—I am in love w/ this Cherry-Red Toaster.
—-So yesterday I hear that this couple Mr. Liverpool and I know (sort of) are already divorcing after less than two years of marriage.
You’d assume my response would be something like: Oooh, that’s sooooo sad, or what happened, or I feel sooooo awful about that.
No can do, babe.
The first thing I say to Mr. L. is, “What about the toaster?”
He looks at me with that bewildered look on his face, which I’m used to because quite regularly he has no idea what the hell I’m talkin’ about.
He tells me my brain is like a web. And I say, well, you shouldn’t be complaining cause you’re stuck in that web, babe, and you’re damn lucky I’m not a Black Widow or your ass would be grass about now.
Anyway…. Back to the toaster.
“What are you saying here?” He asks.
“The Cherry Red Toaster. That’s whaaat.”
Jeeeese. Doesn’t he know nothin’?
I glare at him.
He glares back.
“Give me a clue here, Kim. A little clue.”
“I went to Target, Pier One, and TJ Max searching for this Cherry Red Toaster.
Not Red. Cheeeeeeerry-Red. And now those assholes are getting divorced?”
I draw out the eeee and it feels real good.
“Well, I supposed she’s going to keep the damn toaster,” I whine. “That’s sooooo wrong on soooo many levels.”
‘Are you kidding me? Mr. L. says.
“No, I’m not. I don’t care about the money we gave for the wedding. I mean, that 50 bucks at least paid for the meal. But the TOASTER. I want that baaaaaaack”
“You’re NUuuuTS.” He says.
“Yeah, so what else is new?”
——–Dear, Readers, am I nuts, or is there some validity to what I’m saying? Give me your thoughts.