunno on that one, that’s a question for Ms. Vanderbilt. Two years is such a short amount of time to all it quits. I mean shouldn’t they wait at least until the seven year itch? On the other hand you if they figured out before kids and the mortgage, the second on the house for this and that. Still, the cherry toaster is a prize. Watch for the garage sale. (Kim – you made me smile, thanks. Feeling a little sad now that i dropped my girl off at school). Hugs..
Dear, B.
So bittersweet. Are you Okay? xxxx
I am thinking about you today
Call me if you’re too sad. I will listen to you cry.
Ps. NO WAY will I find a Cherry Red Toaster at a Garage Sale! Who would get rid of a gem like that?
Kimmi, as you know, I tell women right up front that if they are divorcing I will help them return their wedding gifts. You can e-introduce us, I will commisserate, inspirate, fabricate — and then I will tell her that I will assist in returning said gifts, starting with the cherry red toaster. Yes, I know. You love me. The feeling is very mutual.
Dear, Ginger,
I think I shall just buy the damn thing. This is tooo difficult. Yes. I love you. x